Do you feel good about yourself?

[poohandwendy]

Do we all have chinks in our armor?

... thoughtfulness ...

Absolutely, we all do. I think the point of contentment is when we realize that...that every single person has chinks in their armor. That there really isn't any perfection. When you get to that place, you realize that self hatred is comparing yourself to the unachievable, a perfection that does not exist in anyone. I think when you can accept yourself as that imperfect person, and that it is ok that you have chinks, you really have made peace with yourself. When you can focus on the goodness in yourself...you can drop the burden of feeling your self worth is based on your failings (real or imagined). It comes from within.

I think people who have dealt with serious health issues sometimes gain clarity that others haven't attained because they are faced with what really matters in life. Everything material, all of the surface stuff is stripped away and what really matters is exposed. And that is the humanity in all of us. The relationships we have with each other, acts of kindness, acceptance of imperfection in ourselves and others...

Interesting discussion.

 

[BabyPiglet]

No I am not really happy with myself. I am shy and reserved most of the time. Wild and crazy with my friends though. But I'm a teen and teens have bad confidence. But this year I decided I would not care what other people thought. I do a little bit, but I don't obsess over it like I used too.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Absolutely, we all do. I think the point of contentment is when we realize that...that every single person has chinks in their armor. That there really isn't any perfection. When you get to that place, you realize that self hatred is comparing yourself to the unachievable, a perfection that does not exist in anyone. I think when you can accept yourself as that imperfect person, and that it is ok that you have chinks, you really have made peace with yourself. When you can focus on the goodness in yourself...you can drop the burden of feeling your self worth is based on your failings (real or imagined). It comes from within.

I think people who have dealt with serious health issues sometimes gain clarity that others haven't attained because they are faced with what really matters in life. Everything material, all of the surface stuff is stripped away and what really matters is exposed. And that is the humanity in all of us. The relationships we have with each other, acts of kindness, acceptance of imperfection in ourselves and others...

Interesting discussion.

So how do we get to that point? How do you feel good about yourself when you know you need to improve in just about every area? I suppose I can intellectually "know" I'm working on these things, but it really doesn't help me to feel any better about myself.

 

[poohandwendy]

Just want to tell you all about a low point in my life where I actually gained some perspective, it was a turning point for me.

I remember things were really awful in my marriage, I was feeling really bad about myself in every way (physically and in most ways I felt like a failure). not going to go into details, just insert your low point in life...that is where I was.

I was watching the news and this chipper, perfectly coifed, beautiful reporter was describing a tale of woe in someones life (can't remember the details) with a smile on her face. I remember thinking that she was so fortunate, she was perfect and had everything going for her...and she is telling a story of someone elses agony without a care in the world. I think I literally hated her for it.

I turned off the news and went to take a bath, feeling blue as ever. I remember saying a prayer to God to please give me the strength, I was at such a low point. I suddenly realized that I made up this scenario in my mind. That this woman had it all, without any info other than a few seconds of seeing her in her best (on TV). I realized that same woman could be sitting in her bath tub right now asking the Lord for strength. That she may have issues that none of us see. Tha she probably does have issues that no one sees. Because we all do.

I realized that in my life, I was allowing the perfect surface of others to justify feeling horrible about myself. That with very little information, I was assuming they have it made and I am just wallowing in self pity.

I looked around me and started to see what I really did have...my struggles were in my mind. Nothing in my life was insurmountable. It was up to me. I didn't have to be perfect to be worthy...just as worthy as anyone.

I know it sounds so corny, but it was a revelation for me. A page turned in my mind. I decided that every day was going to start with a positive attitude and every night I would thank God for what I have. That I would take my focus off what I didn't like about myself and start really focusing on what I loved.

No, I am not perfect and my life isn't wonderful every moment of every day. I would like to change things about myself. But, I lie in bed every night and thank God for the chance at this imperfect life. I think what I realized is that I do not have to be perfect to start enjoying what I am. That when I add it all up, I am still on top. That me is a good thing to be, even on the darkest days, I am still blessed. I am content. I choose to be content.

 

[poohandwendy]

So how do we get to that point? How do you feel good about yourself when you know you need to improve in just about every area? I suppose I can intellectually "know" I'm working on these things, but it really doesn't help me to feel any better about myself.

