Do I just not get it?

[KirstenB]

We go to The Wilderness Resort in Wisconsin Dells at least two times a year. There are three indoor waterparks, and only one of them has a clear line of sight for the entire space and that is because it is an enormous wavepool. The chaos is stunning. The noise is overwhelming. There are doors in each waterpark that exit to parking lots, hallways, locker rooms, and restaurants. Keeping track of a child in this kind of environment is very challenging. I lost sight of my four-year-old for about a minute and a half on our last trip and I was panicked. Granted, she is autistic and cannot communicate well, but I would have felt the same way had my six-year-old disappeared. It is easy to say that trust is all or nothing, but that isn't true. We know what we are getting into when we take them to the waterpark and frankly I would only trust one other person (who just happens to be my sister) to take on this challenge. Under other circumstances I would trust quite a few people to be responsible for my kids, but not in that kind of environment.

We have season passes to Water Country in Williamsburg. As I said, I'm wiggy about water. Even now, I get in the water with our older dd (of course, now I have the baby, which is a whole different type of wiggy), as does dh. My beloved sister, who our dd adores, is always be right beside dd in the ocean or a waterpark. But, having said that, I really have to be able to trust someone with dd 100%. And a waterpark is 100%. The sister is still wanting to have it both ways. I don't think the sister is ready for the separation. That's fine, but she needs to be honest about it, and reconsider the trip.

 

[mickeysgal]

Okay, for those of us who are "wiggy" about water, how do you manage your fears? We have a pond in our back yard, and my way of managing my fears was to enroll dd who is now 8 in year round swim lessons since she was 3.

By the time she was 6, she was on swim team, and a really decent swimmer. I still watch her, the way I would anyone in the water, but I feel confident we've done everything we can to make swimming safe for her.

This post could have been written by me. I was so fearful of my kids around water that I enrolled them at the absolute earliest age for swimming lessons. Turns out that all three of mine ended up spending years on swim teams swimming competively and my oldest is a lifeguard now. I still watch them when we're at a waterpark (especially the wave pools). It takes but a blink of an eye for something to happen in water.

 

[Nancy]

Since I let my sister and my Mom take my kids to WDW when they were younger then that (actually my youngest was 6 but the other 2 were 9 and 10) and they went on an airplane with just Grandma...and they were gone for a whole week..I'm probably not the best person to ask. Heck my oldest went with her grandparents to Detroit to visit my younger sister when she went to college there and she wasn't even a year old yet.

I trusted my family 150% not to let anything happen to them.

 

[KirstenB]

One more thing, I've never been to Grey Wolf Lodge---would love to, but it's not in the budget. However, at Water Country, there are lifevests everywhere you turn around. Dd has always voluntarily worn one. I know what you mean about the wave pool, I wear one in there too.

OP, maybe your sister would feel better if her kids wore lifevests. You still have to watch the kids, but you can breathe a little easier.

 

[disykat]

I admit I stopped reading on page two when it became clear I am in a big minority here. I don't think your sister is crazy. She wants to RELAX on her vacation. Take them out of town some weekend when she is home to do her worrying. Don't ruin her one big weekend away knowing she'll spend her time wondering what her kids are up to.

It's (probably) not that she doesn't trust you. It's (probably) not that she expects you to stay locked in the house the whole time. She will just worry less if she knows they are in familiar territory. For example: on the first day of school I wonder all day long how the kids are doing, how they like their teachers, etc. I don't worry about them at the rest of the year, but that first day I do. I just do.

I think you are a great sister for taking the kids - and an even better one for being willing to stay closer to home so your sister can have a relaxing, worryfree weekend.

 

[tink1978]

My sis and I are having a little disagreement, and I want to know if I really just don't understand.

She has 3 children, ages 15, 11, and 6. Sis and her hubby are going to California in May, and I am watching the kids. This will be the first time her youngest has been away from her overnight. So I thought it would be fun to take the to Great Wolf Lodge for 1 night. We have one only 2 1/2 hours away from home. Well, sis is having none of it! She said that the kids have to stay home, that in order for her to go on vacation she needs to know they are "safe." And that "you don't understand because you don't have kids." My children have all been furry and bark. So apparently unless I promise not to take the kids away, she won't go on vacation.

Am I being unreasonable to want to take the kids away for a night while there parents are out of town? My parents would also go so they would have Grandma, Grandpa, and Auntie to look after them. What am I missing here? I think she is being way overprotective, she thinks I don't understand because I am not a parent. Opinions please

I don't see a problem with it....why should she think that they wouldn't be "safe". Does she not trust you to keep them safe?

