Disney after loss of children

[Josh125]

Hello all,

My wife and I lost our twins recently to premature births, Ethan and Aubrey were 21 weeks when DW went into labor. It's been just devastating to us, I'll keep my long story short and follow with a question.

DW had brain cancer at 26 which she is a survivor of, however as a result of the extensive radiation treatments she is infertile. We went to various IVF docs around the country and concieved last November using donor eggs, we felt on top of the world. Now, here we are wondering what did we do to deserve this. I realize that is not rational, but dear Lord it feels that way.

We are looking to to get away, and we both love Disney and feel it is such a special place unlike anyplace else. We are really not sure if we could deal with it all. However, it is where are hearts are saying to go. Has anyone else been in this position? Thoughts?

 

[quasar4legs]

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby boys.

I have not been in your situation but many years ago I had to deal with the pain of infertility, IVF and several miscarriages and there were times when I did find it hard to be surrounded by children when I was childless.

In the end my husband and I decided that we didn't want to create a world for ourselves that avoided children but I think you will know when you are ready. It can be so hard.

There were still times when I would feel a pang in my heart or I had a quiet cry watching people have what seemed to be out of my grasp. I can't imagine the pain of losing your boys.
I don't know if you are 'ready' for Disney but do what feels right for you. In my experience some of my saddest moments were just being in the supermarket and walking past the nappies or visiting friends with babies.
I hope that someone with more insight will be able to offer better advice but I did want to send you my support.

Wishing both you and your wife peace.

 

[rie'smom]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Follow your hearts as far as a Disney trip goes. We haven't been in your position exactly but we were supposed to adopt twins and the birth mother miscarried at 28 weeks. It was very painful. After several months, we talked to an adoption attorney and w/in 6 months, we had our daughter. That was 16 years ago. Disney World is a very special place for us too. My husband, my daughter, and I are going to WDW in a few weeks.
Be there for each other

 

[Josh125]

Thanks for your reponses, we appreciate it. We are still on the fence with what to do. We are really I guess trying to decide what type of vacation we want, one to relax to not do anything or go to Disney and be engrossed in the world that is Disney to keep our minds off of it.

I guess it whatever we choose, our kids will be in our hearts and in our throughts throughout.

 

[cm8]

, we lost an infant, it is hard, but we have been living through it year after year. I hope that you and your DW can one day enjoy WDW and feel the magic no matter what tomorrow brings. We are so sorry for the lost of your children

 

[Deesknee]

I cann't imagine your pain. I have typed & deleted the words more times than I will admit. There are no words. God Bless.
Whatever you decide, I truly pray you are blessed in all decisions. I pray for you both as well as your two angels.

 

[iwrbnd]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I know my sister-in-law never got married and always wanted a family. She would say she wished the grocery store or mall would open one day for just adults so she could go without the pain of seeing families!

Disney might be hard but if it's where you find happiness you should go. I have older kids and when I see families with young ones at Disney I feel a little envious for that time in my life when parenting was easier.

Go and make this trip about your marriage. Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your twins! I don't have the words to type! I'll be praying for you!

 

[Josh125]

Thanks again for everyone's reponse and condolences. It's decided, we are going to Disney for our trip. We talked last night at length about it and to be honest we shouldn't worry if we get upset but rather just expect it to happen and enjoy ourselves and let the Mouse do the rest. We are going to take it easy this time around, staying at the Poly and plan to just go slow and just enjoy eachother.

cm8 - I am so sorry about your loss as well, it's just a horrible feeling isn't it? Something that I don't think anyone can fully understand unless it happens to them, my wish is that no one else has to go through this.

 

[Westiefan]

I am so sorry for your loss and all that you both have gone through. I have not walked in your shoes but understand your apprehension. I will say that I went through the exact same procedure several times and went to Disney in between transfers and also had a failed adoption. It was hard, of course, to see families at that time -- but I knew it would happen for us one way or another.
We did things that were more resort like--go to the quiet pool, have drinks in that small lounge in Japan in Epcot, go to very nice dinners all dressed up, relax in a hammock, read a book--no one with kids was doing this!
Looking back on that time, yes it was sad for moments, however, we look back on those trips and are glad we did the things we did-really getting to see and experience Disney (adult version) without having kids with us. We go now with our children and it is fun of course, but we miss taking time to do all those things that we can't stop and do now.
I will say I would avoid a long trip (I did that and not a good idea)--try a shorter one and go back if you are up for it.

