Do I just not get it?

[Mrs.Toad]

As I mentioned elsewhere, I wouldn't want my sister taking my kids on the Iraqi Adventure Tour or to the Horn of Africa to watch al-Qaeda train, but then again, I trust her to have the sense not choose dangerous activities as entertainment.

LOL at those activities! Although I'm sure very few of us would take our kids (or anyone else's) on those trips, the thing is, we all have different comfort levels and different opinions on what might be dangerous.

Someone used skydiving and bungee-jumping in the same context as your examples. But are they really that much more dangerous than swimming? I am no expert and just did a super quick google to come up with some rates of death in these activities. Fatal drownings were 1.6 per 100,000 population. Parachuting 1.4 deaths per 100,000 landings. Bungee jumping .2 deaths per 100,000 jumps. Drownings are listed by popluation, but I'm sure the number of people who never swim is balanced out by the people who go 10 or 20 or 50 times a year, to get you to the 100,000 population equaling at least that many swimming sessions.

So, anyway based on those numbers, I suppose everyone here is also perfectly fine letting their sibling take their 6yo bungee jumping? As I said, we all have different comfort levels with different activities. Some draw the line at skydiving, some at trips to war-torn countries, some at a drive out of town, a hotel stay and a day at a waterpark.

If I was watching someone else's child and they told me "no artificial sweeteners", "no PG-13 movies" or any one of a million little seemingly harmless things, I'd comply with their wishes. I can't believe how many people would take such offense to a parent making their wishes known. Can you imagine asking your babysitting sibling not to show the kids a particular movie, and having her response be "well, if you don't trust me enough to pick out a movie for my niece, you must not trust me enough to watch her at all, so why don't you just stay home with her yourself!"??

For all the people who call the OP's sister "overprotective", what many of them suggest is a HUGE overreaction. The OP would be wise not to throw such a hissy fit about following her sister's wishes and just take the kids on a fun close-to-home outing, as she herself already suggested.

 

[MichelleVW]

If I was watching someone else's child and they told me "no artificial sweeteners", "no PG-13 movies" or any one of a million little seemingly harmless things, I'd comply with their wishes. I can't believe how many people would take such offense to a parent making their wishes known. Can you imagine asking your babysitting sibling not to show the kids a particular movie, and having her response be "well, if you don't trust me enough to pick out a movie for my niece, you must not trust me enough to watch her at all, so why don't you just stay home with her yourself!"??

.

Well said...

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The point many of you don't seem to be getting is that it's not about trust for many of us. It's about being able to relax on your trip, knowing that your kids are in familiar territory.

I let my kids go places. My family could take them on an overnight trip to a waterpark, no problem. However, while they are gone - I will be HOME, where they can find me easily if needed. They will have a good time, knowing that I am home waiting for their return. I would be spending quite a bit of my time thinking about them, knowing what a good time they are having.

However, if I leave my kids, it's a rare treat. A time when I want to relax and forget about parenting. The times I've left them they've been at our home with grandma and grandpa or at g &g's house. I can visualize their routines and spend little to no time at all thinking about what they are up to.

If my sister or parents decided to have a big adventure during the one weekend every five years I might decide to get away, I'd be the one who would be . They have access to my kids almost any other weekend they would want them and they choose THAT weekend to have a big adventure?

Heck, my kids are 11 and 14 and I would STILL enjoy myself more on a getaway if I thought they were home in familiar territory doing familiar things. If they were on their own getaway, I'd be wondering what they were doing. Selfish? Yes, but isn't that the point of getting away without the kids? Spending time on yourself for a change and not having to worry about the kids!

I personally wouldn't be taking trips if I was that consumed with worry of leaving my kids.

We're not talking a weekend getaway at the beach--we're talking flying half way across the country for a whole week. You have ZERO access while you are away. If an emergency happens.....you can't just hop in the car and be home in a couple of hours.


I guess I see things differently as I have a pool in my home and if I was watching your kid for a couple of hours and you didn't want them to go in it or near it or us to simply not use it...I wouldn't have a problem with it. But for a whole week--I will not deny my family enjoyment just b/c you trusted me enough to fly 2500 miles away...but not enough that you had to limit my family activities in the off chance that you think my eye would be off of them for one second. It wouldn't happen and my family knows me all to well that it would NOT happen.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'd know they were having a good time - they'd be with people they loved! I'd also know they wouldn't be missing me, because they are with people they love and keeping up with their familiar routines.

