Do you allow your kids' underage friends to drink at your house?

[Kimi313]

I have never had to make this decision but I can tell you what 2 people I know did. One person just had one big slumber party, she had a large lot so she borrowed tents and put them up out back, girls slept inside house boys slept outside house. The other person who hosted a lot of parties at her house stood at the door as people arrived and took the keys or they were not allowed to come in.

I live in a small town and one time I had my DD's birthday party at a hotel, there was no drinking, it was her 10th birthday and most girls around here had not stayed in hotels, so I called them and they gave me a deal on adjoining rooms and lets us use the conference room for pizza and a movie at no charge, and then in the morning they had a free continental breakfast the girls got to eat. Now with that said I wonder if maybe a hotel would offer you a good deal on a block of rooms and let you use on of their conference rooms to have the party then everyone could just sleep there.

 

[DWGal210]

Can you tell it's a slow day today?!

Another thought: We had a college grad party a few weekends ago for my brother & cousin. There was beer but as we're family, everyone knew who was 21 & who wasn't. If there'd been a HS kid walking around with a beer, there'd have been H to pay from the adults. But maybe it's different as we're family.

OP, is this a very large party where it would be hard to monitor things? You & the other patents know who is 21 & who isn't. Do you think you'd not be able to watch them?

 

[luvmy3]

There is no reason why your 18 year old ds can't relay the message to his friends beforehand that they will not be allowed to drink at the party. Also hang a sign near the coolers stating that no drinks allowed for anyone under 21. I would just keep the coolers in an area where somoene will see who is coming and going for drinks, if you catch an underage kid taking drinks, grab his keys and call his parents to come and get them. That will probably deter anyone else.
I wouldn't make it a dry party just because some kid may sneak a beer or two, I have more faith that they would respect the rules in place. I also wouldn't not provide something perfectly legal for others to enjoy because of what may happen.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I don't see why you have to be "graceful" about it. Make it clear that the legal drinking age is 21 and you will not have anyone under 21 drinking in your home. If it were me, I would not invite any one to the party that I know would have a hard time following that rule.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would have a dry party so I wouldn't have to be "on guard" all the time. Much as you think you can watch, you can't watch everyone. You will be dsitracted by the food table, by visiting with people as they arrive and leave, by trying to get around and greet everyone, by cleaning up. Even with help on that day--and I had help--it was still a busy day for dh and I. If it is like my son's, there will be kids in and out constantly, some for a short time and others will be there longer. The majority were kids he knew and had invited; but there were one or two that came that he only knew somewhat, but were traveling around to parties on that day with friends of his.

If an underage person were to consume alcohol at your party and later have an accident or get stopped for drunk driving and reported that they got the alcohol at your house, you would be in a lot of trouble. It wouldn't matter whether or not you gave him the alcohol; if you stated verbally that you wouldn't server minors; if you had a sign that said that. It would still come back to you.

Chances are this won't be a problem, but it only takes one kid to have a drink and have something happen for your world to come crashing down. In my mind that isn't worth the risk! I would not want to risk my house and financial security so a few adults could have a beer or hard lemonade when you are having a party that is "come and go", with a lot of people--especially kids--in and out. You can't supervise everyone and it could be very easy for a teen to get hold of some of the alcohol.

Have plenty of water, lemonade (regular kind), soda, ice tea on hand and available at all times. That should satisfy your guests in terms of keeping them hydrated. I would hope that not having alcohol would not spoil the party--are the guests here to drink or to celebrate the graduations of your children?

After the party, when the numbers are smaller, if there are some friends/family still around, then you can have the alcohol.

 

[4greatboys]

My oldest son went to a grad party where the parents let the kids drink. I knew about it ahead of time and it was okay with me. My son was spending the night so there was going to be no driving.

 

[tlbwriter]

I have never had to make this decision but I can tell you what 2 people I know did. One person just had one big slumber party, she had a large lot so she borrowed tents and put them up out back, girls slept inside house boys slept outside house. The other person who hosted a lot of parties at her house stood at the door as people arrived and took the keys or they were not allowed to come in.