 

[laughinplace199]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine the pain that you must be going through.

I don't know exactly how you feel, but I struggled with several miscarriages when DH & I were trying to start a family. After the first one, I was sad, but so many people told me how common it was, I'd have better luck next time, etc. Well, the 2nd pregnancy also ended in m/c. We were devastated. I remember DH trying to cheer me up by taking me out to lunch, but it just wasn't working. Out of the blue, he said, "We should go to Disney World." We stopped at a travel agency on the way home from lunch and booked a trip. The next year, pregnancy #3 ended in m/c as well and we went back to Disney again. It's our happy place. I thought it might make me really sad to be in such a family place, but it didn't. Of course there were some sad moments here and there (especially when I saw little ones that were the age ours would have been), but it wasn't too bad. We really didn't pay much attention to the other people there, just focused on us and our relationship.

For me, planning those WDW trips helped me through the tough times. Maybe it was a nice distraction or maybe it was something to look forward to, I'm not sure, but I have no regrets. Those trips were different from our other trips, but special in their own way.

I hope you have a wonderful trip.

 

[circhead]

I too am very sorry for your loss. If you decide that Disney is the right thing for you to do than go for it. No two people grieve the same way.

I hope that God gives you the strength to get thru this and that there is something good waiting to happen for you.

 

[cydswipe]

I'm sorry for your loss.
All my words I have typed have now been erased, as I can't put something appropriate on the keyboard. I have no experience with this type of loss.

DisneyWorld will give you loads and loads of memories with your DW. I hope you can enjoy the many magical moments there.

Now I'm going to start to babble... so I will sign off!

God Bless!

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

You and your wife will be in my prayers. Enjoy each other at Disney...there are some awesome hammocks at the Poly beach where you guys can snuggle and watch fireworks together. I can't think of a happier place to start the healing process. Just take the time to hold each other too....I've gone through a lot this last year too, and nothing is more comforting than my husband just holding me, even if no words are exchanged.

 

[BabyRN]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am a high risk OB nurse in Syracuse, NY, and I see situations like yours all too frequently. I just wanted you to know that although I know it's too soon to talk about the future, please know that it doesn't have to be the end of trying for a baby, or babies for that matter. Now that your wife experienced a premature loss, her physicians will know how to treat her next time to help in stopping it. If you have any specific questions that I might be able to help you with or answer for you, please do not hesitate to PM me. I hope you two have a wonderful vacation together!

 

[DisneyFairytale]

Thanks again for everyone's reponse and condolences. It's decided, we are going to Disney for our trip. We talked last night at length about it and to be honest we shouldn't worry if we get upset but rather just expect it to happen and enjoy ourselves and let the Mouse do the rest. We are going to take it easy this time around, staying at the Poly and plan to just go slow and just enjoy eachother.
QUOTE]
Good for you. A lot of our family trips have been to get "away" from the rest of the world. There have a few occasions when we've had those bitter/sweet moments and have had to have a good cry, but all in all, those are things that are healthy. You guys are going to have to go through some of it-at your pace-as your system heals and recovers.

I think that's why Disneyland holds such a special place in my heart-because we have sooo many memories and emotionally recovering situations.

You guys enjoy your trip and take time for yourselves. We will be expecting a lot of pictures.

 

[es45]

Thanks again for everyone's reponse and condolences. It's decided, we are going to Disney for our trip. We talked last night at length about it and to be honest we shouldn't worry if we get upset but rather just expect it to happen and enjoy ourselves and let the Mouse do the rest. We are going to take it easy this time around, staying at the Poly and plan to just go slow and just enjoy eachother.

Wishing you a wonderful trip.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

Words can not express how sorry i am to read your first post. But i am very happy you and your DW are going to Disney. Things will be hard but they WILL get better!