Do you check the text messages on teenagers phone?

[tvguy]

My kids were not allowed to have cell phones until they were 16 and driving. At that point, if I felt they were responsible enough to drive, I was not going to worry about what they text.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

absolutely !!!!!

I pad, I pod, phone, texts, etc.

Every few weeks we just look thru her apps, texts, ipad, etc.

my dd is 14. She is a C H I L D ! She has no "rights" to having any of these devises, apps, phones, i-pod, i-pad, etc.

All of these things are a privilege, we are the parents, we set the rules, she obeys them.

And there is def no sense of - if you dont like it, go buy you're own - same rules still apply, they would still be looked through.

I am the parent, she is the child, this is my home, these are the rules and I do NOT feel any ounce of "sorry" about any of it,

this is being a parent.

 

[texasroni75]

Yes. Random checks every once in a while. Oldest DD got her first phone with text capabilities when she was 10, which was over 9 years ago. Same goes for online activity/social media. I have passwords to voicemail and online accounts. I also have parenting software on the home computer so I can see websites visited even if they clear the history. Every once in a while I saw something that I felt warranted a discussion. Once when DD was 14 I noticed an out-of-state number showing up all over our phone bill. Found out she believed she was texting a "cousin" of a friend in another state. I blocked the number and we had a nice long chat about talking to people who you don't really know, it could have been anyone on that other phone. Just an example of why I feel justified in monitoring these things. An otherwise smart and level-headed kid can make poor choices that might open them up to danger.

By the time oldest DD turned 17, I backed off significantly on the monitoring, and by the time she turned 18, I no longer intrude. I do still monitor the other kids though, and plan to do so until I feel they are mature enough not to engage in the drama, nonsense, etc. that can lead to trouble.

 

[luvsJack]

IMO, my dd should have the same rights to privacy as I did at her age. Mom didn't listen in on my phone conversations or try to eavesdrop when friends came over. So, I give her the same rights.

BUT, we talk all the time, and so far (knock on wood) she has never hidden anything from me. We talk about how she should handle herself online and what she should or should not do--we had those talks before she got on Instagram and before snap chat existed.

She knows right from wrong, so at almost 16, its time to put it into practice without me snooping around.

 

[clh2]

This thread has me chuckling a bit. My DD is now 20, so eventhough I am still paying for her phone, I see no need to monitor her activities. I didn't even check her phone in high school for texting at all. No need to, however, we made it quite clear that if we decided it would be necessary, we would have no issue checking her phone. I admit - I did log onto her facebook a couple of times...because I just wanted to everyone's prom pictures! (Shhh...DD doesn't know this!)


HOWEVER...when she was in middle school, and she had developed a fierce attitude over a couple of weeks. This was before she had texting, no facebook either. I did check her internet history. She was looking for boarding schools.Literally - I laughed until I cried.

 

[lurkernj]

If they're careless enough to leave it laying around then yes, I read them. I don't ask(they'll delete the goodstuff if I spotchecked). I don't tell them I've read them either, just put the phone back where I found it. I don't care about language either, I'm more interested to see what he's up to and making sure he's keeping his nose clean, so to speak. I'm usually very entertained by the conversations my 16 yr old has with his friends, and I'm sure his friends would be mortified if they knew I saw some of this (nothing terrible, just bad language and innuendos). I did stop reading my ds19s stuff when he turned 18.

 

[SEA333]

This thread has me chuckling a bit. My DD is now 20, so eventhough I am still paying for her phone, I see no need to monitor her activities. I didn't even check her phone in high school for texting at all. No need to, however, we made it quite clear that if we decided it would be necessary, we would have no issue checking her phone. I admit - I did log onto her facebook a couple of times...because I just wanted to everyone's prom pictures! (Shhh...DD doesn't know this!)


HOWEVER...when she was in middle school, and she had developed a fierce attitude over a couple of weeks. This was before she had texting, no facebook either. I did check her internet history. She was looking for boarding schools.Literally - I laughed until I cried.