LOL, weird that you as, see my next post. I think sometimes the lowest point is what can get you there.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Just want to tell you all about a low point in my life where I actually gained some perspective, it was a turning point for me.

I remember things were really awful in my marriage, I was feeling really bad about myself in every way (physically and in most ways I felt like a failure). not going to go into details, just insert your low point in life...that is where I was.

I was watching the news and this chipper, perfectly coifed, beautiful reporter was describing a tale of woe in someones life (can't remember the details) with a smile on her face. I remember thinking that she was so fortunate, she was perfect and had everything going for her...and she is telling a story of someone elses agony without a care in the world. I think I literally hated her for it.

I turned off the news and went to take a bath, feeling blue as ever. I remember saying a prayer to God to please give me the strength, I was at such a low point. I suddenly realized that I made up this scenario in my mind. That this woman had it all, without any info other than a few seconds of seeing her in her best (on TV). I realized that same woman could be sitting in her bath tub right now asking the Lord for strength. That she may have issues that none of us see. Tha she probably does have issues that no one sees. Because we all do.

I realized that in my life, I was allowing the perfect surface of others to justify feeling horrible about myself. That with very little information, I was assuming they have it made and I am just wallowing in self pity.

I looked around me and started to see what I really did have...my struggles were in my mind. Nothing in my life was insurmountable. It was up to me. I didn't have to be perfect to be worthy...just as worthy as anyone.

I know it sounds so corny, but it was a revelation for me. A page turned in my mind. I decided that every day was going to start with a positive attitude and every night I would thank God for what I have. That I would take my focus off what I didn't like about myself and start really focusing on what I loved.
No, I am not perfect and my life isn't wonderful every moment of every day. I would like to change things about myself. But, I lie in bed every night and thank God for the chance at this imperfect life. I think what I realized is that I do not have to be perfect to start enjoying what I am. That when I add it all up, I am still on top. That me is a good thing to be, even on the darkest days, I am still blessed. I am content. I choose to be content.

That's what I'm having such difficulty doing. I'm not sure why.

Thank you for your post. That was very honest.

 

[poohandwendy]

So how do we get to that point? How do you feel good about yourself when you know you need to improve in just about every area? I suppose I can intellectually "know" I'm working on these things, but it really doesn't help me to feel any better about myself.

I think a better question is "How do you justify spending time thinking about yourself in a negative way?" Has self hatred ever made anything better for you? Has self hatred made you thinner, happier, more successful? Has self hatred solved any of your problems?

We are most productive when we are confident that we will succeed. It's a positive state of mind. Anyone can have it at any time. It's about shifting your focus away from the negative and keeping the eye on the best parts of you. They are there if you look for them.

And remember, you are just spinning wheels if you are trying to improve yourself while hating yourself. You will get nowhere. Stop trying to improve for just a day. Spend one day just thinking about your goodness...the goodness in the imperfect you right now. When you do that, you are gathering strength. Then, when you start seeing the good you...you will have the strength to improve you. Not because you need to but because you want to. Because you are worth it.

Negative thoughts take away the energy you need to improve your life. Positive thoughts are fuel to achieve. It's a simple formula. Applying it is as simple as telling yourself...no, I will not focus on that. It needs to be done over and over and over again. It's like purging poison. Negativity really is poison in our lives. It drags us down, makes us weak. A positive attitude makes us strong and able to handle everything we are faced with, able to reach goals. Try it with something simple and you will see.

Stop telling yourself that you don't deserve your goal because you suck. We all suck, we all have chinks in our armor. We are all worthy and we are all filled with goodness. We only turn our backs on it because we don't feel we deserve the happiness because we are not the perfect image of worthiness we have created in our minds.

 

[poohandwendy]

That's what I'm having such difficulty doing. I'm not sure why.

Thank you for your post. That was very honest.

You have to decide you are worthy. You have to consciously decide...YOU are worthy. Not what you can be under better circumstances...but what you are right now.

You really are just as important, just as worthy, just as wonderful as everyone around you. Take that step off the mountain of worry and fear, turn away from it...accept the wonderfulness of you.

 

[ziggystardust]

I go thru ups and downs. I will say that I never ever feel good about my weight even though I'm not overweight. I look back at all those years I was in sports/dancing I remember hating my body then - imagine if young me could see me now. Right now I have some weight to loose and some muscles to tone but there will always be something. I know that b/c thats how I am.

