Discrimination...who has experienced it?

[Tigger&Belle]

As I'm reading my social policy book, studying for my final tomorrow, I'm reading about various discrimination post WW2. I never really understood much about the Jim Crow laws and about what was going on in the country in the 40's-60's, except what was presented to us growing up. Keep in mind, I was born in 1960, so have recollection of things that happened in that time period, but I was a kid growing up in a small town in Southern Oregon and I think that since it didn't affect us as personally we didn't talk about the political climate as much, at least in my house.

Anyway, doing my reading got me to thinking that even though I could be discriminated against for a couple things (I converted to Judaism in the early 80's before getting married and I have recently come out of the closet), but the things I could be discriminated against are more "hidden" (being gay not quite as much, but still it's up to me how open I am with others about it, so I can pick and choose a bit if I so desire). Of course I could add in being a woman and before long being considered an "older person".

If some of you don't mind answering, what discrimination have you encountered (racism, ageism, sexism, etc, etc)? Both the bigger, more "in your face" things and the more subtle (I was going to say the smaller things, but that might imply unimportant, and I don't think any discrimination is ever that). How have you handled it?

For those that haven't experienced discrimination (or even if you have), have you, even subtly, had views that others could consider discriminatory? How has your awareness changed through your life? IE, are your views and attitudes the same as the ones you were raised with? Why or why not?

And no, other than my class getting me to thinking, this is not an assignment of mine, even though it is something that is very interesting to me. My mind is just working overtime right now. It happens to the best of us, even an older returning student like me.

 

[Kath2003]

I think everyone is discriminated against one way or another - because you're a woman you're not going to be good at math or DIY, because you're a man you won't cope with the vacuum cleaner, because you're young you're naive and inexperienced, because you're old you're out of date etc. You're Asian so people assume you're Buddhist/Hindu/Muslim/Sikh, you're white so people assume you're Christian/Jewish etc.

I grew up going to church every weekend so lots of people still assume I'm Christian when nothing really could be further from the truth. They also assume I'm rebelling, when in reality I looked into a huge number of religious/spiritualities before I made my decision. They assume it's a phase, it's not.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think everyone is discriminated against one way or another - because you're a woman you're not going to be good at math or DIY, because you're a man you won't cope with the vacuum cleaner, because you're young you're naive and inexperienced, because you're old you're out of date etc. You're Asian so people assume you're Buddhist/Hindu/Muslim/Sikh, you're white so people assume you're Christian/Jewish etc.

That's true. And I think we all have some things ingrained in us that are hard to think differently about, ie someone is a bad driver because they are of a certain race, etc.

I'm wondering about specific examples that people have experienced.

 

[eeyore65]

Yes, I have. Early in my career a tried to be a financial planner in a conservative part of the country. Again and again I heard that people wouldn't give money to a young female. (ageism, sexism) I couldn't get appointments. So I partnered with a middle age man - I called "for him" got loads of appointments and mandates. He did the face to face sales and I did all the plans. The clients were happy to deal with me when I was his assistant. He wanted all the money so I ended this career.

Later on, I was working as a banker and doing really well. My bosses job opened up and the CEO said "Well obviously we should give the job to XXX(me) but she is pregnant, so we can't." Said it in front of me and a large group of men.

I worked overseas for a while and it was even worse. I mostly laughed it off or used the underestimation of my talents to my advantage.

 

[honugirl]

I experience discrimination because of my weight. I weigh just over 200 pounds, but guys don't want to date me because I'm fat. Doctors tell me I'm fat because I eat too much rather than seek the truth (I actually have a rare disease, Cushing's Disease, which made me gain all the weight). I can't wear the cute clothes because they don't make them in my size. The list could go on and on, but I can't remember it all right now. It really sucks. All people see is the fat, they don't see me.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Ignored it. Not going to change anyone's mind. What is the point of getting all bent out of shape?

Plus, when you let them squak and ignore it, you really do stop caring after a while. And it is much easier to go about your life when you really don't care about all that crap. Happier, too.

You also find a whole lot of other people who also don't give a crap - they're much more fun than the fighters and whiners, too.

That's MHO.

 

[Kathi OD]

Ignored it. Not going to change anyone's mind. What is the point of getting all bent out of shape?

Plus, when you let them squak and ignore it, you really do stop caring after a while. And it is much easier to go about your life when you really don't care about all that crap. Happier, too.

You also find a whole lot of other people who also don't give a crap - they're much more fun than the fighters and whiners, too.

That's MHO.

ITA with Cool-Beans!