I would be uncomfortable doing that because it seems to condone underage drinking... if I'm providing a crash pad so you can get drunk, I'm saying it's okay for you to drink at my house. And if you're underage, it's not okay (to me). I do think, if you're hosting a party with alcohol, that it's a good idea to be prepared for anybody to stay the night. I just wouldn't turn it into a "we're spending the night so we can get drunk" party.

 

[Arielle22]

I would have a dry party. It seems the potential problems are greater than a potential benefit.

Over past few years several parents have been charged in surrounding towns. One did not supply the alcohol but did not monitor the party (went to their room). A guest was killed a mile or so from the house so the parents were charged.

Also do you want to have to patrol the college graduates to make sure they are not overindulging?

 

[cluvsdisney]

There is no reason why your 18 year old ds can't relay the message to his friends beforehand that they will not be allowed to drink at the party. Also hang a sign near the coolers stating that no drinks allowed for anyone under 21. I would just keep the coolers in an area where somoene will see who is coming and going for drinks, if you catch an underage kid taking drinks, grab his keys and call his parents to come and get them. That will probably deter anyone else.
I wouldn't make it a dry party just because some kid may sneak a beer or two, I have more faith that they would respect the rules in place. I also wouldn't not provide something perfectly legal for others to enjoy because of what may happen.

I agree with luvmy3. Let everyone know that underage drinking will not be tolerated. They will be guests in your home and should respect your rules. If not, they will be asked to leave or taken home.

There are going to be a lot of times where they won't be able to drink and they are just going to have to deal with it until they are of age.

 

[Acklander]

To be honest, I wouldn't have a combined party. There's a big difference between High school graduates and college graduates and I probably wouldn't co-mingle the two. I don't have a problem with my 18 year old drinking, but I wouldn't want to be responsible for all the other 18 year olds. So, I'd have one party for the highschool crowd (dry) one party for the college crowd (wet) and probably a 3rd party for family (wet) so they could celebrate as well without crimping the kids celebration. But we're Irish, so don't mind multiple parties

 

[Pigeon]

In this particular situation, I would have a dry party. I'm sympathetic to the idea that adults might like a beer, but the dynamics here are just such that it's not a risk I'd want to take.

We have large family parties with all ages present and serve alcohol. But given that you will have a large number of unrelated 18 year olds and a large number of 21 year olds, I just wouldn't do it. You can color code glasses and have designated bartenders and maybe that would solve the problem.

But many of the 21 year olds I know would be happy to pass on their alcohol to 18 year olds, and many 18 year olds will try to find a way to circumvent your rules. It's just too dicey, given the chance that something seriously bad could happen.

 

[StitchBuddy]

NO, I wouldn't allow the underage kids to drink. You would be held responsible if something should go wrong.

 

[Abbie]

I guess I am torn because there will be a lot of adults there who would like a beer, or a Mike's Hard Lemonade. It will be a warm day, and mostly in the backyard.

To be honest, most of my son's friends are really into sports, and are great kids who don't drink (that I am aware of). I am not naive though, and some of them may be tempted to have a beer or two if it was available to them.

We are not planning on a keg, we bought bottles and are putting them in coolers. I can just picture my husband standing over the coolers like a Nazi asking kids for ID's. I'm just trying to figure out a way around that.

You know your son and his friends best. It's entirely possible to have a party with coolers of beer/hard lemonade and expect the underage folks to stay away from it and have that expectation respected.

If you have any doubts, however (and your original question indicates you're not sure if they would stay away from it) then you need some other plan in place to ensure the underage don't have access.

 

[DWGal210]

OP, I am going to hijack your thread for a moment:

Do you (you meaning other posters) feel there is a difference between a party with alcohol & a party where alcohol will be served?

To me, the first conjures images of a keg party; the second is what happens in our family, there a alcoholic beverage choices for the over 21 crowd but minors are present.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, I am going to hijack your thread for a moment:

Do you (you meaning other posters) feel there is a difference between a party with alcohol & a party where alcohol will be served?

