Diane's Journal to a Happier/Healthier me...encouragement welcome!

[Goofydiane]

Not a good start to the year - I've been sick! I hate this kind of sick - I'm so stuffed up that I can't breathe very well and I'm sneezing like there is no tomorrow. Sounds like allergies, yet it is winter in MN! I darn neared thought I was going to pass out when I was doing a cardio workout yesterday. What's worse is that the sinutab and congestion stuff I'm taking doesn't seem to be working.

Bad news - decided I was going to paint my laundry room to a color I liked and went in the room and there is a water mark on the ceiling! YIKES!! Good news - water is dry and I can tell it is coming from my bathtub. I've been taking more baths after workouts and I think I have a leak in the overflow. My neighbor is going to come over and look at it for me. Just what I need - something else to deal with. At least I caught it pretty early and should be pretty easy to fix if that is where the leak is. I was chastised by my neighbor (the Home Depot manager) by the fact that myself (The Risk Management person) didn't have a flashlight in my house! Yes, I bought 2 of them today.

Hopefully I'll be feeling better tomorrow, or at least be able to breathe and my healthy 2009 can start then!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane feel better soon! I had a leak from my kids' bathtub, but unfortuantely it was in my family room!

Have you ever tried those Breathe Right strips? I always wonder if they work for congestion. If you try them and they do, let me know!

 

[Goofydiane]

Nothing like 10oz of Tylenol Cold Severe stuff in your system to make you a little loopy. I think I'm finally starting to get a handle on this. I love that in MN you get what we all refer to as the 'crud' and we label it Bronchitis! It must be easier to say that "I've got Bronchitis" instead of "I've got the winter crud". Either way, I have no energy and want to sleep all day long.

Needless to say, my food choices so far this year haven't been that good. You get sick and all you want is comfort food. I'm not sure why they call junk food taht is bad for you comfort food because it really doesn't comfort you at all - it adds to making you feel bad and just not healthy. Why can't banana's and pineapple and other good stuff be referred to as comfort food? I really need to focus on my relationship with food this year.

Some good news - the water issue with the tub was pretty easy to identify and fix. The builders just didn't tighter the overflow thing tight enough. You know, it is that silver plate in the tub - not sure what it is called. Once it got tightened, the seal was better and the water quit leaking. Now, I just need to kilz the ceiling and repaint it and I'm good to go.

I'm hoping to feel better soon so my year can really start. It's a great thing that New Years Resolutions don't always have to start on the first!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, feel better soon! I agree comfort foods aren't comforting. They should be called "Make me feel crappier foods" because that is exactly what they do. You are so right, New Year's resolutions aren't necessarily meant to be met the first week of January! Hang in there, you know what you need to do, you'll do it, heck you already are! In the meantime, allow yourself to get better and just be sick!

 

[DisDee]

Hi Diane, just popping by to wish you all the best in the new year! I hope you are feeling somewhat better and ready to start your own personal New Year.

Happy to hear that you got your water situation fixed. Isn't home ownership great? LOL! Every time we get an exceptionally heavy rain, I pray that we don't get water in our family room, which has happened occasionally.

Take care of yourself!!!!!

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy and Denise - thanks for stopping by! I'm feeling better, however still have a little bit to go. This really knocked me out this year.

Had Tim for the first time in about 10 days today and as tired as I was, it felt so good to work out. Lifetime got some new equipment so we spent the time going over all of the equipment. Even feeling tired and not 100%, still racked up a good calorie count.

Now it is time for a nap....I'll update more later, it's been a busy week!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, so glad you are feeling better. I just get amazed at how far you have come! When working out "feels good" you know you have "gotten there". 2009 is the year you get to goal and you sure have earned it! Continue to feel better and don't push it, you've got to be worn out.

 

[Goofydiane]

Yep....you see it and read it right. I've got a dual ticker going and one might seem a bit surprising.

With the help of the boards and friends, I think I'm growing up some. I did a lot of soul searching and a lot of thinking about this trip my parents offered me. I thought about what was most important to me, and what the trip really meant. While it was a trip anywhere I wanted to go, it was more important to them to spend time with me and have a relationship with their daughter. There is hurt on both sides that isn't going to get better overnight and will always have it's ups and downs just like everyone's relationships with their loved ones.

I was ready to ask for their financial assistance with Tim for a year and I will commit to coming down to visit them in Texas for a week or so this winter and next winter with me paying for the flights to visit them. Then I got home from work and bless Disney's heart....they sent me a PIN Code for 40% off! I quickly rearranged my thoughts. I called Disney the next morning and reservd two different trips and then called my parents and explained to them how important this journey for a healthier lifestyle is to me and that I need to continue it to not only be healthier, but to be a better person. To do that, I would like to ask for their assistance in financing Tim for a year and because I know the big part of the offer of a trip was for them to see me, I offered that we take a trip together to Disney World with the discount that I have. I booked a week in early December or 10 days in early October. The December week was Mom/Dad and I and October was just Mom and I because my dad really has no interest in going to Disney and my mom has always wanted to do the Food & Wine Festival. It doesn't hold much interest for me because I don't drink, but my mom has never met a bottle or box of wine that she doesn't like so I know she would enjoy it. I would contribute my fair portion to the trip if they would assist with Tim. The decided to talk about it and would call later that day.

