Do I say something...or let it go?

[lemondog]

My 9yo daughter had a playdate with a friend today. They were going swimming then going to see the new Selena Gomez movie "Monte Carlo." Well when she got home she told me that they saw a different movie instead, "Super 8."

I am upset on a couple of levels. Number one, this was NOT the movie I was told they were seeing. Number two, even though it was still a PG-13 movie it is NOT a movie I would have let my daughter see. She scares very easily, she can't even watch the Harry Potter movies. I know a lot of 9yo's could easily handle this movie, but mine cannot. I don't know if this movie is even all that scary, but it upset her enough that she was scared to go to sleep in her bed and so she is asleep in ours.

I feel like her friend's parents should have called and asked about seeing this other movie rather than just ASSUMING it was okay for her to go. They are friends of ours, so that makes this all the more awkward.

Don't know what to do! This is the first time something like this has happened and I need some advice from fellow parents!

 

[low-key]

let it go

 

[hambirg]

Honestly, I would let it go.

 

[portocall]

I'd personally would let it go. No need to possibly ruin a friendship over it. Next time she goes however I would give specific instructions to the parents about calling you if they are going to see something different or a list of alternative movies.

 

[dislal]

I Would let it go, too! If you make a big deal about it it would just upset your DD even more!!

With that being said, I saw this movie and I took my kids even ds11 and it was an excellent movie, but it's not for kids, some of the language I wouldn't let her go to the movies with these people ever again! I told my friend there were words worse than the F word and she is still tring to figure it out lol! My DH and I don't swear and I hate movies where they think they have to! It just drives me nuts!

 

[RitaZ.]

My 9yo daughter had a playdate with a friend today. They were going swimming then going to see the new Selena Gomez movie "Monte Carlo." Well when she got home she told me that they saw a different movie instead, "Super 8."

I am upset on a couple of levels. Number one, this was NOT the movie I was told they were seeing. Number two, even though it was still a PG-13 movie it is NOT a movie I would have let my daughter see. She scares very easily, she can't even watch the Harry Potter movies. I know a lot of 9yo's could easily handle this movie, but mine cannot. I don't know if this movie is even all that scary, but it upset her enough that she was scared to go to sleep in her bed and so she is asleep in ours.

I feel like her friend's parents should have called and asked about seeing this other movie rather than just ASSUMING it was okay for her to go. They are friends of ours, so that makes this all the more awkward.

Don't know what to do! This is the first time something like this has happened and I need some advice from fellow parents!

Who told you they were going to see Monte Carlo, your DD or her friend's parents?

 

[GAGirlInVA]

I'd address it with DD and let it go.

Then I'd be more careful in the future. (Ex: I'd be sure to tell the parent in the future "Please let me know if something happens, like this movie is sold out.")

 

[lemondog]

Who told you they were going to see Monte Carlo, your DD or her friend's parents?

Her friend's mother.

 

[Imzadi]

She scares very easily, she can't even watch the Harry Potter movies. I know a lot of 9yo's could easily handle this movie, but mine cannot. I don't know if this movie is even all that scary, but it upset her enough that she was scared to go to sleep in her bed and so she is asleep in ours.

I'm an adult and I hate scary movies.

I'd casually bring it up the next time you see the parent or maybe jot off a quick email. It's not necessarily a biggie, but if the other parent(s) aren't informed, they can't make informed decisions. How you bring it up, is the key.

Say what you said above. Just that DD can't handle very scary movies, she ends up having nightmares later. So if they change movies at the last minute, could they do you a favor and please keep that in mind and choose an appropriate movie, or you'd appreciate a quick call if it seems like an iffy decision.

 

[DaParkers]

Ruin a friendship? What? Don't let it go. Tell the other parents how you feel and move on. If that "ruins" a friendship, then it wasn't a good one anyway. Your daughter has been affected by their poor decision. She should know that you'll do something about it, even if it's just talking. Telling them that she is not ready for certain types of movies is not wrong. Just be calm and let it be known. Everything will be fine.

 

[sparklynails23]

If the movies have the same ratings, the parents did nothing wrong. Just casually mention that she usually gets scared at those kinds of movies.

 

[momof1princess]

if i sent my DD to the movies with someone, and they specifically told me they were going to see a particular movie, then changed their minds and saw something else that gave my DD nightmares, and i had no idea about the situation until DD told me, you bet i'd say something. these aren't teenagers-we're talking about a 9 yo. i wouldn't be hostile or combative about it, but i would let the other parents know what happened with my DD at home later on, due to their change of plans, and that i would appreciate a heads-up in the future if they change their original plan, so that i can decide if the film is appropriate for my DD. if i felt it wasn't, i would go pick her up, and likely take her to see something else. every child is different-some love scary movies, some don't. my DD13 can't watch scary movies-when i was her age, i LOVED scary movies and had seen them all- all the friday the 13ths, nightmare on elm streets, halloweens, you name it.

i agree with the PP...if they're offended you said anything, they weren't friends to begin with. if the situation were reversed, i would personally be upset that my changing my mind about a movie caused a child who was in my care at the time not to be able to sleep, and i would be apologizing profusely to the parents, both for the consequences they had to deal with after the movie, and for not calling them when the plans changed.

