Do you ever really want to try the snazzy, ritzy dining experiences but....

[GTBB]

Disneyliscious - go to the tea party - making memories with your granddaughter is the important thing - it’s disney not the ritz - anyone who objects to the way someone dresses or a five year old child's natural exuberance is not worth your attention.

 

[cslittle999]

Disneyliscious I want to echo others and say that you should go to the tea party. There is really only one formal restaurant at Disney, Victoria and Albert's. Everywhere else you will see people wearing a wide range of clothing. We often go in the summer. I'll wear nice shorts and a polo shirt to any restaurant. I wouldn't even notice someone wearing jeans (except to wonder how they can wear them in the heat, I would be dying). I would worry less abut "snazzy" and focus on what you want to eat. We go to restaurants that have food we would enjoy. Often this is food or an experience that we can't get in our home town. It isn't necessarily restaurants that others think are best.

As for your grand daughter potentially making some noise, I wouldn't worry about it You can talk to her ahead of time about using her indoor voice but really people are going to think what they will think. The freeing thing is that you don't know any of them and never have to see them again.

 

[dachsie]

Go to the tea party. And remember, EVERYONE belongs at Disney. If someone want to look down their noses at you, that is their problem, not yours.

 

[ChanduTail]

I would take your little granddaughter to the tea party - especially if it's a children's tea party like the Sleeping Beauty one. Even if it isn't, the tea room at the Grand Floridian is never really silent. She is only two years old. Even if she doesn't understand how to behave properly this time, she will learn from the experience. The lobby is just steps away if she needs to take a break.

As for your son, what does it matter how he is dressed or how he wears his facial hair? As long as his clothes are clean and he doesn't smell (which is more than I can say for some people I've encountered at Disney ), I can't imagine anyone taking issue with the fact that he prefers jeans & boots. I still think about the time I saw a man in a motorcycle jacket with studded boots & tattoos, holding hands with his daughter in a princess dress and skipping down Main Street. It was adorable.

 

[DisneyArkie]

Sorry, forgot to answer your question in my previous post. Go to the tea party and make memories!

 

[ChimCher-ee]

You sound like you have a loving and kind family. Obviously others find you so (or you wouldn't even have a granddaughter ). Bless you and yours.

I have seen and heard family interactions at WDW that have broken my heart. A child saying "I want" wouldn't make that list.

Unless a child walks up to our table and interrupts our conversation or tries to take from/add to my plate, I have no quarrel with how others look or behave. (And that has happened.) Often a situation says more about me and my character than it does about others.

That said, you could take opportunities as you find them to show your granddaughter how to fit her behavior to the setting for her own ease and peace of mind, should she someday turn out to be the kind who cares about those things. But right now, and especially at WDW, please don't let others' attitudes take away from your making the best memories ever (as PPs have shared with us!).

 

[Nancyg56]

You sound like you have a loving and kind family. Obviously others find you so (or you wouldn't even have a granddaughter ). Bless you and yours.

I have seen and heard family interactions at WDW that have broken my heart. A child saying "I want" wouldn't make that list.

Unless a child walks up to our table and interrupts our conversation or tries to take from/add to my plate, I have no quarrel with how others look or behave. (And that has happened.) Often a situation says more about me and my character than it does about others.

That said, you could take opportunities as you find them to show your granddaughter how to fit her behavior to the setting for her own ease and peace of mind, should she someday turn out to be the kind who cares about those things. But right now, and especially at WDW, please don't let others' attitudes take away from your making the best memories ever (as PPs have shared with us!).

I agree. I think the tongue in cheek initial post from the OP might have been misinterpreted, and then led to some of the advice that ws shared. I was a server for many years and the behavior the OP was describing would not even make the cut of what I would have problems with. I also agree that children often love to use play as a means to mimic adult behaviors and absorb manners they never even knew were buried someplace inside their little selves. Making a game of dining like royalty serves so many purposes. Kids get to share a unique time as Princesses and Princes with an adult whose sole purpose at that time seems to be creating a memory.