They called back and they said they had a counter offer of giving me a specific amount of money each month for Tim, but I had to go to their house to pick it up so they could see me each month AND they would pay the base cost of the trip to Florida if I went in October with my mom. I was floored - that was so much more than I felt was deserved, but they explained they would have spent almost twice the amount of the trip and Tim if I had chosen to go on an African Safari with them. I agreed and offered up meeting for lunch once a month instead of just stopping by their house. So.....I had to add a ticker! October 1-10 at Coronado Springs. My mom enjoys going to Disney and we have traveled before. We travel well because we plan days apart to do our own thing. And hopefully my relationship with them will improve each month leading up to this trip.

Her only rule is that I have to plan all the meals and flights and everything....Gee, leave a Disney trip to me to plan...I'm there.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I am so happy for you! First of all, it takes a lot of integrity and maturity and a desire for closeness to do what you did. I know the struggles you face with family are not easy, but you are in a place now where you have learned the coping skills needed to handle them. I am also really impressed with how they came to this decision. I think some major headway has been made!

F & W is wonderful, I don't drink wine but I love the small sample sizes of food. And its easy to get a taste without a huge plate of food. I love that time of year at WDW, we have been four times in the past five years so obviously I enjoy it!

You will love Coronado Springs, we stayed there once and it was wonderful, and now with the newly redone rooms, its even better I imagine!

Again, I am so happy for you, you get a trip to Disney with your mom , some time with your parents on a regular basis and some help with Tim's services, I'd say things are definitley on a roll!

 

[Goofydiane]

Wow, seems like I am getting to take care of me on a weekly basis and that is not good. I need to do better. It's been a crazy week in an already crazy year.

The good news is that I'm back into my cardio routine and boy does it feel good! I am getting the rhythm back for running and my breathing isn't followed by coughing fits. Now, I just need to figure out how to make better food choices and things will be getting back on track.

I got some bad work news this week and our department is being re-organized and our field team's role is being transferred to a different department. The good news is that all of them have been guaranteed a job within the company if they choose to stay and a separation package if they choose not to stay. This hit me pretty tough - I was one of them before I moved to HQ years ago. They are my peers and my friends and it really threw me for a loop. I have made progress though - in the past, I would take bad news and blow off Tim. I went to him that night and we got through it. Figured this was a 1 lb workout because I gave up going to un-happy hour to work out with him, so positive calories lost in the work out and positive calories not consumed at un-happy hour. I'm a fu-fu drink person and we all know how many calories are in those drinks!

I wasn't concerned about my job until Thursday, now I'm more concerned than I ever have been.

At least the days of the high being -5 are gone for a little while and hopefully it will warm up just a little bit.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I am sorry you have this work stress, I hope your job stays secure! Scary times. Good job getting those cardio workouts back on track. I keep seeing the weather in MN and keep thinking you need to move back here. Its 63 today!

 

[Goofydiane]

It's weird that there is good news in the midst of bad news. I finally got a chance to speak to my boss on Friday about what all these changes mean to me. I know he is busy with 27 other people making sure their questions are answered immediately and assist them in getting other positions, but I finally had to force myself onto his calendar because I wasn't sleeping and I was getting sick again. Based on what he told me, I'm safe in this whole transition and do not have to worry about my position being eliminated. I might actually get permanent help out of all of this instead of a contractor to help out.

the past three months have been terrible food months, and I feel like all the progress I made is back on me again. I'm too ashamed to get on a scale and i don't seem to be able to stay with good food choices. I know part of the reason I've been so sick this winter is that I'm not making good choices and the other reason is how can you not get sick when your high temperature for the day is -5 (and it feels like -25!).

I'm wiped out cardio wise because of being sick as well and I'm depressed that all the hard work to get where I was seems to have gone away. I can't figure out how to get back on the program. I went to Costco with my neighbor and Super Target and bought all good foods - Costco has the best Blackberries right now! My biggest stuggle is dinner and late nights - any ideas on how to get past this friends? I'm struggling and I'm not sure how to get past this. I don't want to go backwards and I feel like that is where I'm going.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, don't get discouraged! I think you need to weigh in, not knowing is always worse. You need to know exactly where you stand. As for late night eating, maybe just allow yourself to save some points/calories for a snack. This time of year when it gets dark early and its freezing, its sort of normal to want to eat!

I am so glad your job is secure. Just get back on that wagon, the longer you wait, the worse you will feel and the more work you will have ahead. I am betting that its not as bad as you think. You may in fact, be pleasantly surprised! But don't let your fear of the scale take over. Its just a number. It can't hurt you unless you let it.

You can do this!!!

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy, I'm not sure what I would do without your continuous support - it means more than you will know. It keeps me going when things just keep coming at me one after another.

Today was another bad day at work. You would think after so many, I would know how to handle it well. Well, I work retail and at HQ and we had lay-offs today. While not surprising in this environment, to have my boss be one of them was a total shock that no one on our team saw coming. This man found me accidently on the internet and pursued me and hired me - it was one of the best things that ever happened to me and now he is without a job. I'm starting to feel like I have survivor's guilt. Is that even possible?

