Disney With Inlaws....help!

[robinb]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and advice. I think I am going to talk to hubby and have us schedule a few seperate things just with our family and if inlaws want to join in they can or they can choose to back out.

I would approach it as more of a whole family thing in which the in-laws can feel free not to participate.

I am thinking of suggesting they get a separate car rental also as they are not "morning people" and are always late getting anywhere. I think I will start practcing those deep breathing exercises and counting to 10 now

This is also a good idea. I think you may have a harder time making it fly when your in-laws are upset about spending $45 on dinner. They'll think: Why rent a car when everyone can fit in yours? Good luck!

 

[pbharris4]

We took MIL & FIL last year w/ us. We stayed @ a 2bdrm villa @ BWV. Very rarely do we ever ask other to go on vacation with us, but thought we'd ask them. We've done it before & it wasn't great, but we've learned to comprimise over the years. At times it was rough (FIL is VERY stubborn). We also had a 13 month old with us and we had to work around her schedule. One thing I found is that older people (not every one though)don't like to be told what to do (meaning they don't even like suggestions or anything of the sort). I printed menus off allearsnet.com with the prices and we all agreed on restaurants, etc. We agreed on parks and days to go to the parks, and so on. When it came down to it, I feel that FIL was afraid to drive anywhere or ride the bus. They wanted us to ride the bus (we did once, with the HUGE stroller-not fun). One time I had to put my older DD (8 then) in the back of the SUV (no seats back there) because he wouldn't drive to the Poly for the Luau. He wouldn't admit he was scared though. His parents are very nice, but more from the "back country, old school, don't like a lot of new stuff" kind of people. Plus, it was hot and tiring. We never argued. It was our vacation & theirs. As long as we spent time away from them and with them it was ok. WOuld I do it again? Probably not. Of the few vacations we have taken with people..that was the best one. We comprimise every day with everyone..our vacation is our vacation. It's our time to relax and do whatever we want to do without having to try and please others. Maybe you can tell your in-laws that they can go do their own thing on certain days. Get DH involved. If you can't come to some sort of agreement then you should go without them. If they cannot comprimise with you now..they aren't going to do it when they are down there either. Even more so because then they will already spent money and argue with you about it even more.

Tell them they could share or one get an appetizer and the other get a meal or something. My in-laws did this as well. (even though I showed her menus/prices from the other website). We are totally 2 different groups (his family and us). We are always on the go, we've eaten at alot of pricier restaurants, spend more on clothing, cars, etc. but that's what we are used to (Thanks to Dh's job! We do save and are frugal on certain things) His mom and dad are way frugal with everything. There has to be a happy medium. I am a huge planning person (especially when it comes to WDW!) and once they got there and saw how chaotic it could be..they quickly looked to me for direction because they knew what I was talking about. Secretly make a plan (and some PS's) and maybe once they get there they will agree with you..if not..you'd made your plans, and they can go make theirs ( and you should tell them that too).


Hope everything works out one way or the other.

 

[tbelfonti]

We travelled with my inlaws ONCE.

First off, back story - my MIL and I don't get along. Never have we had words but we do not care for each other.

So I had suggested a trip to WDW and my DH said "only if we can invite my parents". I figured FIL is way too cheap to agree so I said SURE.

They ended up coming.

For the most part it worked out ok. They had rented their own car but we drove together to the parks (stayed off property).

We had one "problem" where there were almost words: We had PS for CRT breakfast. Pile everyone in the car and 5 minutes later FIL realizes he doesn't have his PH. So we drive back to get it and head off again. Get to the TTC. MIL is a heavy smoker and cannot run. We have 10 minutes to go before our PS. Get on the monorail and it's not moving. I'm obviously nervous about the PS time coming around. MIL comments "Don't you ever slow down?" I just turned around and rolled my eyes at her.

Overall it went ok - would I do it again? Only if we all stayed on property and had our own rooms. And they paid for everything LOL

 

[cropper]

I am in the same boat. I agree with many of the posts!!
My in-laws decided to join in on OUR vacation so we have made it clear that 'this is what WE are doing. If you want to come along, fine. Or, you can do your own thing and we will meet up later'.
But, since it is my in-laws, I have to be careful about saying 'MY FAMILY'

My in-laws are complaining about the price of the rooms!!

Best of luck.

 

[bubba73]

I can't say anything about going with my inlaws as honestly I haven't seen them in 5 years. (We don't get along at all.) But we have been 3 times with my parents. Luckily for me, my parents are as big a fan of WDW as I am so we get along. The only negative is there are a lot of rides that they never would do. Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, RNR, TOT, and the list goes on. The only "thrill" ride they can handle and like is Test Track.

