Do you check the text messages on teenagers phone?

[debelfish]

Absolutely. My b/g twins are 15 and I check the phones every couple of weeks. They also have to check with me before they buy an app. We don't allow Snapchat, Kik or any app the uses your location or designed to meet strangers.
I don't read all of the text but skim to see who they are texting. Everyone has to be identified in their contacts and must actually know them in person.
There was a major sexting incident in the next town over on Instagram that included 100 plus kids and hundreds of photos. All in less than two days. Thank goodness some mom checked her kids phone and noticed the Instagram account.
It's a scary world out there.

 

[luvsJack]

Just my opinion and what works for us, but the world hasn't gotten so much scarier just the way its presented to them. When I think of the freedoms I had at dd's age because I had a driver's license and a car at 15 and the stupid stuff we did with that freedom The chances we took because we were so trusting and didn't think anyone could be out to hurt us! Thank goodness we didn't meet anyone that was really bad.

So, for me and for dd, I decided I wanted her to be smarter but I wanted her to be able to be smarter without me looking over her shoulder. So, all the lessons came before the texting and the facebook and Instagram and all the rest.

 

[MillauFr]

If I can trust my DS17 with a 3000 lb vehicle, then I feel he is responsible enough to not have his texts read.

Exactly how I feel. Driving a car is far more dangerous than a cell phone.

 

[MichelleVW]

IMO, my dd should have the same rights to privacy as I did at her age. Mom didn't listen in on my phone conversations or try to eavesdrop when friends came over. So, I give her the same rights.

BUT, we talk all the time, and so far (knock on wood) she has never hidden anything from me. We talk about how she should handle herself online and what she should or should not do--we had those talks before she got on Instagram and before snap chat existed.

She knows right from wrong, so at almost 16, its time to put it into practice without me snooping around.

Right...my girls are grown now...(21 and 23) and this is how I treated them. They turned out ok!

 

[Halbleib1]

Unfortunately there is a difference today because of technology. It use to be what you said and did as a teenager didn't usually haunt you for the rest of your life. With text messages and social media much of it doesn't disappear and can effect you for life. And while we can teach our kids right and wrong that is not always enough. Many get way too comfortable with sharing their entire lives on the internet and don't realize the consequences of doing it. We can all look back and recall how naive we were at times despite being warned about the consequences that could happen.

 

[tvguy]

This is my situation as well. My son is almost 17 and he just purchased his first cell phone with my blessings. He has never given me a reason to doubt him. He doesn't have a Facebook account but his friends encouraged him to use instagram and snapchat now that he has a phone. At this age, if I can't trust him then I did something wrong raising him!

Every kid I know these days says Facebook is only for Grandparents , so no worries there.

 

[Usandthe4kids]

I brought this discussion up at the dinner table tonight fully expecting my 13 year old to say that I was overprotective. Surprisingly, the opposite happened! She told me that while it annoyed her at first because she felt like I didn't trust her, now she is thankful that we check it. Her words- "Not that I plan on or want to do something wrong but knowing that I am accountable keeps me from even thinking about it." She told me about some of the things her friends talk about, even sexting. She even admitted that her friends have tried to teach her ways to hide things from us.
Anyway, I was very pleasantly surprised by my daughter's reaction and proud of her maturity in admitting she needs boundaries.

 

[Eastern]

I have never checked the text messages of my 3 kids. It seems wrong to me.

And I do ask them where they are going, what time they will be home, who they are seeing, etc.

 

[abmitch01]

I told my kids that I will check their email or texts or FB or whatever if they give me a reason to believe I need to. In fact, I made their passwords "momiswatching". But they've both done well in school, have nice friends and I haven't felt the need to invade their privacy. It would be like my mom reading my notes to my friends in school or listening in to phone conversations. But give me the littlest reason to doubt and I'm all over that like white on rice.

 

[Jacoby 46]

No I do not. They have never given me a reason to have to do something like that. I completely trust that my kids are making the right choices for themselves and we have a very open relationship with our kids.

 

[lucyem]

To me it is not about privacy or that I "paid for it". It is about safety and teaching a child how to navigate the internet world. I don't just hand the car keys to a teen and say go for it. The same for the internet or a phone or whatever. I have passwords for everything. And while I do not constantly go through things I do make random checks. I do trust my DS and we have discussions about internet safety etc. But it is a big crazy world out there and kids don't necessarily have the experience to deal with it.

