Dilemma

[Pete's Mom]

My best friend from high school has invited me to come up for a visit since our old school is having some type of centennial celebration/gathering. I have only seen her once since we graduated 14 years ago but we corresponded from time to time via e-mail. I would love to see her again since it been at least 4 years since she came down my way for a visit.

I am having second thoughts though. I had a very abusive and painful childhood. I left home right after graduation and cut all ties and never looked back. My "family" has long since left the area and I have had no contact with them since I left, but it is still painful for me to even think about going back to my hometown. Part of me is curious and really wants to go, but I was picked on and made fun of unmercifully in high school and this will surely bring back some painful memories. The reunion is a couple of weeks away so I have some time to decide.

Has anyone ever been in this type of situation before?

 

[Pop Daddy]

hey

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I do not feel a connection to my schools and therefore do not attend the reunions either. Tough spot to be in.

 

[jfulcer]

Not lived through what you have, but...

Painful memories are simply that. You can let them get to you or you can use them to help yourself be stronger. If you family is no longer there, I would definately go to see your old friend.

I would tend to think that the 'bullies' in high school have grown up a bit and should be a little bit more civil.

But at least now if they decide to cause a scene, you can just walk away knowing that you've moved on with your life but they are still stuck in the past, which is a shame.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Could you stay in a neighboring town and just meet up with your friend for lunch or dinner? Do you just want to see her or do you want to go to the thing at your old school?

I also have no plans to go to any HS reunions. No desire at all. Nothing traumatic happened to me, just no reason to talk to people I didn't talk to in HS. (My HS was a little snobby.)

 

[EsmeraldaX]

COuld you maybe see your friend and not go to the reuinion thing?

I don't do reunions either. I was never that into school spirit , etc. and was also picked on and taunted horribly throughout high school. I have no desire to see the vast majority of those people ever again.

 

[CEDmom]

Not having walked in your shoes I won't pretend to know the pain you suffered. However, this trip could be very healing for you. Despite a terrible beginning you have a lot of good things in your life now (your DS immediately comes to mind). You should be very proud of your accomplishments. Many people with similar childhoods give up and end up in trouble. Give it some thought.

 

[QueenTrident]

I was in a very similar situation as you for my 10 year reunion. I ended up bagging the reunion, but meeting my friend at a nearby restaurant, with no memories of the past. We had a great time and she helped me remember some of the happier moments or my childhood - I always dwelled on the bad times.

The whole experience really helped me bury the past.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I recently read a book called "please stop laughing at me" It was very good! The girl in the book was bullied throughout her entire school life. She went on to be very successful and then it came time for her HS reunion. She went and found it helped her get over her past even more. It was a very inspiring book, maybe something you might be interested in to help decide.

Either way, I agree to go see your friend. Build some more happy memories!

 

[Pete's Mom]

It's really hard to explain. I am not afraid of any of the bullies I went to school with and I certainly don't care what they might say or do at the reunion. I have moved on with my life and I am very thankful to have a nice home, terrific job, wonderful friends who I love dearly and one great little boy.

I guess it's because I have come such a long way and put this behind me that I am leery about opening an old wound that I don't think will ever truly heal.

It really bothers me that I have nothing to show Pete about my life growing up. No pictures, no family, no one I grew up with, nothing. My life literally did not begin until I was 18. He has a hard time understanding that and he is always asking questions about when I was little. I think it might be nice to at least be able to show him where I went to school, grew up, hung out, etc.

I am driving myself loopy with this!

 

[Microcell]

Like you my DH has very few happy memories of his hometown, but interestingly, he is very excited about showing our kids his old haunts. His parents are there again for a brief stay to work and they moved back into the house he grew up in ( a parsonage) so we can show that to DD and DS, and it is weird for all because they left five years ago and are back. He has no interest in looking up any of the people that remained, but in a town of 1500 we are bound to run into a few! I think that he thought so little of himself in school that it is an ego boost to have two of the cutest kids ever to show off, so he looks forward to it!

 

[grlpwrd]

I can relate, but think of it this way... those experiences made you what you are today. Not that anyone wants pain and suffering , but it's really part of your past.

Besides, like they say, success and happiness are the greatest revenge... go enjoy yourself!

 

[WDSearcher]

Originally posted by Pete's Mom
I guess it's because I have come such a long way and put this behind me that I am leery about opening an old wound that I don't think will ever truly heal.

You've said a couple of times that you've put this all behind you, but it's obvious you haven't, or the decision wouldn't be this difficult. Obviously there's still something there that you feel will cause you to "relapse" (for lack of a better word).

You said you have no family left there, so it's not as though you'd accidentally run into someone you don't want to see. And you can certainly visit with your friend without having to attend the school reunion function.

But this isn't something you're doing alone. You have your friend there. You said you'd love to see her again, so it's apparent that she won't bring back bad memories. And if you really want to have something to show Pete about mommy's school years, now is the time to do it. Take a little tour of your hometown with your best school friend -- surely there must be a park or a restaurant or a hang-out that evokes good memories. Take a picture of that. Take a picture of your friend. Share that memory with your son. Take a photo of the school -- just a nice architectural shot to show "this is where I went to school, and this is one of the places that made me who I am." If you don't go, you'll regret it, you'll always wonder, and you'll always be scared of it.

 

[snoopy]

Wow, what an honest and soul searching post.

No advice other than to say that I think your friend would be proud to rekindle a relationship with you. She'd be crazy not to.

Best of luck, Pete's Mom.

 

[snoopy]

Wait, is this a visit with your friend, or the reunion, that you are considering attending? I guess I'm confused at that part.

I think if it were me and I had painful memories of my school days, I'd probably skip a reunion. However, a reunion with a trusted friend, I think I would probably go for. Having not walked in your shoes, of course, I can only guess. Again, best of luck.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Originally posted by snoopy
Wow, what an honest and soul searching post.

No advice other than to say that I think your friend would be proud to rekindle a relationship with you. She'd be crazy not to.

Best of luck, Pete's Mom.

Ok, Snoopy said it better that I was going to say it.

I can only add my congratulations on living a good life in spite of what happened to you in the past!

Ditto the luck!

 

[Serena]

I think this would be a healing trip. You can't change the past, but you can decide how to deal with today. Visit your friend. If you decide to go to the function, then go. But it sounds like you are afraid.
Afraid that going back to the town that you would turn back into that helpless little girl again. You have support, let her help you.
My .02 is that you need to go to put it all behind you, even if you never step foot near that place again. Just to prove to yourself that you can.

But I'll take have that advice back and say you do what feels right to you.