Do I say something...or let it go?

[Planogirl]

Super 8 is a very good movie but that's beside the point. You might want to bring it up but in a friendly way. I imagine that they'd be respectful of your situation.

 

[RitaZ.]

Her friend's mother.

That changes things, IMO.

If you bring up the problem to your friend, she may understand or she may roll her eyes at your DD's sensitivity to scary movies. This happened to me with one of my friends. She had no limits on what her son was allowed to watch. She even took him to see Resident Evil the day he was released from a psychiatric unit after attempting to commit suicide. Her son was about 12 or 13 at the time.

My point is that what some parents consider inappropriate, others consider appropriate. Bottom line is that she is your daughter and you get to decide what is appropriate for her. Just be honest with your friend.

 

[FredinFL]

I would make sure that next time they understood dd was not to go to any PG13 movies without ME.

 

[Sydnie]

I would just mention the next time that they go to a movie together that you are avoiding "anything remotely scary for the time being as she is having some trouble sleeping" so it's not directly an attack on what they did but you can prevent it from happening again.

 

[LisaR]

Honestly, nowadays most ratings mean crap. Sorry but it's true. The King's Speech could have been rated a lot worse, and was going to be because of the swearing he lets off during his speech therapy. It's that silly.

Ratings really aren't indicative of a film's intent. Unless it's a blatant and advertised horror film, or a film with sex involved I wouldn't think twice about a PG-13. In fact this has been an issue so much that it's become written up in the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune and several other major publications. Ratings are no longer what they mean.

Super 8 is kind of like E.T. for the modern age. It may have some swear words(really, your kid could hear worse walking down a street) or a bit scary(they could see worse on a commercial or Nine Lives of Chloe King) but it won't harm them. Unless we let them. Our reactions are what guide our kids. My oldest used to be scared of HP too, but now he's so heavily into shows like Pretty Little Liars, Vampire Diaries and movies like Daredevil he doesn't think twice. He's still the same very sensitive kid.

Don't let it phase you. Don't make an issue out of it. I don't like blatant horror films but I love good psychological mysteries and Super 8 is freaking awesome.

I'm in the camp of not saying anything. I don't think it is worth it. Some parents are just clueless and you aren't going to change them. You need to remember this the next time you send your daughter somewhere with this family. I find it is best if I drive when it comes to certain families.

I did have to comment on this last statement by ChariNye. YOU like psychological mysteries but I am assuming you are an adult. It is safe to assume that many 9 y/o kids aren't really into psychological mysteries. My 16 y/o DD saw Super 8, loved it but was still freaked by it. She has always been one to freak over movies and at 9, Super 8 would not have set well with her at all.

 

[allison443]

Honestly, nowadays most ratings mean crap. Sorry but it's true. The King's Speech could have been rated a lot worse, and was going to be because of the swearing he lets off during his speech therapy. It's that silly.

The King's Speech was rated R, for language as you say. It couldn't have been rated worse.
A re-cut version of the movie was released, after it won the Oscar, and the re-cut version was rated PG-13.

 

[angwill]

You need to let go of the little stuff and that is what this is. It might have been that the movie they went to see was not starting for a couple hours and Super 8 was playing when they got there.

I saw Super 8 and it was not scary IMO. It was basic good vs evil type of movie.

 

[allison443]

Honestly, nowadays most ratings mean crap. Sorry but it's true. The King's Speech could have been rated a lot worse, and was going to be because of the swearing he lets off during his speech therapy. It's that silly.

Ratings really aren't indicative of a film's intent. Unless it's a blatant and advertised horror film, or a film with sex involved I wouldn't think twice about a PG-13. In fact this has been an issue so much that it's become written up in the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune and several other major publications. Ratings are no longer what they mean.

Super 8 is kind of like E.T. for the modern age. It may have some swear words(really, your kid could hear worse walking down a street) or a bit scary(they could see worse on a commercial or Nine Lives of Chloe King) but it won't harm them. Unless we let them. Our reactions are what guide our kids. My oldest used to be scared of HP too, but now he's so heavily into shows like Pretty Little Liars, Vampire Diaries and movies like Daredevil he doesn't think twice. He's still the same very sensitive kid.

