Do you agree with this?

[ilovejack02]

Eh.. we get parenting articles a few times a year. I rarely look at them and don't bother getting offended . Too many other things to worry about in the world. From what I understand these are sent out school wide, it possibly might be district wide. Listening to my friends that teach in the next district, they could really really use articles about parenting in her schools. While the district might be just a few miles away , it is a WORLD away in parenting .. totally different group of people there.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't have a problem with any of them. I would say all are spot on.

My boys do those chores and more...they are 4 and 7. What kind of chemical do you think you need for a bathroom? I use all natural cleaners - by Watkins. Spray down the sink/faucets, toilet, etc. Then wipe. Not a big deal. Sweep floor, mop. Again, not a big deal. The things they can't reach, I do. Dh and I take turns on scrubbing the tub. They are just as responsible (if not more so...boys are gross ) for the mess in the bathroom.

My 7 year old sweeps and washes the kitchen floor. Both of them vacuum the whole house...no supervision needed.

They are starting to do dishes. The 4 year old isn't quite tall enough yet, but he puts away the dried stuff that is within his reach.

The 7 year old brings the dirty laundry basket to the top of the basement steps and DH or I bring it down. They help transfer the clothes to/from the washer/dryer. They put the soap in. Only they don't do is sort the clothes.

They are expected to put their laundry away and clean up any messes they make. Make their beds, dust, etc.

I expect that every single member of my house chips in to keep it clean. I don't make the messes myself...I am not cleaning them myself.

I would be totally ok with a letter like this coming home. Really....people are cranky about a teacher trying to help?

I especially love #'s 5 and 6. Those are what we live by in my house. It's not "more stuff" that makes you happy. It's being happy with the stuff you do have. And travel and reading are a HUGE part of our household. We spend more money traveling than anything else. I think it's an invaluable experience and I would give up just about everything else we have to be able to continue to show my kids new places/experiences.

I think it's sad that people are upset about this. These are common sense things....and a lot of parents are lacking that sense these days. The teacher was probably setting out a reminder...that it's up to the PARENTS to raise their kids well. Here's a list of things to help you.

Exactly and the majority of parents do actually have it an use it. The problem is when the school's assume the majority don't and send this garbage home to all because they don't want to actually confront the few parents who could use these "tips".

 

[luvmy3]

I agree with the PP who said it's blurring the lines. If a parent approaches a teacher asking for parenting advice, by all means offer it. But to hand out unsolicited advice like that article assumes that parents need to hear all or some of it. I personally find that condescending and overstepping on the part of the school. I consider myself an equal partner in my child's education - not someone who needs help on how to parent. That sets up a natural imbalance - that the teacher somehow knows how to do my job better than I, and has no problem giving me tips on how to do it better. Sorry - overstepping.

Could you imagine if the PTA or just a group of parents made their own list and handed it out to teacher on how to make happy students. It would never happen, if a parent has a problem with a particular teacher they would go to them one on one. How about the same courtesy

 

[MichelleVW]

I think steps 1 - 4 are CRAP. But the next 6 seem reasonable.

I think they are all pretty much spot on....especially the first 4.

I know on the DIS we are all perfect parents, but have you been in a classroom recently? Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents out there who need help. From my perspective- an urban public elementary school- many of the parents just don't know this kind of stuff. I would imagine if the teacher has been dealing with difficult children from difficult situations, she felt that this might be helpful. Of course, those are probably the parents who don't read that kind of stuff anyway.

FWIW, I don't look at these kind of articles as being told how to parent. I look at them as "tips". You may agree with some or with all, you may read something that sticks with you. You might think it's all crap and throw it out. What you decide to do with it is up to you- but keep in mind that it might help someone else.

People get too offended too quickly nowadays!

Agreed...I work in a preschool and it just floors me the way these little kids talk to their teachers/parents etc. No respect and full of entitlement. I'm not saying my daughters were perfect children, but it appears to me that no one these days wants to tell their little angels "no" and always try to be their BFF.