LOL

If you can confess, so can I...I look at DS14's accounts, too, too see all of the pictures of events and activities that I am no longer privy to! I got way more info and insight out of his friends' Instagram pictures of their recent Wash DC trip than DS ever would have wanted to talk about!!!

But the thing I love, love, love the most about seeing what my DD10 posts is the insight it gives me into her being. When DD takes the 50th picture of the cat (which, of course, the cat loves...said not a single cat EVER!) and she posts her favorite one, or she makes a video with her Lego Friends toys and speaks for them in scenarios she made up, or makes yet another picture montage on Flipgram, every choice of picture, every song she picks, every caption she writes gives me a sneak peek into the kind of person she is growing up to be...and, thank goodness, it makes me love her even more.

Sorry....off my emotional journey now...I already have one teenager, I am going to thoroughly ENJOY the little time I have left before the next one realizes she knows more than me and doesn't need to be parented anymore....LOL

 

[Chelley00]

I reserved the right to (DSs are 21 and 18 now so I don't. DD12 has a phone but never uses it)

Sometimes I would just call out "random text check" and watch their reaction. If they panic, I would check If they just hand over their phone with no reaction I would just hand it back.

We also have the rule that I get to follow anything they do on social media: facebook, twitter, instagram etc.

 

[EMode]

IMO, my dd should have the same rights to privacy as I did at her age. Mom didn't listen in on my phone conversations or try to eavesdrop when friends came over. So, I give her the same rights.

BUT, we talk all the time, and so far (knock on wood) she has never hidden anything from me. We talk about how she should handle herself online and what she should or should not do--we had those talks before she got on Instagram and before snap chat existed.

She knows right from wrong, so at almost 16, its time to put it into practice without me snooping around.

I stopped monitoring and started trusting my dd years ago (she's 16). If I ever felt there was a reason to read her texts, I'd go to her and find out what was going on, I wouldn't go find her phone.
I have a ds who imessages his friends and I do make sure he is only talking to people he personally knows but I don't read what his messages say.

 

[JanaDee]

If I can trust my DS17 with a 3000 lb vehicle, then I feel he is responsible enough to not have his texts read.

DD will be 13 in a few days. I don't read her texts, either.

My mother didn't eavesdrop on my phone conversations and reading texts is no different.

If I felt the need due to suspicious behavior or whatever then I would.

 

[Colleen27]

IMO, my dd should have the same rights to privacy as I did at her age. Mom didn't listen in on my phone conversations or try to eavesdrop when friends came over. So, I give her the same rights.

BUT, we talk all the time, and so far (knock on wood) she has never hidden anything from me. We talk about how she should handle herself online and what she should or should not do--we had those talks before she got on Instagram and before snap chat existed.

This, exactly. I don't think it is necessary or desirable for parents to know every thought that comes out of their kids' mouths, and for this generation texting is simply a replacement for the communication our generation had in long phone conversations. I don't randomly "eavesdrop" on my kids' texts any more than I'd have picked up the extension to listen in on a phone conversation if I was raising kids a generation ago. We talk about what is expected of them, how to stay safe, etc. and then we trust them to act accordingly.

 

[Usandthe4kids]

Here is the problem I have. I get people are saying that it's the new form of communication for this generation and our parents didn't listen in on our calls. Every parent has their own style and I get that. I'm not criticizing or saying my way is right. I don't think anyone with a teenager feels like anything they are doing is right. Haha. But my thing is I sooooo wish my mother had listened in on my calls. I wish my mom had snooped! I gave my mother no reason not to trust me. I had a 4.0 GPA through high school. I was respectful. I followed every rule she set. Yet I still managed to sneak around and get involved in very unsafe relationships. There were no signs, no reason for her to check, went to church every sunday, youth group every week, volunteer work. I know I'm not the only one who put on an amazing show as a teenager. I've replayed my actions over and over and there is nothing that would have clued me as a parent to "snoop" on my child if they behaved like I did. Yet Lord knows someone should have!

 

[LisaInNc]

My child knows that at any time I will randomly check her phone. Sometimes in front of her sometimes not. It's not something I do often. If I suspected something I will look more often.