Don't let it phase you. Don't make an issue out of it. I don't like blatant horror films but I love good psychological mysteries and Super 8 is freaking awesome.

Those are your opinions, but many parents I know (including myself) use the ratings as a guide (not absolute authority, but a guide). I would never have let my 9 year old see a PG-13 movie unless I checked it out first myself (not necessarily seeing it myself, but figuring out why it was rated PG-13). In my opinion as the parent, some PG-13 movies were not appropriate for my 9 year olds, while others may have been okay. Shouldn't I be able as a parent to decide that?

However, I would not let something like this ruin a friendship.

 

[Bungle]

I have actually done that before. The movie I was taking my son and his friend to see was sold out so we seen another movie. Never did I think it was an issue. If you feel like you need to be in that much control maybe you should chaperone next time?

 

[laura.anne]

I say just let it go. If it's that important to you then next time I would make sure to say "Please let me know if you decide to see something else" or whatever. I don't really think this is that big of a deal though...

 

[robinb]

They don't have the same rating. The movie she was supposed to see, "Monte Carlo" is rated PG. The movie she ended up seeing is rated PG-13. Our policy with PG-13 movies is that I or my husband watch them first to make sure they are appropriate for our kids before we let them see them. I would never, ever take one of my daughter's friends to a PG-13 movie without getting permission from the child's parents first.

I rarely allow my 11-year old to see PG-13 movies and I don't intend to allow her to see Super-8. I would say something to the other parents. There is NO WAY I would take a 9-year old to a PG-13 movie without the permission of her parents. I think that some people don't understand how close to "R" a PG-13 movie really is.

 

[laura.anne]

Those are your opinions, but many parents I know (including myself) use the ratings as a guide (not absolute authority, but a guide). I would never have let my 9 year old see a PG-13 movie unless I checked it out first myself (not necessarily seeing it myself, but figuring out why it was rated PG-13). In my opinion as the parent, some PG-13 movies were not appropriate for my 9 year olds, while others may have been okay. Shouldn't I be able as a parent to decide that?

However, I would not let something like this ruin a friendship.

I don't mean to butt in, but just as a side note, I wanted to say thanks for taking the time to decide for your own kids instead of using the ratings as an absolute authority. My parents never really cared about ratings or whatever (I turned out just fine ) but my cousins... my aunt and uncle would not let them watch a PG-13 movie until they were 15. It was so strange. And the way ratings are done is hardly objective, so it's kind of weird to want to have an influence on your kids' exposure to media and yet completely trust 100% in the ratings. I like the balance you're drawing. Anyway. Whoops. Got off on a rant.

 

[NHdisneylover]

If the movies have the same ratings, the parents did nothing wrong. Just casually mention that she usually gets scared at those kinds of movies.

This was my thought as well (the OP dd make it sound like both movies were rated PG-13). Since only the replacement movie was PG-13 and your daughter is not yet 13, I can understand why you are upset, OP. Personally I dislike the ratings system as I often find PG movies too violent and PG-13 and R rated movies fine--so I use that as the loosest guide and then look online (or preview) movies and make my decision that way. However, lacking any other good system I do not show "too old" movies to other people's children unless I specifically ask the parents if it is ok.
I would not make a big deal of it though. These things happen more and more as kids age. I WOULD tell my DD that she cannot see PG-13 movies unless I have explicitly said otherwise to that particular movie and she must tell people she cannot and have them call me if it happens again (while making it clear that I was not angry with her about it happening this time as she dd not know and making it clear that that is largely to prevent her from being in the difficult position of having nightmares later on like she is now). I MIGHT mention to the other parents in a casual, nice way but only if going to the movies was something happening again (so I would mention it nicely at that time as an "oh by the way" kind of thing).

