Do *Parents* No Longer Have Any Discipline?

[ripleysmom]

I don't believe that anyone here is arguing that children shouldn't be taught to be on time for school.

Rather the problem seems to be with people who make judgements about the lateness of others without knowing the whole story.

HMG, while being late is a source of stress for you, for some being on time is a source of stress. Perhaps there are some people for whom fighting with their family in the morning to be on time is a big source of stress and they have decided to eliminate that particular stressor.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

The issue isn't 'is it ok to be late', the issue is 'is it ok to be nosey, read something you have no business reading and the making judgements on the writer based on the one sentence you read'. The OP decided those 3 children had bad, 'undisciplined' parents based on the fact that they were late, one day. If being late, once, makes you a bad person, I suspect none of us are perfect.

 

[Cruisin]

Ripleysmom has a point about people not wanting to argue with their family in the morning who are chronically late.
That is my situation exactly.
I prefer to be on time and when I have an appointment etc. I am usually a bit early.
My daughter on the other hand never gets anywhere on time. I have gotten to the point that I have had enough of the daily struggle of getting her going in the morning and have turned it entirely over to her. If she wants to get to school on time then she must be the one to achieve that. If she wants to earn a detention because she is late then that is also her choice.
It is not always the parents who are responsible for the late child. And yes I suppose you could say that I am responsible because I did not teach her to be on time when she was younger. Well fine I accept that responsibility but it does not change the situation now.

 

[Karel]

Originally posted by gymnasticsmom68
That may be true, but it's a job to the soccer coach and I'm sure you would expect him to be on time. Just because soccer practice isn't high on your priority list doesn't mean it isn't for others. Don't you think if your child strolls into soccer practice 20 minutes late that takes away from the other kids? Then the coach has to do exactly what people are saying the teacher has to do, stop teaching all the other kids and go over what they've learned already with the child who arrives late.I don't think you can it both ways, you can't claim to be 'amazed' that children aren't taught to be on time, and then get little Johnny or Janie to soccer practice late because it's interfering with YOUR life. Somehow I doubt the coach came to your home and asked your child to be on the team. Eventually his being late all the time will have consequences just like it would be in school. You may find your child riding the bench an awful lot if you can't get him there when he's supposed to be there.

Oh no, I'm being sucked in...

You missed my point completely.

And I guess you've never been to a soccer practice? And yes, we've gotten to practice before the coach before too and we're the ones helping get the equipment out. And they never stroll, it's more like a tire squealing halt and a sprint to the field. If we're going to be late late, like 20 min, we call the coach ahead of time and tell him. And while they don't actually come to the house, yes, I have coaches calling to ask my kids to be on the team. And no, they don't sit the bench.

You're twisting my words and yeah, I think I can have it both ways, thanks. Life isn't black and white, there's a lot of gray area. I didn't say that I'm not amazed that children are not taught to be on time; I'm amazed that the same kids are late every single day. For us, being on time for school is one of the easiest things because it's a morning routine that ends in one goal - being out of the house at a certain time. There is nothing else going on and no other distractions.

I can see the OP's point, and I think it's interesting that people have overslept and are late when school starts at 9:30. Is it their oldest child? They don't have to go to work themselves? I do moderate my opinion a little though because I have no idea if they are late everyday and what else is going on in their life. I do think the OP was a little strong in her wording. It's ok to have opinions but it's wrong to pass judgement.

So actually, I do agree with you gymnasticsmom. Nobody is perfect. OTH, there are people who are not late for things and I'm not quite sure why you get so angry and call people a liar when they say so.

 

[DISshopkeeper]

Being late stresses ME out BIG TIME. I DO NOT let it happen. Ever. I'm the one with a paperback in my car in the parking lot because I'm too early. I'm the one irritated at school parent's meetings when they don't start on time "to give the late-arrivers a chance."

Guess what, I passed on this peeve to BOTH of my children. They both began setting alarms for themselves in grade school.... "just in case." They BOTH have time to watch a few minutes of TV before they leave for school. EVERY DAY. They have NEVER missed the bus.

