Do I just not get it?

[The_Horned_King]

I think your sister is crazy and she should be thankful that she has a sister that is willing to watch her kids while she goes on vacation. I would tell her that if she doesn't trust you with the kids then she should just stay home with them herself.

Right on Becka!

 

[orljustin]

I think your sister is crazy and she should be thankful that she has a sister that is willing to watch her kids while she goes on vacation. I would tell her that if she doesn't trust you with the kids then she should just stay home with them herself.

Obviously she trusts her, otherwise she wouldn't be leaving them with her in the first place. This isn't about trusting or not trusting one person.

 

[becka]

Obviously she trusts her, otherwise she wouldn't be leaving them with her in the first place. This isn't about trusting or not trusting one person.

But to me it is an issue of trusting one person. I guess I look at this differently. I would never leave my kids for a week while I went on vacation with someone I did not trust enough to take them to a water park or anywhere else. I would feel like that person was saying "Here watch my kids while I go on vacation but don't really do anything with them because I don't trust you that much....".

 

[MareQ]

Personally if someone is watching my kids I don't want them going somewhere like the GWL. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself wondering if they are okay. I know even when my mom watches DD overnight once in a while she will take her out to dinner and it still stresses me out! I trust my mom dearly but that mother instinct still makes me worry.

I agree. It's not about not trusting family - at least for me - it's about my children being in a situation I cannot control. It's one thing to leave them in teh care of somebody else- it's another matter for me to allow them to be driven off to a place and a situation I am not familiar with.

I VERY rarely leave my children but DH and I went on a cruise this past Sept to celebrate our 10th anniversary and it was the first time I had ever been away from them for longer than a few hours- except for when I was in the hospital having one of them.

I wanted and needed to be with DH and have some alone time - but - in order for me to fully enjoy myself - I needed to know my in-laws were at my house, living my life with them while I was gone. I didn't want them driven all over, taken here and there, I needed to know what was going on when I wasn't there.

It's just the way it is for some of us moms. Doesn't make us better or worse than any other mom - it just makes us different and that's ok.

 

[summerrluvv]

But to me it is an issue of trusting one person. I guess I look at this differently. I would never leave my kids for a week while I went on vacation with someone I did not trust enough to take them to a water park or anywhere else. I would feel like that person was saying "Here watch my kids while I go on vacation but don't really do anything with them because I don't trust you that much....".

LOL what?! Not being able to take them to a waterpark equates not being able to do anything with them?

 

[becka]

LOL what?! Not being able to take them to a waterpark equates not being able to do anything with them?

I was speaking in generalities there. Replace anything with water park, theme park, grocery store, etc... To me there really is not much of a difference. It I trusted someone enough to leave my kids with them for a week while I was away then I would trust them enough to take them all of those places. If I didn't trust them that much then I wouldn't leave them there in the first place.

 

[Planogirl]

I too wouldn't get all bent out of shape about a trip to a waterpark. I have only left my son with people I completely trust to handle things well during emergencies. A trip to a waterpark is no big deal compared to what could happen IMO.

Of course, the OP could tell the sister to find someone else to watch the kids too. There's no law requiring her to take care of them particularly if she isn't completely trustworthy and now feels uncomfortable.

 

[Missy1961]

OK, let's reverse this. The mom is a Disser, she comes & posts a thread about how her sister-in-law & MIL & FIL took the kids to a water park over 3 hrs away without her permission. I think a lot of you (maybe not all) would say SIL & ILs were wrong.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I probably wouldn't have a problem with a local waterpark that I was familiar with. However, one three hours away would not be happening.

 

[becka]

OK, let's reverse this. The mom is a Disser, she comes & posts a thread about how her sister-in-law & MIL & FIL took the kids to a water park over 3 hrs away without her permission. I think a lot of you (maybe not all) would say SIL & ILs were wrong.

I never suggested that she take the kids without telling them. While I would have no problem letting my chosen babysitters going to a water park with my kids I would still expect to know they were going. If the parent specifically said No and I still agreed to take the kids and then took them anyway then I would be wrong. But I also think it is OK for the OP to tell her sister that she does not want to watch the kids because she does not feel that her sister trusts her enough.

 

[Planogirl]

OK, let's reverse this. The mom is a Disser, she comes & posts a thread about how her sister-in-law & MIL & FIL took the kids to a water park over 3 hrs away without her permission. I think a lot of you (maybe not all) would say SIL & ILs were wrong.

I would want to be told. But I wouldn't say no.

 

[MichelleVW]

I was speaking in generalities there. Replace anything with water park, theme park, grocery store, etc... To me there really is not much of a difference. It I trusted someone enough to leave my kids with them for a week while I was away then I would trust them enough to take them all of those places. If I didn't trust them that much then I wouldn't leave them there in the first place.

Ditto...I just had this exact same conversation with my best friend. I take her daughter everywhere with me....including a trip to Ohio last summer...my friend said, "I know you love her and you wouldn't do anything to put her in danger so why wouldn't I trust you??"


If I leave town and leave my kids it's going to be someone that I trust in ANY situation....

but that works for me...not everyone.

 

[disykat]

The point many of you don't seem to be getting is that it's not about trust for many of us. It's about being able to relax on your trip, knowing that your kids are in familiar territory.

I let my kids go places. My family could take them on an overnight trip to a waterpark, no problem. However, while they are gone - I will be HOME, where they can find me easily if needed. They will have a good time, knowing that I am home waiting for their return. I would be spending quite a bit of my time thinking about them, knowing what a good time they are having.