 

[lemondog]

If the movies have the same ratings, the parents did nothing wrong. Just casually mention that she usually gets scared at those kinds of movies.

They don't have the same rating. The movie she was supposed to see, "Monte Carlo" is rated PG. The movie she ended up seeing is rated PG-13. Our policy with PG-13 movies is that I or my husband watch them first to make sure they are appropriate for our kids before we let them see them. I would never, ever take one of my daughter's friends to a PG-13 movie without getting permission from the child's parents first.

 

[Malibustyle23]

If the movies have the same ratings, the parents did nothing wrong. Just casually mention that she usually gets scared at those kinds of movies.

Ita!

 

[JessicaR]

I would definitely bring it up in a non confrontational way. Just as a "so you know", for next time sorta way. All kids are different not all kids that are 9 are created equal. No big deal that she frightens over certain movie types, but at the same time her friends parents should know so they can make better choices if the situation should arise again.

 

[JessicaR]

Ruin a friendship? What? Don't let it go. Tell the other parents how you feel and move on. If that "ruins" a friendship, then it wasn't a good one anyway. Your daughter has been affected by their poor decision. She should know that you'll do something about it, even if it's just talking. Telling them that she is not ready for certain types of movies is not wrong. Just be calm and let it be known. Everything will be fine.

Exactly.

 

[Malibustyle23]

They don't have the same rating. The movie she was supposed to see, "Monte Carlo" is rated PG. The movie she ended up seeing is rated PG-13. Our policy with PG-13 movies is that I or my husband watch them first to make sure they are appropriate for our kids before we let them see them. I would never, ever take one of my daughter's friends to a PG-13 movie without getting permission from the child's parents first.

I misunderstood your first post since you said "even though it was STILL pg13" thinking that it was still same as the first choice.

If anything I'd casually bring up your reasoning that she scares easily and you avoid ones with higher rating and/or scary ones and leave it at that. I wouldn't go to her with attitude just rather a fiendly mom to mom conversation. I'm sure she'll respect and honor your wishes and if not that's not friends either of you should have anyways.

 

[HannaBelle]

I would definitely say something, this would not be okay in any form for us. Have anyone of you saying it is not a big deal watched the trailers for these 2 movies? They could not be more different...

 

[CharliNye]

They don't have the same rating. The movie she was supposed to see, "Monte Carlo" is rated PG. The movie she ended up seeing is rated PG-13. Our policy with PG-13 movies is that I or my husband watch them first to make sure they are appropriate for our kids before we let them see them. I would never, ever take one of my daughter's friends to a PG-13 movie without getting permission from the child's parents first.

Honestly, nowadays most ratings mean crap. Sorry but it's true. The King's Speech could have been rated a lot worse, and was going to be because of the swearing he lets off during his speech therapy. It's that silly.

Ratings really aren't indicative of a film's intent. Unless it's a blatant and advertised horror film, or a film with sex involved I wouldn't think twice about a PG-13. In fact this has been an issue so much that it's become written up in the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune and several other major publications. Ratings are no longer what they mean.

Super 8 is kind of like E.T. for the modern age. It may have some swear words(really, your kid could hear worse walking down a street) or a bit scary(they could see worse on a commercial or Nine Lives of Chloe King) but it won't harm them. Unless we let them. Our reactions are what guide our kids. My oldest used to be scared of HP too, but now he's so heavily into shows like Pretty Little Liars, Vampire Diaries and movies like Daredevil he doesn't think twice. He's still the same very sensitive kid.

Don't let it phase you. Don't make an issue out of it. I don't like blatant horror films but I love good psychological mysteries and Super 8 is freaking awesome.

 

[Michelle67]

They don't have the same rating. The movie she was supposed to see, "Monte Carlo" is rated PG. The movie she ended up seeing is rated PG-13. Our policy with PG-13 movies is that I or my husband watch them first to make sure they are appropriate for our kids before we let them see them. I would never, ever take one of my daughter's friends to a PG-13 movie without getting permission from the child's parents first.

I agree 100%. I seldom have any problem with my kids seeing a PG-13 movie, personally, but I would not presume to take someone else's child to one without asking first. I actually don't let my kids put on a movie rated above G when their friends are over unless I have had a discussion with the parents about what their boundaries are, or have asked if the child can watch the specific movie. I've been told yes, and I've been told no. Sometimes the "no's" have kinda surprised me... that's why you gotta ask!

That said, I probably wouldn't make a fuss over it since it can't be undone, but the next time they went to a movie together I would ask that they not substitute a PG-13 movie without consulting with me first, since I (you) prefer to screen those first yourself.