 

[Nancyg56]

I know on the DIS we are all perfect parents, but have you been in a classroom recently? Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents out there who need help. From my perspective- an urban public elementary school- many of the parents just don't know this kind of stuff. I would imagine if the teacher has been dealing with difficult children from difficult situations, she felt that this might be helpful. Of course, those are probably the parents who don't read that kind of stuff anyway.

FWIW, I don't look at these kind of articles as being told how to parent. I look at them as "tips". You may agree with some or with all, you may read something that sticks with you. You might think it's all crap and throw it out. What you decide to do with it is up to you- but keep in mind that it might help someone else.

People get too offended too quickly nowadays!

There is an appropriate way to share parenting tips with parents and there is an inappropriate way to share tips with parents. I was far from perfect when my kids were in school but I did not need them questioning my rules because a teacher's list of rules differed from mine. That is not to say my children could not question me, they could and often did but that was because they wanted to discuss them with me, not because a teacher's note may have made them wonder if I was making mistakes with them.

In general I agree with the tips but if the teacher felt that they needed to be shared with me then I would expect them to be either mailed or emailed to my home.Just as I made it a practice not to undermine a teacher I frowned upon teachers undermining me. I was alone with the kids for several years, there were three of them and one of me. Those odds were not good under the best of conditions so add 1 teacher who decided that it was a great idea to teach me to parent....well my odds just got worse.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

... but it appears to me that no one these days wants to tell their little angels "no" and always try to be their BFF.

Agreed - I am shocked at the effort that so many of my friends make to be "liked" by their children. I am very straight with my boys. I tell them that I love them, but I am not their friend. They have plenty of friends. My job is to be their parent. Hopefully we can become friends later in life...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think that sheet would go right into the recycle pile at my house.

This reminds me of the old books that I collect to be a good wife and mother, that has hints on housekeeping and how to drink like a gentleman.

 

[pyrxtc]

the only problem I have is that the teacher sent it home with he kids. I find that over-stepping slightly.

The rest are not awful suggestions.

 

[DebIreland]

I know on the DIS we are all perfect parents, but have you been in a classroom recently? Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents out there who need help. From my perspective- an urban public elementary school- many of the parents just don't know this kind of stuff. I would imagine if the teacher has been dealing with difficult children from difficult situations, she felt that this might be helpful. Of course, those are probably the parents who don't read that kind of stuff anyway.

FWIW, I don't look at these kind of articles as being told how to parent. I look at them as "tips". You may agree with some or with all, you may read something that sticks with you. You might think it's all crap and throw it out. What you decide to do with it is up to you- but keep in mind that it might help someone else.

People get too offended too quickly nowadays!

For heaven sake, I can't believe anyone would be offended because of getting a flyer like that. It was sent to everyone, presumably. It's not like the teacher said "tell your mom I think she's a crap parent".

And as for chores for young children. Where did it say you have to give them skin-burning cancer-causing potentially fatal chemicals. Jeez, I took from it that children can start doing chores at a very young age. And they can!! My DD was using a wet rag to wipe down the bathroom sink when she was 2. She loved it. She's also been mopping the hall floor since she was 4 - loves that too. At first, of course, the hall was a mini tsunami after her but she actually does a pretty good job of it now at 7.

Relax people. The day we think we know it all is the day we stop learning and growing.

 

[NikitaZee]

Agreed...I work in a preschool and it just floors me the way these little kids talk to their teachers/parents etc. No respect and full of entitlement. I'm not saying my daughters were perfect children, but it appears to me that no one these days wants to tell their little angels "no" and always try to be their BFF.

Like you, I worked in a preschool (for 5 years while I went to college). There were plenty of things I saw that I disagreed with, that made my life harder as a teacher, and that was flat-out lazy parenting. But I wouldn't dream telling a parent (or sending home a tip list) on what they should be doing. Neglectful, abusive or dangerous - I'm involved. Otherwise I shake my head and butt out.

 

[cristit14]

For heaven sake, I can't believe anyone would be offended because of getting a flyer like that. It was sent to everyone, presumably. It's not like the teacher said "tell your mom I think she's a crap parent".