However, if I leave my kids, it's a rare treat. A time when I want to relax and forget about parenting. The times I've left them they've been at our home with grandma and grandpa or at g &g's house. I can visualize their routines and spend little to no time at all thinking about what they are up to.

If my sister or parents decided to have a big adventure during the one weekend every five years I might decide to get away, I'd be the one who would be . They have access to my kids almost any other weekend they would want them and they choose THAT weekend to have a big adventure?

Heck, my kids are 11 and 14 and I would STILL enjoy myself more on a getaway if I thought they were home in familiar territory doing familiar things. If they were on their own getaway, I'd be wondering what they were doing. Selfish? Yes, but isn't that the point of getting away without the kids? Spending time on yourself for a change and not having to worry about the kids!

 

[becka]

The point many of you don't seem to be getting is that it's not about trust for many of us. It's about being able to relax on your trip, knowing that your kids are in familiar territory.

I let my kids go places. My family could take them on an overnight trip to a waterpark, no problem. However, while they are gone - I will be HOME, where they can find me easily if needed. They will have a good time, knowing that I am home waiting for their return. I would be spending quite a bit of my time thinking about them, knowing what a good time they are having.

However, if I leave my kids, it's a rare treat. A time when I want to relax and forget about parenting. The times I've left them they've been at our home with grandma and grandpa or at g &g's house. I can visualize their routines and spend little to no time at all thinking about what they are up to.

If my sister or parents decided to have a big adventure during the one weekend every five years I might decide to get away, I'd be the one who would be . They have access to my kids almost any other weekend they would want them and they choose THAT weekend to have a big adventure?

Heck, my kids are 11 and 14 and I would STILL enjoy myself more on a getaway if I thought they were home in familiar territory doing familiar things. If they were on their own getaway, I'd be wondering what they were doing. Selfish? Yes, but isn't that the point of getting away without the kids? Spending time on yourself for a change and not having to worry about the kids!

I guess this is just another area where I view things differently. If I was going away for a week I would not want my kids to be missing me and just be going through their normal routine. I would hope that they would view that week as an adventure as well. I would prefer it if my kids got to do some extra fun and special stuff in my absence and got to spend some quality time with family. Would I wonder how they were doing? Sure. Would I miss them? Absolutely. However, it would actually make me feel better to know that they were out having a great time and it would allow me to enjoy my alone time with DH more.

 

[Planogirl]

I guess this is just another area where I view things differently. If I was going away for a week I would not want my kids to be missing me and just be going through their normal routine. I would hope that they would view that week as an adventure as well. I would prefer it if my kids got to do some extra fun and special stuff in my absence and got to spend some quality time with family. Would I wonder how they were doing? Sure. Would I miss them? Absolutely. However, it would actually make me feel better to know that they were out having a great time and it would allow me to enjoy my alone time with DH more.

ITA. If I'm off having a special time, I would love it if DS was doing the same. I know that when I was taken care of by someone else part of the thrill was doing special activities. I still don't see a problem with it but different strokes and all of that.

 

[disykat]

I'd know they were having a good time - they'd be with people they loved! I'd also know they wouldn't be missing me, because they are with people they love and keeping up with their familiar routines.

Think of me as selfish if you want, I prefer us to be having vacations together or taking turns. I see no need for everyone in the family to be off vacationing at the same time.

Like another poster, I've HAD the experience of trying to get ahold of numerous family members on different vacations at the time of a family tragedy. I wouldn't do that again by choice and certainly not with my own underage children.

 

[gina2000]

I'd trust my sister in a heartbeat to take my son anywhere even if I were away. If I didn't trust her to take my son on a trip, then I wouldn't be trusting her with his care overnight.

I figure life is all about chances. I could get hit by a car while I'm on vacation without my son. I can't control that. He could also have an accident, get himself into trouble or misbehave right in his own town or anywher on this earth. If I'm out of town, I can't control that either. What will be, will be.

 

[BuckNaked]

I'd trust my sister in a heartbeat to take my son anywhere even if I were away. If I didn't trust her to take my son on a trip, then I wouldn't be trusting her with his care overnight.

I figure life is all about chances. I could get hit by a car while I'm on vacation without my son. I can't control that. He could also have an accident, get himself into trouble or misbehave right in his own town or anywher on this earth. If I'm out of town, I can't control that either. What will be, will be.

Very well said!! As I mentioned elsewhere, I wouldn't want my sister taking my kids on the Iraqi Adventure Tour or to the Horn of Africa to watch al-Qaeda train, but then again, I trust her to have the sense not choose dangerous activities as entertainment.

 

[WilmaBud]

What most people are talking about here are personality differences and differences in parenting styles. I don't see why so many people are so judgemental of the OP's sister. They are her children, and she has to deal within her own comfort zone. If her sister can't respect that, then she shouldn't watch the kids. Sure, watching them is a favor, but if you're going to get your panties in a wad just because you can't do whatever you want with them, then it's not really a favor, is it?

I've always found that permissive parents are much more likely to jump to judgment about parents who are more conservative. Newsflash...there's more than one way to successfully parent. I doubt any one of us has the perfect formula, so it really bugs me when people act all smug and superior about their parenting styles. You can differ in opinion with other parents and still show respect for their choices.

Op, your sister is not crazy or unreasonable. She surely trusts you to watch her kids, or she wouldn't have asked. She's just not comfortable with the trip to the waterpark while she's away (or maybe ever). It's that simple. You can make it about you and take it personally and hold a grudge, or you can accept and love your sister for who she is, whether you agree or not.

 

[ilovejack02]

LOL i cant believe this is still being discussed. How many differents ways can we all say the same thing?