OP- Over the years here on the DIS I have read some opinions that detail how guests who are not following some sort of dress code negatively effect their own dining experience, and for the love of all that is Holy, I cannot understand how that is so. What impacts my dining is seeing parents yell at children who are simply being kids, or hearing a couple arguing about what wine to order, the cost of the meal, etc. I also was distracted by a sick child who was trying to lie on two chairs so her family could dine at the YSH.
I woudl much prefer to sit next to a family whose manners included being nice to one another, even if that meant a kid bit teh head off of her swan scene.

 

[bumbershoot]

Anyone else figure out how to solve this dilemma?

This is what you asked, after what sounded to me like absolutely blasting your son and saying your granddaughter was a step away from kicking the wall sockets.

My response was based on my experience with a child who didn’t normally display manners (though I know her family is teaching them and they themselves have them), to reduce your concern. And to help you see that kids can quickly learn from situations that maybe they need to behave differently.

And now I’m a bit confused.

My son very much has manners. However he has never been one to dress up formally. I never instructed him to do so because that's simply not how we live. We are simple farm people, mechanics, and construction workers. In 30 years of going to Disney I have avoided the "ritzy" places because I knew "our kind" wouldn't fit in with the type of people who frequent such establishments.

Thank you for reminding me I made the right choice

YOU have judged yourselves. YOU have kept yourselves from things.

Go back and read your first post as though someone else wrote it. You wrote those things about your son without saying he would dress up for your sake etc. you expressed extreme concern for your granddaughter.

You’ve judged yourselves (and other people...your expectation that others will judge you is actually you judging them and their hearts) far more than JJ did. She was trying to help, based on your own words.

You tell the OP that she failed in teaching manners to her son

The Op indicated that her son didn’t have manners, IMO. JJ was responding to that.

Also, I am her grandmother so therefore I do not raise her. She has a mother and father for that.

Wait what? IMO that’s not how life works. I personally don’t actually want grandchildren, but my son says he wants kids, so... When the time comes there will be tons of things I’ll teach that child. I currently welcome the help of others. There’s one dad of my son’s friends who has a way of putting things that my son gets when we’ve told him the same thing 3000 times. I almost look forward to my son messing up in front of that man because he will kindly gently and with no hesitation tell my son what’s what.

You’re missing out if you’re not helping others or letting others help you.

You say you’re simple farm people who have avoided going to what you call ritzy places. I assume that’s why you’ve reached out for help from people who go there? If I had a question about farming, I’d go to people who do that.

Part of asking for help is then accepting that help.

The little cousin (specifically my cousin’s daughter) in question...her family never felt comfortable even being in the GF lobby before. They felt too low class or something similar. They were focused inside, and weren’t seeing the tons of other people in that lobby who were dressed in park clothes etc etc.

I kinda make it my mission to show that family group the nicer side of things, to show that it doesn’t matter where you feel you came from. My first cousin and I came from the same sort of poverty, only my mom was a hippie so I was taught even less of the “how to be in high society”, while cousin was raised by her mom, our grandma, and our great aunts who had retained the fancier side of things lol. So I’m a bit confused about why I’m showing them this side of life, but then life doesn’t always make sense.

My son has dressed properly for any occasion I have ever asked him to

I did not get that from your own first post. Nor did I get that it was tongue in cheek. I felt like you were trying to lighten up a situation that you were having a hard time with, but I took you at face value. (It’s always a bummer when you’re doing someone the honor of taking them seriously then find out they were joking...)

Some will even say well you came on here for advice eh?

What do you think that line I quoted above is asking for? The one about how have we solved this dilemma?

Or maybe I am reading you wrong?

 

[JerseyJanice]

Thank you @bumbershoot for understanding my point of view.

I did not mean to be rude or insulting. The OP asked “how to solve a dilemma” but now I see that it was a rhetorical question.

 

[melissapealo]

The Op indicated that her son didn’t have manners, IMO. JJ was responding to that.

Actually the OP indicated in every post including the original that her son DOES have manners. She never indicated that he didn't. The thing she indicated is that her son doesn't dress up which in no way equates to not having manners.