But on this last trip, my father was having more problems than ever. Now he is getting up in years, overweight, and has been smoking for 50 years so he has some strikes against him. But what took him out of the game was a blister on his foot. After which, he was surly and whiny, He went back to the condo and wouldn't do anything but watch Fox News all day. He didn't hold us up from going anywhere or doing anything. He just wouldn't do it with us. The only other negative was he would sleep late and we would get to the parks late so we didn't get to do a lot that we wanted to do. But I would do Disney with my parents again in a heartbeat. (They offer to pay for a lot of stuff to save us money. I love that.)

 

[rcpae]

My mil took my daughter and my nephew to WDW when they were finishing Kindergarten. I was sad that she was going her 1st time without "us", but I decided not to cause problems and suck it up. I sent my daughter with a couple of disposable cameras..AND GUESS WHAT...they (mil and her sister) did not want to mess with any cameras at the parks. I have NO pictures of WDW...NONE! They didn't even take any. When I developed the pictures, I have shots out the car window, and many of my nephew jumping on the bed of the hotel room!

I can laugh about this now!

 

[Desnik]

These stories are exactly why DH always tells me NO when I want to invite family on our trips to WDW!!!

However, we did take my MIL(FIL is deceased)and we had a great time. We really get along and we had our plans and she had a choice to join in or not. We also had my mom meet us in the middle of our vacation.(on a seperate trip, the one with the "crazy" smilie in my signature LOL) We did all the parks and attractions we knew we wanted to do BEFORE she arrived. That way when she said she didn't want to go to a park like I knew she would, we weren't bothered by it at all!! She was also complaining about the food prices, but we just laughed at her and said it's WDW, what did you expect!!!?? She would just laugh at herself too. She also paid for almost every meal she ate with us!(we paid for her hotel) It was great because she took the kids one day to the pool so we could have alone time. She also took them one night so we could have dinner alone. It worked out great. But, DH likes our WDW trips to just be with his family, meaning me and our kids! He says it's our special time alone as a family making memories for our children. Gotta love him!

To the OP, I really wish you luck. If I can offer you any advice it would be to have a sense of humor about this. DH has a really great sense of humor. When my mom would get on his nerves, he would just tease her and make jokes. We would be at a restaurant and he asked the waitor if he could get half a side dish, or split with me b/c we had no money!!(BTW, my mom is very well off she's just cheap with certain things) My mom loves him so he can get away with teasing her, and I know she loves it!
It probably won't be a completly stess free vacation, but there are ways around this. Maybe if you decide to do 1 sit down meal per day then can you pay the bill? That way they can't complain about paying too much for food. Did you think that maybe your in-laws might want alone time away from you? You may want to ask or wait till you're there and ask if they want to do something without you. Your DH might be surprised, they might not want to be with you all all of the time!!LOL!!!
Although it might be easier to leave them alone if you were staying on-site. Then they could stay at the resort or use Disney transportation. Is this an option? Will they have their own rental car?

 

[cbrfan]

We had previously explained to MIL that we wanted to be the ones to take our kids to disney for the first time (after she made an off-hand comment). We wanted to be the one to see the magic in their eyes. Now that DS is almost 5 and DD is 2, we figured it was getting time. Not long after, we found a disneyworld brochure in her car.

Although I think it's wonderful she wanted to take the kids, I just think it was a tad disrespectful for her to make secret plans, knowing that we wanted to take the kids for their first time. Also, I think it's more of a competition with the other grandmas than a true desire to please the kids.

After finding that brochure, hubby and I decided we were gonna go ahead and do it. Grandma wasn't real happy when she learned we had already made our own vacation plans. I guess I'm kind of small minded, but DH felt the same way. She had her chance to take her own kids (which she never did). The first disney experience should belong to us, the parents, if we want it.

I'm not against grandparents taking their grandkids, all for it! But it was our desire to take them for their FIRST trip. Yes, we're selfish, but this is OUR family and we want to enjoy it.

Okay, grandparents, flame away!

No flames from this grandma!! We're going to take our DGS for his first trip, but we're treating his parents, too! WDW can be hard on a young budget and while we're not exactly rolling in the big bucks we want them to experience the magic with their little one. I'm certainly not getting any arguments from them!

