Divorced Parents - question

[NY Disney fan]

Do you have a good relationship with your ex in how you co-parent? Do you think the reason for the divorce prevented you from having a good relationship with your ex? Or did you overcome that?

 

[just4today]

I do not have a very good relationship with my ex. He lives in another state. We have had many struggles, not necessarily because of the distance, but because he is a liar and does not put his children first. On top of that, new wife does things just to spite me and the kids (although I've never stood in the way of her having him; she's welcome to him )


Yes, one of the main reasons for the divorce was his lies and stubborn refusal to see common sense.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We are not divorced, my parents are not divorced, Dh's are.

I can speak for DH to say that his dad married someone with 6 kids and moved out of state. His mom is a paranoid schizophrenic.

Let's see....

I have no respect for this man.

DH hated the stepmom for 20yrs until he found out it was his dad that really was to blame for the lack of relationship. His dad even admitted it to his face. What a guy.

Co-parenting was done by phone. Yea...that really worked..not.

Now DH is 41 and has no relationship with his father. If we see him (at funerals/weddings/etc...) we are cordial, superficial, etc....

So no bond there at all.

However his dad has a wonderful bond with DH's 6 stepbrothers and sisters.

 

[NMAmy]

We have a good relationship now. It was rocky for a time there, though. Luckily, even during the rocky time, he was always fairly open to my input on dd.

We divorced because he had an affair. At first, I was of course, heartbroken. Now, I don't care at all about that--he's become someone that I used to know well but don't hang around much anymore, if that makes sense. Like an old acquaintance.

We live across the country from each other and my dd is living with him to finish up at the high school near him so she's living with him and his wife. What's funny is that my ex calls me often to find out what is going on with dd because she talks to me every day and isn't as forthcoming with her dad as she is with me. He calls me for advice fairly often. He tries very hard to be a good dad but sometimes is kind of clueless about dealing with a girl. I'll be extremely happy when she moves back here with us but because I miss her dreadfully not because I think her dad isn't a good parent. I know this is best for my dd so I deal with it.

I've rambled a bit here but I just wanted to show that it did get easier for both of us over time. While we don't agree on much, we're respectful of each other and we both want what is best for dd and we work together to achieve that.

 

[kellyg403]

The first 3 years after my divorce, not so good. Now, we have a good relationship. We aren't friends but we are parents and that is good for me. I replied in one of your other posts that my ex left us for another woman too, and I would say yes that had a lot to do with the anger and friction in the first year while we were divorcing. Then the 2nd year, not so much. I had alot of therapy around that time. Decided what "I" wanted for the kids re: their relationship with their dad. So it meant alot of eye rolling, biting my tounge and pretending I didn't hear something. I got off the "divorce" rollercoaster with him and got on the "parent" one. Took awhile but he finally came around to my way of thinking and is an awesome parent to my kids. He will come here to our town and stay the weekend so they can participate in sports or not miss a birthday party so he can spend the rest of the time with them, he calls and emails them pretty much every day. They love their dad alot. Is he perfect..nah. Sometimes he is really selfish but I think the kids know that. They always know he is going to be late too. They were able to find out on their own! But, when I was having a bit of trouble with ds14 and homework and school he was right there for me. When he came and picked up the kids that weekend he pulled me and ds aside and very sternly told ds school comes first, I am the mom and he will listen to me and that just because we are divorced does NOT mean we are not his parents because that comes first for us. To say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement.

Kelly

 

[4greatboys]

Divorced for 14 yrs and we do not have a good relationship or even a decent one. Thank goodness my 2 oldest are now 21 an 18 so I don't have to have any dealings with him anymore.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My ex and I actually have a much better relationship now than we did when we were married. He insists he didn't leave me for another woman, but he got remarried 3 months after our divorce. Anyway, we were divorced 6 1/2 years ago and things were bumpy at first, but we definitely patched things up. I think he's a great father and very responsible. He and his wife have a 4 year old daughter together and, in fact, his wife and I hang out occasionally (but not often, since they live in another state) and their daughter gives me hugs whenever she sees me. She is so cute! The wife and I email on a regular basis and have had extensive phone conversations. I think she's an amazing person and a wonderful stepmother to my daughter.

I know my relationship with my ex and his family isn't the norm though.