OP I agree with others here, take your GD to the tea and don't worry about anyone else. Just focus on your family and the enjoyment from it. If you want to go to a fancier restaurant then do that as well. Don't let what some others may think stop your family from doing what you want. I think if you do take the time to go you'll see that everyone doesn't get all dressed up for dining and will realize your family fits in more than you think. Don't let your worries about others hinder your vacation.

 

[leebee]

You also need to remember that, while you think of the signature restaurants as "ritzy," they are still restaurants at a theme park. Although you are requested not to wear tee shirts with language on them, and can't wear bathing suits, you'll see every form of dress in any of the signatures (except V&A's, which has a pretty strict dress code). I've seen shorts, tee shirts, capris, jeans, polo shirts, tube tops, and more traditional "nicely dressed" folks (sun dresses, skirts/tops/dressy pants, dockets on the men with button-down shirts) right up to the "we are out celebrating a special occasion" types of outfits (but not too many of these). I have also seen exemplary behavior in children and children who roll on the floor and try to run circles around the tables. If you think people are judging you because of how your son is dressed... perhaps you, yourself, are doing some judging of your family and of him. If you want to go to a signature restaurant, make the ADR and go. The GF afternoon tea (not the kids' party) is certainly not fancy; it's a lovely setting, and some folks will dress up, but just as many will have schlepped over from MK to have a late lunch and break in the a/c before heading back into the theme park.

 

[DisneyArkie]

This is what you asked, after what sounded to me like absolutely blasting your son and saying your granddaughter was a step away from kicking the wall sockets.

My response was based on my experience with a child who didn’t normally display manners (though I know her family is teaching them and they themselves have them), to reduce your concern. And to help you see that kids can quickly learn from situations that maybe they need to behave differently.

And now I’m a bit confused.



YOU have judged yourselves. YOU have kept yourselves from things.

Go back and read your first post as though someone else wrote it. You wrote those things about your son without saying he would dress up for your sake etc. you expressed extreme concern for your granddaughter.

You’ve judged yourselves (and other people...your expectation that others will judge you is actually you judging them and their hearts) far more than JJ did. She was trying to help, based on your own words.



The Op indicated that her son didn’t have manners, IMO. JJ was responding to that.



Wait what? IMO that’s not how life works. I personally don’t actually want grandchildren, but my son says he wants kids, so... When the time comes there will be tons of things I’ll teach that child. I currently welcome the help of others. There’s one dad of my son’s friends who has a way of putting things that my son gets when we’ve told him the same thing 3000 times. I almost look forward to my son messing up in front of that man because he will kindly gently and with no hesitation tell my son what’s what.

You’re missing out if you’re not helping others or letting others help you.

You say you’re simple farm people who have avoided going to what you call ritzy places. I assume that’s why you’ve reached out for help from people who go there? If I had a question about farming, I’d go to people who do that.

Part of asking for help is then accepting that help.

The little cousin (specifically my cousin’s daughter) in question...her family never felt comfortable even being in the GF lobby before. They felt too low class or something similar. They were focused inside, and weren’t seeing the tons of other people in that lobby who were dressed in park clothes etc etc.

I kinda make it my mission to show that family group the nicer side of things, to show that it doesn’t matter where you feel you came from. My first cousin and I came from the same sort of poverty, only my mom was a hippie so I was taught even less of the “how to be in high society”, while cousin was raised by her mom, our grandma, and our great aunts who had retained the fancier side of things lol. So I’m a bit confused about why I’m showing them this side of life, but then life doesn’t always make sense.



I did not get that from your own first post. Nor did I get that it was tongue in cheek. I felt like you were trying to lighten up a situation that you were having a hard time with, but I took you at face value. (It’s always a bummer when you’re doing someone the honor of taking them seriously then find out they were joking...)



What do you think that line I quoted above is asking for? The one about how have we solved this dilemma?

Or maybe I am reading you wrong?

Re read the OPs post. She said her son has manners...

 

[Bostonbeans99]

bumbershoot I meant it like I said it.
On here and in RL if you ask for advice...be prepared to get it....and it may be delivered with delicateness, firmly, or a punch to the face.... so be prepared for it.

