Did your parents have a big 50th Wedding Anniversary celebration?

[twoeeyy]

My parents 50th will be next Feb and my mom said that she wants to go on a vacation instead of spending it on a party.

 

[LoriKay]

I'm an only child and had planned to orchestrate a party for my parents 50th anniversary but my introverted mother would have no part of it. So the only observation of it at all was my parents, DH and I going out for dinner.

 

[Ennazus8810]

We had a fairly large party for my Grandparents 50th, and am so glad that we did. They offered to pay, but we chose to split it amoungst ourselves. (There are 4 children, and I am the oldest grandchild and only 6 years younger than my aunt, so I am act more like one of their children, not grandchildren.) My grandfather just wanted a small picnic, but went along with a party to make my grandmother happy. We did a party for about 60 people in the banquet room of their favorite place, complete with catering. We asked that no one bring gifts. The only gift was from the grandkids, we had a picture retaken that had hung in their living room for 20 years. (This time complete with great-granddaughter!) My grandmother was the happiest I had ever seen her, and less than a month later she started having strokes. It was one of the last times she ever went out to eat, and still talks about the party. It was worth every spent.

 

[ChickieToo]

My dad died about 5 weeks before their 50th anniversary, and he was sick, so we weren't even considering having a party. But my in-laws just had theirs last year. The anniversary is in March, but we had the party at the end of May. It was supposed to be a surprise, but my control freak MIL had my SIL promise--a long time ag--to tell her if anybody was ever going to give her a surpprise party. About 10 days before, my SIL said that "Jesus wouldn't want her to break that promise" so she told her. (I often wondered why Jesus didn't tell her it would be wrong to ruin everybody else's surprise since it wasn't her secret alone, but I digress...)

Anyway, we had it on a Saturday afternoon in a restaurant with a large room. We had about 50 people and had a buffet lunch and a DJ. We had a champagne toast, but because DH and I were footing the bill alone, other alcohol was on a cash basis. They are basically teetotalers, as are their friends, so it wasn't a big deal. DH and I made up a quiz with funny Q&A's that people close to them would be able to answer, and as prizes we gave out t-shirts with a photo of them on the front. The DJ did that, and he was pretty funny. My MIL didn't tell my FIL so he was surprised and we were thankful for that. It was a great time for them, as they never really had a wedding with all the trimmings, just a dinner in a nightclub with about 10 close family members.

To the poster wondering about getting married right after Christmas: my godparents got married on December 27, and my mother said it was because my godfather was in the Army, and he had leave and then he was going to get shipped out a few days later, so they got married. I guess this was a common practice back then, FWIW.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

We are planning my folks' 50th anniversary right now! The date is in May but my one surviving sibling and I are treating our folks and our families to a week at the Grand Wailea on Maui over Christmas week. Taking a week out of our lives to relax in paradise where we can enjoy eachother's company and our memories seemed like a better way to celebrate the accomplishment!

 

[graygables]

UGH. My parent's 50th is in June. It so happens to be on a weekend that I can't get away from work. I'm also the only child of the 3 who moved far away so nothing is convenient. My SIL took it upon herself to start planning a shindig last year with no input from anyone until she called my mother asking for a guest list. My parents have no friends (long story) and my Dad does NOT want a party. After many long conversations about it being THEIR anniversary, they should celebrate how THEY want to, my SIL was called off and it was decided to make it a family dinner somewhere. Only, I can't be there ON the day. SIL refuses to do it any other time and it's turned into quite the family drama. It would seem that it will now be my parents being taken out to dinner by me, early, DB/idiot SIL's family, ON the day, and other B/idiot SIL's family, after the fact. 3 dinners, no parties. My mother is, of course, being the total drama queen and is very hurt that I won't be there ON the day, but my work is at weekend conventions and one happens to be that weekend. Skipping it would cost me more money than I can afford to lose this year, esp w/ hubby not working. I guess it doesn't help that we all also know that my mother married my dad b/c "he would be a good provider", not b/c she loved him, and she's treated him like cr*& our whole lives; I'm not real excited to celebrate that myself.

 

[Todd&Copper]

My parents just had their 35th last year. They toyed with the idea of a party, but they decided they wanted to travel instead and went on a long vacation in Paris. When they were thinking about a party, my dad took the reigns and ran the numbers for the options they were considering - he actually told sis and I that if they had a party they wanted to plan it themselves. I asked them to let sis and I buy a cake and some champagne at least, but the party idea was dead before he gave me an answer on that one.

 

[eliza61]

I have no idea what is the 'norm' for grown kids to do for their parents' celebration. I thought my mom wanted a small (just family, and extended family and the very closest of friends - less than 30 ppl) for their celebration. Turns out she wants to invite 100 people, and have it be a renewal of vows with us as the honor attendants!

