Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[kizmac]

I personally think it is tacky. I do see it becoming the trend though. Seems to be more acceptable in certain areas than in others. Around here, most still only have one shower for the first baby. I have 6 kids and did have a baby shower with my 1st in 1991 but did not have another shower until 2004 when I had my 6th child. That was mostly because I was having another girl after 13+ years since my last girl. Didn't mean that nobody bought gifts for my other babies, but no one was forced to by being invited to a shower.

I think it's more exceptable to have another shower if more than 5 or so years are between kids or if the person hadn't planned on more children and had gotten rid of all their stuff. Other than that to me it just looks tacky and like you are asking for gifts. To me, if someone is going to give you a baby gift because they want to, they do it without a baby shower anyhow. I had six kids. Could you just imagine if I'd have had a baby shower and invited great Aunt Bessie and cousin Rita each time?! I'm sure they'd just love that.

 

[gradtchr]

I personally do not think it is tacky. I always get gifts for my friends new babies no matter what number the child may be, because they are new, and new babies should have some new things. Many second children get a lot of hand me downs which are great but it doesn't hurt them to have brand new items either. I personally feel that if they have friends and family who want to have the expense of a shower for child number 2, 3, 4, etc then what is wrong with that? I also know that I love seeing what new baby items are out there. I don't have any children or need anything like that at this time but for me it is always fun to look and oooo and awwwww over things. Plus it is always fun getting together with friends and I will never turn down that opportunity. As for registering it really helps me know what is needed and not needed so I have no problem with that at all. I'm probably not normal here but I wish that people could register easily for birthday and christmas gifts.

If you feel it is tacky then politely send in a no for the RSVP and don't go.

 

[Downrivermama]

I agree with the OP it's tackey and IMHO greedy. Most people will give a gift when the second child is born without being asked.

 

[MrsPete]

I totally argee and I'm not a southerner! I think maybe if there's a big time span between babies (10 years or so) other than that I think it's like asking for gifts. Which your good friends would probably get you anyway with or without a shower.

I am a Southerner, and I agree with those who say it's TACKY to have a shower for a second baby! It's double-tacky if it's given by the mother-to-be's mother or mother-in-law. Either of these things looks like begging for gifts.

The shower isn't for the baby -- it's for the mother. It's things to make her life easier.

Of course a second-time mom's friends will get her gifts, though they'll be smaller than for a first-baby. Presumably she already has a crib, blankets, etc.

 

[Mandy_in_NC]

I personally do not think it is tacky. I always get gifts for my friends new babies no matter what number the child may be, because they are new, and new babies should have some new things. Many second children get a lot of hand me downs which are great but it doesn't hurt them to have brand new items either. I personally feel that if they have friends and family who want to have the expense of a shower for child number 2, 3, 4, etc then what is wrong with that? I also know that I love seeing what new baby items are out there. I don't have any children or need anything like that at this time but for me it is always fun to look and oooo and awwwww over things. Plus it is always fun getting together with friends and I will never turn down that opportunity. As for registering it really helps me know what is needed and not needed so I have no problem with that at all. I'm probably not normal here but I wish that people could register easily for birthday and christmas gifts.

If you feel it is tacky then politely send in a no for the RSVP and don't go.

Well Said and I agree 100%!!

 

[bclydia]

EVERY baby is a gift from God and should be celebrated and welcomed as such.
If you don't like it, then don't go. If you are one of those who consider it "tacky", "just not done" or who are from the "south" who consider it in poor taste, please, come up with something more important to be concerned about.
The world is full of awful, horrible things. When God sends a new precious baby into this world, then everyone should jump up and be delighted to celebrate with the family. If you're not inclined to bring a gift, no one should care. It's the life and love of the child we celebrate.

 

[DianeV]

I dont think I have seen anyone saying that having a baby is not something to celebrate..however is celebrating = gift? Because having a shower is asking for a gift no matter who is putting it on

 

[TexasCourt]

I am from the South, and I do not consider it "tacky." My way of thinking is that if the 2nd shower is for close friends and family, wouldn't you end up getting the baby a small gift of some sort anyway? I know that I would.

 

[jennifer293]

I may have to throw my own shower for any future kids--just to be "tacky". Dude--I didn't know I was to expect gifts. I've been doing it all wrong!






ETA: But can I wear white?

Yes, you can wear white because I am a southerner and I said it is OK...

 

[DVC Sadie]

EVERY baby is a gift from God and should be celebrated and welcomed as such.
If you don't like it, then don't go. If you are one of those who consider it "tacky", "just not done" or who are from the "south" who consider it in poor taste, please, come up with something more important to be concerned about.
The world is full of awful, horrible things. When God sends a new precious baby into this world, then everyone should jump up and be delighted to celebrate with the family. If you're not inclined to bring a gift, no one should care. It's the life and love of the child we celebrate.

It has nothing to do with giving a gift! When we go to a "Baby Shower" we know what our expectations are going to be. It is to help outfit the Nursery. I have no problem in giving a gift that exceeds 500.00 to 1000.00 for said purposes. As stated above we will always give a gift for a "NEW" baby that comes into the family.

 

[thelittlemermaid]

I didn't read all the responses, but I have two children and only had one baby shower for my first.

DS9 was first and then 3 years later I had DD6. Even though I had already had a child, my second one was of a different gender and could have used the clothes, but like some others, the older generation only considers having a baby shower for the first baby.