And I can and will walk away from arguments, meals, telephone calls AND the computer to BE ON TIME.

Does this make me perfect?? Nope. It only makes me punctual.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I am rarely late, my kids are rarely late. But just because I'm rarely late, doesn't give me the right to base an entire opinion on a person based on the fact that their child was late for school one day. That's my problem with the OP. She's judging these kids and their parents on something she had no right to be reading anyway, it's none of her business.

 

[WilmaBud]

Well, I'm coming "late" to this party! but I have to add my 2 cents. I'm a parent and a teacher, I don't get my knickers in a twist when my kids are late or when my students are late, unless it's habitual and extreme. I'm sorry, but a student who's 4 or 5 minutes late to school is not disruptive to the day.

I think some people sound very judgemental and feel very superior just because they're punctual. Being punctual doesn't make you a superior parent. Guess what? I'm not always punctual, but I'm always loving, supportive and easy-going. My kids seem to thrive that way. They are polite, kind, well-behaved, respectful and well-liked. They're clean, well-fed, and prepared for class. They're also a minute late now and then. Big deal!!

Believe me, as a teacher and a parent, I think think there are a LOT of other more important issues to worry about.

 

[Wishing on a star]

First of all, YES, having just read this thread, I also feel that people have jumped out of the woodwork here to flame the OP!!!!

I totally agree with the OP... Their school starts as late as 9:30... that is hardly an 'early' hour by most standards... And there were NUMEROUS excuses for being late, that were just what I called them.... 'Excuses'... I have to agree with the OP... When school starts as late as 9:30 in the morning and the best thing that these families can come up with is "Duhh, well I guess I slept too late...." I agree.... I have to admit that I would also tend to think that this is 'undisciplined'... Just plain lame... And, I think everybody here knows that these are indeed the kids that are always late, with no real reason.

My DS has to be at school before 7:45 am!!! He has been late only once this year, because he had been sick, and I was not sure whether he would feel up to going to school that morning.

If there is indeed a valid excuse... illness in the family... etc... then I would think that a responsible disciplined parent would want to go into the school with the child, or send them in with a signed note that explains the situation. The parents failure to to this is also something that I would tend to think was just plain lame.

It looks like people think that the child should NOT be solely responsible for getting to school on time, but that they SHOULD be responsible for providing the excuse for their tardiness... I thought it was up to the parent to provide the excuses for absence or tardiness???

Being on time is indeed part of being 'disciplined' and 'responsible'. It is part of meeting your obligations to those around you. At least to me it is.... Sure, everybody may have a good reason to be late every now and then... But I agree with the OP that 'Duhh,, well I guess we slept to late' is not a good reason. I do not feel like I have to be able to see into that household in order to feel that way!

I am sorry, but I do NOT feel like the OP made ANY direct judgment on any particular person(S). She probably does not even know who these children and parents are! She happened to notice this situation at her childs school, and is thinking, is this indicative of a lot of people in general..... And is thinking 'Hey, if so, this is just not good....' I have to say, I would tend to agree.

 

[danacara]

I was late to every single day of Kindergarten because I insisted on watching the end of the Showcase Showdown. If I hadn't gone to private school, I would have flunked by law. I seem no worse for wear. I think those kids will all be fine.

 

[Cruise04]

I was just reading this and just had to make one comment - the OP postline was "Do *Parents* No Longer Have Any Discipline? " and the answer to that is no, they don't. You see it every day, every where and when they get to the college and work level it shows tremendously. The fact about people being punctual DOES start early. If they are always late and it is shrugged off, then they will always be late and it won't matter. Until it comes to the day that they are working in the real world and they are always late for work, which is part of their review system - being punctual - and is claims for dismissal. And for those that don't work - yes, workplaces do and can dismiss people if lateness messes up their work performance. Kids don't get that. They don't get that later in life the things they do now, if they continue, can possibly affect them later. I was in a workplace where someone was fired because their lateness messed up their work performance - and they shrugged it off like no big deal. I also was married to someone who was always late and he got fired from many jobs because of it - and he didn't care and guess what - his parents are always late for everything.