A mother, grandmother, neighbor, boss, best friend or stranger is probably going to have a different advice delivery style. So......It is what it is

I do think the OP poked a little fun at her family (whom she loves) but that certainly wasn't an invitation for anyone to "pile on" .

The topic seriously bothered her.

One poster .....more or less told her she should have raised her son better. SMH

 

[KrazeeK120]

Hey OP! I was just wondering if this is a once in a lifetime trip for your granddaughter or if she will be back when she’s older? The reason I ask is that I’m wondering how much interest a 2 year old would have in afternoon tea. I have a 2 year old myself...granted, I have a boy, but I wouldn’t book something for him that will take an hour. He’s well behaved but...he’s 2. Nothing holds his interest for that long...he’d try to get up and leave halfway through. I feel like that’s something that may be better suited to a 4 or 5 year old girl. Just a thought...you obviously know her best! Have fun with whatever you decide!

 

[DisneyWishes14]

I agree, except that even the afternoon one isn’t silent by any means. I think it’s hushed because of room design, but it’s off a busy noisy lobby and the design is open and lofty.

My then 4 year old feisty noisy cousin behaved amazingly well for our girls’ tea. Something about watching her mom, grandma, and I dress up, and dressing her up (please note that not everyone dresses up, but it was our choice) helped her see that it was different. And the way the server doted on her helped make her feel special. And she was quite terrific that day.

I understand the afternoon tea isn't silent, but it has a more "hushed" quality than the children's teas have. I just wanted to give the OP a sense of atmosphere should she choose to book on tea over another.

OP, I wouldn't be too concerned with how you are dressed. There isn't even a posted dress code for the GF teas. I do think speaking in louder tones at the afternoon tea may elicit some looks, however, as it is a more "refined" experience. I wouldn't say it's "snooty", but the expectation is that it's a quieter experience than the children's teas.

 

[JerseyJanice]

The topic seriously bothered her.

One poster .....more or less told her she should have raised her son better. SMH

I think the OP was less bothered by it than other posters. She went on to clarify her original statements quite eloquently.

The OP did say her son had manners, but she also stated that he doesn’t dress up to appease some social norm. That sounds like something a rebellious young man would say, and the mom’s remarks indicated that she accepted that.

Another person might hear a comment like that and think the man was raised like Eric Cartman.

 

[EveDallas]

We have been to Chef Mickey's, Trails End, 'Ohana, Crystal Palace, Rainforest Cafe, T Rex, and a few more and we blended right in. We have never done any type of signature dining.



My granddaughter is 2. She isn't quite at the age where she understands commands yet and is learning to communicate/talk without the understanding of societal norms or repercussions. Also, I am her grandmother so therefore I do not raise her. She has a mother and father for that.



My son has dressed properly for any occasion I have ever asked him to. In fact, I don't need to ask him. He has clean jeans (new, with no tears), a button up shirt, and new boots he saves for occasions such as weddings or funerals. Honestly though, even if he didn't dress up at those occasions no one would blink an eye. We don't host occasions because we care how people dress. We just are thankful they thought enough of us to give up their time to come to celebrate (or cry) with us. That's just kind of how everyone looks at things where I'm from. We've never been to ritzy places as it just wouldn't be our thing. It was only considered this time because of my granddaughter. She is at that innocent age where make believe is real.

There was a time when places didn't accept blacks or gays or even women. To think we still live in a world where you would be so judged because you didn't trim your beard or because you weren't wearing stylish clothing baffles me but I accept this is the world we live in. I also am able to still have a great time with people who are like-minded to me.



See above comment.



I couldn't agree more. And not accepting those things is the very reason we have never visited any signature dining experience at Disney World. We'd never want anyone to come into our home and tell us how to act, dress, or what to accept and we know when not to do that with others.

It was really only a passing thought because I wanted my granddaughter to feel the true princess treatment. However, I have more respect for others than to risk making anyone else feel uncomfortable while eating dinner. Disney gives us plenty of options to choose from.