I am strict but not unfair.

My rule is it's just to keep her safe, not to snoop. I skim it and anything I see that does not effect her safety that she has not talked about with me I do not mention. I ignore the language.

I consider her a good child. responsible, good grades and all of that but it does not mean she might not stray off the right path. I need to be there to make sure she is safe.

It's not going to keep her from everything but every little thing I can do is one more way to keep her safe.

It's the same for Facebook and Instagram and she knows that she will lose the phone, computer or whatever if I find that she is hiding things from me. She does not have to tell me every little thing but dangerous things, sneaking things will not fly. Maybe I won't find out, however if I do, her world as she knows it will change.

Lisa

 

[tarheel618]

My child knows that at any time I will randomly check her phone. Sometimes in front of her sometimes not. It's not something I do often. If I suspected something I will look more often.

I am strict but not unfair.

My rule is it's just to keep her safe, not to snoop. I skim it and anything I see that does not effect her safety that she has not talked about with me I do not mention. I ignore the language.

I consider her a good child. responsible, good grades and all of that but it does not mean she might not stray off the right path. I need to be there to make sure she is safe.

It's not going to keep her from everything but every little thing I can do is one more way to keep her safe.

It's the same for Facebook and Instagram and she knows that she will lose the phone, computer or whatever if I find that she is hiding things from me. She does not have to tell me every little thing but dangerous things, sneaking things will not fly. Maybe I won't find out, however if I do, her world as she knows it will change.

Lisa

This is how I feel and we discussed the rules prior to getting these accounts. She knew going in that I have the right to view them at anytime. I don't make it a habit but I do check now and then. Especially instagram- I hate the whole "like this post to get a rate" These can be very mean and damaging to a person's self esteem. When we first started instagram- we agreed that these type of post can be hurtful and she shouldn't participate in them.

I realize that my mom didn't monitor my calls but when I was a teenager the phone wasn't cordless but about 25 feet of cord (so I assume she monitored me than I realized at the time). The difference I see in today's world is that when I was a middle schooler/teen I had a break from knowing everything that was going on every minute of the day because we didn't have social media. Nowadays there isn't a break unless you as a parent set boundaries.

We also have a rule of no electronics on school nights we started this at a very young age and it has always been the rule (so I guess I am stricter than most parents, but I'm okay with that).

 

[MomToOne]

IMO, my dd should have the same rights to privacy as I did at her age. Mom didn't listen in on my phone conversations or try to eavesdrop when friends came over. So, I give her the same rights.

I monitor less out of fear of what my daughter is doing, and more out of fear for what others may be doing to her that she might be embarrassed or afraid to talk about to me - the pervs out there starting up conversations via Instragram and what have you, and cyber-bullying.

Those type of things do not equate to our parents listening in on phone conversations. Kids could not bully anonymously the way they can now online. And the pervs didn't have such instant access. Could they randomly call phone numbers? Sure, but they didn't know a young girl would answer. And their voices would give them away as not just another kid. Nowadays, they basically have a straight line of access to our kids, and can disguise themselves in whatever way seems to get them that "in".

Maybe you all have street smart kids - I don't. My DD13 is hugely gullible. We just had an incident where she accepted a follower on Instragram that she thought was someone at school because "she knows someone with that first name" (despite all our conversations about how she's supposed to not only know, but be pretty good friends with anyone she lets follow her). Well, let's just say he wasn't the kid from school and DD13 learned what I meant by the word "perv" that day...and she WAS embarrassed to fess up to me about it...but thankfully I found out about it, and we were able to have yet another conversation about how to manage Instragram followers.