 

[GinaGrumpyDwarf]

DISNEYDREAMS....omg I went through it in December with MIL, SIL and nephew. DH and I love DIsney and had been there SEVERAL times and we wanted to really be there for the holidays and to show our DD2 a really "disney" time. The only way we even SURVIVED it was having 2 cars. Omg...it really was the worst time we ever had at Disney (and it really want all that bad) but they didnt want to do things we did, they never felt the "magic" etc..... Oh i didnt do a trip report on that disaster on purpose..lol. Anyways, You have to talk to your DH and just agree to try to do what you want, regardless of what "they" want.
Anticipate the different views, and make the best of it.

 

[Magical-Memories]

As the MIL, who loves to take her family to DW - Let me say that we have another trip coming...in June, we are staying at SOG and my son and wife are flying in from NH, my daughter and SIL and grandaughter are flying in from NC, and my husband and I are taking our other two grandchildren (my other daughter and SIL dont like DW, so they LOVE for us to take the kids for them), now my youngest brother and his wife and 2 children are also coming...how I worked out the schedule was I made up our schedule and PS list, gave it to everyone and said if you want to join us at anything, let me know so I have the # of people correct - my SIL made one for her family and chose to join us for 3 of the days exactly, which is great - my son and his wife said they want to do everything we are doing and same with my daugher and SIL, except 2 evening she has special plans for their anniversary and his birthday and we are babysitting the 18 month old. I made it clear we have our plans, we are not offended if anyone wants to do their own thing. In fact the guys will golf some. Its best to be open, its vacation - dont let "moods" ruin for anyone or everyone. We are all meeting to enjoy each other, have fun and enjoy the kids.

Love this idea! Makes a lot of sense! We may extended family coming with us on our November trip. This is a great solution! Thanks!

 

[messick4]

Reading these posts I feel very blessed. We are headed to Orlando in June for our third Disney trip with my Inlaws. I'm looking forward to it. They know I love to plan, so I make all the PS's and suggest hotel arrangements. Then they decide if they want to play with us or go on their own. They have their own car, we all have cell phones, and either enjoy the day together or meet up for dinner. It works out great for us. Last time we introduced them to Character Dinners (at Disneyland). We weren't sure how they'd react, but they loved it. This time, my MIL couldn't wait to read about the Character meals I suggested and wants to try them all.
My advice: Agree with your DH about your strategy, let the ILs know what your plans are, invite them to everything and be gracious when they choose to do something else. That way, everyone has a great time.

 

[all4fun]

We are going to Disney in August and the inlaws are coming with us. They don't understand about the "booking things" ahead process and can't see to see how people do it. Then when I finally get them to understand about how priority seating cuts down on wait times etc. they think the prices of the places are too high. I mentioned going to Ohanas one night and they just about fell over with the price per person. I also mentioned doing Hollywood and Vine dinner before Fantasmic and their response was. "We should probably just do the show." We can't just break apart and go on our own as hubby won't do that and it would cause too many problems. They did manage to let me make a ps at 50 prime time for lunch, but I neglected to show them the prices on purpose. This is our first time taking the kids to Disney and I am afraid they are going to drive me crazy with everything being "too expensive". Anyone have an experience like this? I just needed to vent... thanks for listening and any advice to keep my sanity would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, just a thought: you could try buying a few "quick and casual" meal vouchers to help them curb costs. Dh and I used these one trip and we really thought we got a lot of value out of them. You actually get quite a bit of food with these so if two people want to order the same thing, you can split a meal, although you don't have to do this to save money. You can get these from www.dwtickets.com
Here's the thread: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Meal Vouchers if you have any question about what's covered and how they work.

I think you've gotten lots of great advice. Keep practicing those deep breathing exercises and good luck!

Cheryl

 

[delilah]

Oh god yes with my DAD! He and his wife were supposed to meet us for four days. They bought a one day ticket to Epcot, kept wanting us to meet them at places where they wouldn't have to pay to get in, stayed offsite and did nothing but complain about the shuttle service and actually tried to get an earlier flight so they could go home a day early. NEVER AGAIN!

Good luck! You will still have a magical time but you might want to practice counting to 10 and doing some deep breathing exercises........

Michele

This sounds like my experience with my ILs. My MIL is in a NH, so, she doesn't come. My husband's cousin and his married, adult children live in Tampa, so, every time we go to WDW, my husband takes a side trip to Tampa, to visit his mom and cousins. They always want to see my son, who is 7, and wants to visit WDW when he is on vacation at WDW. So, we always have to spend an evening or so with the cousins somewhere that is not in a park, preferably free, of course. We always have to pay, because these people are cheap to the Nth degree. The one time the cousin did go to MK with us, we paid for tickets for him and his then fiance.

We are going in May, and will be sharing a 2BR unit with my brother and his family. We always get along fine, because they share the costs, and are compatible with are schedule, and don't get bent out of shape if the kids would rather go to a park than socialize at DTD.

