Do you ever worry that maybe your children...

[EthansMom]

Honestly, I don't worry about it much.

My brother and I get along. But, we have totally different interests, different schedules (he works shift work), and live 3000 miles away from each other. Add in the fact that we each have our own families to focus on and we really don't really talk too much.

However, when my brother had leukemia a couple years ago, I called to check on him often and let him know that if he needed my bone marrow, he could have it.

We love each other, but we really don't have as much in common as when we were kids.

It's a similar situation with DH and his brothers, although we live close to DH's brothers so we see them more often.

With my own kids, I'm happy that they love each other and get along pretty well most of the time. At this point, DD2 wants to do anything that DS4.5 is doing and DS is relatively tolerant. It's wonderful when DS and DD will spontaneously give each other a hug or will cuddle up next to each other on their own.

 

[caitycaity]

my sister and i have very little in common. we don't live near each other and we talk rarely.

my mom told me that she used to be bothered by it since she and her sister are so close, but now she realizes that we are just really different people and we're never going to be best friends.

i love my sister and i would be there for her if she needed it, but we don't have a lot in common. sometimes i wonder how we ended up from the same parents!

 

[CathrynRose]

...won't talk to each other when they're grown-up adults. Won't get along with each other anymore. We have rifts in our families and it seems inevitable if the children are not compatible.

For now, we never force them to get along. There is a 6 year age gap and so they are quite independent of each other.

I don't know, sometimes this question makes me go "hmmm."

Yes, yes, yes, yes.... bothers me tremendously.

When my mom passed away a month ago, I saw the SCREWED UP brother/sisters/mother (and even cousins!) relationships - it was a joke.

Not only do they allianate themselves - they allianate their family - and any family of the family-member they dont talk to.

I wanted my aunt's (mom's sis) # - to tell her about my mom. Now, they hadnt talked in literally 10 + years - but heck, her sister just died, i thought she should know.

No one would give it to me - cuz none of them talked to her either. Ridiculous.

Her son ended up calling my Gramma for something else, and somehow found out, and I was able to talk to her, but geez....


SO YES, I worry!

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I don't live near our brothers and sisters, and don't have as much opportunity to get along as we would like. We are friendly with one another, and love one another, but we aren't part of one another's daily lives.

I don't worry that my children won't be close, but I sure hope they are. They are 5 and 6 year old girls, who are in the same grade in school. They are very close right now, usually get along pretty well, and I hope it stays that way (wishful thinking, I am sure). I tell them all the time how lucky they are to have one another, and how I have always wished I could have had a sister.

But if they don't remain close, it won't be the end of the world, as long as wherever they are and whatever they are doing makes them happy.

Denae

 

[Zandy595]

My brother and I are 2 years apart and hated each other when we were kids. We really only talk to each other now when the whole family gets together. I don't think we've ever hugged in our entire lives. I like his girlfriend though and I think she will probably try to get us together more. DS10 is an only child so I don't have to worry about this with him. I wish he had a sister or brother though.

 

[Ronda93]

There's a seven year gap between me and my younger brother. Growing up we got along okay, but now were much closer. Our lives are very different. Me, single, no kids. Him, married, two under five. We talk and it's as if we're looking into another life. I envy the kids and he envies me sleeping in on the weekends ; )

We do have common childhood memories. Grew up on a farm just down the road from our grandparents. I have the early stories, he tells the later ones.

We're a few hundred miles apart now. I travel to their side of the state every couple of months an we talk on the phone several times a week. The connection is nice.

I don't think you can predict it though. I think I'd be friends with him if we weren't related. I think that's where the connection is.

 

[Maleficent13]

I know my mom worried about this alot too. Which is funny, because I think my brother and I got along fine...the usual sibling crap but nothing outrageous.

Anyway, we're adults with families now and he lives far away. I would like them to move closer, but I realize I don't get a say. I will say that the random emails I get from him make my day...last one was about a local pizza place we went to as kids.

I bet my mom still worries though.

 

[MamaLema]

Yes I worry about it. My oldest son and my younger daughter get along quite well. IT's my middle daughter that gets them both riled up and can't seem to get along with either one of them for more then 10 minutes. I wonder if it will be that way when they are adults or if they will all settle into a truce?