 

[kalliyan1]

Here is the problem I have. I get people are saying that it's the new form of communication for this generation and our parents didn't listen in on our calls. Every parent has their own style and I get that. I'm not criticizing or saying my way is right. I don't think anyone with a teenager feels like anything they are doing is right. Haha. But my thing is I sooooo wish my mother had listened in on my calls. I wish my mom had snooped! I gave my mother no reason not to trust me. I had a 4.0 GPA through high school. I was respectful. I followed every rule she set. Yet I still managed to sneak around and get involved in very unsafe relationships. There were no signs, no reason for her to check, went to church every sunday, youth group every week, volunteer work. I know I'm not the only one who put on an amazing show as a teenager. I've replayed my actions over and over and there is nothing that would have clued me as a parent to "snoop" on my child if they behaved like I did. Yet Lord knows someone should have!

I completely agree with you!!!! I was the same way and felt accomplished that I never got caught. As an adult with kids though, like you said, I wished II had of gotten caught. Could have saved some heartache
I think there is too much stuff out there these days that kids can get caught up in. The bottom line is, they are still KIDS!!!!
I check my daughters frequently and she knows it. I don't read them but I certainly skim them. I did it with my two boys two, who like many of you have commented, NEVER gave me a reason to not trust them but it's my job as a parent to protect them. Sometimes even the most perfect kids make mistakes
As a PP said, you can get a text count off your phone bill. Regarding iMessage, if you hv more than one apple device in your home you can just sign on using your kids itunes account and all the iMessages they send you can see. Something I found out about by accident!

 

[MinnieForMe]

My kids were not allowed to have cell phones until they were 16 and driving. At that point, if I felt they were responsible enough to drive, I was not going to worry about what they text.

This is my situation as well. My son is almost 17 and he just purchased his first cell phone with my blessings. He has never given me a reason to doubt him. He doesn't have a Facebook account but his friends encouraged him to use instagram and snapchat now that he has a phone. At this age, if I can't trust him then I did something wrong raising him!

 

[kymom99]

I monitor less out of fear of what my daughter is doing, and more out of fear for what others may be doing to her that she might be embarrassed or afraid to talk about to me - the pervs out there starting up conversations via Instragram and what have you, and cyber-bullying.

Those type of things do not equate to our parents listening in on phone conversations. Kids could not bully anonymously the way they can now online. And the pervs didn't have such instant access. Could they randomly call phone numbers? Sure, but they didn't know a young girl would answer. And their voices would give them away as not just another kid. Nowadays, they basically have a straight line of access to our kids, and can disguise themselves in whatever way seems to get them that "in".

Maybe you all have street smart kids - I don't. My DD13 is hugely gullible. We just had an incident where she accepted a follower on Instragram that she thought was someone at school because "she knows someone with that first name" (despite all our conversations about how she's supposed to not only know, but be pretty good friends with anyone she lets follow her). Well, let's just say he wasn't the kid from school and DD13 learned what I meant by the word "perv" that day...and she WAS embarrassed to fess up to me about it...but thankfully I found out about it, and we were able to have yet another conversation about how to manage Instragram followers.

AMEN to this! Glad your daughter is safe.

Another story. My son only had textfree on his ipod at one time. I saw a text that I know was a predator. Luckily my son handled it the right way. It started out saying he had the wrong number and he was looking for a different person with my son's name. Then he tried to engage him in conversation and get personal info. He asked where he lived and he say Kentucky. He asked what part and he said, "Somewhere in the middle." He didn't give away any identifying info, but if he had and I hadn't looked, it could have been a disaster. He was an innocent kid. He needed to be protected, and still does to some extent.

 

[aprilgail2]

My daughter is 14 and I don't check them anymore- I did from about 10-13 every now and then but once she started high school I really don't. She works so she chips in paying the phone bill for her portion. She is pretty open though and will tell me things-not like me, I was a sneaky sneaky kid.

 

[disney is my life]

I don't. I need my child to know that I trust that I raised her right, she knows what is acceptable and is unacceptable and that I trust she's making the right choices. I don't want her to have to hide anything from me. More times than not, she'll say, hey look at this text. But everyone has their own parenting techniques and what works for me might not work for you. My daughter will be 16 in a few months and I was a helicopter parent too long....

This is how it is in our house as well.
If I was so worried about what she is texting that I felt like I had to check her phone every week I probably wouldn't have gotten her a plan that included text.