 

[N&B'smom]

I ran my father's business for over 10 years. During that time I had to deal with some problems. When the customer wasn't happy they would ask for my father, which was fine. But if he wasn't there (and he would go away for 6 weeks at a time) then I was the one in charge. When some of the customers were told that he wasn't available they would say things like 'Well, I want to speak to the 'man' in charge'. I remember responding with 'I am the 'man' in charge'. They didn't like that one bit.

Shelby

 

[missypie]

Example 1: When I was in 6th grade, if you wanted to be in the 7th grade band, you went to see the band director with your mom after school to discuss instrument choice. I wanted to play the trumpet. The director said, "No, boys play the trumpet. Girls play flutes or clarinets." Mom and I discussed it for about 30 seconds and I chose the flute. (Always hated it; dropped it a few years later.)

Example 2: When I was little, I was a very fast runner. Boys would bring their friends over to my house to see if they could beat me. I could outrun anyone in the school. But then track started, it was boys only and that was the end of my running career.

The thing is, neither my parents nor I thought a thing about these incidents. We weren't mad. We didn't threated to sue. It was just the way things were. Thank God for those who get mad enough to do something about discrimination, because human nature is just to let things slide.

 

[PatsMom]

Yes, I have. Early in my career a tried to be a financial planner in a conservative part of the country. Again and again I heard that people wouldn't give money to a young female. (ageism, sexism) I couldn't get appointments. So I partnered with a middle age man - I called "for him" got loads of appointments and mandates. He did the face to face sales and I did all the plans. The clients were happy to deal with me when I was his assistant. He wanted all the money so I ended this career.

Later on, I was working as a banker and doing really well. My bosses job opened up and the CEO said "Well obviously we should give the job to XXX(me) but she is pregnant, so we can't." Said it in front of me and a large group of men.

I worked overseas for a while and it was even worse. I mostly laughed it off or used the underestimation of my talents to my advantage.

Its gotten a bit better in financial planning over the last several years. Although we are still so male dominated that the Financial Planning Association's annual convention in Boston this year was the only large gathering other than a sporting even I can remember going to that had lines for the men's rest room and none for the ladies room! But the discrimination in the financial planning field is nothing compared to what I experienced as a woman in the military in the 1970's. I couldn't quote a single specific incident but there was definitely a bias - men got better assignments, better living conditions and more respect. When a few career fields were opened to women for the first time, I was working at the flight training school for the loadmasters. The attitude among the male instructors was wondering who would have the most success getting the female students to wash out. Same for the flight engineers. And this was years after women were allowed to be pilots.

 

[missypie]

Ignored it. Not going to change anyone's mind. What is the point of getting all bent out of shape?

Plus, when you let them squak and ignore it, you really do stop caring after a while. And it is much easier to go about your life when you really don't care about all that crap. Happier, too.

You also find a whole lot of other people who also don't give a crap - they're much more fun than the fighters and whiners, too.

That's MHO.

I posted before I read this post. That's how we felt about me only being allowed to play a "girl's instrument" and not being allowed to run track. I am so glad that someone cared enough to make things change!!!!!

 

[mkingdomlvr]

DH and I read a book a few years ago titled "Persecution" by David Limbaugh. Up until then, we had really been very ignorant about the concerted effort being made in American society to "cleanse" it of Christianity. When you only see one thing at a time, you think it's nothing and people are whining-but when you see ALL the different things lined up the way he did it looks very different.

It became clear to us that there were groups in this country that would love to see all Christians forced to practice their faith only in their homes with the windows covered so nobody should ever have to see it.

This one incident really made me sad:

School administrators at Colorado's Columbine High School, the site of the 1999 student massacre, picked through and pried loose more than 90 of the 2,100 ceramic tiles in tribute to those killed and placed in a hallway above student lockers. The offense? The tiles were painted with messages such as "God is Love" and "4/20/99 Jesus wept" and were deemed "objectionable."

 

[missypie]

But the discrimination in the financial planning field is nothing compared to what I experienced as a woman in the military in the 1970's. I couldn't quote a single specific incident but there was definitely a bias - men got better assignments, better living conditions and more respect. When a few career fields were opened to women for the first time, I was working at the flight training school for the loadmasters. The attitude among the male instructors was wondering who would have the most success getting the female students to wash out. Same for the flight engineers. And this was years after women were allowed to be pilots.

Just a few years before I went to law school, the female law students at my school sued the big firms in town because they wouldn't even interview, much less hire, women. A few years later, I got a job at one of those firms and my starting class was 50-50 women/men. I am personally indebted to those "radical" women who made waves.

 

[pfishgirl]

Yes, for being a woman

I worked at an HVAC *Heating & Air Conditioning* business and I would tell the customer, word for word, what the "male" service techinician told me to tell the customer. They would simply refuse to believe me even though I would say..

