Do you allow your teens to sample alcohol

[mjantz]

I wasn't given alcohol as a kid or teen & I rarely drink now. Usually a mug of spiced wine at Christmas Eve, sip of champagne at NYE & maybe one other time throughout the year. DH likes beer some evenings & various stuff at our local Ren Faires. Our kids haven't asked for sips or drinks but I think that if they asked & we were home I'd probably say yes. If that makes me a bad parent, so be it.

 

[babyrich]

My father's family were all alcoholics, him, his 2 brothers, his 3 sisters and both parents. So the kids were allowed to sip our parents beer as soon as we were able to walk to the fridge and serve it to them.

I guess I drank like a lot of teenagers, lots of times to excess.

From about the age of 17, my mother (parents now separated) allowed me to drink in the house and she knew I drank outside of the house. She was always sure to tell me never to be afraid to call home for a ride if I couldnt drive or get a sober person to drive me home.

This has not led me to become an alcoholic. I have a beer here and there, over the summer, I usually have at least one a day. On vacation, it is more than that.

My sisters teenagers are allowed to drink at home, both have said, they dont feel the need to get drunk with their friends and feel their friends do it because its tabu. We always make them understand they have to be responsible.

 

[RitaE]

We often have wine at family dinners and my kids were always allowed a glass. I can't remember the youngest ever taking more than a sip or two. It was never any big deal. As kids, they mostly liked being allowed to drink out of the fancy crystal goblets more than caring about what's in them.

The older boys often had a beer with Dad after yard work or while watching a game. My 18 year old hardly ever even finishes his beer and he prefers ice tea to the wine. My oldest is now 21 and he'll often stop and pick me up a bottle of my favorite wine before coming back for dinner. It's nice.

 

[goofy!]

In the past few days I have learned from the DIS that I am cheap, low class and kind of slutty, and now I can add in that I have a drinking problem because I have a half to a full glass on wine with dinner most evenings and that I am a "piece of crap parent"

Oh, that is just because you grew up in a hippy town. Those hippies allow everything with their kids

I think all of us crap parents should go out for a virtual glass of wine.

On a more serious note, the poster that said not every way works for every parent is true.

The American Journal of Adolescents article said exactly that. It is more the culture in the household rather than the actual allowing to drink that curbs binge drinking and alcoholism.

Parents who party and provide alcohol in a party setting for minors tend to have children that binge more often.

Parents that work on educating children about alcohol, modeling good drinking behavior, take away the mystique about alcohol tend to have children that binge less. There is more and more evidence that families that allow small amounts of alcohol along with good role modeling tend to have the children who binge the least.

However, the study also showed that the very strict parents, where alcohol was forbidden and the child was afraid of consequences also had children that binged less often. But only if lots of information about alcohol was also provided.

So, parents have to do what is right for their family. It is a complex issue and there is no absolute answer.

 

[violetrose]

My parents allowed us to have a glass/sip of wine or champagne with dinner on special occasions. I've not yet allowed our kids the same, simply because we rarely drink. DH and I may drink on vacation, sitting on a beach, he may have a beer and me something fruity but it isn't often we drink at dinner or around our kids.

I agree with those who said an alcoholic is going to be an alcoholic regardless of where he/she first has their first drink. I see nothing wrong with parents allowing their kids a moderate amount of alcohol. I've always believed in making the fruit less forbidden. There is nothing a kid likes more than forbidden fruit!

 

[Acklander]

Me too!!! Hey, let's get together, get drunk and flirt with each other's husbands!


I have let my almost 17 year old have a sip of my drink when she asked. I would not allow any of her underage friends to drink in my home and would be very upset if another parent allowed my child to drink.

If the dis is any indication, I think we've proven that occasional sips of wine as a teenager in the home causes flirty behavior as married adults.

 

[herdtoDisney]

Hah, I used to know a couple of expat Italians who lived near me. One had a teenager and a preteen, the other had a like... 11-year-old. Both houses, as soon as the parents got home from work and started dinner, the bottle of wine was opened and everyone who wanted got a glass.

r.

While my own parents did not drink wine, I had extended family who did, usually on special occasions, and everyone over 10 or so had a glass in their place setting (I've only seen it served with meals). It was not considered weird and no one drank to excess-that was unheard of. I do not drink at all and my parents very rarely, so this has not continued in the family. But I don't find serving wine to be odd, just one of those things that occoured on special occasions. Italian backround btw.

Other stuff like beer and hard liquors-my family just isn't into these and I never recall them being served at a family meal. I would never find it appropriate to serve teens hard liquor ever, or any alcohol outside of a meal. To be clear-we do not drink at all in our home and I don't even own alcohol. I haven't given my kids any. But for some cultures, wine is a part of some meals. This does not typically involve drinking to excess. I would find it very wrong to just randomly give a kid some mixed drink or beer just to let them drink it.