To me, the first conjures images of a keg party; the second is what happens in our family, there a alcoholic beverage choices for the over 21 crowd but minors are present.

No, to me it means the same, a party with alcohol there to serve to those who are legally allowed to have it (which doesn't mean 21)

 

[2binak]

At every one of our large family gatherings, a few very responsible people take turns manning the bar or area where the alcohol is being kept. They usually offer or are asked ahead of time if they can help.

I would do that or not have any alcohol at all. We don't allow anyone under the age of 21 to drink in our house, regardless if they are staying the night or not.

 

[TinklednPants]

I'm cracking up over all these suggestions to have a dry (college) graduation party!!! You'll be lucky to have three people show up!!

 

[FINFAN]

Hi...yeah, situation is tricky at best, not like when we all graduated with more liberal legal issues. Our neighbors have had 3 grad parties with mixed ages, keggers, etc...the type of family that never gets caught..but I would be too stressed to enjoy the party, worrying about the obvious. We are in a similar situation for our DD's 21st tomorrow. We wanted to have a bash for her,( my folks threw me and my best friend a kegger for our 21st and it was a blast..and underage siblings were there-different times) but our DS is 16 and his friends, well, all it takes is one...so we nixed the party idea, having a dry BBQ and then hitting a local bar...at which point we will have a beer and go , letting the youngsters enjoy without us ancient parents crimping their style.
So sorry to to hear of your DD's loss and the family, I do remember reading about a situation that you described..must be the same one, so sad. I guess you could have a time deal set.... underage allowed to stay until 8 or so? I am sure there are a lot of HS grad parties going on and the kids hop from one to another...maybe your HS part ends at 8..and then alcohol can be served? Very hard I know, expensive to have 2 different parties/time etc., this is already planned....and even if you plan a dry party, the college kids will more than likely BYOB anyhow, which stinks because even tho they bring it into your home, you are liable. It honestly is ridiculous that families cannot celebrate together anymore in events like this, the responsible ones always pay the price for the irresponsible. Congrat's to the graduates

 

[Kimi313]

I would be uncomfortable doing that because it seems to condone underage drinking... if I'm providing a crash pad so you can get drunk, I'm saying it's okay for you to drink at my house. And if you're underage, it's not okay (to me). I do think, if you're hosting a party with alcohol, that it's a good idea to be prepared for anybody to stay the night. I just wouldn't turn it into a "we're spending the night so we can get drunk" party.

No that's not what I was saying, I guess I didn't explain the situations very well. Both parties were for over 21 kids but the parents were 1. allowing the younger kids/kid to invite a few guest and 2. she was afraid that some of the older kids would sneak the younger kids drinks or that the younger kids would sneak some alcohol in.

She had them sleep over so it prevented the "over 21" kids from drinking and driving. Also the other person collected keys so when they came to get the keys she could stop anybody from leaving that had been drinking, now she was hoping that it would be only the over 21 guest she would have to check but she also checked the younger kids cause she did not want to allow someone who had been to a party with alcohol, even though she had set the rules and not served them, to somehow leave after they had been drinking. And I can tell you there was a couple of times when they came to get their keys she could smell it and she called the parents to come get them.

 

[FINFAN]

I'm cracking up over all these suggestions to have a dry (college) graduation party!!! You'll be lucky to have three people show up!!

yep, for the most part. I mean, friends wiill show up, stay for a while and then once they discover it is dry, some will move along to the next party, some will stay. Thing is, the 21 and older have every legal right to drink and Jeafl will not be responsible, but the HS kids, bam, now she is Hopefully they (over 21) do not drive ( collect those keys as they arrive)but they will. We had parents show up BYOB to our DD's HS party...which technically, had booze present with the minors...it was ackward to say the least. Fortunately, our party headed over to the local pool where alcohol is prohibitted so we only had to deal with the mixed ages for a little while, but di anyone grab a beer without our knowledge? Possible, and we were not the ones providing it, but we were the house hosting the event prior to the pool.