Now we are going to be having our third child and I have totally nothing left after DD. Of all times of needing to have a shower, this would be it. But I know I won't be having one. Most of the friends I had in my home town, I have drifted apart from except one. Since my mom passed away, her side of the family and I don't talk anymore. So all I really have is my dad's side of the family, who lives pretty far away and DH's side of his families. Plus the few friends that I have in the town I am now living. DH's cousin and his wife just had a baby boy back in March and at a birthday party on the 15th she asked me if I would like to have the clothes their little boy out grows for our soon to be arrival. Thankfully we are having a boy, so that will really help out.

 

[kpm76]

I think one of the issues is the difference in people's definition of "showers." In my family, showers are big deals with 50-75 people, sometimes more. It's immediate family, extended family, friends etc. Some who have responded are qualifying a small gathering of 5-10 women who are very close friends or immediate family as a shower. Of course I give nice gifts to my brothers and sister, close friends and even close cousins when they have kids. The issue I have with "second showers" is when you are invited to your second cousin once removed or your mom's friend's daughter's shower. I hardly see these people and likely would not be inclined to acknowledge the birth other than a card and a congrats when/if I saw them after the baby was born.

 

[84disney]

I agree 1000% with bclydia. Once again, it saddens me the reactions of some. I really do NOT think anyone is expecting a $500.00 gift for a second baby...or first for that matter !! Remember an invitation can always be declined. People are not always out to get all the STUFF they can . Some people are excited for other people's blessings and are happy to come celebrate. I have seen tears in the eyes of mothers I have thought to get a small gift for when they have had a new baby..not the first child, but loved all the same. I have been humbled and blessed at my small showers that kind people have given me for each of my children. They were times of extreme joy and appreciation. Sure made me more aware of others joys and made me determined to pass these feelings and blessings on to other's...you know...spread some love !! Some of the older women at our church that were such examples can never be forgotten, and have blessed my life!

 

[kpm76]

Now we are going to be having our third child and I have totally nothing left after DD. Of all times of needing to have a shower, this would be it. But I know I won't be having one.

I don't mean to single you out, but I am curious as to why it should be other people's responsibility to outfit new babies and nurseries? Shouldn't that fall on the parents? Don't get me wrong, I love buying baby clothes and other useful items for the baby, but I don't ever think it's right to expect that people will pitch in. If you need a shower, maybe you need to assess your ability to financially support the child long-term.

 

[Jams421]

The issue I have with "second showers" is when you are invited to your second cousin once removed or your mom's friend's daughter's shower. I hardly see these people and likely would not be inclined to acknowledge the birth other than a card and a congrats when/if I saw them after the baby was born.

I totally agree. Showers are huge events here (usually 100+ people) and I would rather not go to Jane So-n-so's (whom I haven't talked to in 10 years) 2nd baby shower, yet she tracked down my parents address and sent me an invite, To me that is begging for a gift, no matter how you try to bundle it.

Am I happy for her? You better believe it, but enough is enough.

If and when I have children, I only want a small gathering. IMHO its a little weird to invite everyone I have ever known, and I would personally feel like I was a gift begger.

 

[LdyFaile]

I guess my feelings on the subject are this.

I always think new babys (and new weddings) are things to be celebrated.

I think it's appropriate, if possible, to have a baby/bridal shower for the first baby/first wedding. To me a shower is a way to 'shower' new moms and new brides with things they don't already have but will need on their new 'journey'.

Past that, on the next kids (or next husbands) I think a 'Shower' is not necessarily appropriate. It's one thing if the expectant mother or the bride to be again isn't aware of it and people throw something as a surprise. It's another if they're just tired of the stuff they have from before and want new stuff. (ok that last sentance primarily applies to people getting remarried)

I do think that new babys area always a cause for celebrations of some sort. And help should be provided to the growing family as appropriate. When my friends had their second son a bunch of us got together and provided them with dinner every other night for two weeks. It was just one less thing the mom had to deal with, esp with a 2 yo and a newborn trying to get used to one another.

If you know someone's having another child and really could use something that they don't have (or don't have anymore) great, buy it for them.

But to call the celebration a Shower just seems to be inappropriate.

I'm not saying that there aren't extenuating circumstances just it seems like a lot of times it's just the mom's way 'getting new stuff' without having to buy it. When in reality they could get by without it.

 

[kizmac]

I dont think I have seen anyone saying that having a baby is not something to celebrate..however is celebrating = gift? Because having a shower is asking for a gift no matter who is putting it on

I agree......while I said that I felt it is tacky, I in no way feel that a baby is not something to celebrate. My goodness, I have 6 kids! BUT, I would have been completely embarrassed to have 6 showers.

You don't need a shower with distant relatives and friends that you see once a year for each baby. Your close friends and family will do enough celebrating with or without a shower.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Between the third and fourth hour of the second moon phase AFTER the first day of Spring...but only until 6pm...and only for 2 hours.

And never for a second wedding...

Gotta love all these RULES!

 

[4greatboys]

I don't mean to single you out, but I am curious as to why it should be other people's responsibility to outfit new babies and nurseries? Shouldn't that fall on the parents? Don't get me wrong, I love buying baby clothes and other useful items for the baby, but I don't ever think it's right to expect that people will pitch in. If you need a shower, maybe you need to assess your ability to financially support the child long-term.

I dont see anywhere in her post where is says she exepcts people to furnish all her baby stuff. She was saying how it would be nice to get some baby items and no where did I read they could not financially support their child(ren).

 

[kpm76]

I dont see anywhere in her post where is says she exepcts people to furnish all her baby stuff. She was saying how it would be nice to get some baby items and no where did I read they could not financially support their child(ren).

She said if ever there was a time she needed a shower it would be now. My point was that if you're even thinking along those lines, perhaps you need to give some thought to the long term financial impact of having a child.