And as for chores for young children. Where did it say you have to give them skin-burning cancer-causing potentially fatal chemicals. Jeez, I took from it that children can start doing chores at a very young age. And they can!! My DD was using a wet rag to wipe down the bathroom sink when she was 2. She loved it. She's also been mopping the hall floor since she was 4 - loves that too. At first, of course, the hall was a mini tsunami after her but she actually does a pretty good job of it now at 7.

Relax people. The day we think we know it all is the day we stop learning and growing.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

For heaven sake, I can't believe anyone would be offended because of getting a flyer like that. It was sent to everyone, presumably. It's not like the teacher said "tell your mom I think she's a crap parent".

And as for chores for young children. Where did it say you have to give them skin-burning cancer-causing potentially fatal chemicals. Jeez, I took from it that children can start doing chores at a very young age. And they can!! My DD was using a wet rag to wipe down the bathroom sink when she was 2. She loved it. She's also been mopping the hall floor since she was 4 - loves that too. At first, of course, the hall was a mini tsunami after her but she actually does a pretty good job of it now at 7.

Relax people. The day we think we know it all is the day we stop learning and growing.

Unlike your sweet angel that LOVES to clean, it is like the Spanish Inquisition to get my kids to clean.

Kind of "hard to relax" when your kids think they are being "put on the rack".

 

[Nancyg56]

I think they are all pretty much spot on....especially the first 4.



Agreed...I work in a preschool and it just floors me the way these little kids talk to their teachers/parents etc. No respect and full of entitlement. I'm not saying my daughters were perfect children, but it appears to me that no one these days wants to tell their little angels "no" and always try to be their BFF.

I believe this is part of the problem. What is important to me may not be important to you. And that is okay, we get to parent and prioritize our lives in a manner that works for us. The teacher may have decided what tips should work for everyone but there is no way to determine if those tips are appropriate for each students home but the damage is already done. Now the kid gets to decide who is right, the parent or the teacher. No win IMO.

*****************************

I have been caring for other people's children ever since I was 14 YO. Each child knew if they were with me they needed to listen to me. My home has always been full of kids and it was clear quickly how I expected to be treated, I did not and do not care how any child is allowed to speak at home, I don't tolerate a nasty tone, fresh language or rudeness. Period.

You teach people how you will be treated, it matters not if the person is a 3 YO or a 17 YO or a 50 YO.I never was spoken to rudely at work, never had to ask anyone to watch language. When my kids were teens I picked up my son and his friends at another friends home. The girl cussed and there was dead silence from the boys for a moment before my son explained that no one talked that way in front of his mother. Lesson learned and no paperwork was sent home.

 

[okeydokey]

We get things like this in our school newsletters sometimes, and also hints at helping your child love reading etc. I have no problem with it. If you don't want it, throw it out. Do you think most kids actually read any of it?

We are getting to be such a thin skinned society.

 

[Mkrop]

I actually think the "steps" are fine---but for some reason it would bother me that my child was bringing home things to me from school about parenting...

I think that sheet would go right into the recycle pile at my house.

I think it's a bunch of crap and the school has no business sending it home. Are they psychologists now too?

To me it's condescending and it would annoy me that because THEY have decided that this article is the "fo'shizzle" that I need to read it. Because my kids need to think I need school articles to know how to parent? No thanks. Add the fact that I disagree with a few of the points and you get garbage.

I dont need the school telling me how to parent, thank you very much. I dont have a problem with the suggestions per say, I have a problem with the school telling them to me. If I read them in a parenting mag, or Ladies Home Journal while in the doctor's office -ok, sent home from the school- not ok.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My DS came home from school the other day with some paperwork from his teacher. One of them was a copy of a news article titled '10 steps to raising happy children'.

Step 1- If you are married have a more active relationship with your spouse than you have with your children. Spend more time in the roles of husband and wife than you spend in the roles of mother and father. The reason is bc a child can feel insecure if his/her parents marriage doesn't feel solid.

Step 2- If you are single do not be married to your children. Have an active life outside of your role as mother and father. Be an interesting person to your kids.

Step 3- Expect your child to obey. Expect this calmly, as if you take their obedience for granted. Disobedient children are not happy, obedient children are.

