Diabetic nephew and Thanksgiving

[Carly_Roach]

In most localities, those who keep this level of Kosher cannot eat out at all -- my community of 1.25 million people has all of ONE restaurant that serves that population.

Holy Mazolla! Does anyone else besides me see a business opportunity there? THINK of the money you could make, NotUrsula!

 

[3jsmommy]

That's all I ask. And if I were coming to your home I would not bring something with Peanuts. In a public area like a plane or school expecting a stranger not to eat what they want is not reasonable.

A family situation is different than the public but some people think that the world should change what they eat because they can't have it. Everyone with an allergy isn't like that, but some are. There is also a difference between making an alternative accommodation for one and making everyone suffer.

I really can't understand this philosophy at all.
I'm not reacting out of emotions or anything, none of my kids have any known allergies, nor do I. I really just don't understand how you think your "right" to a PB&J trumps the basic morals that would cause me to find something else to eat so that I don't cause the person next to me to die.
Would you suggest that the allergic child eat in solitary or a hazmat suit while you are happily munching on your Skippy?
Just because someone is a stranger you really can't make a small adjustment to your snack foods on a plane?
I really just can't wrap my brain around that at all!

 

[BelleWDW]

Oh my goodness! I had no idea this would be such a hot topic



Its absolutly cool for grandma to make him a Splenda version. I would just assume diabetics would skip this dish as we (like most folks) have oodles of food on thanksgiving.


Grandma's Candied yams are like nothing I;ve had elsewhere-she makes a syrup that is almost a praline consistency-and you really need real sugar to make her dish.

 

[LaraK]

My D has a friend who is very allergic to almost everthing. I would be frightened to have her over for a meal, lest there be an ingredient I forgot about that she'd react to.

The reality is that those of us with children with multiple allergies know that. The reality is that no other environment can safely feed our childen, most of us would send a meal with our child.

I get the feeling that some people seem to think people with severe health issues impacting the ability to eat somehow gives those of us dealing with these situations a sense of joy. You know what? Walk a mile in our shoes.

ETA the second paragraph I wrote in no way applies to the post I quoted.

 

[NotUrsula]

Holy Mazolla! Does anyone else besides me see a business opportunity there? THINK of the money you could make, NotUrsula!

Well, *I* couldn't make it, since I'm not Jewish. (Well, I guess technically I could own the place and hire a Jewish kitchen supervisor, but I don't have that kind of money. )

The one truly Kosher restaurant that manages to stay in business here is a casual place, it happens to be down the street from my office. Someone did try to open a nicer restaurant a couple of years ago, but it didn't survive; most of the Orthodox population didn't trust that the kitchen would be kashered properly, and honestly, Orthodox jews are just not used to eating out in restaurants. Also, on the Sabbath they won't go unless it is walking distance from home, so that lets out most of the weekend.

NYC has several nice true Kosher restaurants, including catering halls that can handle it for things like weddings. My city just doesn't have enough Orthodox Jews for that, I guess. We've got six Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox synagogues and two Orthodox schools, though.

Flyertalk has an interesting board for business travelers who keep Kosher. They track pretty much every truly Kosher restaurant in the US.

Just FTR, I'm not Jewish, nor do I have any Jewish family members. However, my office happens to be smack in the middle of the biggest Orthodox area of the city, and I've worked in this neighborhood for 15 years. You learn a bit in that much time, especially when you have co-workers who don't mind answering questions.

 

[mmackeymouse]

I don't know the guy and what he's normally like, but I think it would take some real cheek to call Grandma up and try to get her to change the recipe to accomodate him.

First off, he's the one who is diabetic. He needs to be responsible for his own dietary needs. Why does he think he's entitled to make Grandma do extra work and to make the rest of the family alter their meal to accomodate his needs? He can bring along a dish or two that he knows is "safe" for him. Pumpkin pie does really well with Spelnda, as would an adapted sweet potato casserole.

Secondly, it's candied yams. This is not a dish that will translate well with Splenda. It won't caramelize or set up correctly.

What he should have done is called Grandma and said "Could I have your recipe for candied yams? I've always loved them but can't have them anymore with my diabetes. I'd like to try to adapt your recipe with Splenda and bring it along."

It's pretty rude to call someone up and attempt to change their menu to fit your own needs.

Okay whoa there, Nelly. I don't think it was rude or intended to be rude at all. To a lay person, who may not understand how Splenda would texturally or otherwise affect a dish such as yams, but only knows Splenda as a direct substitute for sugar, it seems like a very innocent request. He probably has no idea that it could ruin the dish for everyone else. My mom has made many pies with Splenda before, and they tasted just fine. He probably thought that there would be no taste difference, and it would be healthy enough to eat.

Besides, he was not asking for there to be NO yams or asking for there to be NO desserts. He was asking if a dish could be modified so he could have it. I hardly consider that rude or inconsiderate. Now, my philosophy on Thanksgiving is go big or go home, basically to use the good stuff; when you are eating 20,000 calories in a day, why try to skimp?

BUT, honestly, I don't think it would completely RUIN someone's meal to have something with Splenda in it.

Yeah, I've dodged some of those before. I am just appalled that one person can dictate the diet of everyone else. I am for an alternative, just like the OP's family came up with, but to say everyone has to suffer because of one is something I just can't get my head around.