 

[orljustin]

I admit I stopped reading on page two when it became clear I am in a big minority here. I don't think your sister is crazy. She wants to RELAX on her vacation. Take them out of town some weekend when she is home to do her worrying. Don't ruin her one big weekend away knowing she'll spend her time wondering what her kids are up to.

It's (probably) not that she doesn't trust you. It's (probably) not that she expects you to stay locked in the house the whole time. She will just worry less if she knows they are in familiar territory. For example: on the first day of school I wonder all day long how the kids are doing, how they like their teachers, etc. I don't worry about them at the rest of the year, but that first day I do. I just do.

I think you are a great sister for taking the kids - and an even better one for being willing to stay closer to home so your sister can have a relaxing, worryfree weekend.

I agree totally. If I left my children with a relative so I could leave town, I certainly would not want them taking my children out of the local vicinity. Take them out to pizza, fine. Take them to the science museum, fine. Drive them three hours to a water park hotel? No way. This is completely rational, imo and the sister is in no way out of line. Just because you extend the courtesy of watching the kids doesn't mean you get free reign.

 

[MichelleVW]

I guess since I have my childless sister in my will to be the guardian of my kids if anything would happen to me, I guess I better trust her to take my kids to an overnighter at a water park.

I really just can't believe that so many people don't trust their family with their kids.

 

[DaisyD]

Personally if someone is watching my kids I don't want them going somewhere like the GWL. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself wondering if they are okay. I know even when my mom watches DD overnight once in a while she will take her out to dinner and it still stresses me out! I trust my mom dearly but that mother instinct still makes me worry.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I admit I stopped reading on page two when it became clear I am in a big minority here. I don't think your sister is crazy. She wants to RELAX on her vacation. Take them out of town some weekend when she is home to do her worrying. Don't ruin her one big weekend away knowing she'll spend her time wondering what her kids are up to.

It's (probably) not that she doesn't trust you. It's (probably) not that she expects you to stay locked in the house the whole time. She will just worry less if she knows they are in familiar territory. For example: on the first day of school I wonder all day long how the kids are doing, how they like their teachers, etc. I don't worry about them at the rest of the year, but that first day I do. I just do.

I think you are a great sister for taking the kids - and an even better one for being willing to stay closer to home so your sister can have a relaxing, worryfree weekend.

I agree with you.

I also think it is extreme for people to suggest she shouldn't watch the kids because the sister doesn't trust her enough to let her take the kids out of town.

Why does it have to be that weekend? Take them another time when the parents are at home and your sister feels more comfortable with it. And, if you know how she is, I don't see how this can be such a suprise.

 

[Skatermom23]

I admit I stopped reading on page two when it became clear I am in a big minority here. I don't think your sister is crazy. She wants to RELAX on her vacation. Take them out of town some weekend when she is home to do her worrying. Don't ruin her one big weekend away knowing she'll spend her time wondering what her kids are up to.

It's (probably) not that she doesn't trust you. It's (probably) not that she expects you to stay locked in the house the whole time. She will just worry less if she knows they are in familiar territory. For example: on the first day of school I wonder all day long how the kids are doing, how they like their teachers, etc. I don't worry about them at the rest of the year, but that first day I do. I just do.

I think you are a great sister for taking the kids - and an even better one for being willing to stay closer to home so your sister can have a relaxing, worryfree weekend.

I wasn't going to post here at all because I saw I was also in the minority. I absolutely agree with you!

 

[Buckalew11]

I think it just comes down to respect. You may not understand why she feels the way she does, and her feelings my be valid or not valid, but I think you should still respect her. If it upsets you and you'd rather not keep them because she has "trust" issues, then I would not agree to keep them if I were you. If you can get past it and enjoy them and make memories closer to hime, go for it and enjoy the kids.

I am much like your sister. I am also a worry wart.

My sister has entrusted all of her to me for WDW trips. The worst thing I have allowed them to do is drink soda from a refillable mug. She'd rather them not drink soda. Otherwise, I think I obey a lot of her ideas (which many I think are crazy and she most likely thinks mine are crazy too).
I'm probably taking her DS (15yo BTW) with me again this trip. I'd like to take him to a waterpark and if I do, you can bet your bottom dollar I will not let him out of my sight--15 or not! Of course, he's the type of kid who won;t have a problem with that which is why I am even considering taking him to a WP. My other nephew--never. When he was 15, he wouldn't have cooperated with that rule.