 

[Hannathy]

No I do not. They have never given me a reason to have to do something like that. I completely trust that my kids are making the right choices for themselves and we have a very open relationship with our kids.

Same here.

I have never looked at a text from my kids and my DD is 22 and a SR in college and youngest in High school.

You teach and check when they are little and if by teens you should be able to trust them .

And it isn't that hard to have the accounts you use for Mom and then the ones you use for your friends or you use other kids phones. And why would you be dumb enough to leave anything questionable on your phone if you know your parents neb?

 

[Colleen27]

My rule is it's just to keep her safe, not to snoop. I skim it and anything I see that does not effect her safety that she has not talked about with me I do not mention. I ignore the language.

That strikes me as very reasonable, even though it isn't the approach I've taken with my kids. Unfortunately it seems like a lot of parents, at least around me (in real life), monitor texting and internet activity not from a position of basic safety but more as the thought police. DD12 has a friend who got in trouble for referring to a boy at school as her boyfriend, even though they've never seen one another outside of school, because she's not allowed to date until high school. Another got in trouble for talking about a PG-13 movie she saw at a friend's house, because she's not allowed to see PG-13 movies until she's actually 13. Others have been grounded over language, off-color jokes, or complaints about parents in their texts. And those parents are very clear that they found exactly what they're looking for by checking phone activity - evidence of ANY rule breaking, even something as minor as watching The Hunger Games at a sleepover or lying about finishing a homework assignment. That's a big part of why they've all switched to Snapchat, even though this social circle is on the geeky side, fairly conservative, and very tech savvy/cautious about what they put online. They just don't want to have to keep all their conversations among themselves suitable for parents' ears/eyes.

 

[EMode]

To me it is not about privacy or that I "paid for it". It is about safety and teaching a child how to navigate the internet world. I don't just hand the car keys to a teen and say go for it. The same for the internet or a phone or whatever. I have passwords for everything. And while I do not constantly go through things I do make random checks. I do trust my DS and we have discussions about internet safety etc. But it is a big crazy world out there and kids don't necessarily have the experience to deal with it.

Same for me but my approach is to have taught them that before they were allowed on the internet and a cell phone. There have been times where dh and I have had to intervene when my dd was younger, and also with my youngest ds. It is an ongoing lesson from when the were younger but at some point I have to trust the job I do as a parent.
My philosophy is that it is a big crazy world out there and its my job to teach my kids to navigate it, not navigate it for them (and that is what reading their texts is to me). I realize for others it is different and if that is what works for your family then its what is right for you, its just not right for me and mine.

 

[superdisneydork]

My parents gave me a text-capable phone when I was 14 and starting high school, it was actually right when texting was taking off, I was the one dragging all my friends in to it!

As far as I know, they never checked the messages, if they did, they never told me. However, I suspect they didn't because I know what kind of trouble I was getting in to! Knowing what I did manage to sneak past them, they probably should have checked . That said, I only got myself in to serious trouble once, I wrote some things I shouldn't have on a livejournal (remember those?) and it got me in trouble at school. They were none too pleased about that, but they handled it pretty well, didn't fly off the handle. I learned a valuable lesson. It is in fact still out there today, though it's old news now. Let that be a lesson to you (and your kids), over a decade old and I can still find it pretty easily. I'm pretty lucky that I didn't get in to more trouble!

Overall, I think I came out pretty well, I have a solid Disney-funding career, a degree in two different fields of engineering, a retirement fund and an excellent relationship with my friends and family. My point is not that being unchecked didn't bite me, my point is that I was a good kid, and (I like to think) pretty smart and level headed, and I still managed to get in to some awful trouble because I thought I was too clever not to. I am really, really lucky nothing worse happened to derail my life. So I support parents checking on their kids until the kids are 18 and need to be solely responsible for their actions.

Also, don't take away that my parents didn't pay attention, they did, texting was just beyond their level of understanding at the time, it wasn't well known yet. They paid very close attention to everything else, always knew where I was, who I was with, and they were reasonable but firm when I tested my bounds. I think that's a major contributing factor to my success, and I appreciate it, even though I found it annoying at the time!

Fun story, I was once at a gaming convention at a local college campus when I was 16, I had some older friends that dormed there and invited my whole group of friends to stay the night. My parents reluctantly agreed, and when I saw things were starting to go sideways I texted my mother I wasn't comfortable and she made it a point to call me and demand I come home, so I could tell my friends that I had to go because my mom was just so unreasonable, and save some face. Having mommy stomp down was actually less embarrassing than admitting I didn't want to hang out there, she took the heat for it just so I didn't have to!