 

[EthansMom]

We went with my BIL, SIL, 2 nephews and MIL two years ago! It was terrible! First, I let SIL talk me into staying at an off-site hotel because it was cheaper. Second, I let SIL talk me into not booking any PS's because "it was a waste of time to eat at the sit-down restaurants". Third, we ended up waiting for the in-laws every morning -- wait for them to get ready for breakfast and then wait for at least one of them to run back to the hotel room to get something that was forgotten before we left for the parks. Afterwards, I calculated it all out and we literally spent the equivalent of one person's whole vacation waiting for other members of the family (not including any waiting for rides or such)!

My advice: If your in-laws aren't on the same page regarding what time to get up and go to the parks, get separate cars and use cell phones to meet up later. If the in-laws have heartache over the price of sit-down restaurants, maybe you could arrange to have PS's for all of you at lunch (when meals are less expensive than dinner) and then do counter service or off-site for most of your dinners. Do be willing to do a few things on your own and meet up later -- cell phones definitely help with this.

Good luck!

 

[LittleBoPeep]

I was worried about this in the beginning, but it has worked out fairly well.
Our trip with my IL's is in 4 days. I knew ahead of time that I have different plans in mind for my family, and they would too, so we did the "Disney Planning Integration" (as we called it) way in advance. We sat down and discussed the pros and cons of on-site and off-site; 1 car vs. 2 cars (or no cars if on-site); and what we all really want to do (Disney and non-Disney). Being that we had been there last year and this is their first trip, we explained some of the issues we ran into on our "rookie" trip. Then we started the basics of planning. The key for us was to take everyone's wants and needs into consideration and make sure they felt they were being heard.
What ended up happening in our case, my family (DH, DS and DD) are heading down 4 days before them. We are doing a good number of things that they do not want to do before they get there (i.e. character breakfasts, the water parks, etc.), but so we don't miss out on what we enjoy. Then when they arrive, we will be spending some quality time with them; not spending time with someone unhappy because they will be unable to do what they want. We have also factored in 1 "free day" where everyone gets to do whatever they want--and on their schedule.
For meals, we made a deal. We told them we'd take them out to dinner for their 1st night there, so the expensive meal that we wanted to enjoy, we knew we still would, and they wouldn't have to worry about breaking their budget. And by staying at OKW, we're able to take advantage of the kitchen for all of our breakfasts and a few dinners, to keep it from getting too expensive for them.
The best advice I have is to keep the lines of communication open and discuss even the daunting topic of budget differences. Getting it all out in the open and seeking common ground now will make the vacation more enjoyable. We know that when we leave, all of the issues we had before have been taken care of, and we are able to concentrate on enjoying each other's company, which is the most important reason for the vacation.

Good luck to you!

 

[pyrxtc]

Hi, just a thought: you could try buying a few "quick and casual" meal vouchers to help them curb costs. Dh and I used these one trip and we really thought we got a lot of value out of them. You actually get quite a bit of food with these so if two people want to order the same thing, you can split a meal, although you don't have to do this to save money. You can get these from www.dwtickets.com
Here's the thread: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Meal Vouchers if you have any question about what's covered and how they work.

I think you've gotten lots of great advice. Keep practicing those deep breathing exercises and good luck!

Cheryl

Are these Q&C vouchers the same as the old one's? Do they work everyhwere? B&C??

 

[tink&cinderella]

We went with my in-laws in April - they came and joined us for 4 days at Disney and then were with us on the Disney Cruise. We had them come about 5 days after we had gotten there - this was a great alternative as they are much slower paced then we were - MIL is 83 and in a wheelchair and FIL is 78- it worked out ok for us - I had a long chat with them prior to agreeing to them coming with us. I explained that this was our family vacation with the children, we needed some "us" time and although we would try to have meals together we needed to be able to "unwind" just the 4 of us. We had connecting rooms and one night they watched the kids while hubby and I went out on our own. On the Cruise we had many things booked without them ie: spa. The agreement was we would eat dinner together - everything else we would take day by day.

Overall it was painless - Mind you they were pleased to participate in anything we booked/planned. We had breakfast at Norway with the Princesses, Breakfast in the Castle, and went to the Hoop de doo revue. They even offfered to pay for most of the family meals we had together - They are like that though and I don't think I would have been able to put up with stingy in-laws - not that I expected them to pay for us, but if you nickel and dime on a vacation, you might as well not go. I however would have booked all those things without them had they not wanted to go.

Good luck - Sometimes having some rules/expectations right at the beginning is a good way to address it right up front. you might say something like "I am sure you and dad don't want to spend every minute with us".