People parent in many different ways. Some parents don;t watch their children at WPs which is just unbelievable to me. WDW has lifeguards there and I think they expect the lifeguards to watch their kids. Our very first trip to WDW's BB we saw a little boy almost drown. My DH went in after him. Then, my DH had a long talk with the manager about the situation.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I have not read through all the replies, but wanted to state my feelings first. I can understand your sister's feelings to a certain degree. If she's worried about you bringing the kids, especially the little one to a waterpark, I can understand that to a point. I am careful about water and kept my son home this summer when his camp went to a waterpark because I didn't feel comfortable enough with that. Other than that, however, I don't feel that your sister is reasonable in her request even though I understand her feelings.

My DH and I been away from our children several times in the 19 years that we've been parents. The only time I personally had a really tough time was when I went to see my sister in The Netherlands. I went about a week or so early and my DH and toddler daughter then followed. During that week whenever I knew that my DD was with my DH I was fine, but when I knew that he was at work and she would be with a friend of mine, being driven around, going to the pool, etc, etc, I was a nervous wreck. I didn't call home about it, didn't restrict her going anywhere because I knew that I wasn't being reasonable, but my feelings were my feelings.

The other trips grandparents watched the kids and I was ok, more or less. I worried when they brought them somewhere, but knew that they would keep a closer eye on them than I did.

In your case I'm betting that with all the eyes on the kids they would have ample supervision so I don't really understand it. And Great Wolf is not a big waterpark, so it's not as if you are going to lose track of the kids.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I really just can't believe that so many people don't trust their family with their kids.

And I can't believe that so many people seem to believe trust = free reign to do whatever you want with someone else's kids, whether the parents are comfortable with it or not.

 

[MichelleVW]

And I can't believe that so many people seem to believe trust = free reign to do whatever you want with someone else's kids, whether the parents are comfortable with it or not.

I do agree with you that she shouldn't take them if her sister doesn't feel comfortable...but to me if I feel comfortable going across country and leaving my kids with my sister...I don't understand why I wouldn't feel comfortable with her taking them on a little trip. But to each their own...

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I do agree with you that she shouldn't take them if her sister doesn't feel comfortable...but to me if I feel comfortable going across country and leaving my kids with my sister...I don't understand why I wouldn't feel comfortable with her taking them on a little trip. But to each their own...

But see, that's you and your kids. We don't know the sister and her kids. We're talking about taking a 6yo to a water park. It's great that so many people here are comfortable with their sisters taking their 6yo's to water parks, but it's really sad to me that so many are labeling the sister as untrusting and even crazy for not being comfortable with it.

 

[Glinda64]

But see, that's you and your kids. We don't know the sister and her kids. We're talking about taking a 6yo to a water park. It's great that so many people here are comfortable with their sisters taking their 6yo's to water parks, but it's really sad to me that so many are labeling the sister as untrusting and even crazy for not being comfortable with it.

I agree. Any time a parent leaves their child(ren) with anyone, that parent decided what is and is not appropriate for that child. It isn't about trust, it's about parenting. The parent knows what they and the child are comfortable with. For heaven's sake, if nothing else think of the 6 year old. He will be a guest in your home and should be made to feel as comfortable as possible while mom and dad are away for the first time.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

So everyone here thinks that if you can leave your children at someone's house, or have the person come to your house to babysit, then it's a free for all? You must then also trust that person to TAKE your kids away somewhere?

Do you trust every one of your kids' friends' parents to take them away for a weekend, or to drive them just anywhere?

And the "but it's her sister" argument doesn't cut it. As someone else posted (and I can't find it now), just because you share DNA, it does NOT necessarily change the comfort level of the parents to allow the other person to travel away from home with their kids.

Honestly, some people here act like the parents might as well be signing over complete and total legal custody of their children, rather than just be asking someone to "babysit".

Congratulations to all the people here who have FABULOUS siblings, parents and grandparents who make them feel SO comfortable that they don't think twice about letting them take their kids anywhere they so choose. Good for you! But that doesn't make people who DON'T "crazy". Unbelievable.

I just told my DH about this thread, and we had a bunch of laughs (we can laugh now) about his parents watching our kids. Nice, sweet couple they are. But they do have older grandchildren, and I was always a little leery about how much freedom they gave those kids. Like when my MIL told me what a great cruise they had with all of them (parents there too, also EXTREMELY easy about their kids' freedom)...after I expressed that "*I* wouldn't have felt comfortable letting them run around a cruise ship like that", my MIL said "Oh MaryAnn, you can't get in trouble on a cruise ship." ??? And on two cruises after that, the boys (4 of them, from about 18 - 14) got drunk and puked all over one of their staterooms, and as they got older (at least a couple still underage) jumped off one of the upper decks into the water (the parents and grandparenst saw "people" fly past the restaurant window, until security came to fetch them about the kids); and then there's the story of one of them, maybe 14 at the time, spending half the night in the room of some girl he met...all told as "cute" stories. All of these kids survived, and the oldest is now 28, and I enjoy their company, but would I let any of their parents, grandparents (my ILs) take my kids anywhere, at any age? NOPE.

