Did you or your child have a mentor/older friend? How did that turn out?

[redrosesix]

...................................

 

[Fantasmic303]

I can't speak to a female/male relationship like this, but I have to say that I do have a similar relationship with the girl I babysat when I was young. I started babysitting for the family when she was two and continued for ten years, until I graduated college. She is 11 years younger than I am, but she is one of my best friends. We have a very older cousin or even sisterly relationship (and it's similar with her younger sister, who is 14 years younger than me), and I definitely consider them family at this point. I got younger sisters that I never had, and they got an older one.

The older girl is leaving for college today, and I couldn't be more proud of her. She gave me an incredibly sweet card about how special our relationship is and how much she values the time we've spent together while she was growing up and that she ccnsiders me one of her best friends.

As long as your daughter doesn't have a crush on this boy - which will break her heart eventually - and as long as he's appropriate with her, I think it's a good thing. She'll have a lot of respect for his opinions, and if his values are similar to yours, that's a good thing - my "sister" will always consider my advice on boys, school, etc. more seriously than she listens to her mom, even if she doesn't always follow my suggestions.

Good luck!

 

[redrosesix]

.....................................................

 

[diesel]

I'd be a little uncomfortable with my 9 yr old DD hanging out with a 19 yr old male.

 

[redrosesix]

..............................................................

 

[tmarquez]

I had this kind of relationship. It was with my mom's best friends son (and our next door neighbor for a period).

I ended up eventually marrying (and later divorcing) him.

I wouldn't say it was a really bad thing. But since we knew each other so well for so long, our relationship became too serious too fast and I ended up getting married far too young.

Nothing inappropriate happened when I was a kid...but I DID have a crush on him...even though I would have NEVER admitted to it! No matter what your DD says, I find it very unrealistic that a 9yo would want to hang out with a guy that she didn't have a crush on.

On the other hand, as a mom of a 7yo DD, I would not let her hangout with a 17 year old boy.

 

[redrosesix]

...................................................

 

[treehugnmama]

I wouldn't be confortable with it. It isn't even the mail/female issue. I just question what 19 yr old would want to "hang out" with a 9 year old. It would be different if he had babysatt her for many years but to have known her for 6 weeks and then a friendship came about...it is just my own opinion but i personally would not encourage it with my dd...but I have been known to be very overprotective lol

 

[pearlieq]

When I was 15, my beautiful, wonderful "little sister" picked me at church. I had just joined, I had begun helping out with Sunday School/Children's Church and she was just 5 at the time.

I have no idea why she picked me, but she was quite determined about it and I couldn't be more grateful. She plopped herself down in my lap one day and that was that.

I babysat for her several times, she invited herself along when my friends and I went to the pool (as 16 year old pretty good kids, we thought it was kind of funny to have a little mascot) and we were just very close. We had breakfast, I went to her school events, we went shopping, and we stayed connected over the years. I took her to Disney twice.

Things of course changed as she grew up. As her life got fuller, I faded to the background which is normal and natural. We still care about each other and she knows I'm always in her corner, even though she obviously doesn't have the free time she had when she was 10.

She's now off to college and about to turn 20. We stay connected via Facebook and I try to see her when she gets home. I'm hoping to go out there to visit her.

I guess it is unconventional, but you can't really control who you connect with. I also had friends my own age and normal teenage stuff like boys, jobs, and college.

She has been such a delight to watch grow up over the years and I enjoyed getting to experience the "kid" stuff I was technically too old for. Kids are fun.

For her, I think I provided some one-on-one attention, which was hard to get at home with an older brother, surprise baby brother, and overextended parents. I was someone she could talk to who could offer a more mature perspective when talking to her parents was hard during the teenage years. Plus we had tons of fun going to the mall, the pool, bowling, Disney Quest, WDW, and all sorts of other fun stuff!

As for what happens now, she continues growing up, I keep living my life and we stay connected. I can't wait to watch her graduate from college, pick out her wedding present, and dote on her children.

As a parent, I would of course proceed with caution, but it's been wonderful for both of us and I hope other kids can find mentors and friends. Kids can use all the love and support they can get!!!

 

[Buckalew11]

..............

 

[Buckalew11]

.............

 

[redrosesix]

..............................................

 

[Buckalew11]

.................

