Do you get along with your mom?

[Darsa]

You are VERY lucky

I couldn't agree more! My DH's relationship with his mother reminds me regularly just how lucky I am...

 

[disneyjunkie]

Yes, my mom sister and I have a great relationship.

 

[pigletgirl]

Yes and no. We have very similar personalities so we clash on alot of things, but I do love her, and she does too. But its hard to remember that when we're in the midst of an arguement.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My relationship with my mother declines with the years. We were never "close", but we did have mutual respect while I was growing up. As she gets older (and since Dad passed) she wants our relationship to be "best friends". She wants me to be available to her 24/7 and expects my door to be open and never locked giving her total access to my life. Needless to say with a husband and 2 children in HS, this is impossible. It causes a great divide in our relationship. If she didn't push so much, I would love to have a semi-weekly long conversation with her and do lunch or a show but after 15 calls a day, it gets old quickly. I have tried taking her to senior groups, non-senior groups, the Y, and more. She goes with me, then drops out. It doesn't help that both my brother and sister are takers, and get her emotionally and financially every single month.

But I love my mother dearly, just sometimes I don't like her.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I love my mom, I just dont like her very much.

From what I've learned after alot of stress and upset. It's okay to not like your mom alot or even often. You love your mom and that is what is important.

You have to accept your mom for who she is and not the mom you wish you had. My granny said to us all the time.. "just love each other.." and so that is what I do.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I was always really close to both my Mom and Dad til the day they died. I miss them both terribly.

Ditto.

I want to add--as I grow older, I am appreciating more and more the life I had with my parents. There were so many little things they did for me growing up that I now realize were probably harder to do than it looked. For example, my father teaching me how to drive, and my mother involving me in all her holiday baking.

It surprises me when I talk to people my own age whose fathers never taught them to drive or bought them a car, and how many women I know whose mothers didn't have the patience and/or time to teach them how to manage a kitchen.

I'm very thankful that I had such wonderful parents, and strive to be as good to my own offspring.

 

[DSNLvR]

From what I've learned after alot of stress and upset. It's okay to not like your mom alot or even often. You love your mom and that is what is important.

You have to accept your mom for who she is and not the mom you wish you had. My granny said to us all the time.. "just love each other.." and so that is what I do.

I am trying so hard but every conversation turns into her putting others down to pat herself on the back. Her hypocrisy is nothing short of amazing.

She will judge others for exact thing she has done, or is doing (but fails to remember it or conveniently justifies her reasons for doing the same thing)and then in the same conversation mention how so and so is so blind because they have double standards! I try to change the subject but it always goes back to how great she thinks she is and how terrible, lazy, self centered, spoiled someone else is. Sometimes I am just at a loss for words.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I am trying so hard but every conversation turns into her putting others down to pat herself on the back. Her hypocrisy is nothing short of amazing.

She will judge others for exact thing she has done, or is doing (but fails to remember it or conveniently justifies her reasons for doing the same thing)and then in the same conversation mention how so and so is so blind because they have double standards! I try to change the subject but it always goes back to how great she thinks she is and how terrible, lazy, self centered, spoiled someone else is. Sometimes I am just at a loss for words.

I completely understand. I don't know how old you are or if you have children but at some point you'll have to just state outright that you don't want to be included in those types of conversations. When she starts in about something you don't agree with, you tell her to stop or you tell her you are going to hang up until she can have a regular conversation without gossip or whatever she is doing.

Some on here will say you should just walk away if you can't have a relationship but I understand it isn't that easy. It is your mom after all. Good luck I know it's not easy for you.

 

[wendypooh]

No - we've NEVER gotten along at all. Nor has she & my sister - my mom should've NEVER had kids - she is NOT loving, supportive, or anything at all motherly. She'd MUCH prefer to not have anything to do with us or her grandkids - years ago, I decided it would be better for my fam. to have NOTHING to do with her - my poor sister finally came to the same conclusion a few years ago.

Sometimes that's just the way it is........... for everyone who is close - I'm happy for you - I am VERY close to my aunt though - she is the "mother" figure in my life - and NO ----- NONE of my moms sisters have anything to do with her - nor does my dads sisters. She is frankly a horrible person - sometimes people are.

It's hurtful - I'd LOVE to have my mom be my mom........ but it never has been that way, never will be that way and it is what it is.

Sometimes it's better to just completely let the relationship go.......... especially when it's so toxic and a constant upset - you have to know when to say - this isn't worth it. ( and no, I didn't say that lightly - it had been YEARS in the making).

I'm not sure why you asked the question........... but, my guess is, your relationship is "strained" ---- you have to decide how much abuse you can take - and remember you don't deserve or have to take ANY - just because she's your mom - doesn't give her a "free pass" to treat you (or your kids) badly.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I LOVE my Mom!

 

[DSNLvR]

double post

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I adore my mom....my dad, on the other hand - I love some things about him, but he definitely was not a great father at times (abusive, to say the least.)

 

[4nana]

My Mom had me when she was just 17yo, so not only are we mother/daughter, but also best friends. I feel very blessed, she has always had the patience of a saint and faith of an angel. We have enjoyed seeing each other weekly and doing lots of things together for many years. Sadly we lost my dear Dad 6 yrs ago, but my heart will break when Mom is no longer in my life. These are a couple pix from her 80th BD dinner party in Sept., one is her w/sis & myself.