We did let our kids stay at my ILs a few times over the years. I figured how could one overnight here and there at their house hurt? There was always something that made me a little uncomfortable, like letting 2 yr old DD run around in the yard eating from a papercup of WHOLE grapes (MIL had never heard a child could choke on whole grapes! Around that time another child in RI choked (and died) on one, in the grandparents' care; MY MOTHER knew they were a choking hazard.). The last time...the VERY last time...my kids spent a night there was about 6 years ago, when they were DD(12), DD(10), and DS(7). Over the next day or so, bits and pieces about their weekend came out. For ex, in the morning, my FIL dropped the kids off at his DD's house. However, the DD wasn't home...she was taking her DD to college (FIL knew this). The ones who were home were two of the above mentioned boys...one 16 and one 21. The 16 yr old took them on a bike path with borrowed bikes and rollerblades...and no helmets...and my kids said (when asked) that no, they didn't always have their cousin in sight. Back at the boys' house, the kids hung out in the boys' room. DD(10) said what a mess it was. I said that the oldest one will learn some organization when he goes into the Army. DD(10) says "The Army??? And here all he does all day is lay around in his underwear." I nearly hit the roof. All the other little things that bugged me over the years about the ILs, we kept our mouths shut and let it slide (except to tell them they needed to cut up grapes for a 2 yr old). This time, no way. DH called his father and said that when we leave our children in THEIR care, we expect them to remain in THEIR care. That was THE last time our kids stayed with them. I'm sure my ILs thought (and still think) they'd have more FUN with their cousins, and they ARE their cousins, so what's the big deal? And geez, they didn't get HURT, right? But my kids would have been thrilled enough staying at grandma and grandpa's, or going to the movies with them or out for ice cream...whatever...with THEM.

As far as independence...my kids are extremely independent. They've been doing sleepovers at friends' house since K, and they always separated easily...loved just having a good time at someone's house (but I would hardly think that I should then feel equally as comfortable letting these same parents take my kids away for a weekend). DDs both went to away camps...DS didn't want to, and that was fine. By the end of April, all 3 will have been to Europe (youngest at 14), without us, and without a single doubt about being so far away. (Yes, I'll worry, more about terrorism than anything else.) When 2nd DD was 14, I sent her to Florida to stay with my niece for 3 weeks to help her with her 4 kids. I trust my niece. I would not trust my sister for those 3 weeks to properly supervise a 14 yr old. By her side every minute? No. But I wouldn't put it past my sister to let her "date" a boy in the neighborhood. I have encouraged (just short of insisting) all my kids live away at college; oldest is a freshmen and flourishing on her own. DS(14) is in a soccer program and will be traveling, without parents, to programs around the region and quite possible the country, as well as to England in April. No DNA involved with the group...trust? Yes.

The "envying their children having fun without them" just makes me . I'd LOVE to see my DS play soccer in England...I'd love to GO to England. But one of the reasons I chose NOT to is that I think, honestly, he'd have a better time without me there! He's growing up (14), most parents AREN'T going, and he doesn't want me there anymore than he'd want me tagging along at summer camp. And I think that's great!

 

[orljustin]

I do agree with you that she shouldn't take them if her sister doesn't feel comfortable...but to me if I feel comfortable going across country and leaving my kids with my sister...I don't understand why I wouldn't feel comfortable with her taking them on a little trip. But to each their own...

A little trip is going to the supermarket. Packing them in a car for a 3 hour ride to a waterpark with all the necessary things for an overnight stay is not a little trip.

You can trust her, and still not want her to take them somewhere away from the home area.

 

[MichelleVW]

A little trip is going to the supermarket. Packing them in a car for a 3 hour ride to a waterpark with all the necessary things for an overnight stay is not a little trip.

You can trust her, and still not want her to take them somewhere away from the home area.

This is where we differ.....IMHO a little trip is going 3 hours away to a waterpark.

I told my DH about this thread and he couldn't believe the drama either about an Aunt and the Grandparents taking the kids away, but that's how the dynamics of our family works...and not everyone has our family.