So things that kids learn they learn from the adults, and when the adults don't care, then the kids don't care. It's not just about being late - it's about the lack of discipline that kids receive these days - and this has been going on for at least 10 years. Kids expect everyone to hand them everything as soon as they are present - and yes, it has happened to me at the college level. When you have a kid standing waiting to be checked in for an appointment and you are dealing with a crisis on the phone and the kid stands there playing the drums on the counter so you look up at them - that is a lack of discipline taught to the kid.

I saw it the other day at the doc office too. The receptionist was dealing with a crisis patient on the phone (an asthma patient was having problems) and twice parents walked up to check their kids in for shots, the receptionist was talking and the parents walked away and said - out loud - "This is ridiculous, we'll have to come back tomorrow or skip this week and then you'll be sick". They weren't patient enough to wait for the crisis to get resolved, the phone call to be transferred to the doc, and not long after the parents left, they receptionist was done. My mother would have slapped me if I would have made comments like that as a kid and I was taught to have patience, that also is something that is laxed in this world these days - no one has any patience.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by Cruise04
no one has any patience.

Does that include yourself?

 

[Cruise04]

Nope - it just irks me when I'm standing in a line waiting my turn, or waiting at a stop sign, again waiting my turn and people just barge right through as if no one was there or as if there are no lines. It happened a few weeks ago at WalMart and there were 5 of us standing in line, at the deli counter waiting our turn, did we say something to the person - you bet because we had been standing there 10 minutes at that point (yes, you are reading that right).

I pride myself in being a patient person. My parents taught me to be patient and you will reap the rewards. And I have found that to be true. Being a patient person has also taught me to be a more tolerant person - which I am. And that is not being snotty or anything - I am very proud of the values that I have and patience and tolerance are two of them that I am very proud of!

When someone is standing in front of me or waiting to be waited on and comments are made about having to wait while they are stamping their feet or making other noises to be noticed - that does not show patience.

 

[LadyAurora]

"I was late to every single day of Kindergarten because I insisted on watching the end of the Showcase Showdown. If I hadn't gone to private school, I would have flunked by law. I seem no worse for wear. I think those kids will all be fine."


__________________

Well, I guess parents lacking discipline isn't a new thing...late every day to watch television? Good priorities!

OK, we know that the three children who were late due to "oversleeping" may have other private issues. It may not be a habitual thing.
But to respond to the title of the thread, yes, parents do lack discipline these days.
These are the parents that will be calling their children's job places in a few years, to tell Junior's boss that he won't be able to work his scheduled shift because they are going to do something as a family...something that could have been scheduled ahead of time so Junior could request the day off, or so Junior could arrange for someone to cover his shift.
These are also the parents that blame the school for not informing them of things...things that are probably announced in the first few minutes of school. But hey...as someone said...so what if they miss the pledge and announcements. No big deal.

 

[Cruise04]

After just getting back from walking across campus - I realized what is missing in this world - it's not discipline - IT'S MANNERS!!!! I even said sorry to someone for accidentally walking in their way and they told me I should be sorry. Nice.....

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by Lady Aurora:

These are the parents that will be calling their children's job places in a few years, to tell Junior's boss that he won't be able to work his scheduled shift because they are going to do something as a family...something that could have been scheduled ahead of time so Junior could request the day off, or so Junior could arrange for someone to cover his shift.

I worked retail as a second job for three years recently (at TDS!) and this was CONSTANTLY a problem with the younger cast members. I kept having images of what my boss would do at my full-time job (in management) if MY mom called her up and said, "M13 won't be in today!"

I am also one of those not-so-punctual people. I know a lot of people don't understand it, and that's okay. It doesn't bother me. Different people have different priorities. I think everyone is entitled to their own foibles.

