OK, we sinners get it. Some of you never exceed the speed limit , never take an extra napkin from the restaurant's dispenser to blow your nose in later, never grab an extra crouton from the salad bar to give to your toddler while you wait for the kid's meal to arrive, never disobey a "don't walk" sign despite no traffic for miles in either direction, never speak loudly in a library, never skip to the end of a movie for fear of usurping the director's "vision", and never had a sip of alcohol as a teenager, or snuck into a drive-in movie, or grabbed a kiss by the lockers despite the "no PDA" rule, or stayed in the hotel pool after hours until someone booted you out, or told your children there was a Santa Claus, or called in sick to school or work when you were just fine, or took two coupons from a stack with a sign that said "take
one."
The rest of us are sinners, criminals, thieves, scoundrels and horrible parents, doomed to spend eternity with some Maleficent-looking she-beast stoking the inferno beneath our charred feet, while you pluck harps and think deep-thoughts up there somewhere, congratulating yourself on your incomparable virtue. We are not worthy to be in your presence. Truly, we are not worthy to be in the presence of anyone who has ever been graced with your presence, or anyone related to someone like that within the degree of third-cousin.
Go in peace, and continue to sin no more and not ever no how. In the meantime, I will continue to take that extra lettuce leaf from the condiment bar and laugh maniacally as I realize the stake I am pounding deep into the heart of Disney's profit margin.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!