The King's Speech was rated R, for language as you say. It couldn't have been rated worse.
A re-cut version of the movie was released, after it won the Oscar, and the re-cut version was rated PG-13.

I always find the differences in ratings between the US and Germany interesting. Overall, I agree much more with Germany' system (which tends to rate violence as more for adults but not get worked up about language or nudity). The King's Speech is rated "from 6" which is the German equivalent of PG. I haven't actually seen the movie yet (waiting for the DVD) but from what I have heard about it that is probably more in line with what I think it should be rated everywhere

 

[quasar4legs]

I would let it go.............this time.

If and when there was going to be another outing to the movies then I would talk about what movies/ratings you feel are suitable for your daughter.

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

Ruin a friendship? What? Don't let it go. Tell the other parents how you feel and move on. If that "ruins" a friendship, then it wasn't a good one anyway. Your daughter has been affected by their poor decision. She should know that you'll do something about it, even if it's just talking. Telling them that she is not ready for certain types of movies is not wrong. Just be calm and let it be known. Everything will be fine.

 

[Ceila]

I have actually done that before. The movie I was taking my son and his friend to see was sold out so we seen another movie. Never did I think it was an issue. If you feel like you need to be in that much control maybe you should chaperone next time?

When you send your child with another parent, you aren't being a control freak if you expect the other parent to do what they said they would and not go beyond the limits they themselves chose. The other mom switched from a fluffy tween movie rated PG to a scary movie rater PG13 - and the kids are 9 years old. I'm sorry, but as a parent I would NEVER assume that kind of switch was OK for another person's child without making a cell phone call first. And if I couldn't reach the other parent, then I would figure something else out.

Do I take my kids, 9 and 12, to PG13 movies? Yes, depending on the movie and after reviewing the information available on it (I love www.kidsinmind.com for this). But it's not my place to make that kind of decision for another person's child.

OP, I would casually mention it to your friend the next time you see her, maybe even taking some of the "blame" yourself - not because you were in the wrong - just to keep it light. "Hey Mary, thanks so much for taking Sally out the other day. I know you were hoping to see Monte Carlo, so I forgot to mention that Sally doesn't handle scary movies well. She's over it now, but that night she had trouble sleeping. If that comes up again, would you mind giving me a quick call?"

 

[ChattaAlley]

I would casually bring it up in conversation. I saw Super 8 the other day and while it was a cute, good movie I can see why it could scare a child who is not use to watching "scarey" movies. It also has a lot of cussing in the movie as well done mostly by the kids. I watched this movie first because I had planned to take my 8 yo who strangly likes scarey movies. I decided against letting him see it mainly due to the cussing.

 

[ChattaAlley]

I have actually done that before. The movie I was taking my son and his friend to see was sold out so we seen another movie. Never did I think it was an issue. If you feel like you need to be in that much control maybe you should chaperone next time?

I don't think it has so much to do with being "in control" as it is expecting the other parent to follow through on what he/she promised or relayed to you.

 

[luvdiz2]

Let it go.

 

[Nancyg56]

Those are your opinions, but many parents I know (including myself) use the ratings as a guide (not absolute authority, but a guide). I would never have let my 9 year old see a PG-13 movie unless I checked it out first myself (not necessarily seeing it myself, but figuring out why it was rated PG-13). In my opinion as the parent, some PG-13 movies were not appropriate for my 9 year olds, while others may have been okay. Shouldn't I be able as a parent to decide that?

However, I would not let something like this ruin a friendship.

I used to do this with my kids when they were young and use the ratings the same way now. They are guides to assist parents, just that.

I remember taking my niece and nephew to a movie with my son. Their Mom took the others into another movie. Their aunt was just leaving so we asked it the one the kids wanted to see was appropriate for the crew I had with me. Holy Smokes! Her idea of okay and mine were worlds apart!

I would let it go.............this time.

If and when there was going to be another outing to the movies then I would talk about what movies/ratings you feel are suitable for your daughter.

This is how I would handle it.