Do you ever vacation without children?

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I agree wholeheartedly with you, but this was what I was referring to:

Originally Posted by TinkerbellMama
You honestly think people who don't go away without their kids are IGNORING their marriages? Huh. Interesting assumption.


FinallyBoughtDVC replied:


Yup. I do. If a dh and dw can't carve out time for themselves, the marriage will, eventually, become loveless. That is my opinion.

Yes, and I'll say it again - going away can be a simple night away from the kids.

It seems like our society has become so kid-centric that there is no place that some parents won't take their kids. There is a whole new level of commando mommies out there that are so wrapped up in their kids that they neglect themselves and their spouses.

It annoys the heck out of me when someone takes one sentence from a multiparagraph post and uses that as an example of my entire opinion. Go back and read my whole post and you will see the spirit and meaning of exactly what I was saying.

I think parents who, for the entire length of their children's childhoods do NOTHING alone, not go out to dinner, to weddings (seriously - their have been posts on the DIS where people refused to go to a kid-free wedding without their children - "if my kids aren't welcome, I'm not going"), on vacation, a night away, etc. without children are not doing themselves, or their children, any favors.

So, yes, I absolutely believe that couples who do not carve out time for themselves over the course of their marriage will find themselves in a loveless marriage. Doesn't mean they won't stay married - doesn't mean they won't pretend that their marriage is fine - but they will no longer have a deep and loving marriage.

 

[tinkandpan]

I just honestly don't get how couples can't get away for at least one long weekend by themselves and not go crazy- obviously if you don't have anyone to watch the kids that is one thing, but I personally can't imagine choosing that. Everyone needs some time to just be a couple and not a set of parents. We have also gone away with our older one to WDW and left the baby with grandparents, and we took the baby with us and left my older one while we went someplace else. It all balances out. We of course love doing trips as a foursome but everyone needs some time to feel extra special.

 

[3jsmommy]

My sister in law left her 2 year old w/ us when she went to florida w/ her older kids & husband & my neice was fine, until her parents came back & then it was lke she realized they had left her for a really long time & she wouldn't stop crying!! My SIL felt really bad about it my DH was like good, she should feel bad!! He couldn't understand how you could do that? Now that we have 3 kiddos of our own I would never!! I can understand a night or two away w/ just parents once the youngest stops waking up at night. (w/ my kids this could be 3 years old!! ) I wouldn't take one or two w/ out the whole family, until they are teens and don't want to come anymore . That time will come sooner than we realize thats why I'll take all the family time I can now!!

 

[kacaju]

However, if a couple refuses to leave their children (& I hate to stereotype but my experience has been that usually the mom does not want to leave the kids) expecially if there are people close by who are capable of taking care of them & money is not an issue, then I think there can be problems once those kids get older & move on.

OMG.. you described my SIL to a T!!
We (my dh and I) had to almost force my brother and SIL to get away for a weekend. They have 2 kids, 2 and 6 and it took MONTHS of convincing my SIL to get away without the kids. She works so it is not as though she is never away from them either!
We finally got them to go away overnight...with the rule that she was NOT ALLOWED to call that night. They called 9:30 in the morning and were ready to come and get the kids. My dh told them to stay *away* longer.
They stayed only 20 minutes from us too.
And guess what?? They had a wonderful night and really enjoyed the time alone. Their kids were still alive and happily playing with their cousins. Her main concern was that the *baby* would keep us up all night, it seems she doesn't sleep well at home. This kid slept for 12 hours for us!!

 

[ilovejack02]

OMG.. you described my SIL to a T!!
We (my dh and I) had to almost force my brother and SIL to get away for a weekend. They have 2 kids, 2 and 6 and it took MONTHS of convincing my SIL to get away without the kids. She works so it is not as though she is never away from them either!
We finally got them to go away overnight...with the rule that she was NOT ALLOWED to call that night. They called 9:30 in the morning and were ready to come and get the kids. My dh told them to stay *away* longer.
They stayed only 20 minutes from us too.
And guess what?? They had a wonderful night and really enjoyed the time alone. Their kids were still alive and happily playing with their cousins. Her main concern was that the *baby* would keep us up all night, it seems she doesn't sleep well at home. This kid slept for 12 hours for us!!

LOL the kid needed a break from her parents

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I've only gone a couple of nights away from my kids at a time....And if going on vacation without your kids is your thing, than great! Your children will not be nor feel any less loved if mommy and daddy go without them.

