princesskayla
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- Joined
- Jun 26, 2007
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Teresa...I could have written exactly what you said about Corey's birth. My first was also an emergency c-section, though I did have an epidural. She was in trouble, but I had so wanted a "normal" delivery, it messed up my brain for years, feeling cheated and let down. I tried VBAC with Savannah, but she was too big (Gest diabetes) I couldn't get her out, but I was more accepting of her birth, I felt much more in control and felt I was part of the decision at the time. My nurses were great, and one told me I may not get the birth I want, but I got the birth I needed. That really hit home. If I had pushed the issue with Marissa, we would have lost her, the cord was wrapped twice on her neck. With Rebecca it was a total different story...she was my unexpected blessing, not ever allowed to be called a mistake!, and her birth was a scheduled c-section. I woke early (ok, couldn't sleep!) took a relaxing bath, gave myself a mani-pedi, did hair and makeup before we went to the hospital...I looked great in her post-birth pics because I was camera ready, no 12 hour labor for this kid!And I got to have her right away because we were both healthy and well. She was also a gest diabetes baby, so we were prepared for her to possibly needing time in the nicu, we went to the hospital that had a level 2 nursery, not the one with the "Beautiful Birth suites". My heart goes out to you strong mommies who have to brave the nicu, or worse, don't bring home a baby at all.
And on a happier note...tomorrow is Rebecca's 5th birthday!!!
Sorry long post ahead:
It is crazy how as women we value our birth stories. As an L&D nurse, I try my best every single day to give each woman a wonderful memory. I had a horrible time with my son's birth. He was breech and I had to have a c/s. No ifs, ands, or buts. I felt like such a failure. It is the most awful feeling in the world. To top it off - I was a surgical tech at the time who assisted in c/s. You would think that would help me accept it better, but it made it worse. For a month all I could think about was having a c/s. It replayed over and over in my head like a broken record. I went into a horrible depression over it. It affected my eating, sleeping and especially my work. I HATED all the women who came in to have a baby v***nally. When the day came for my scheduled c/s - it was a horribly busy day. I didn't get to stay in L&D where I worked. I didn't get to hold my son for four hours after he was born - not because their was anything wrong. They just didn't have the staff to bring him to me. I was getting into a w/c to go get him when he came in the door. (Yes I was out of the bed 4 hours after. I was steaming mad.) Then my epidural that I had for post op pain relief was clogged and not working since the OR. I had no pain meds after my c/s for 7 hours. It took that long for the nurses to listen to me that I was hurting. Other things happen as well. BAD BAD BAD birth story for me.
Every single day I go to work I am reminded of that. I have worked past my grief of not having a perfect exprience to help other mothers have their perfect story. Since then I changed alot of the policies that contributed to my horrible day. I realize that my story is not nearly as bad as others - it was bad for me. That is the reason I became a nurse. (Now yall have the privilage to know that fact about me - only my husband knows the real reason I became a nurse)
All those that are pregnant now - Here's praying that you have a happy ending, cause in the end that is all that matters.