Step 4- Expect your children to be responsible citizens of your family. From the time they are 3yrs old, assign them chores around the home, chores that mean something. Teach your 3yr old to WASH FLOORS. Teach your 4yr old to vacuum. Teach your 5yr old to CLEAN THE BATHROOM. Good citizenship is a matter of making contributions. Too many of today's kids have no meaningful roles in their families. They're just there consuming and the more they consume, the more they demand. Demanding people are not happy people.

Step 5- Teach your child that happiness is not a matter of how much you have.

Step 6- Teach your child that 2 of the most fun things to do are reading and travel, both of which involve the accumulation of memories as opposed to things.

Step 7- Let tv and video games into your children's lives very little, if at all.

Step 8- Help your children develop hobbies. Btw a hobby is not an after school sport. A hobby is something a child can do by himself, eventually without adult supervision.

Step 9- Teach your child good manners.

Step 10- Hold your children to high standards. You show respect for a child by expecting of the child.

I do agree with most of these steps but....

Step 1- I don't think you should spend more time in roles as husband and wife than you do as mother and father. I think it should be equal time.

Step 4- I can see children having some chores... My DS6 helps me fold towels, bring up groceries and clean up his toys but washing floors and cleaning the bathroom??? I don't think so!!! My DS has asked to vacuum when he's watching me and I've let him but I wouldnt make that his job!

So what do you all think? Do you agree/disagree with any of these 'steps'?

My kids can clean bathrooms and wash floors. I don't see the big deal.

My 4yo still has to learn though.

I think you are overthinking kids and their chores.

As for step 1, whether or not you disagree with it, there is research that shows if you make the extra effort, the rest will be okay. IOW, it isn't asking you to neglect your kids--it is basically saying don't let it slide to do things for the kids instead.

As for the article, it isn't a big deal and all of its points are very valid. Though in my very own, (aka Lisa Loves Pooh's) personal experience (and no one else's less you mistakenly think I am judging your circumstance)...

For #2, single parents need to be very very very careful that their "singles" life does not rule their life at the expense of their children. The children pay the price when mom or dad think their dating life is more important than fostering their relationship with their kids.

Again--from my very very own personal experience and no judgement is inferred nor intended towards any poster or person you know who is single and an awesome parent who would NEVER neglect their kids for a date.

But I Do see the point of why they say it. I know some very lonely single moms and those that have outside interests other than child rearing--seem to be much happier than those who are focusing solely on the child rearing. I don't know too many single dads, but all the ones that I do know are happy by not focusing solely on the kids either.


And it is a crock that folks have an issue with #3.

 

[Pigeon]

I think the schools have plenty of educational issues with which to concern themselves.

My relationship with my husband or any of the other stuff on that list is none of their damn business.

 

[MichelleVW]

We get things like this in our school newsletters sometimes, and also hints at helping your child love reading etc. I have no problem with it. If you don't want it, throw it out. Do you think most kids actually read any of it?

We are getting to be such a thin skinned society.

Agree with all of this. People get offended WAY too easily and my guess is that 90% of the parents didn't even read it. No one reads any of the stuff we send home and that's just information about things at school like "show and tell".

 

[DebIreland]

Unlike your sweet angel that LOVES to clean, it is like the Spanish Inquisition to get my kids to clean.

Kind of "hard to relax" when your kids think they are being "put on the rack".

Oh believe me I know. I have two other kids. The eldest is 17 and he's surprisingly adept at keeping his room and himself tidy. But my 14 year old son acts like I've wounded him to the core of his being if I ask him to pick up his clothes off the floor. But honestly, I should have started younger with him. That's part of the problem. I'm getting side-tracked now but even small things like yesterday morning he told me he was out of mouthwash. No problem, I said I'd pick some up. But then last night we were at the store and he was popping in for a couple of school things so I said "hey, pick up some mouthwash while you're in there". He looked at me like I was insane. It didn't even cross his mind that he could actually do that job himself! He came out without the mouthwash and said there were too many brands and he got confused. Heaven help us when this kid looks for a job in a couple of years. But you see I'm learning that I made mistakes, big and small. There's always something to learn. If only I had 15 kids - the 15th one would be the perfect specimen of a human being.

 

[MichelleVW]

And it is a crock that folks have an issue with #3.

You're not kidding!!!