For us, though, it is not our thing. We are not the type of people to just lie around at a beach and soak up the rays. We like to be active and crazy and having the kids with us makes us look not quite so dumb! At least, that way it's not two crazy old nuts riding the rollercoaster 15 times in an hour. It's a doting mom and her dd! Anyway, part of what makes vacations enjoyable for us is doing them as a family.

And as for the quote about not going away hurting the marriage? My mother and father never left us kids overnight, and they were happily married for over 25 years! Didn't seem their marriage "suffered" too much.

Everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family.

 

[JVL1018]

Yes, and I'll say it again - going away can be a simple night away from the kids.

It seems like our society has become so kid-centric that there is no place that some parents won't take their kids. There is a whole new level of commando mommies out there that are so wrapped up in their kids that they neglect themselves and their spouses.

It annoys the heck out of me when someone takes one sentence from a multiparagraph post and uses that as an example of my entire opinion. Go back and read my whole post and you will see the spirit and meaning of exactly what I was saying.

I think parents who, for the entire length of their children's childhoods do NOTHING alone, not go out to dinner, to weddings (seriously - their have been posts on the DIS where people refused to go to a kid-free wedding without their children - "if my kids aren't welcome, I'm not going"), on vacation, a night away, etc. without children are not doing themselves, or their children, any favors.

So, yes, I absolutely believe that couples who do not carve out time for themselves over the course of their marriage will find themselves in a loveless marriage. Doesn't mean they won't stay married - doesn't mean they won't pretend that their marriage is fine - but they will no longer have a deep and loving marriage.

I don't know why it annoys you, you did make a statement, then you just reiterated it in your first paragraph, so I don't believe I am twisting your words.
I agree with everything else you are saying, just disagreeing with that one point, what's the big deal?

I am far, far from a woman who doesn't do anything without my kids, I wouldn't even take them to a wedding if they WERE invited, for example, and I have spent nights away from my kids( and now we are lucky enough that my kids are best friends with a brother/sister so a sleepover means we get both kids out of the house the same night ) and enjoy it immensely.

I just don't think that if one does not take a vacation without their children they're ignoring their marriage, I think it's a simplistic viewpoint.

The rest I am in total agreement with you.

 

[nessz79]

We sometimes go without our kids...for an overnight trip or a long weekend at most (so far we haven't done more than 1 night).

However for family vacations I would never leave a kid out while taking the other. The thought and convenience has crossed my mind, but I know the other would feel so left out. We can do local outings alone to get that special time...the other wouldn't feel so jealous with a shorter time and maybe less exciting venue.

 

[Momof2Disneyboys]

We would never ever go to WDW without the kids! I'm not saying that people who do are bad parents or anything like that. We just wouldn't do it. I would feel so bad that I would not be able to enjoy myself at all.

Once we left the kids for 2 nights and went to the Poconos for our 5th anniversary. I was okay the first day, but after that I just wanted to get home to my kids.

So I'd say that we would probably leave them for a very short overnight trip, but that's about it for now. Maybe that will change when they get older, maybe not!

Very intersting poll. . .

 

[flipflop]

We have gone to WDW twice without our kids. They were just 1 and almost 2. Not old enough to get that we went to WDW without them. If we ever decided to have another baby (that's right baby, as in one - no more surprise triplets - go that big man/woman upstairs?), I would leave an infant home and take the older kids (because there best not be any newborns around here right now! ) with DH and I.

DH and I have gone away for 5-6 days alone (thanks mom and DSF!) each year since the kids were born and usually take a long weekend or two as well. We are looking to up that to a seven day trip next year. Plus, we send the kids to my inlaws or parents for a night so we can go to dinner, weddings, etc. We purposefully chose to live close to family and friends. We have lots of help and our kids are very comfortable staying with their grandparents/aunts and uncles.

We fall into the group of people that believe alone time is important to a marriage. We have loads of family time and this year took our first family vacation but mommy and daddy need time away from it all by ourselves too.

 

[bellebud]

It's totally fine both ways... leaving them for vacation, or never leaving them for vacation. The main thing is both parents need to be on the same page - then it works. If one parent is craving alone-time w/ spouse and the other doesn't feel it's necessary or just can't bring themselves to do it, *that's* what's not good for the marriage, not whether you vacation w/out the kids or not.