 

[dhcoffey]

No, we don't allow our children to drink and we would never let another person's child to drink.

Heather

 

[Bonniec]

Yes, we let them drink occasionally. Not too often since DH and I don't drink too often. On special occasions they get something. Rarely DH will give our older son a beer while watching football. Stuff like that. We do not allow it when they have friends over because I respect other parent's choices.

I really could care less about all the factual quotes and links posted here. We are pretty liberal with our kids and they have turned out just fine.

 

[marcyinPA]

My kids have tried it- we've offered tastes. We offered DS16 a beer on NYE (we were at a house party of really good friends- they have a bar) and he didn't want one. He's not really into it at all.

It's DS12 I worry about. He knows how to tap a keg (thanks to my BIL), make martinis (thanks to my BFF's mother in law) and can tend a bar like nobodies business (thanks to my good friends who have the bar). Everybody we know jokes that he is going to be the president of his fraternity in college. I believe it. The kid is a hoot- and a natural "people person".

 

[luvmy3]

In the past few days I have learned from the DIS that I am cheap, low class and kind of slutty, and now I can add in that I have a drinking problem because I have a half to a full glass on wine with dinner most evenings and that I am a "piece of crap parent"

You should start a club, I bet you'd get alot of DIS members in it

I have allowed my kids to sample alcohol, but I don't plan on making it a habit since the youngest is only 8. As they get older (mid to older teen) they will be allowed to have a drink here and there, like on NYE or a sip of champagne at a wedding. I would never ever give another teen alcohol, it isn't my place to decide for another parent whether their teen can have it.

 

[DREAM WAVES]

Wow just read through a few post and was actually shocked to see how many people were ok with this. Obviously it's your kids & your choice so it's not for me to judge. That said since both of my children were very young (now 18 & 15) I've preached to them about smoking, drinking & drugs, expressing my disapprovement (if thats a word, lol). They know they can talk to me about anything but they know my stance. I see so many kids in my area who abuse alcohol leading to a not so happy life (pregnancy & arrest). Honestly I also know that parents giving other kids alcohol is very common too. I didnt even try alcohol until I was in my 30s & it was yuck! I tell my kids when you are legally allowed to drink it is your choice & that I hope they make good decisions whether they drink or not.
I guess I look at it like if my parents thought drinking in front of them was ok what would be the harm in drinking behind their back? Kids do things regardless guess it all boils down to what you instill in them & if they listen. Parenting is the hardest job no matter what.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

we allow DD14 to have sips to taste, if she asks. As she gets older we will allow more for holidays, etc. (We would never serve any one else's child.)

I don't think a little early exposure equates to creating an alcoholic.

I think one of the most influential aspects is the behavior modeled by the parents and the talks they have with their kids. However, from personal experience I know you can learn in spite of the behavior modeled by your parents. Alcohol and irresponsible drinking were the model I grew up with (and my Dh as well). We are now both very responsible drinkers. DH has a beer at home about once a week and an occassional rum and coke or half a glass of wine. I have a very occasional wine or beer, but mostly add a little liquor to my coffee once in a blue moon. DH goes out to Monday night football/playoffs or Super Bowl (often with DD) and has one beer and then iced tea or coffee - even though he gets good natured comments. I have an occasional Sangria or "fancy" mixed drink with dinner.

we have alcoholism/alcohol abuse in our family, so the topic comes up for discussion often enough.

As someone already mentioned, it isn't that easy as there are many factors.

 

[Planogirl]

I'm shocked by people who judge others for teaching their kids how to drink responsibly. There is nothing wrong with responsible drinking. In some cultures, wine is a normal part of a meal at every age. I certainly won't judge people for what is normal in their world.

I did allow DS to try alcohol and he just isn't interested as far as I can tell. We only drink a little, usually when we're out during a special occasion. I'm talking two or three times a year.

 

[ebtbmom]

We've agreed that we'll let DS drink at home (like 1 drink) when he's a little older. So far though he's gagged over everything he's tried. He's really picky so I'd be surprised if he ever embraces drinking.
I grew up in a strict, religious household. Not only did my parents not drink but I was told that it was evil and horrible and that I'd burn in hell if I ever took a sip. So yeah, I partied pretty hard in college and still drink frequently though in moderation. My brother is a "functioning alcoholic" so I truly believe the forbidden fruit thing.

 

[Missy1961]

I am shocked and amazed at how many ppl allow their kids to drink alcohol under the skewed assumption that by GIVING THEM BOOZE you are teaching them to drink RESPONSIBLY. No you aren't. You are teaching them TO DRINK.