So, as one of the daughters, I'm beginning to think we're expected to be the hosts of this event, and work out the details for her. This is completely news to me - and she's decided this needs to happen in the next 6 weeks!

Did anyone host a 50th for your parents, what is the norm for the celebration level of formality, is this like a mini-wedding kind of thing all over again? Is it the kids who are the hosts? OMG, I am so behind in all of this!

Yes, it is like a mini wedding type of thing. Many couples incorporate that into the celebration. Vow renewal. Our parents renewed their vows, we hosted a small dinner celebration for close friends and family and then sent them to Spain for 10 days.

 

[Minnie's Pal]

WOW, there are some big ideas here. I posted last week a question regarding 40th anniversary ideas and didn't get that great of a response. So thanks for posting, this will help.

They won't get any trips to Spain, but we are thinking more along the lines of a party followed by a mini-vacation/honeymoon for them. Or maybe a short family vacation followed by a private vacation for them.

 

[OhMari]

My parents are celebrating their 50th next April of 09 and my in-laws May of 09.

I have 3 sisters, and I've been trying for 2 years to try and plan a vacation. My youngest sister just said to me, "oh, we will plan a big party". I guess I'll loose out on going somewhere. I thought it would be fun to go to Hilton Head in the Carolina's. My parents love golfing.

I have no clue what to do about my in-laws. I love my mil, but when she had her 25th, she took her parents and her daughter and husband out to eat at a fancy resturant. I have no idea why me and my dh were not invited.



My parents and my in-laws talk how they went to each others weddings. I can't believe they are celebrating their 50th wedding anniv. I remember when my grandparents did. The grandparents all died within months and close years of those celebrations.

 

[annsteere]

DH and my parents both celebrated their 50th anniversaries--the same week!

We moved the parties to the weekend before and after so the event were separated by 5 days, but still it took some major preparation. DH and I began saving just over a year ahead and the parties were our major flexible expense and our vacation for that year.

Each set of parents chose the type of celebration that they prefered.

DH's parents had a party for 150+ friends in their church fellowship hall. We kids and spouses catered, served, decorated, cleaned etc. My SIL did some cool displays with wedding dress, photos, etc. Siblings covered our own travel expenses and split party costs.

My parents did a kids and grandkids only day in downtown Chicago. It started with brunch at a dim sum restaurant, included Navy Pier and an imax movie, and ended with renting a yacht to sail the shoreline at sunset.

Neither set of parents renewed their vows. My folks had a time of communion in a gorgeous chapel where we went around the circle and each expressed our gratitude for what they had meant in our lives.

DH and I agreed way ahead of time: each couple has the right to celebrate the way that seems best to them, our role is to honor them and pick up the tab. Yes, several times I had to bit my tongue as his family made choices. He had to "go along" when my parents made choices. But, both days were wonderful celebrations.

OP, yes within reasonable boundaries, you are responsible to give this party. I'm not too sure that 6 weeks is a reasonable boundary and for us a round-the-world cruise wouldn't have been a reasonable option. But, the bills and work belong to you.

 

[eatatmidnight]

We had a great time at my parents 50th. They did not have a large wedding when they got married. No pictures or anything. So, we had a small (mostly family) wedding for them. The original bridesmaid and groomsman were there. Then we had a cake and punch type of reception for them. We (the children) paid for everything except mom's dress. It was a priceless celebration for two great parents.

 

[HM]

My in-laws were given a weekend with their four kids and all their grandkids at Biltmore Inn and Estates. We had a dinner in the Inn's restaurant (chosen beforehand by SIL), stayed overnight at the Inn (they had a suite) and we toured the House the next day together. We each paid our own families way and we split the cost of the inlaws expenses. We gave them an engraved platter to commemorate the day.

My parents want to go on a trip with their four kids and grandkids somewhere. They keep changing their minds about where and how, but we still have three years before the day comes....so we'll see.

 

[disneygals]

My parents' 50th was Thanksgiving 2006. We have a small family, my sister lives 3000 miles away and most my mom's friends live out of state.

So, I sent a note to everyone and said no party, but send a card to my attention. My sil had turkey day, so we set up a card table with gold balloons etc, had a cake with one of their wedding photos and put all the cards in a basket to open. It was a nice surprise!

 

[rbork]

less than 1 month to go! IL's 50th anniversary party. Dh is one of 6. Not all of which get along. BUT all 6 are splitting the cost of a 3k!!!! party. (Don't get me started ) DH finally stated on record that he would contribute 500 that was his share and no more. Hardest part is getting everyone to be budget conscience. Keep in mind, all 6 just contrubuted to a 70th Birthday party this past summer for FIL. So asking for more $$$ in this economy doesn't sit well with the finacially responsible.

 

[PTL]

I am really enjoying reading these posts considering I am in the middle of planning my parents 50th anniv Cruise 12-25-08 to 12-30-08
The following info is true:

1. I am the youngest girl of 6 kids (3 boys, 3 girls)

2. I have a negative brother who will complain until the boat leaves because he is having to take time off from work for this trip.