"so and so" told me to tell you, blah blah blah...

They would still insist and sometimes demand in a not so polight voice to speak with " so and so"

It made me so Mad they refuse to listen to a word of a woman but put a man on the phone and their words were Golden

I would tell the Tech or my Boss about what the customer said, and my Boss or the Tech would call the customer back and stick up for me.

They would say well Stacy told you exactly what I told her for you to do. So where's the problem?

 

[lemondog]

Yes, I have been discriminated against several times due to my religious beliefs (Catholic). Down here in the Bible belt many think I am not Christian, cannot be saved...the list goes on. I had one girl tell me she would not be my friend (when we were in college) because I was Catholic.

Do I discriminate against? Yes, I guess I do. When I am alone in a parking lot heading to my car, and there is a man walking near me/behind me, I always, ALWAYS wonder if he is harmless, or going to hurt me. Crazy thoughts, I know, but I seriously doubt I would feel that way if it were a woman, so I guess that is technically discrimination.

 

[Camicar]

1. Racism
2. Sexism
3. Ageism.

You know which one was the most inclusive and impossible to get around? The ageism I experienced in my early 40s when I was trying to make a career change. I was actually perfectly qualified for the career change I wanted to make but I could not get anywhere with anyone at any company or organization. I was told point blank over and over that at age 42/43 I was too old to make a career change, even though I was qualified to do the jobs for which I was applying. This discrimination has proven impossible to overcome and I am stuck.

 

[ols386]

I interviewed for a different job position, within the same company, a few years ago, and it would have been a promotion. In the end, after the interview I had, with the person who 'would have' been my boss, flat out told me that I didn't get selected because of my race. I was told that the person who was selected, was not as qualified as I, but they needed to fill the position with someone of another race to fill their 'quota'. The person who interviewed me said that if I mentioned to anyone what they had just said to me, that I wasn't selected because of race, that they would deny ever telling me that. I thought it was odd that the interviewer would even say this to me...what would be the point? I never needed to know that. Actually, as it turned out, I was probably lucky that I was not selected, because that person who did get the job, ended up working for someone different than the person who interviewed me, and he turned out to be a real jerk, and terribly hard to work with and for.

 

[chrisw127]

I was in the military, and I'm a woman, so discrimination was pretty evident, even if it wasn't always meant to be negative. I've been in training where how well you did physically counted for your score and had men try to hold my rucksack (note because I needed it) because where they were from, that's what a man did. I can't tell you how many times, as the only female officer in my battalion, I was put in charge of a Christmas party or a toy drive. Whenever I went to the field, someone would set up my tent before I even had a chance (okay, I honestly didn't mind that one). Those things aren't terrible, but they do work against you as it causes you to be seen more as a female than as a soldier.

There were other things that happened that clearly fell into the category of a hostile workplace, comments that were inappropriate, things like that. It's a very tough environment for a woman and most of the time, you don't say anything at all.

Less of an issue, but my husband is Chinese-American and whenever we fly out of the country, the flight attendants ALWAYS give us each a custom form (rather than the one they give per family) because they just assume we aren't married because we are of different races. We've actually turned that one into a game. A similar thing happened at the Magic Kingdom last time we were there. We had our three kids and the CM stopped me after my husband and the twins in their stroller went through and told me we couldn't all go through the wheelchair entrance (we were taking it because we had the stroller). When I asked why, she said because we weren't part of that family and pointed to my husband.

 

[Huskerfamilyof5]

I fight discrimination every day. My job is as a civil rights investigator, specializing in housing discrimination. Although it is difficult to prove discrimination without direct overt statements or advertising, but it can be done. I have been investigating housing discrimination for over 9 years, and have seen some very severe cases involving race/color, religion, gender, sex harassment, national origin, and due to having children.

I myself was discriminated against, due to having children. I inquired about renting a townhouse, which was advertised as a "quiet" area. They asked if I had children and was denied after I said yes. When my office had another agency "test" the case before I filed, the landlord asked the tester if she even planned on having children. Needless to say, the landlord wanted to settle. My office also investigates employment discrimination too. It is out there, don't kid yourselves.

 

[missypie]

Appearance is a really hard one. For some jobs - such as Victoria's Secret model - great looks and great body are totally necessary. What about the job of receptionist? We had someone who wanted to transfer from the job of secretary to the job of receptionist. She wasn't unattractive per se, but she was so darned quirky - she make clicking noises all the time, wore an air purifier around her neck, etc., etc. We just couldn't allow her to be the first person anyone coming to the firm would encounter. Was that discrimination?