Do you allow your kids' underage friends to drink at your house?

[Praying Colonel]

I'm cracking up over all these suggestions to have a dry (college) graduation party!!! You'll be lucky to have three people show up!!

I read the OP to mean this was more of a reception where mainly family and family friends were invited--not a party for the graduate and other friends her age.

If it's the former, I see nothing wrong with that being a dry party. In fact I've never been to one of those that was not dry (but that may just be the circle I run in).

If it's the latter, I really don't care if only 3 show up. I'm not going to take on the headache of policing 21 year-olds to insure they don't overserve themselves.

 

[mamacatnv]

There is no reason why your 18 year old ds can't relay the message to his friends beforehand that they will not be allowed to drink at the party. Also hang a sign near the coolers stating that no drinks allowed for anyone under 21. I would just keep the coolers in an area where somoene will see who is coming and going for drinks, if you catch an underage kid taking drinks, grab his keys and call his parents to come and get them. That will probably deter anyone else.
I wouldn't make it a dry party just because some kid may sneak a beer or two, I have more faith that they would respect the rules in place. I also wouldn't not provide something perfectly legal for others to enjoy because of what may happen.

I agree with luvmy3. Let everyone know that underage drinking will not be tolerated. They will be guests in your home and should respect your rules. If not, they will be asked to leave or taken home.

There are going to be a lot of times where they won't be able to drink and they are just going to have to deal with it until they are of age.

I see no reason to host a dry party - I would also make a note on the invitation that says there will be no tolerance for underage drinkers.

You may have to police it a bit but I bet the ones you will be policing will be the younger friends of the college grads and not so much the high school crowd.

 

[LuvOrlando]

That sounds like it can get messy no matter what you do. Even if you ban drinking and some 21 year old guy gives an 18 year old girl alcohol in his car and she goes home smashed guess who will be at your door? The only way you can manage something like this is to have the event somewhere other than your house, a firehouse or another similar spot with a BYOB policy so everyone is responsible for themselves AND make sure you send out written invitations to each household that explicitly state your family will not be chaperones of any kind and that each adult will be responsible for their own behavior.

Also, do you happen to have an umbrella policy?

 

[golfgal]

While the OP is being proactive--not every teen drinks, especially with so many adults around. Not having alcohol at a party just because there are teens there is just silly. Believe it or not, MOST teens are responsible kids. I would have NO issues having alcohol at a grad party and just telling the kids that they are not allowed to drink--heck, we had alcohol at DS18's grad party and didn't even have to say that. It was a total NON-ISSUE. The kids are smart enough to figure out that they are not allowed to have it if it isn't offered to them.

 

[momrek06]

Jill, sweetie, I think I would call around for a 'bartender' to come to your home and be in charge of the adult beverages. It won't be much of a fun time for your DH to stand 'guard' over the cooler's all night.

When my kiddos grad h.s. and college, I knew there was going to be a ton of kiddos as well as adults and I opted to have the party at our local KnightsofColumbus hall and hired a bartender for the night.

As it turned out (one of the parties we had) it was one of the most humid days ever in Boston and the central A/C was worth its weight in gold.

 

[luvmy3]

While the OP is being proactive--not every teen drinks, especially with so many adults around. Not having alcohol at a party just because there are teens there is just silly. Believe it or not, MOST teens are responsible kids. I would have NO issues having alcohol at a grad party and just telling the kids that they are not allowed to drink--heck, we had alcohol at DS18's grad party and didn't even have to say that. It was a total NON-ISSUE. The kids are smart enough to figure out that they are not allowed to have it if it isn't offered to them.

MTE! What do people think when a teen sees alcohol, that they suddenly become unable to control their urges and have to find a way to sneak it?

 

[Jeafl]

MTE! What do people think when a teen sees alcohol, that they suddenly become unable to control their urges and have to find a way to sneak it?

I am hoping you are right. I have to say, my son's friends are all very respectful and polite when they come over, and are basically great kids. I HOPE they respect the rules because some of you guys are scaring the crap out of me!

 

[tomthebarncat]

My Dad told me that my generation did not invent drugs, alcohol or sex, it has been around for a long time, they just called it different things. I really don't have an answer because I don't have kids, just a dog and he likes schnitzel and beer these decisions are never easy! good luck with what ever you decide to do, as I feel you are in a catch 22, damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

[LuvOrlando]

MTE! What do people think when a teen sees alcohol, that they suddenly become unable to control their urges and have to find a way to sneak it?

because some of us who might be upstanding citizens now may have been a little on the wayward side if ya go back a few years... errr, not me I'm just sayin'... in a theoretical sense

There was this time, on the 4th of July when this friend of mine, not me you understand, and her BFF well we, I mean they tried to make a Pina Colata and it didn't end so well

 

[luvmy3]

I am hoping you are right. I have to say, my son's friends are all very respectful and polite when they come over, and are basically great kids. I HOPE they respect the rules because some of you guys are scaring the crap out of me!