I kept my work-out with Tim and just texted him during that day that he better have a workout that involved punching, punching and more punching. Wow, did he ever. It was a tough workout, but I'm so glad I kept it. Physically, I felt really good after the workout, emotionally, I just want to sleep for a week. I know I can't keep having excuses for my struggles - I've got them and so does everyone else. I need to start accepting that this is my new reality and learning to get through every day.

I'll catch up on journals over the weekend....I'm behind.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I am so sorry about your boss. Do you work for Target? I noticed they are laying off and that really surprised me. Its natural to have survivors guilt, I know my husband goes through that when he has to lay people off or finds out his home office has laid off individuals. I always tell him, "you getting laid off too won't help those other people and it will certainly harm us". Your staying employed keeps others working. Your boss sounds amazing, I am betting he will find something soon. I hope so!

Good job taking out that angst with some exercise! Its a hard time right now for the whole country and this miserable winter you are having doesn't help. Just hang in there, surely things will improve soon and if nothing else, spring is just around the corner!

Hang in there and keep on goin!

 

[DisDee]

Hang in there Diane! I know its hard for those who are left behind when there are lay-offs. Work-loads are multiplied and the tension is heavy not knowing if more lay-0ffs are around the corner. I know my former co-workers feel that way, and they don't believe that any of them are "safe". The best way to get thru all this is to be the best employee that you can, keep positive thoughts and know in you heart that things will improve eventually. Things do have a way of working themself out.

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks Amy and Denise.

Today was a really tough day. Yes, I work for Target and it was the first time in company history that we've had a significant workforce reduction. My boss was my biggest supporter and understood everything I do. Our director has been with us for almost 2 years and she still doesn't understand the system I manage. Maybe I'm reading into things, but I'm starting to see the writing on the wall and I think if she had her choice, all of us in our department will be gone, and she would only need to worry about the other 2 areas she has. Some of this may be sour grapes and huge worry, but I don't think so. I'm polishing up the resume currently as I'm sure I'm going to be needing it.

The work out was great last night - it felt so good to hit something. I'm so tired tonight that I'm going to skip cardio and go to bed.

Let's hope tomorrow is a little easier than today was.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, that is probably wise to get your resume in order. I am so sorry you are going through this! Its too bad your director wasn't the one let go as opposed to your boss. Crazy, scary, times.

Good job going to bed, sleep is a very good healer for the mind and body. Just keep up with what you are doing, I am proud of you for continuing this even when the times are tough!

 

[Goofydiane]

There was no sleep for the weary last night...today was a lot tougher, I normally status with my boss on Thursday afternoon and I this morning in the shower I started thinking of what I need to cover with him and just broke down crying again. I've been told my job is safe and that there are no more lay-offs, but going to work feels like walking on egg shells right now.

I got my days messed up and ended up getting to the gym 30 minutes early, so I did 60 minutes of cardio before my session with Tim. As good as it felt, I was tired by the time of our session. It was a good work-out and I think it might be one of the few things keeping me going right now.

I am still stuggling with getting my food under control, I will snack without even realizing I'm snacking. I'm not hungry, but I keep thinking that a mini-snickers will make things better. It doesn't, I feel if I can get through this right now and get back on track then nothing can stop me. This is the hardest time I've ever experienced in my life and I want to be successful in getting through it and not revert to stress eating and old habits.

Tim and I decided to help me keep on track, I'm going to email him my exercise and food each day to help me keep on track and own what I eat. I'm so blessed to have him in my life and that he is so invested in wanting me to succeed. While he is my trainer, he is also a friend and he gets it. He is so insightful to my moods and what my food triggers are. We've learned my body loves healthy food and responds to it - why does my brain or eyes like the bad stuff then? I eat salt and I hold on to it for a week it seems. His insight has been very helpful, I'm learning more about myself. It took 45 years, but I'm learning.

I'm going to start posting food here as well, the more areas to hold me accountable the better.

 

[Goofydiane]

today was a better day and i'm starting to accept all the changes. I set up a status with my new boss for Monday. I figured if she told me to hold off for a few weeks, then I was going to worry that I was out of a job. We set it up and I'm just going to go with the flow right now. Every conversation I have might be a job interview conversation so make the best of it and keep going.

One of my goals for 2009 is to run a 4.5 virtual course I have on my treadmill. Depending on the level selected, I would run it in about 44 minutes or so. I did it tonight in 56:05 minutes. My previous best was 56:12 and my goal is to improve the time every day I do the course, even if it is only by 1 second, just improve. As tired as I was when I was done, I am feeling like I'm releasing stress finally - everything I've been holding for the past week is starting to leave me. It doesn't do me any good to worry about being let go, because it is basically out of my control and I just need to focus on what I can control which is my food and my exercise and my attitude. I hope this means I'm going to start sleeping better, or at least sleeping, I haven't done that much the last few nights.

I'm getting my hair cut in the morning and then a workout with Tim...go figure, get the hair cut and looks nice and then go sweat!