 

[DisneyPhD]

With 4 kids and 17 years of marriage, we have literally done all of the options posted. We did not leave our babies, for as others have stated, when you are breastfeeding it is just easier to travel with the baby. In fact we have found babies to be some of the easiest travel companions around in so many ways!

We do really enjoy traveling as a family...the planning, the adventure, the exploring, the whole focus on just the family and not all of the other daily grind kinds of things. WDW especially for us is a family place to travel. It is just not a place I can imagine traveling without the kids.

And yes, dh and I have traveled together just us...usually long weekends and usually not far, but really where we go seems less important than that we go and just get away just the two of us. It is amazing how much a simple 48 or 72 hours can do for a couple! We average a weekend away once a year and it is time we both treasure.

I really agree with the bolded parts.

Now for us DH and have traveled to WDW many times as a couple before having kids and it has always been our special place. We love sharing it with the kids too, it is now our family place. Still it felt a bit odd to be there with out the kids, and I did sometimes feel bad knowing they were missing it. I didn't let it bug me because my kids are not hurting for WDW time. If it wasn't for the fact they have been super lucky in getting to go so many times I don't think we would of considering taking a trip there with out them.

It was a really great time, and so easy. It is amazing how much you can get done and how relaxing a trip can be with out kids. 3 nights was just perfect amount of time.

I must say that when my kids were young I can't imagine them not knowing the difference if I wasn't around. People who did watch my babies told me they were very aware mother wasn't there (or at least my breasts, but I think it was more then that.)

Really it depends on each person and situation. I do agree that a trip away can be great for parents and if you can and have the desire to, do it! At the time we did we were over due for one and it was much needed. If you can't, there are other ways to work on your marriage. Just be sure to make it a priority.

 

[belle&beast]

I didn't read all of the posts, but I voted that I would not leave an infant behind, mostly because I nursed both of my babies. As they are getting older, I would certainly consider an adults only trip. Right now though, we are planning a WDW vacation and I would break little hearts if they were left behind!

 

[bethifoody]

But dh is in law school as well as working full time. So in reality - WE don't take vacations at all! We have gone to Vegas once w/o them - but that was more like a work trip - he worked a convention & I got to sightsee by myself. We also went to his college reunion alone. So - if we had more ability - we would go out of town w/o them - probably long weekends, but that counts, right?

I do go on a weekend girls' trip every May - so not only do I leave my 3 ds behind, I also leave dh too! It's my sanity break, and I feel no guilt for taking it!

Our upcoming trip to WDW will quite literally be the first family vacation we've EVER had - but hopefully not the last!

Beth in MI,
CR, 8/18-23

 

[Stimpy]

We would never ever go to WDW without the kids! I'm not saying that people who do are bad parents or anything like that. We just wouldn't do it. I would feel so bad that I would not be able to enjoy myself at all.

Once we left the kids for 2 nights and went to the Poconos for our 5th anniversary. I was okay the first day, but after that I just wanted to get home to my kids.

So I'd say that we would probably leave them for a very short overnight trip, but that's about it for now. Maybe that will change when they get older, maybe not!

Very intersting poll. . .

I've gone to WDW once without my kids since they were born. It was a girl's only weekend with my BF who lives in Alabama (& is a fellow Disney nut! We met online in a DVC board) I felt really guilty about it but when I called and heard how much fun they were having, I was able to relax. They actually didn't mnd that mommy went to Disney without them! Plus mommy & "Aunt Rozzie" buy great souveniers for them I'll be going again with her in January for 3 nights.

DH & I have stayed away from WDW for our couple trips until this year. We're going in December for 3 nights without them. It's a Disney forum special meet which has mostly adult themed events (Jellyrolls, ESPN Football meets etc). We'll see how the kids do then, I admit I am a little more concerned of their feelings since both of us are going this time.

But I can see both sides of doing Disney with kids & doing it with kids staying home.

 

[Jen32113]

Well I know for us, the one time we did go away for 3 days by ourselves (small cruise), all we talked about was our son. I would say "Wow, he would have really liked that" or DH would say "That little guy over there reminds me of him, I can't wait to get home".
Once we got back from that trip DH said he would never leave him again for more than a night. We make it a point though to have "date nights" for ourselves. Usually it's just dinner and a movie but it's our couple of hours for grown up time. Occasionally we will spend a night away somewhere.

Personally I do think that marriages need personal time away from the kids but how much time all depends on the family.