Disabled person dealing with a death...

[tinkerbell_xo]

There's an elderly couple that lives across the street from me that are like a 3rd set of grandparents. I grew up playing over there and spending a LOT of time with them and their family. They're in their 80s now.

They've had their share of health issues, especially the man. He's had numerous heart attacks and a lot of ambulance rides to the hospital. Sunday morning he was experiencing immense pain in his abdomen and was rushed to the hospital. Our local hospital knew they couldn't deal with what was causing him the pain so they took him to a bigger hospital an hour away.

They did a lot of tests at the bigger hospital and said he had experienced 2 heart attacks within 2 days, and also part of his bowel was completely "dead" and the other part was "dying". The doctor said he would never survive surgery so there was nothing they could do and he wouldn't make it through the night. And he didn't.

They have 4 adult children, one of whom is disabled. He is still living with them of course.
I know he has some form of down syndrome but I'm not sure what other conditions he might have. He's in his 50s and an extremely sweet man. Very quiet and shy but once he gets comfortable he opens up. Always smiling. He followed his dad around EVERYWHERE. He always helped him with yard work and fixing things and cleaning things.
I'm just so worried about how he'll deal with this and if he'll understand everything that's happening. I went over to visit the wife and him today and see how they were holding up. She said you can't even mention what happened to him because he gets so uncomfortable and uneasy. He's used to his dad going to the hospital and coming back.

Sunday night the grandson spent the night and slept in the man that passed away's bed. The son saw this and told the grandson he "can't sleep in there", that's his "dad's bed".

I was just wondering if anyone who has relatives or friends with disabilities has ever had to deal with this. How did the special needs person deal with the death? Will he eventually understand? Will he have any break downs or aggressive episodes?
I know it's hard to say when you don't know him or his disabilities but like I said, I know he has down syndrome and he is very quiet and shy but very sweet and I have never seen him upset.
I just want this to be as easy as possible for him. It's hard to see anyone in pain but it would be REALLY hard to see him upset/angry/sad and not fully understand what happened.

 

[OK!]

My mom and I travel with a group of disabled adults to WDW every 2 years (I've been going since 2002...I feel a lot like the "gang" is part of my family. All of them came to my grandmother's memorial service and also to my graduation party. ) One of the young men, who also has Down's Syndrome, lost his mother a year or so before I met him. I didn't witness his exact reaction to her passing because I didn't know him then, but my mom told me the heartbreaking story of how Ed had thought for a long time that he was somehow to blame for his mother's death (she had cancer, I believe.) He didn't talk to anybody about it, but was completely convinced that he was somehow to blame. Eventually his father and a counselor were able to reassure him that he'd had nothing to do with her passing, but he was very profoundly affected by it.

Basically, I'd guess that disabilities or no, everyone will handle crises differently. I could be wrong, though, since I'd only heard about the one situation.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.