Think of me as selfish if you want, I prefer us to be having vacations together or taking turns. I see no need for everyone in the family to be off vacationing at the same time.

Like another poster, I've HAD the experience of trying to get ahold of numerous family members on different vacations at the time of a family tragedy. I wouldn't do that again by choice and certainly not with my own underage children.

Someone posted earlier that they wanted to be able to reach their family by cell phone...in this day and age..unless you plan on going to a very very very remote area....you would still get a hold of them in the same manner you would if they stayed local.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Very well said!! As I mentioned elsewhere, I wouldn't want my sister taking my kids on the Iraqi Adventure Tour or to the Horn of Africa to watch al-Qaeda train, but then again, I trust her to have the sense not choose dangerous activities as entertainment.

But wouldn't you worry every waking moment that she might have the inclination to just....give it a try.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry, but I agree with the childrens parents.

I don't see why on earth anyone thinks that they should automatically have the right to do anything they please with somebody elses children.

If the parents have set these limits, then they may just have some very valid reasons. (I know that my DS is one that simply does not handle a lot of chaos and change and the unexpected.)

I think the original post shows a lot more about the OP's lack of respect for her sister than the sister's perceived lack of trust and respect for the OP.

Can't they have a good time just spending time with the kids without taking such a trip??????

If the OP want's to plan such a trip with her sister's kids, why not plan this for a weekend when they can all go together?

Are the parents being overprotective??? Well, without hearing their side, I will reserve judgement on that. But, even if they are, it is their RIGHT. The OP should simply respect their wishes.

If the OP thinks that she can openly disagree with, and disrespect, the parents wishes, then I can see very clearly where the parents may have developed a lack of 'trust' in her.

 

[orljustin]

I guess I see things differently as I have a pool in my home and if I was watching your kid for a couple of hours and you didn't want them to go in it or near it or us to simply not use it...I wouldn't have a problem with it. But for a whole week--I will not deny my family enjoyment just b/c you trusted me enough to fly 2500 miles away...but not enough that you had to limit my family activities in the off chance that you think my eye would be off of them for one second. It wouldn't happen and my family knows me all to well that it would NOT happen.

That is completely different. It's not JUST about the waterpark. It isn't JUST about the drive. It isn't JUST about being in a new public place without parents. It's a combination of everything.

And it doesn't matter what you think anyway. The sister says no. If it pains the OP so that she can't handle it, then just tell her that you're too selfish to repect her wishes.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I think your sister is crazy and she should be thankful that she has a sister that is willing to watch her kids while she goes on vacation. I would tell her that if she doesn't trust you with the kids then she should just stay home with them herself.

i agree with this whole post

 

[Daydreamer64]

Well, it's been interesting reading so far!

DMIL lives with us and has lived with us for over 12 years now- she has raised the boys as much as we have. We have no problems leaving her with them for everyday trips- groceries, library... My boys all have special health needs and require daily medical care for different problems. She is the opnly person that I trust to take care of my kids- I have no other family except for an alcoholic father and a drug using brother that I keep in touch with - so, that being said- she loves these kids like her own but both times that we left them with her for more then a day or two while we were out of town, something major has happened.

The first time she decided to take them out to eat- the oldest was around 4 years old and ran out from behind the car while she was getting the baby out of his seat. Oldest DS was almost hit by a car- the cops were called and everything because of all the crying and excitment. Now, she was asked to keep them at home just for this reason

- even though she lived with us, she didn't have the day to day interaction with the boys to know to leave the runner in the seatbelt until the baby was belted into the stroller, she didn't recognise how fast they can be or just how quickly a safe situation can go bad.

My kids would not go to the water park with aunt- 6 year olds have a gift of finding trouble- if they don't someone else might jump or push them under water for just a few seconds and the kid could drown- it happens every day- and if the lifeguards are as attentive as there as they are here at White Water- yeah- go ahead and trust the kids to 16 year old lifeguards who aren't worried about anything except their next paycheck.