BUT...it does seem to me that there are some really angry people on this thread. I feel bad that a thread on the DISboards can make someone so unhappy!

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by disykat
All the judgemental posts here astound me - and I'm not talking about the original poster! Christine made an observation - she was surprised to see several "we overslept" excuses for tardiness. Evidently the majority of people here find that acceptable, but Christine didn't. What is the big deal?

Personally I find it much more upsetting that several kids in one day are tardy to a school that starts at 9:30 am due to oversleeping, than the fact that a parent noticed and found it alarming.

Couldn't agree more!

I'm with you, Christine.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Well, Georgia has a very stricy policy on tardies and absences.

Three (3) unexcused tardies equal one (1) unexcused absence.

The Georgia Compulsory Schools Attendance Law [ GA Code Annotated 20-2-690.1] clearly states that children between the ages of 6 and 16 must attend school every day unless they have a legal excuse. Legal excuses for missing school include the following:

1. Personally ill when attendance in school would endanger their health or health or others (if the student is absent for 4 or more consecutive days, a doctor's note is requested).

2. A serious illness or death in their immediate family necessitates absent from school (immediate family means mother, father, custodial guardian, step-parent, sibling, grandparents, aunt, and uncle).

3. An order mandated by a government agency (court order).

4. Religious holiday.

5. Conditions render attendance impossible or hazardous to their health or safety.

6. Registering to vote or voting (student must be 18 years old).

7. Serving as a Page of the General Assembly.

Pete has only been tardy one time this school year (back in October) and I can't remember why now.

All I know, is that I do the best I can do every morning to get him to school on time, but I do not obsess over it because, well, unforseen things can happen and sadly, I don't control the universe.

 

[WishingStar]

I completely agree with the OP. If school starts at 9:30, be there at 9:30. Maybe there are other issues that the families are facing. If that is the case, a responsible adult should be obligated to let the appropriate people know, such as the teacher or principal. Do not make the child write some lame excuse for just anybody to read.

IMO, children should not be given the choice of what time they go to school. Shame on a parent who will let a child go to school late to finish a television program. Call it lack of discipline, lack of values, whatever you want. I call it irresponsible.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by LadyAurora
"I was late to every single day of Kindergarten because I insisted on watching the end of the Showcase Showdown. If I hadn't gone to private school, I would have flunked by law. I seem no worse for wear. I think those kids will all be fine."


__________________

Well, I guess parents lacking discipline isn't a new thing...late every day to watch television? Good priorities!

OK, we know that the three children who were late due to "oversleeping" may have other private issues. It may not be a habitual thing.
But to respond to the title of the thread, yes, parents do lack discipline these days.

Oh, please. God knows I learned more advanced math on the Price is Right than I did in Kindergarten.

 

[septbride2002]

I ask this, b/c one of my many flaws happens to be chronic lateness. Does that actually make me a bad parent despite the fact that I am responsible in virtually all other areas (OK, I tend to lose things too - it's related to the scattered thinking that also causes me to be late) with the kids?

You said in your post that you have improved in this - and I wonder why? Could it be because family and friends were a bit tired of you being late?

Yes I have run occasionally late - probably once or twice in a 6 month period. Otherwise I am a very punctual person - does that make me perfect no. One could say that one of my faults is that I am too punctual - and that is fine. As a person that is very punctual I find it rude and irritating when someone is constantly late. Whether it be for work or friends getting together. To me you are being rude when you can't make it on time.

It is difference of opinion between both of us. You don't see being late to be a big deal and I do. Doesn't make either one of us a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad parent either - but if the OP is a very punctual person like myself it might be a bigger deal to her.

I can't believe how judgemental people are being on this post. I think the OP has a point - if a parent and child are constantly late then that is a problem. Now, granted that log doesn't show a parent being constantly late and maybe she should have worded it differently.

~Amanda

Editted to clarify my point better and also remove my COS comment - as it was rude.