The key is to not let it overpower your life. If you do, then you will always be miserable and no matter what you do it'll never be right.

 

[Crankyshank]

It's really not so easy to embrace your wonderfulness when your whole life those who are supposed to love you unconditionally have brain washed you into thinking you're unworthy of love. It makes you almost live and die based upon the opinions of others, instead of who counts - yourself.

I feel ugly, miserable, difficult to love, and at times down right disgusting.
But I know I am intelligent, at times witty, responsible, reliable, and nurturing. As a result I'm quite the contradiction.

Over all I'm pretty comfortable with who I am inside, but not on the outside, and I'm pretty insecure about how others view me. I just don't always care

 

[ashjohnson80]

Nope. I've always had really horrible sef esteem. I hate the way I look, talk, sing... It's a problem.

 

[poohandwendy]

It's really not so easy to embrace your wonderfulness when your whole life those who are supposed to love you unconditionally have brain washed you into thinking you're unworthy of love. It makes you almost live and die based upon the opinions of others, instead of who counts - yourself.

I agree, it really is difficult. What is the alternative? Living the rest of your life believing them?

At some point... on some level, though, you are deciding to agree with them. Not because they are right, but because you value their opinion. Isn't it funny, when you think of it, to find worth in the opinion of someone who is so hurtful? Is there really anyone in this world who stands so high on a pedestal, and so perfect, that they are the authority of handing out the 'you are unworthy' badges?

To walk away from that negativity takes inner strength. It takes a conscious effort to accept yourself, warts and all. In spite of our childhood, in spite of the people who have hurt us.

We all have what it takes to love ourselves. Many of us have to reevaluate our way of thinking to do so. We have to decide that 'they' were/are wrong. If we think their actions were wrong...then on some level we do know they were wrong.

To refuse other peoples negative impact on us is the epitome of freedom.

There are two choices. Loving yourself even though you are less than or hating yourself for being less than. I can tell you this, we are all 'less than'. That will never change, not with weight loss, not with more money, not with better hair or longer legs, not with a better job...nothing will change the fact that we will never feel total satisfaction with everything about ourselves. None of us. But we can learn to love ourselves as a whole, in spite of the dissatisfaction we have with parts of ourselves.

For example, lose the weight and another personal fault is right behind it, just waiting to torment you. If your mindset is one of self hatred, that will not go away with superficial goals being met. Because your cup is half empty...you convince yourself every day. But, if you are one who learns to love yourself, each goal you attain will add to your feelings of self worth. That is when your cup runneth over.

And when you live waiting for what you would like to be (and hating yourself for not getting there), you are missing out on enjoying the meantime. The meantime is the whole of our lives. It is today. It is yesterday, it is tomorrow.

(sorry for the inconsistent use of 'we' and 'you'...couldn't make up my mind on which way to go, LOL)

 

[JennyMominRI]

about myself until I saw the newest post author in the, I guess the table of contents. JennyinRI, I stole part of your siggie from just over a year ago; Is that okay? Other than that I feel good about myself.

LOL,I don't remember that sig...

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Just want to tell you all about a low point in my life where I actually gained some perspective, it was a turning point for me.

I remember things were really awful in my marriage, I was feeling really bad about myself in every way (physically and in most ways I felt like a failure). not going to go into details, just insert your low point in life...that is where I was.

I was watching the news and this chipper, perfectly coifed, beautiful reporter was describing a tale of woe in someones life (can't remember the details) with a smile on her face. I remember thinking that she was so fortunate, she was perfect and had everything going for her...and she is telling a story of someone elses agony without a care in the world. I think I literally hated her for it.

I turned off the news and went to take a bath, feeling blue as ever. I remember saying a prayer to God to please give me the strength, I was at such a low point. I suddenly realized that I made up this scenario in my mind. That this woman had it all, without any info other than a few seconds of seeing her in her best (on TV). I realized that same woman could be sitting in her bath tub right now asking the Lord for strength. That she may have issues that none of us see. Tha she probably does have issues that no one sees. Because we all do.

I realized that in my life, I was allowing the perfect surface of others to justify feeling horrible about myself. That with very little information, I was assuming they have it made and I am just wallowing in self pity.

I looked around me and started to see what I really did have...my struggles were in my mind. Nothing in my life was insurmountable. It was up to me. I didn't have to be perfect to be worthy...just as worthy as anyone.