And one PP said they even let a 12 yr old drink! Really? That to me is disgusting and should be illegal if it's not.

I never let my kid smoke pot so that he would smoke responsibly, nor did I ever let him drink. I am referring to my oldest, the 26 yr old. He had one parent he saw drink and one parent (me) he never saw drink. He never asked us to taste booze and there's no way in hell I would have given ANY KID, mine or otherwise, wine or booze.

Sometimes I think ppl should have to be licensed to have kids.

I think ppl want to make themselves feel less like a piece of crap parent for giving a young kid booze so they make up these cute little sayings about teaching them to drink responsibly. That's just total BS. Teach them how to smoke cigarettes responsibly. It's legal, like booze. It's harmful, like booze. And don't say it's not harmful. If you drink enough it will KILL YOU. So yes, it is harmful. If you do it and drive you will go to jail. It's harmful.

I am assuming these parents are also the same type of ppl who advise pregnant women to drink because "its' good for you and the baby" "My doctor said so"

There is no reason to assume that your kids are going to grow up to be drinkers. They may grow up and go to college and never start drinking. But you giving them booze is making it OK, a part of every day life.

I disagree with every day alcohol consumption. To have a glass of Champagne on NYE or toast a glass at a wedding is one thing, but if you sit down and drink beer or wine EVERY DAY, you have a drinking problem. And you are going to lead your kids into the same kind of lifestyle. Especially if they have seen you drink every day of their lives.

I don't know ONE SINGLE PERSON in all my life that has ever thought it was OK to give young teens booze. It's just shocking.

I'll have to let my parents know that they are crap parents because they allowed us to taste alcohol when we were kids. 6 kids, not one of us an alcoholic or a problem. And I'll let my aunts and uncles know that too. And not a single alcoholic among all my cousins.

 

[NYEmomma]

I know in a lot of families -- Italian mainly, I think? -- it's pretty standard operating procedure to have wine on special occasions, all family members included.

My family's not that type and I come from a long line of alcoholics, though neither of my parents were heavy or frequent drinkers. But as a teenager, I was allowed to partake whenever they were having something. It wasn't often that they had anything to drink, but occasionally my mom would have friends over & they'd make frozen mixed drinks so I'd go around the room tasting all the varieties; I'd have a sip of champagne at weddings; things of that nature.

I personally don't feel that either permitting or forbidding alcohol consumption sets any type of precedent for future expectations in children.

DH doesn't drink at all and since I typically prefer beer (not a dinner type of drink, IMO... unless you're having pizza or wings) I don't drink that often. Mainly when I'm watching football. But if I am drinking and my child asks to try it, I will allow them. Similarly, if there is a special occasion where everyone's having some wine or toasting with champagne, I see no problem with allowed my children to participate as well, given they're at an age and maturity level that I'm comfortable with.

 

[disney4us2002]

I would have to say no, not really. Occasionally, one of my kids would ask to taste something of mine but I have never allowed them to have a glass of their own alcoholic drink.

For those surprised by the replies, have you been reading here long? The climate of the CB is much more liberal since the last national election and the rule change here on the Dis about not discussing religion and politics. Many conservatives jumped ship.

 

[bumbershoot]

About 75% of my cousins, who were allowed to drink at home, are alcoholics today. My siblings and I, who never drank at home with our parents, are able to enjoy one drink and stop.

Sounds like you have really unfortunate genes in your family.

In MY family, there seems to be an "on the edge" gene. My mom flirted with being a little too free with her wine, realized it, and pulled back from it. My dad could be considered an alcoholic, and after literally running his wife's car into the side of her garage, chose to stop drinking for a good decade, but now, ages later, can and will have a beer at a social function, and he's FINE. He's not the nicest man in the world, but that didn't change when he didn't drink at all.

I went a little bit too far in my 20s, and pulled back. My brother didn't drink for absolute ages, once he started went a bit too far, and pulled back. It's actually pretty interesting.

And in MY family, it doesn't matter one little bit if your parents let you have alcohol. My first taste of beer was at 8 (Coors), from a family friend who was so close to us he might as well have been a second dad. I still have a soft spot for Coors on a hot hot summer day. My brother would have been allowed it, but he never WANTED to. He can *smell* wines and tell you about them; he actually had a job at an upscale wine shop for summers in college, and did REALLY well, despite never having actually TASTED the wines; his nose is THAT good. It wasn't allowed in my mom's or dad's houses (meaning, my mom and dad weren't *allowed* alcohol while at home...they married at 17/19 though).

In my very extended family, practices are very different from house to house, but the "pulled back" story repeats itself over and over. Didn't really matter what happened in the home! *except for in the really *messed up* homes...and even in those homes, you don't see EVERY child coming out the same way...