Take care

 

[Merriwind]

Good luck - try to have a positive attitude. A smile can diffuse many a situation. I would really look into at least seperate rental cars. Being able to work on different schedules could save a lot of unhappiness. Everyone is different and each trip/family will have a different dynamic. If you check rental car rates (BJ's/Sams Club and Entertainment books often have discounts) you may find a cheap second car. I agree with others who doubt that your ILs really want to spend every moment of this trip together with you. Some independent time for each family group could be a sanity saver.

Some different travel together stories...

We once stayed with a girlfriend of mine whose idea of getting up early is being ready to leave before noon. Of course, by noon, we are almost ready to head back to the hotel for our midday break. We were off-property with one car and after two cranky days, she decided to join us only for the post-midday break festivities. A great solution! We've been with my parents to WDW a couple of times. Sometimes we spend days (or parts of days) together, sometimes not, but we meet for dinner daily. Went with my DSis, her hubby and 2 boys. Like my girlfriend, they too are late starters. We did parks with them when our schedules overlapped, otherwise, it was dinners each night. Last year, we went with my DH's DSis, her DH and 2 girls--fantastic trip! It was their first time at WDW and even (especially) the 50-something BIL was like a happy child. We are all early birds, so we did park opening together daily. Often times, we went back for our break while they stayed for parades and such (they're girls are older than our DD). Again, we met for dinner each night. Sometimes little adjustments are all it takes to make everyone happier.

Each trip had its moments, just because we are used to doing things our way. And let's face it, humans in general aren't great with change... Think about what you NEED to have in order to make this trip work for you. Try to explain to DH why you need these experiences. Try to be flexible on some others. And smile...and relax...after all, you are going to Disney World!! Enjoy.

 

[crisi]

We took my MIL two years ago. We orginally invited her husband as well, but he couldn't get the time off work.

My mother in law is well into her 60s. She isn't big on consumerism, likes culture, enjoys good food, sleeps late and stays up late, doesn't swim and is slow moving. She has never been anti-Disney, but it never occurred to her she might want to go. She's on a limited budget

We had a four and five year old who move fast, want all the kitchy rides, don't sit well for dinner, get up early. My husband and I spend a lot of money at Disney.

You can see why I was concerned?

We took her sister with us as well. We had planned to pay for two anyway, and this allowed them to break off from us without guilt on our part.

We paid for pretty much everything - hotel (2 bedroom BWV), dinner, food when we were together, and park tickets. They paid for their own souvieiners and food when we weren't together. This allowed us to book restaurants we wanted (and thought she'd enjoy) without worrying about her pocketbook. It let us hand them hoppers with "go where you want" without having to worry about "park days and non-park days." This isn't always do able - we were fortunate to be able to afford to do this this way.

We spent two days running around like mad - goals: Introduce our "rookies" to the layout of the parks, how to take transportation, how to get back to the room. In some ways, traveling with seniors can be like traveling with kids - my mother in law is a bright woman, but she doesn't catch on as fast as she used to. And HAVE FUN! Let the kids enjoy WDW, have my MIL enjoy watching her grandkids enjoy WDW, share some of our favorite things that we weren't sure they'd catch on their own.

Then we split up and met for dinner for the rest of the trip. We'd leave early with the kids, they'd sleep in. We'd ride Goofy's Barnstormer and discover they'd also been in the MK seeing the Hall of Presidents. They poked through the shops in World Showcase, we went to the waterpark.

We spent the last day together, redoing a lot of the Magic Kingdom attractions (or the stuff we'd missed).

Turned out to be a great trip. Next year we are taking my parents on a Disney cruise - and I'm not sure about that - my Dad gets crankier and more set in his ways each year.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Last Dec. we took my mother and ILs. I made a schedule of all of our days and gave everybody one. I included all of our PSs which I made for 8 people. I copied the menu from each restaurant for them to get an idea of the cuisine and prices. My FIL is very frugal. My DH kept telling him how expensive WDW was in order to prepare him for the sticker shock. My FIL enjoyed himself so much that on the last day HE was buying everyone Mickey Bars.

I told them they were welcome to join us or to do their own thing. My mother stuck with us. My MIL used that schedule like her WDW Bible. She appreciated knowing what our plans were the night before. Sometimes they joined us and sometimes they didn't. It worked out great. We had no problems telling the restaurants that our #'s had changed. I guess it happens all of the time at WDW.

When we got home my ILs sent me a thank you card with some money. They said they knew how hard I worked to make their first WDW trip so special. I don't consider it work! I love doing it.


Good Luck,

Lori