That's true in our family also. Our middle child is either fighting with the oldest or the youngest. I hope it's just "middle-child" syndome

 

[SleepyMom]

I don't know how my girls will get along as adults, I hope they will be close, but I have no way of knowing that. They are 8 years apart in age, which would make you think that they would get along fine as kids and have nothing to fight about... boy was I wrong about that one

I grew up one of 4, the only girl and truthfully did not get along well with 2 of my brothers (we were too close in age, one is 6 months older and the other is 17 months younger). The one I was close to was 5 years older than myself, now as adults my oldest brother has drifted away from the whole family (there's no problems, we're just not close) and I am very close to my other two brothers. We talk on the phone and e-mail a lot (we live 5 hours from them) and I always make sure I spend a ton of time with them on our visits home.

DH does not have what I would call a close relationship with any of his siblings, he actually has a sister that I have never met after 15 years of marriage.

 

[disykat]

I feel less worried now than when I started reading this thread. I guess I have confidence they will always be in contact. I do wish they were better friends sometimes and doubt they'll ever be best buddies.

I don't live close to either of my siblings. My sister and I are good friends and emotional support for each other. My brother and I keep in touch pretty well and sort of "compare notes" about our lives. We don't have a lot in common right now, but we think about each other and are interested in hearing what's going on. My sister and I spend less time talking as we get older, but my brother and I spend more. It has sort of evened out and I probably talk to each of them on the phone about once a week at this point.

 

[Momma Rabbit]

DH and I only have one child, so this will not be an issue for us.

I see that the other posters have stated that the death of a parent has brought them closer together. My dad died almost 3 years ago, and I haven't seen or talked to my brother or sister since. I don't miss them, as we have nothing in common other than we share the same parents. Other people have bonds with their siblings that I just never had

 

[beautybelle]

My DB and I are 4.5 years apart in age. Growing up we fought ALL the time and couldnt get along at all. Now as adults we are SOOOO different, our lives are nothing alike, our family values dont even come close to resembling each others. Such as: my brother will not work, he sleeps all day long, bums money from anyone who will give it to him and my mom and dad raises his only son. I have worked since I turned old enough to hold a job, always have my own money and Im very responsible with my family. I couldnt imagine pawning my children off on mom and dad and it drives me crazy that he does. The only time I see my brother is during holidays at my parents house and even then, I have to make a good effort to be civil. Dont get me wrong, I love my brother and if he ever truly needed me I would be there for him, I just dont like him.

 

[zalansky]

Funny you should post this right now as I am involved in an all out war with my 3 sisters. When I was born they were ages 9, 13 & 15. So naturally there is a huge age difference. One sister drives me to drink - I can't bear her most times and don't know how she manages to retain friends and even her husband. Like a pp said, if not for being related I would have nothing in common with them and would never be friends with them. With our current argument, looks like we won't talk much in the future anyway! Maybe I should start a thread of my own???

I don't worry about this right now with my kids being as little as they are. Naturally I hope they get along and are supportive of each other and become friends - one can only hope for the best!

 

[mookie]

I have 2 perspectives on this..both opposite extremes.

MY sister and I are 6 years apart. We have never gotten along. I've heard many people mention on this thread that if it weren't for the fact that they were siblings, they would never speak. I fall in this boat. My sis and I are total opposites, and everyone knows it. In fact, she is very difficult and high maintenance to get along with. It really does upset my parents that we aren't closer, but I have often told them that you can't force it. If you do, it only makes it worse. While my sis and I are civil to each other most of the time, we still have our blowouts, and I unfortunately don't think that will ever change. She lives in another state and we maybe talk once a month.

Now, DH and his sibs are a different story. Almost to the point that it's sickening. They are attached at the hip and are all best friends with each other. (He is the oldest, and has a sister and a brother. All are 2 years apart.) While I did find this kind of relationship refreshing at first, it is also on the other extreme in the fact that I think they spend TOO MUCH time together. DH's sister hardly has any other friends except us. We see them so often, they practically LIVE at our house on the weekends. The nice thing for me is that I have gotten close with them, too, because of this, but every once in awhile, I need more breathing room, while DH doesn't mind if they move in!!