The next time, my boys who had been cooking forever with my help, were making dinner with Grandma at a friend's house. Then youngest DS fell in the kitchen, landing with open palms on the open stove door- he was burned and we had to come home right away. Even at home things can happen but they seem to always happen when the kids are out of their element-

so, I guess I'd say - no water park, no bungie jumping, no skiing ... but safer alternatives please- you can take them when I'm home and close if they need medical help but please let me relax, enjoy my vacation and not wonder why you are not answering the phone after I've called and not worry about them getting lost, kidnapped or hurt when they are out of their safety zone and my comfort zone.

 

[BuckNaked]

If the OP thinks that she can openly disagree with, and disrespect, the parents wishes, then I can see very clearly where the parents may have developed a lack of 'trust' in her.

Oh please. Where did the OP say she was going to disrespect the parents' wishes? And if they have a "lack of trust", as you put it, then why let her keep the kids at all?

If it were me, I would simply decline to keep the kids, not because I couldn't take the kids to the water park, but because it would be obvious to me that my sister had issues with trust and overprotectiveness. Given that, I wouldn't want the responsiblity of watching her kids and giving her a chance to find fault with whatever I might end up doing with them. Too much hassle, IMO.

 

[orljustin]

Oh please. Where did the OP say she was going to disrespect the parents' wishes? And if they have a "lack of trust", as you put it, then why let her keep the kids at all?

If it were me, I would simply decline to keep the kids, not because I couldn't take the kids to the water park, but because it would be obvious to me that my sister had issues with trust and overprotectiveness. Given that, I wouldn't want the responsiblity of watching her kids and giving her a chance to find fault with whatever I might end up doing with them. Too much hassle, IMO.

Actually, that sounds like a case of selfish sour grapes. "Waah. I wanted to take them to a water park, because I thought it would be fun. And you won't let me. So, now I'm not going to do what I said. Waaah".

 

[BuckNaked]

Actually, that sounds like a case of selfish sour grapes. "Waah. I wanted to take them to a water park, because I thought it would be fun. And you won't let me. So, now I'm not going to do what I said. Waaah".

Nope, not sour grapes at all. But if my sister didn't trust me to make sound judgements with her kids, then I would prefer not to keep them. By the same token, why would she want me to keep them if she didn't trust me?

 

[orljustin]

I may trust my sister to watch my kids for a weekend, and still not want her to take them somewhere. Those are two separate issues.

 

[BuckNaked]

I may trust my sister to watch my kids for a weekend, and still not want her to take them somewhere. Those are two separate issues.

That's where we differ, because to me they are not separate issues. If I trust my sister to keep my kids for the weekend, then I trust her judgement. And that includes trusting her not to take them someplace or do something with them that would be harmful to them.

 

[Hannathy]

Nope, not sour grapes at all. But if my sister didn't trust me to make sound judgements with her kids, then I would prefer not to keep them. By the same token, why would she want me to keep them if she didn't trust me?

I agree 100%!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That is completely different. It's not JUST about the waterpark. It isn't JUST about the drive. It isn't JUST about being in a new public place without parents. It's a combination of everything.

And it doesn't matter what you think anyway. The sister says no. If it pains the OP so that she can't handle it, then just tell her that you're too selfish to repect her wishes.

I think mom is selfish for trekking half way across the country for a weeklong vacation...but that is just me. Why is it selfish for the babysitter..but not the absentee parent.***

Its a trust me or trust me not situation.


Nowhere is it mentioned that the child cannot swim....and there are older
kids as well.

***Note...not there is anything wrong with traveling without the kids...but since the selfish card has been pulled...let us call a spade a spade.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Actually, that sounds like a case of selfish sour grapes. "Waah. I wanted to take them to a water park, because I thought it would be fun. And you won't let me. So, now I'm not going to do what I said. Waaah".

"Waaahhh..I'm going on vacation and fully expect to micromanage my children's lives while I am away...waaaaahhhh...I want to have my cake and eat it too...waaaahahhh....My sister must remain by the phone at all times and await my phone calls to check up on trivial matters...waaaahhhhh."


It works both ways.

 

[ilovejack02]

HEY OP!!!
Did you have any clue to the debate you were starting?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I may trust my sister to watch my kids for a weekend, and still not want her to take them somewhere. Those are two separate issues.

Not even to the grocery store?

 

[KirstenB]

If the OP thinks that she can openly disagree with, and disrespect, the parents wishes, then I can see very clearly where the parents may have developed a lack of 'trust' in her.

So, call me silly, but if I can't trust you, why would I want you babysitting my kids?