Do I say something...or let it go?

[nmmom95]

Let it go. Had they gone to from a G to a PG-13, my answer would be different.

 

[Reddy]

I'm an adult and I hate scary movies.

I'd casually bring it up the next time you see the parent or maybe jot off a quick email. It's not necessarily a biggie, but if the other parent(s) aren't informed, they can't make informed decisions. How you bring it up, is the key.

Say what you said above. Just that DD can't handle very scary movies, she ends up having nightmares later. So if they change movies at the last minute, could they do you a favor and please keep that in mind and choose an appropriate movie, or you'd appreciate a quick call if it seems like an iffy decision.

I love the email idea here - that way you come off as letting her know without trying to start a fight (or break up the friendship) this way the mom knows that she can have nightmares over a movie(I still have nightmare from a dinosaur movie)

 

[Klismania]

I'm also in the "pick your battles carefully" camp. It happened and you can't change the past. I wouldn't make a special issue of calling and complaining. The next time your daughter goes with this friend or family is when you bring up that you'd like to be consulted if a change of movies is considered because of what happened the last time.

Of course, if you're happen to be in a conversation with that mother before they go to the movies again and it can be worked in easily (like if you guys are talking about nightmares your kids are having), you could always say something then about how Super 8 gave your daughter nightmares. Chances are that she'll feel bad when she hears that without you making her feel bad, KWIM?

 

[aprilgail2]

I wouldn't say anything but maybe next time just ask what they are going to see and I like the part of adding that your daughter is having nightmares and to avoid scary things--

I personally would have texted the parent from the movie theater though and said "hey is it ook for mary to see--whatever" before I took them because I know some people are freaky about what their kids see and don't see.. my daughter has a friend that is not allowed to see Harry Potter because it is "the devils movie" according to her very religious parents and every time she came over she would ask if I would put the DVD on so they could watch it. I said no way in heck am I doing that because I knew her parents feelings on that one!

This weekend we are going to the midnight show of Rocky Horror and I made sure to tell her friends parents exactly what movie we are going to see and even sent them to the website ofthe place we are going so they could decided if they wanted their kid to go to it! One didn't but the other one is fine with it.

 

[jrmasm]

I'd let it go. And I'd tell my 9 year to speak up next time and tell her host politely that she doesn't like scary movies.

 

[Pigeon]

I would let it go. It's not worth making a fuss about it.

 

[design_mom]

I probably wouldn't bring it up unless there's a "next time." This time, what's done is done. But I'd make my expectations clear to the mom (or chaperone myself) next time. Do you know WHY they switched movies? Was "Monte Carlo" sold out, or did they just decide to see "Super 8" instead?

By the way, I understand your daughter. I had nightmares for weeks over the face-melting scene in the first Indiana Jones movie when I was 9. I refused to watch any Indiana Jones movies until college. It didn't seem nearly as frightening the second time ... but I wasn't ready for it at 9.

If the movies have the same ratings, the parents did nothing wrong. Just casually mention that she usually gets scared at those kinds of movies.

I *might* agree with you if it was one G movie for another or one PG movie for another. But even if the OP had originally okayed a specific PG-13 movie, I don't think that means that any PG-13 movie would be fine...because it's rated outside the age group for the children who were going.

Although I use the ratings as a guideline, not a rule, I do pay close attention when they're rated outside the my kids' age. For instance, my DS has seen the Harry Potter movies that are rated PG-13 (he'd read the books and knew what was going to happen)... but I have *not* given him permission to see The Dark Knight, which is also rated PG-13. If I gave him permission to see Harry Potter with friends and they took him to see The Dark Knight instead, I'd be kind of upset.

 

[miralys]

I would casually mention something in passing. A change in plans should always be mentioned/cleared by another parent, IMO, whenever possible.

 

[ndfi78]

That would definitely be worth discussing with the other parent. If it ruins a friendship because of it then oh well, what kind of friendship can't take a discussion?

 

[shirleyb]

I'd let it go for now. You can't change what has already happened.

If you're concerned though, you should say something before they attend another movie together.

 

[CurlyGirl]

Let it go.

Did your DD have fun? Did she have nightmares?

 

[lemondog]

Let it go.

Did your DD have fun? Did she have nightmares?

Yes she woke up crying at one point in the night after a nightmare. She slept in our room on the floor in her sleeping bag. I asked her about it this morning...she said they just changed their mind and wanted to see Super 8 instead. DD said she liked the movie but she was " so scared sometimes I was shaking" and "they really said a LOT of bad words." I told her if this ever happens again either she or the parent is to call me and discuss if the movie is PG-13.

 

[focusondisney]

I'd let it go. And I'd tell my 9 year to speak up next time and tell her host politely that she doesn't like scary movies.

Three pages & finally someone said what I was thinking! At 9 your daughter should be taught how to handle these situations. But I think she needs to learn to say "can we call my mom....I need permission...etc." Not necessarily say she gets scared because that may open her up for teasing or pressure to see it anyway. If she said "these are my parent's rules, I need to call before I change plans" I would think (HOPE! )the other parent would respect that.

I don't think I'd say anything to the other parent unless it came up in the course of conversation. But I would use it to teach my daughter how to handle these things in the future.