This. The first time I felt tipsy I was out to dinner with a family friend and the wine was served in big glasses, heh. It wasn't when I was randomly carousing around in college and got blindsided all of a sudden, it was like, oh, whoa, huh. That's how you learn your limits and what it feels like and what warning signals there are.

And that was such a SAFE place to learn that feeling. First time I felt super-tipsy was as a college student, surrounded by cheap beer in kegs, with a party cup in my hand that kept getting refilled.

Although wine was around in my home growing up, I hated wine. Turns out I like beer (even now, wine might sometimes taste relatively decent, but it gives me such bad heartburn it isn't worth it), so the wine didn't help, because I didn't drink it. Would have been a lot better to have a little beer at home, instead! Because I'd never felt that way before, and in the frat party surroundings I was in, stepping back from the feeling wasn't something that was easy to do.

No and it is illegal in Arizona to do so. Even for a parent to give to their own child.

I can't find that. Can you show a link? Only thing I can find gives me the law that's all about *establishments* and bartenders and whatnot.

It's DS12 I worry about. He knows how to tap a keg (thanks to my BIL), make martinis (thanks to my BFF's mother in law) and can tend a bar like nobodies business (thanks to my good friends who have the bar). Everybody we know jokes that he is going to be the president of his fraternity in college. I believe it. The kid is a hoot- and a natural "people person".

Sounds like my husband. He could make his dad a perfect gin and tonic in 3rd grade, and he LOVED bartending at his friends' parties.

He doesn't drink. He used to have a drink every few months, but recently we've discovered that even one serving of alcohol shoots his blood sugar up and causes him to go into a *disgusting* mood. He hasn't had a drink since December 2010 when he picked an argument with me after a Baileys while we were at Universal, and the next day I made the case for it being something he just can't do.

Still likes helping people get the drinks THEY want and can have without becoming jerks!

I grew up in a strict, religious household. Not only did my parents not drink but I was told that it was evil and horrible and that I'd burn in hell if I ever took a sip. So yeah, I partied pretty hard in college and still drink frequently though in moderation. My brother is a "functioning alcoholic" so I truly believe the forbidden fruit thing.

I have a friend who is the youngest of 4 daughters. Same parents. Same STRICT parents.

The oldest got out of the house and married immediately; luckily she married a pastor, and they have a very sober lifestyle.

The next born, to this day, says that she misses *crack* over anything else. Nearly killed herself a few times with the drinking and drugs. This is an awesome, fabulous, NORMAL human being, but she went off the edge with experimentation, to the point where she can describe all sorts of highs, and just a few months back (at a wedding) told me how much she misses crack (but will never take it again b/c of its effects on her life).

The next sister has done some "light" stuff, and is a huge wine snob now. She has her own business, over 20 years now, and illegal drugs would negatively impact that, so she doesn't do them.

The youngest LIKES drinking, and wouldn't have minded smoking a bit of marijuana, but she was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis at 13, so even a little bit of naughtiness went too far with her. She almost never drank in college when I met her, drank a bit in grad school, then really had to stop it, because her body truly could not handle it.

2 incredibly strict parents = 1 "good" daughter 1 beyond-wild-but-reformed daughter, 1 strict with herself but likes wine daughter, and 1 would like to be wild but simply cannot daughter.

The climate of the CB is much more liberal since the last national election and the rule change here on the Dis about not discussing religion and politics. Many conservatives jumped ship.

YOu know that liberal politics doesn't mean liberal parenting, right? They aren't the same thing? In fact I'd say it's the opposite, since conservatives are all about laissez faire, as in "get out of my business and I'll stay out of yours".

 

[cornflake]

I guess I look at it like if my parents thought drinking in front of them was ok what would be the harm in drinking behind their back? Kids do things regardless guess it all boils down to what you instill in them & if they listen. Parenting is the hardest job no matter what.

The thing is - at least in my experience - if it's ok to drink in front of parents, there's no need or point to drinking behind their backs.

As I said, in h.s. one of my friends parents were into wine, always had a ton around. They'd choose a bottle for us if we were there and asked. They'd open a couple, have some themselves, if someone wanted a cocktail instead, that was fine, as was someone wanting water or a soda - and that was how most people I know and knew operated. So there just wasn't any behind the back.

If any parents had seen someone come home drunk there'd have been questions and if they saw someone drinking a lot, getting drunk more than on some random misguided evening out, there'd have been intervention.

When it goes on in the open, it's in the open. If you're sitting around with someone's parents in and out of the room, drinking, they notice if Susie happens to be sucking back a little too devotedly. Also, frankly, we'd have noticed and gone to someone's parents, because that'd have been not normal and thus obviously a problem.