These "kids" are 18, they can defend our country, but somehow they can't be trusted when there is alcohol around
If you know your ds's friends and you trust that they would follow the rules you set, then serve what you want and enjoy your party.

 

[cluvsdisney]

because some of us who might be upstanding citizens now may have been a little on the wayward side if ya go back a few years... errr, not me I'm just sayin'... in a theoretical sense

I am not naming names or anything but when "a friend" did that when we were younger, there was no indulging at family parties. It was saved for get togethers with peers.

At least that's what I heard.

 

[luvmy3]

because some of us who might be upstanding citizens now may have been a little on the wayward side if ya go back a few years... errr, not me I'm just sayin'... in a theoretical sense

I was on the wayward side, no doubt about that however I also knew when it was right and when it was wrong. I was able to control myself at a friend's family party and respect the rules 'of the house'.
And cluvsdisney you heard right.

 

[ols386]

OP, The only way you can be absolutely sure that there is no under age drinking is to just not serve any alcohol at all.

 

[tlbwriter]

These "kids" are 18, they can defend our country, but somehow they can't be trusted when there is alcohol around

I know some 18 year olds (and 19 and 20 yr olds) who can't be trusted around alcohol. Wouldn't want them to defend my country either. Many teenagers are just plain stupid. Consider yourself lucky that you are not personally familiar with this phenomenon.

 

[SandrA9810]

What about making a sleep over for the underage crowd?? That way if there is a slip of a cup, they won't be driving at all. Keys can then be handed back to those over 21 if you feel they're capable of driving home.

At the same time, what are the rules for parent's serving alcohol to their children?? I remember reading a while back that if a parent gives it to their own child, then it's ok. But I don't remember extensively the allowed circumstances such as own home or just private residence.

Maybe the parent's of the underage kids can be invited with the kid. They're probably less likely to do something under the eye of their own parent. Then wouldn't responsibility be held with the parent if they gave them the drink? But you can make it as more of a celebration for the parent for finally having freedom. That way there's more adults helping to police every one.

 

[Acklander]

I was on the wayward side, no doubt about that however I also knew when it was right and when it was wrong. I was able to control myself at a friend's family party and respect the rules 'of the house'.
And cluvsdisney you heard right.

Same here, but having kids just a few years older than themselves there openly drinking might blur the lines on what type of party it was.

 

[eliza61]

MTE! What do people think when a teen sees alcohol, that they suddenly become unable to control their urges and have to find a way to sneak it?

No not at all but even the most responsible, level headed teen has been known to do an act of stupidity every once in a while. I love to think that my son (17) is a mature, level headed adult but the fact of the matter he often does things that make me shake my head. and I know for a fact because I'm the advisor who has to sit in the office when the "oh so responsible college student" gets rip roaring drunk after a eagles game.

So yeah, go to any college campus and you will see more than enough proof to realize that yes they do some how lose their commons sense.

So since I can't control what any teen may or maynot decide to do at any particular moment, it's simply easier for me not to have alcohol at a party.

I'd be more concerned with the 40 year old adult who can't come to a barbeque and not survive without a beer for 6 hours.

Considering the number 1 killer of teens is distractive driving and these "responsible adults" are supposed to know texting and driving can kill. So obviously they are doing risky behaviour.

 

[luvmy3]

I know some 18 year olds (and 19 and 20 yr olds) who can't be trusted around alcohol. Wouldn't want them to defend my country either. Many teenagers are just plain stupid. Consider yourself lucky that you are not personally familiar with this phenomenon.

We all know some 18 year olds like that, heck I know 30 year olds like that. It still doesn't change my opinion, it is possible to serve alcohol where a group of 18 year olds will be and it not turn out like a secret kegger in the woods. I put more faith in the people my kid's call friends, and if I didn't they wouldn't be allowed to come to the party in the first place.

 

[eliza61]

I know some 18 year olds (and 19 and 20 yr olds) who can't be trusted around alcohol. Wouldn't want them to defend my country either. Many teenagers are just plain stupid. Consider yourself lucky that you are not personally familiar with this phenomenon.

ITA.
what is supposed to magically happen at 18 that turns all these kids into responsible adults?
Luckily for the producers of the reality tv show campus cops, they are way more young adults who daily remind you why we may want to up the drinking age.



I wish I had a dollar for every young adult who was supposed to be acting like an "adult"...... the recession would officially be over for me.

 

[Acklander]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding what type of party the OP was planning on having - was this a party for family, friends and relatives? Or was it a party the kids were having? - I guess the difference being the first one would have a sprinkling of close friends but it was mainly family and adults or a party where it was mainly the kids and a few adults????