I know it sounds so corny, but it was a revelation for me. A page turned in my mind. I decided that every day was going to start with a positive attitude and every night I would thank God for what I have. That I would take my focus off what I didn't like about myself and start really focusing on what I loved.

No, I am not perfect and my life isn't wonderful every moment of every day. I would like to change things about myself. But, I lie in bed every night and thank God for the chance at this imperfect life. I think what I realized is that I do not have to be perfect to start enjoying what I am. That when I add it all up, I am still on top. That me is a good thing to be, even on the darkest days, I am still blessed. I am content. I choose to be content.

Nice post. It immediately made me think of this beautiful song by Martina McBride called "Blessed".

I have been kissed by the sun each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughin'
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing
Just soakin' up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinkin'
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

 

[MAKmom]

I said yes but it took me 40 years to feel that way.

 

[poohandwendy]

That is a beautiful song.

I have to admit something. When I wrote the post you quoted, I left something out. That night was a night that I actually thought about ending it all. I wasn't making plans or anything, I just wanted to disappear. I felt worthless and I really just felt like the world would be fine without me...maybe even better. That is why realizing that I really was blessed was such a revelation for me and why I remember it so vividly. Because I was at the lowest point of my life. That night changed me. I think sometimes when you hit rock bottom...or feel like you are at rock bottom...change is inevitable, for survival.

I am not sure what made me not post that when I wrote it. I guess it's just so personal (raw) to admit you were ever that low. It weighed on my mind that a Liberty Belle thanked me for being so honest, because I wasn't totally honest. I apologize for that.

I am saying it now because I want anyone else who has been there, or will be there in the future to know that even on the darkest days...there is always hope. I have never felt that way again. I choose each day to never feel that way about myself again.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

That is a beautiful song.

I have to admit something. When I wrote the post you quoted, I left something out. That night was a night that I actually thought about ending it all. I wasn't making plans or anything, I just wanted to disappear. I felt worthless and I really just felt like the world would be fine without me...maybe even better. That is why realizing that I really was blessed was such a revelation for me and why I remember it so vividly. Because I was at the lowest point of my life. That night changed me. I think sometimes when you hit rock bottom...or feel like you are at rock bottom...change is inevitable, for survival.

I am not sure what made me not post that when I wrote it. I guess it's just so personal (raw) to admit you were ever that low. It weighed on my mind that a Liberty Belle thanked me for being so honest, because I wasn't totally honest. I apologize for that.

I am saying it now because I want anyone else who has been there, or will be there in the future to know that even on the darkest days...there is always hope.

 

[poohandwendy]

Thanks, I want you to know I felt that hug!

 

[Aidensmom]

That is a beautiful song.

I have to admit something. When I wrote the post you quoted, I left something out. That night was a night that I actually thought about ending it all. I wasn't making plans or anything, I just wanted to disappear. I felt worthless and I really just felt like the world would be fine without me...maybe even better. That is why realizing that I really was blessed was such a revelation for me and why I remember it so vividly. Because I was at the lowest point of my life. That night changed me. I think sometimes when you hit rock bottom...or feel like you are at rock bottom...change is inevitable, for survival.

I am not sure what made me not post that when I wrote it. I guess it's just so personal (raw) to admit you were ever that low. It weighed on my mind that a Liberty Belle thanked me for being so honest, because I wasn't totally honest. I apologize for that.

I am saying it now because I want anyone else who has been there, or will be there in the future to know that even on the darkest days...there is always hope. I have never felt that way again. I choose each day to never feel that way about myself again.

Everything you wrote is a lot of what I went through, I so I understand where you are coming from.

The way you feel about yourself really is a choice, and sometimes it takes age to make us realize that, other times it is hitting a low to give a wakeup call, sometimes it just hits us.

In the grand scheme of life, ironically most of the things we worry about are not even that important.

 

[poohandwendy]

Everything you wrote is a lot of what I went through, I so I understand where you are coming from.

The way you feel about yourself really is a choice, and sometimes it takes age to make us realize that, other times it is hitting a low to give a wakeup call, sometimes it just hits us.

In the grand scheme of life, ironically most of the things we worry about are not even that important.

So true.

Small example, I remember hating my 18 year old body. I mean, really hating it. What in the heck was I thinking?