Perfect response.

 

[Disneyliscious]

Hey OP! I was just wondering if this is a once in a lifetime trip for your granddaughter or if she will be back when she’s older? The reason I ask is that I’m wondering how much interest a 2 year old would have in afternoon tea. I have a 2 year old myself...granted, I have a boy, but I wouldn’t book something for him that will take an hour. He’s well behaved but...he’s 2. Nothing holds his interest for that long...he’d try to get up and leave halfway through. I feel like that’s something that may be better suited to a 4 or 5 year old girl. Just a thought...you obviously know her best! Have fun with whatever you decide!

We will definitely be back in years to come

On another note:

I wanted to clarify that I hold no ill will towards the folks that some of you are seeing as rude. I accepted the fact that my humor went straight over their heads as we are likely culturally and/or geographically different.

My children and grandchildren don't really lick wall sockets. Its a common phrase where I'm from to remark about your kids acting up a little and its always used in jest/humor. Kind of like "swinging from the ceiling fan". Kids don't actually do that, you know? We have never visited WCC or 50'sPT because their antics were too much.

And the advice I was asking for was if clean, untorn jeans, a button up, boots, and a full out beard was acceptable for the more upscale establishments. It appears the answer is no and that's ok Perhaps my exaggerated description of my family, meant with humor that I know some of you understood, is what caused some of these reactions that some might find rude. Oddly enough I found some of the comments entertaining because I never expected anyone to get so riled up over a discussion on this.

At the end of the day we DO judge ourselves and we judge others. That has always been the case. Imagine a world where we didn't judge ourselves and how disrespectful we'd be to those around us by not having the common sense and judgement to say "yeah, I don't think this is appropriate".

I have no qualms about not doing the tea party. For what that would cost us we could spend 2 days at Universal or 2 more days at Disney, which all of us would enjoy more

 

[JerseyJanice]

You sound like a very nice person, @Disneyliscious. I apologize for misunderstanding your OP and that I came across as insulting. I guess I got annoyed thinking about some rebellions in my own young adult son. I don’t know about you, but I find there are some tough lines to tread when your child first becomes an adult. It’s not like you can ground them. LOL!

FTR, my husband is a construction worker who gets uncomfortable in a suit (AKA dress-up clothes). When we go somewhere nice for dinner, I make him wear a polo shirt and nice shorts with sandals or boat shoes. That’s all it takes to blend into a ritzy Disney restaurant, but truthfully, nice jeans, a collared shirt and boots is a perfectly fine outfit for a man, albeit maybe not the most comfortable to wear on a hot day.

 

[Tksolomom]

We will definitely be back in years to come

On another note:

I wanted to clarify that I hold no ill will towards the folks that some of you are seeing as rude. I accepted the fact that my humor went straight over their heads as we are likely culturally and/or geographically different.

My children and grandchildren don't really lick wall sockets. Its a common phrase where I'm from to remark about your kids acting up a little and its always used in jest/humor. Kind of like "swinging from the ceiling fan". Kids don't actually do that, you know? We have never visited WCC or 50'sPT because their antics were too much.

And the advice I was asking for was if clean, untorn jeans, a button up, boots, and a full out beard was acceptable for the more upscale establishments. It appears the answer is no and that's ok Perhaps my exaggerated description of my family, meant with humor that I know some of you understood, is what caused some of these reactions that some might find rude. Oddly enough I found some of the comments entertaining because I never expected anyone to get so riled up over a discussion on this.

At the end of the day we DO judge ourselves and we judge others. That has always been the case. Imagine a world where we didn't judge ourselves and how disrespectful we'd be to those around us by not having the common sense and judgement to say "yeah, I don't think this is appropriate".

I have no qualms about not doing the tea party. For what that would cost us we could spend 2 days at Universal or 2 more days at Disney, which all of us would enjoy more

Of course jeans, a button up shirt and beard are OK for the signature restaurants. It says jeans and a collared shirt are fine (except V&A). Lots of people come straight from the theme park. I wouldn’t care what other people think. I would rather have polite people dressed down than rude people. All the best