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I was basically an only. I had half-sisters and half-brothers, but they're quiet a bit older than me. I made "big brothers" out of our across the street neighbors. I'm not going to say I never had a crush on either of them, but when one got married I made friends with his wife and it was like having a big sister.

 

[AmericangirlinFrance]

Yes - although different circumstances. Someone I met when I was 20 years old, though, so I was older - he was much older than me and sort of served as a father figure for me (I didn't have one growing up). I was in a very bad emotional place when we met, and he has helped me through a lot of that and helped me figure out a lot about myself.

That being said - we have become involved. I feel like it was inevitable in our relationship. We are working on ending our involvement. It has changed our involvement, and there are some hurt feelings involved now, and the whole relationship is a lot more complicated.

That being said, we do still have a very close relationship, and I think once we get over this, we will remain close for a very long time. I think our getting involved was a mistake, but setting that inside, my relationship with him is a good thing.

If I was younger when we met... I don't know what would have happened.

 

[honugirl]

I met my "little bro" several years ago when both of us really needed a friend. He was 14 or so at the time. I was about 28. Don't worry, I hang out with his mom too. But it was a friendship that really blossomed out of a not so great experience. We bonded to make it through. We have similar interests and beliefs and I consider them my second family. In fact, I'm traveling down to visit them for 5 days tomorrow. I think you end up with certain people in your life at times when you really need them. You don't always know why you connect with someone and it may be just an off the wall connection, but it's really awesome when you develop friends for life like I did. I think of him as my little bro and his mom as my "other" mother. We act like brother and sister too... We pester each other. I hope that I'm a good influence on him and help him make good choices down the road because at the time I met him, he really needed some good strong positive roll models in his life. And I needed a little bro to pick on...

 

[kacaju]

my dd9 has a close friend who is 18 and just left for college. In our case the older girl is an only child who never really liked younger kids. When she would go over to a friends house and the friend had a younger sibling this kid never liked that the younger siblings would want to play with them.
Well she saw my dd (we are neighbors) from the time she was born and for some reason she did seem to like her. As they got older they just seemed to bond. My dd is the youngest of 3 and always has had the same love for horses as the older girl.
They don't see each other all the time, but when my youngest was too young for Daddy daughter date night in our town and the older girl aged out they created their own *date night* on that date every year until my dd was old enough to attend.
they alwats see each other for their Birthdays and make each other a cake. Once the older one was able to drive she would once in a while take dd to a movie or ice skating.

 

[bananda]

I wouldn't be confortable with it. It isn't even the mail/female issue. I just question what 19 yr old would want to "hang out" with a 9 year old. It would be different if he had babysatt her for many years but to have known her for 6 weeks and then a friendship came about...it is just my own opinion but i personally would not encourage it with my dd...but I have been known to be very overprotective lol

im turning 19 in a few months and like hanging out with kids aged anywhere from 9 up. honestly, i hate seeing how insecure alot of young girls are and think it would be awesome to build a relationship with them that lets me encourage them to be who they really are.

im a youth leader in my church and part of that is building relationships and encouraging the kids who attend. i have a particularly close relationship with one of the girls there. she is 17 and has grown so much more confident in the time that i've known her. she is really starting to open up more.

i also am close with one of the older leaders. she's 28 and is kind of my mentor. she's always encouraging me and has had a huge impact on my life.

i personally wouldn't want a male mentor, but my friend had one. i guess you just have to be very clear on what his intentions are. if he is good for your daughter, and treats her respectfully, then i dont see a problem

 

[RF536]

Both of my sons have befriended their Sensei, they are 8 and 6 and he is 21. They don't hangout together alone, but he did invite them to attend the VBS at his church, other than that he attends their birthday parties and we occasionally meet up and hang out. When we are at karate workshops he is always with the boys during the breaks and in the evenings. He is a great young man who has a great head on his shoulders, he is studying to be a youth minister, and holds 2 jobs.

He is great with DS8, DS8 has ADHD and OCD so sometimes he stuggles with things that most people don't even notice. His Sensei also has OCD so he just gets DS8 and is able to help him through the rough spots.

I think he is great with the boys and they are very comfortable with him, they tend to veiw him as an older brother, he has helped them with bullying issues and just provides a different view then Mom and Dad.

 

[redrosesix]

................................................