Matt

 

[Svhadden]

Yep, absolutely.

Our DD, age 13, has an iPod, and somehow my husband set up her account so that all her incoming texts come to my email. We have to go through her texts to see what she's texting out. She understands that the iPod belongs to us and we allow her to use it as long as she's responsible with it. I have taken it from her before, and won't hesitate to take it permanently if things go pear-shaped.

 

[Jacoby 46]

Can someone explain to me why you give your kids cell phones/ipods/ect if you are going to read all/every text anyway? What's the point? Don't you allow them any privacy? Didn't you raise them to make the right choices? I am not trying to start a debate or fight, I am just really curious to the reasons why.

Seriously, everyone raises their kids different and I am just wondering they different reasons, please don't shoot me! LOL

 

[kymom99]

Can someone explain to me why you give your kids cell phones/ipods/ect if you are going to read all/every text anyway? What's the point? Don't you allow them any privacy? Didn't you raise them to make the right choices? I am not trying to start a debate or fight, I am just really curious to the reasons why.

Seriously, everyone raises their kids different and I am just wondering they different reasons, please don't shoot me! LOL

I think most people said they spot check. I'm sure there aren't man people who have time to check every text.

As with any privilege, underage children need to be monitored. That is my simple answer.

 

[MomToOne]

DD12 has a friend who got in trouble for referring to a boy at school as her boyfriend, even though they've never seen one another outside of school, because she's not allowed to date until high school.

I had a similar incident with DD13 - don't assume you know the whole story and those parents were so wrong. My DD13 is not allowed to date until high school, but she had a "boyfriend" at school when she was 12. She never saw him outside of school, but it wasn't just texting, sitting together at lunch and holding hands - there was some other physical activity also. Nothing super awful, but nothing she should have been doing at 12. She hid it from me for months because she knew I wouldn't allow it. She eventually fessed up and told me about it, but it had gone much further than it should have. And the boy was playing her hard - already telling her he was going to marry her, and she believed every single word of it (I told you she was gullible!). Goodness only knows where that boy could have gotten her to go with more time. And yeah, I came down hard on her - primarily for breaking a very clear rule that I had a very good reason for having - and she was punished.

I'm sure that whole story was told to her friends as something like "My Mom punished me just because I said he was my boyfriend" - which is what would have then gone forward to their parents. Not exactly the truth.

I feel I absolutely did the right thing. Her class had their first pregnancy this year - an 8th grade boy got an 8th grade girl pregnant. Things ARE different than when I was a kid. In my school days, the big scandle was when a high school senior in my class got pregnant and had to get married - now it's 8th graders!

And for those of you that say "my kid tells me everything" - most people think my daughter tells me everything. She'll even tell me that she does. I get an earful everyday of all her trials and tribulations - most times, I wish she'd just STOP talking to me for 5 minutes! But while I agree she tells me a lot more than most kids do, I also know all kids keep things from their parents - and they're the things the could get them into the deepest trouble. (Case in point - the boyfriend) Is it part of growing up? Sure. But my parents would keep an eye open for warning signs of stuff I might be into that could cause trouble, even though I was a "good" kid - and I will do the same with my daughter. The ways I keep an eye open have just changed with technology. I don't think I need to see each and every text message or online posting, but I do reserve the right to check them when I see warning signs.

 

[Usandthe4kids]

First, my situation is slighty different because my 13 year old "daughter" is technically my niece. She received her ipod for her 10th birthday, before we had actual custody of her. With all the transitions in her life, I wasn't going to take it from her. My biological children are younger but we operate on the when you need to drive, you can have a cell phone philosophy.
That being said, at 13, I don't see where privacy should be expected. I know things change the older kids get. I'm also not so rigid that I'm not willing to bend and change. As for now, we do what we feel is best to keep our kids safe and out of trouble. It works for us. Every family is different. I will also add that we are a very conservative family. I do not hold my kids to a standard I would not hold myself to. They can go through our text, emails, web history all day long and they are not going to find any questionable material, inappropriate language, off color jokes, etc. I know and respect that there are a lot of families that are way more laid back and that works for them. However, I highly doubt that there are many families that buy these devices just as a means to "snoop" on their kids I think we all do what we think is best for our kids at the time.