 

[DSNLvR]

No - we've NEVER gotten along at all. Nor has she & my sister - my mom should've NEVER had kids - she is NOT loving, supportive, or anything at all motherly. She'd MUCH prefer to not have anything to do with us or her grandkids - years ago, I decided it would be better for my fam. to have NOTHING to do with her - my poor sister finally came to the same conclusion a few years ago.

Sometimes that's just the way it is........... for everyone who is close - I'm happy for you - I am VERY close to my aunt though - she is the "mother" figure in my life - and NO ----- NONE of my moms sisters have anything to do with her - nor does my dads sisters. She is frankly a horrible person - sometimes people are.

It's hurtful - I'd LOVE to have my mom be my mom........ but it never has been that way, never will be that way and it is what it is.

Sometimes it's better to just completely let the relationship go.......... especially when it's so toxic and a constant upset - you have to know when to say - this isn't worth it. ( and no, I didn't say that lightly - it had been YEARS in the making).

I'm not sure why you asked the question........... but, my guess is, your relationship is "strained" ---- you have to decide how much abuse you can take - and remember you don't deserve or have to take ANY - just because she's your mom - doesn't give her a "free pass" to treat you (or your kids) badly.

The strange thing is, she is very good to my kids. For that I am truly grateful. To me, eh she isn't supportive or encouraging at all and not motherly thats for sure. My problem with her is more how she treats EVERYONE literally EVERYONE she comes in contact with. She puts them all down! Always!

 

[Diznotyzed]

No. My sisters and I are all grown women in our 50s and our mom still feels she should have control over us, with the attitude that we are neither as smart or as capable as she is. She ruled us with an iron fist when we were kids and still tries to behave that way.

 

[wendypooh]

I can feel your pain........... I can recall hours on end - my mom talking about EVERYONE - it gets old!!! Only in my case she has done things that would curl a bald mans head!!!!!


Seriously, I hope your situation gets better......... but, sometimes, (and it really doesn't sound like it in your case) things don't get better - and you have to protect yourself and your family from her crap.

 

[livie1205]

my mom and my dad are my very best friends!we are very close and I see them at least 4 times a week and we talk many times a day! I would be lost without them...my dh is very close with his mom also

 

[DSNLvR]

I can feel your pain........... I can recall hours on end - my mom talking about EVERYONE - it gets old!!! Only in my case she has done things that would curl a bald mans head!!!!!


Seriously, I hope your situation gets better......... but, sometimes, (and it really doesn't sound like it in your case) things don't get better - and you have to protect yourself and your family from her crap.

Yep, my mom has ALOT of skeletons in her closet. So how she can cast her judgement on others is beyond me. This has really just recently started bothering me. I usually give her half an ear when we talk because I know no matter what I say the conversation will turn back to her or someone else and any parcel of gossip she may have.

 

[PaulaSB12]

My mom is, and has always been, my best friend. I don't know what I would do without her!

Same for me it was her who stopped me committing suicide when I was 12. Due to several factors we now share a house so we must be doing ok. Lastly I will only go shopping with my sisters children with her (its too dangerous without her, triplets too scary by half)

 

[wendypooh]

Well all I can say is - if it's bothering you a lot, then tell her you don't want to hear it. If she starts, hang up or leave - eventually she'll figure it out and stop, and if not - cut her off.

Either way, YOU determine how people treat you - once you decide you won't be treated that way - stick up for yourself and be firm - only allow her to treat you the way YOU want to be treated - and if she doesn't change then you are going to have to make the change. I had to do this for my own sanity - but, it took a long time before I finally stood up for myself and put my foot down - she didn't change though, and my only recourse was to completely end the relationship.

Hopefully for you, it won't get to that point.


EDIT -- I also wanted to add that I have a lot of support - EVERYONE in my family knows how she is and none of them get along with her either. Her sisters are "cordial" at family functions - but none of them have anything to do with her. I will say hello to her at a fam. gathering, but that is it, we don't have anything to do with each other - in fact, we NEVER speak otherwise - even at fam. gatherings she won't even acknowledge her grandkids or speak to them or hug them..... she is a cold cold cold nasty person - my youngest for a long time (and he's only 10) thought my aunt was his grandma!!!! My older boys NEVER speak to her - but, then again, she's never wanted anything to do with them. She ONLY ever wanted to be involved with my sisters DD who is now 16 - NO, they don't speak anymore either, she constantly put my sister down and ran her mouth about her to my sisters DD when she was with her, and that is when she was little - she is truely a brutal wicked evil person. ( She actually had all the grandkids at her house one day in the summer many many years ago -she was "babysitting" my sisters girls, so she wanted the boys to come over too........ - anyway, one of my sisters girls went inside and got an apple off the counter - she came back outside with it and her other sister saw her, so she went inside to get one, well, when my mom saw her with it........... NO LIE, she called the police to come get her for stealing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) This is a TRUE story - my sister called my hysterically - it was a huge blow up - I thought my sister was going to kill her - but this is one of the TAMER - MILDER things she has done)!!!!!