So, I guess I can see both perspectives. Which one is the better, more healthy relationship? I dunno. Because on one hand, while my sister and I dont' get along, at least we acknowledge it and let the cards fall where they may. (Mom and Dad HATE that, though.) On the other hand, Dh and his sibs have a GREAT relationship, but it almost borders on too much. How will I feel about our kids when they grow up? I guess as long as they are both comfortable with their relationship, I will have to be, too.

 

[Crankyshank]

Honestly if it weren't for my parents I doubt my brother and I would keep in touch. I doubt my brother and sister would keep in touch either. He doesn't place much of an importance in family and we really have nothing in common and I admit to having some bitterness because he is so blatantly favored by my mother and Grandparents.

My sister and I would definitely keep in touch. She's 10yrs younger than I am so we probably wouldn't be exceptionally buddy buddy (we don't go out together or anything) but we would definitely phone and email.

ETA: DH doesn't communicate with either of his sisters at all (one older and one younger). In fact he really has stopped calling his parents because of a horrible incident with his younger sister when we visited in October that they defended and put the blame on me for.

 

[luvwinnie]

I just wanted to say that AGE difference shouldn't be a factor in and of itself. My sister and brother are 10 and 12 yrs older than me...we live 5 minutes from each other and talk almost every day. WHen I was little I preferred being with them over kids my age. We have always had a great time together.

 

[zalansky]

I just wanted to say that AGE difference shouldn't be a factor in and of itself. My sister and brother are 10 and 12 yrs older than me...we live 5 minutes from each other and talk almost every day. WHen I was little I preferred being with them over kids my age. We have always had a great time together.

Well, in my case, 2 sisters had already moved out of the house by the time I could talk...and the other sister 9 years old than me harbored a huge resentment towards me for many, many years (and probably still does to be honest) for taking "her place" in the family. This is something she has openly admitted to. Family dynamics are something so difficult and each family is so different, there is no cookie cutter answer to everything. How could I be close to a person who never lived with me and moved far away and visited once a year? Just because we share DNA doesn't mean we should be close. So age does factor in, for my situation.

 

[paigevz]

Don't worry, my younger brother and I couldn't STAND my older brother. He was just mean.......we fought all the time....we get along great now, in fact, we roomed together in college and I married one of his good friends. We have long talks late into the night when we visit each other. It's nice.

 

[pkasbohm]

I am the youngest of 5 and we are very close! We fought like cats and dogs when we were young, but get along very well now...we usually don't go more then a couple of weeks without talking to each other.
My dh's family on the other hand...he can't stand his sisters, they are 10 and 12 years older than him and they really only talk on holidays. They even live close!

I don't have any worries about my kids getting along when they get older, because fighting is what kids do...i think they just do it to drive the parents insane!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Whether or not siblings have anything to do with each other as adults has little to do with how far apart they are in age or how they get along as children.

I am the youngest of 5 children and there is a 17 year spread. When I was born I had brothers who were 3 and 5 and sisters who were 11 and 17yo.

I wouldn't say that any of us don't get along, but my brothers are not good at communicating. When my brother was in the area last spring he stayed with us several days and we had a great time. He got to know my children and my youngest son adored his uncle and wept when Ken left. I am in e-mail contact with my sisters quite often. One brother rarely communicates with anyone in the family.

My DH's family is a different story. My DH is the middle of 3 boys and they are close in age. They got along very well growing up, but there was some favortism of the oldest boy growing up, according to my DH and his younger brother. The brothers are now so different and they do not get along well at all. My DH gets along well with his younger brother, but neither of them get along with the older brother, mainly because the older brother has not been accepting of his 2 brothers (long story).

I have 4 children. I tell them all the time that they will always have each other. There will come a time that their parents won't be around, that their friends will come and go, but their siblings will always be there for them and that they need to treasure that. They see the relationships that I have with my sisters and the strange relationships that my DH has with his brothers.

All I can do is to hope that they will be close.