 

[lemondog]

Three pages & finally someone said what I was thinking! At 9 your daughter should be taught how to handle these situations. But I think she needs to learn to say "can we call my mom....I need permission...etc." Not necessarily say she gets scared because that may open her up for teasing or pressure to see it anyway. If she said "these are my parent's rules, I need to call before I change plans" I would think (HOPE! )the other parent would respect that.

I don't think I'd say anything to the other parent unless it came up in the course of conversation. But I would use it to teach my daughter how to handle these things in the future.

That's basically what I did. However, my daughter honestly had NO idea the movie was scary going in...she knew nothing about it. Since her friend's parent agreed to the movie, she assumed it was okay.

 

[Diegosmom]

I am really surprised that so many people say let it go. This child is 9 years old and I would never take a child of this age to a PG-13 movie without the parents permission. Yeah it might be fine but hey it might not.

My son is 4 and at preschool a while back they showed Megamind. I am on the board and I brought it up to the director and everyone on the board agreed with me. I think a G movie is totally fine for 3 and 4 year olds but I have no idea if this PG movie is alright because I have never seen it and the parents were not informed that this movie would be played. We found out after they already watched it.

It is the parents right to be able to determine what there child can watch. If I am taking another child to the movies if our plans change I let the other parent know.

I would just tell the other parent DD is not allowed to watch PG-13 movies unless it is ok by me first. And just leave it at that.

And just because someone can hear the language on the street (although a 9 year old isnt walking on the street alone) doesnt mean you should also send the child to a movie where you know they will hear it.

DS has heard bd words before and we talk about them being bad words and that we dont use them but I would never take him to a place where people are speaking in this way. And if I was somewhere that this is going on I would leave. But every parent is different. Thats why you ask first.

 

[beachcomber]

Three pages & finally someone said what I was thinking! At 9 your daughter should be taught how to handle these situations. But I think she needs to learn to say "can we call my mom....I need permission...etc." Not necessarily say she gets scared because that may open her up for teasing or pressure to see it anyway. If she said "these are my parent's rules, I need to call before I change plans" I would think (HOPE! )the other parent would respect that.

I don't think I'd say anything to the other parent unless it came up in the course of conversation. But I would use it to teach my daughter how to handle these things in the future.

I agree with empowering your daughter in this way (and will talk to my kids about it too...never even thought about it being something needed to be done).

But I would address it, casually, with the other parent. No need to go into it blazing, but to me? You don't change plans without a quick call. With how accessible we all are with cell phones, there is really no excuse to not contact the parents over a change in plans that are quite big. Letting a 9 year old see a PG-13 movie IS a parenting decision no one should make for another's child, whether you agree with the rating system or not. And, because of that lackadaisical attitude, I'd be very cautious of future "hang out" time with the other family.

 

[CurlyGirl]

That's basically what I did. However, my daughter honestly had NO idea the movie was scary going in...she knew nothing about it. Since her friend's parent agreed to the movie, she assumed it was okay.

I'm surprised that she didn't ask what the movie was about. Or to ask if it was a scary movie (especially if she doesn't like one)? I had issues with scary movies when I was your child's age (and still do!) and I'd always ask "Is it scary?" if I wasn't familiar with the movie.

ETA - For fear of mocking/teasing, I would always go to scary movies with friends as a tween/teen and would keep my eyes closed through the whole thing!!! LOL! Pathetic, I know!!!

 

[lemondog]

And, because of that lackadaisical attitude, I'd be very cautious of future "hang out" time with the other family.

That's really my quandary here. I really, really like these people, they are nice, we go to church with them, our kids are in the same class, we socialize together. BUT they have a totally different set of parameters when it comes to parenting. Their 9yo daughter has a Facebook page, an iPod touch, no bedtime...just not stuff I am comfortable AT ALL letting my 9yo have. Their daughter, luckily, is a good kid and has not (yet) taken advantage of her freedoms. This is my DD's BEST FRIEND in the whole world and I really don't want to take away that friendship, just thinking maybe I should try and sway the playdates to occur at our house instead. Although DD of course begs to go over there because "they are so much more fun"....anyone surprised by that? Haha!

 

[beachcomber]

That's really my quandary here. I really, really like these people, they are nice, we go to church with them, our kids are in the same class, we socialize together. BUT they have a totally different set of parameters when it comes to parenting. Their 9yo daughter has a Facebook page, an iPod touch, no bedtime...just not stuff I am comfortable AT ALL letting my 9yo have. Their daughter, luckily, is a good kid and has not (yet) taken advantage of her freedoms. This is my DD's BEST FRIEND in the whole world and I really don't want to take away that friendship, just thinking maybe I should try and sway the playdates to occur at our house instead. Although DD of course begs to go over there because "they are so much more fun"....anyone surprised by that? Haha!

We have that same situation with several friends of our children. We truly do work on telling our kids their boundaries, and we expect them to follow our rules. We now have a cell phone for them to use (pay as you go type) so that they can even contact us if needed. I, too, worry about the future years when those parents' boundaries will have bigger repercussions. (ack. the teen years!) I do try to host more because of it, and none of the kids seem to have issues with the restrictions here (that even go to no soda/pop for kids. The horror!) I don't even let 9 year olds watch PG movies here unless I've cleared it with their parents. (Most do, but I don't want to be "that mom")

 

[Disney Doll]

I guess in the world of parenting today, you probably have to say something.
I just can't help but think that stuff liek this would not have even appeared on my parents' radar as an issue and I turned out OK. I got scared by things, heard words I wasn't supposed to and lived through it.