3. I have a younger brother (with $$) who feels my parents deserve a suite and we should all make sacrifices to make this happen as my parents have dedicated their lives to us.

4. I have a weird sister and brother in law who barely commit to trip as brother in law feels uncomfortable around my family!!!!!!!!!!

5. My husband gripes every chance he gets as he feels I am taken advantage of by my brothers and sisters. He thinks they aren't doing their part to help with plans, etc.

6. My oldest brother is divorced with custody of 2 teenagers (his family has never been on a vacation.)

7. We grew up poor, some of us still are. Bottom line participation is voluntary. This includes showing up and/or helping pay for mom and dad's trip.

At this point, i will be lucky to be alive to enjoy the trip.


Almost forgot brother who has to take vac to attend trip is mad because he suggested we go to Gatlinburg instead and demands to know which of my sibing did not think this was a good idea

 

[Bren's Mom]

Of course, it goes without saying that most people WANT to honor their parents in some way when they reach such an incredible milestone as their 50th wedding anniversary.

Having said that here's my $.02...no one can tell you how much money to spend or how to spend it. That included adult children with regard to their parents contributing or paying for weddings, and that includes parents with regard to their adult children contributing to or paying for anniversary or other parties. I've always believed that it is one's own responsibility to pay for something they want. When I got married, we planned the wedding we wanted...one within our budget. My parents offered to pick up the bar tab and we were very appreciative. If they wanted an anniversary party they'd plan it themselves. If we wanted to give them one and offered to do it they wouldn't think of dictating the # of people or location or anything budget related...because they don't think it's appropriate to tell me how to spend my money.

So if anyone's parents hint that they want a party, and the 'kids' want to oblige...that's great! But if your parents try to tell you to do something that's not within your means it does NOT make you a bad or ungrateful 'kid' to tell them no. It just makes you a responsible adult.

 

[Took]

Of course, it goes without saying that most people WANT to honor their parents in some way when they reach such an incredible milestone as their 50th wedding anniversary.

Having said that here's my $.02...no one can tell you how much money to spend or how to spend it.
.

My sister and I aren't rich. she, especially, must watch every penny. That said, we chose to offer my parents what we could afford and they appreciated every bit of it. We threw them a BBQ at a local church fellowship hall (rental=$50). We cooked all of the food ourselves (my DH had 3 grills going at once!) and went fairly "inexpensive" (rather than "cheap") on most everything. We looked for sales, months in advance. Our gift to them was a new microwave (which they really, really needed, but which did not cost much). About 100 people came and we took lots of pictures. My parents haven't quit talking about it although it was nine years ago.

So lots of money or some fancy gift really isn't necessary. Commitment and time and more helpful.

BTW, I work full time and live in another state. So it IS doable, but I did have the cooperation of my sis.

Took

 

[Gabrielsbigtrip]

I just wanted to share:

My father had a stroke the year before my parents celebrated their 50th Anniversary. That coupled with the fact the pre-stroke my father wasn't the party type anyway, settled the party issue.

What my mother did ask for was a card that you get from the White House that honors your 50th anniversary. You can also get it for other things as well.

So I went to the website and ordered it. While I was doing that - I though I would check to see if our state did anything. I just emailed our Govenor (EHRLICH - Maryland) and explained the situation.

Well.....a tiny postcard came from the White House signed by the President and his wife and it said something nice.

But what came from the Governor was a HUGE citation with seals and all kinds of fancy stuff.

My mom loved it.

I also brought them a small wedding cake and white roses.

We lost my Father 6 months after their anniversary.

My mother now has these documents framed and hanging on the wall.

I just wanted to let everyone know about it because it's nice and best of all it's free!

Congratulations to all those celebrating such a wonderful achievment!

 

[SleepyatDVC]

My In-law's had their 40th Anniversary this past January. They threw themselves a BIG expensive banquet/party in December and the 3 kids split the costs.

DH thought it was too excessive (our share was in the 4 digits) but I told him to just bite his tongue and go with the flow. Btw, his Mom is really young - she had him when she was under 18 - and his Dad is in really good health. So, we will definitely have bigger and better parties for the 50th and beyond.

My parent's also had their 40th this past New Year's day and I feel really bad that I (I'm an only child) didn't wind up doing anything special for them. It was right around the holidays and they were away until 12/30 and they themselves were attending someone else's wedding on the 1st. We wound up taking them them out to dinner like a week later - a casual dinner, not even fancy.

I'm going to have to plan better for their 45th and 50th - hopefully my Dad will still be in good health then - he is in his 70's already. It's just that all the activities for the in-law's do sap all my time, energy, and $$, so it's hard. My parents are laid back and low maintenance and don't expect a fuss - but I feel bad when it's one extreme to another, kwim?