I watch what I eat, so I know how hard it is, and I can only imagine for a diabetic, it is ten times worse. It is hard when there is no support from your family. It just is. I am self-sufficient, and I can make my own meals. I do the best I can shopping for healthy food at the market; but at the end of the day, if my family would take a step toward healthy eating, it would help me more than they realize.

I never dictate anything. I try through actions to guide our meals into a healthier direction, but it does not always work out. I go to the store and buy healthy alternatives, healthy snacks, whole wheat breads and pastas. But, inevitably, no matter how full our pantry is, it always gets stuffed with cookies and potato chips and candy.

And, being that I watch what I eat and count my calories, usually, if there is a meal that is not healthy, I just have to use portion control, and sometimes, that might mean I don't get full. It is what it is, and I do the best I can with what I have to work with. But, I get the same attitude of "Why should he healthify our menu because you are trying to lose weight?"

Well, you don't have to. I will just eat less. But, it would be much easier for me if they tried a little bit harder.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I"m pretty sure that the "whiney" part was about as serious as the "complete panic" part, and I think it's really too bad that even with a winky smiley people get riled up over something that is pretty obviously meant to be silly and a poke at herself.

When I noticed the OP using colored fonts, it reminded me of that High Class poster, as she had a penchant for colored fonts. I read it thinking of that poster, so calling the nephew “whiney” just rubbed me the wrong way.

I had 10 aunts growing up; only two of them are still alive and one of those is in failing health and is likely to be spending her last holidays on Earth this year. All of my aunts always treated the kids (31 of us!) with so much kindness and love, HC’s nastiness in her posts about her nephews appalled me. I see now that the intent of the OP probably wasn’t how I took it in the first place.

I don't know the guy and what he's normally like, but I think it would take some real cheek to call Grandma up and try to get her to change the recipe to accomodate him.

First off, he's the one who is diabetic. He needs to be responsible for his own dietary needs. Why does he think he's entitled to make Grandma do extra work and to make the rest of the family alter their meal to accomodate his needs? He can bring along a dish or two that he knows is "safe" for him. Pumpkin pie does really well with Spelnda, as would an adapted sweet potato casserole.

Secondly, it's candied yams. This is not a dish that will translate well with Splenda. It won't caramelize or set up correctly.

What he should have done is called Grandma and said "Could I have your recipe for candied yams? I've always loved them but can't have them anymore with my diabetes. I'd like to try to adapt your recipe with Splenda and bring it along."

It's pretty rude to call someone up and attempt to change their menu to fit your own needs.

Most of the 30 year-old guys I know personally don’t do enough cooking to feel confident taking on one of their grandmother’s “legendary” recipes, so that’s probably why he asked her to make him some using Splenda. I don’t see any “entitlement attitude” in that. Perhaps he even thought that Grandma would be flattered if he asked her to make him something special?

I don’t know. He’s a family member after all, so I guess I don’t see why he shouldn’t be entitled to little extra TLC, especially since he can’t enjoy sweets like the rest of the family during the holidays.

Yippee! They are actually more towards the mid-range, but not as high as I thought. I can have yams again! (No sugar added.) Thanks for the info, legalsea.

See all the great things we can learn the Dis! Now you can enjoy some yams this holiday, Imzadi, and I hope you do.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

I really can't understand this philosophy at all.
I'm not reacting out of emotions or anything, none of my kids have any known allergies, nor do I. I really just don't understand how you think your "right" to a PB&J trumps the basic morals that would cause me to find something else to eat so that I don't cause the person next to me to die.
Would you suggest that the allergic child eat in solitary or a hazmat suit while you are happily munching on your Skippy?
Just because someone is a stranger you really can't make a small adjustment to your snack foods on a plane?
I really just can't wrap my brain around that at all!

I think with strangers it is quite different. Expecting someone to not eat what they brought on the plane because the person sitting next to you is allergic is a bit over the top. If said person is that allergic that sitting next to someone who has allergic food will threaten their lives, than that person should take necessary precautions to prevent it. It's not the responsibility of the non-allergic person, you know? I'm not trying to sound harsh against food allergies, I'm really not. I actually used to teach at a private preschool where a little 4 year old boy was deathly allergic to nuts. I mean that he couldn't even touch the table if there any trace of nuts there. He couldn't touch a child who'd just eaten a granola bar because the granola bar was processed on the same equipment as nuts. I was living in daily fear that this poor little boy was going to go into anaphalatic shock, the parents gave me several epi-pens to keep in my cabinet in case of an emergency. Not only that, the parents also told (not asked) that all the kids in his class refrain from eating anything to do with nuts, anything processed on the same equipment, etc. A lot of parents were pretty put out by this because then they had to inspect every piece of food they put in their child's lunch because of this other boys severe allergy and worried that if they overlooked something then this little boy might die. My point is that this boy's parents should've made the necessary arrangements to ensure their sons safety. Not every other parent in his class.

Another example...I was part of a homeschooling coop for my DD7. We read classic children's literature and made all sorts of crafts to accompany the books. Well, a mom wanted to join. Sure, no problem, we'd love to have a new girl in the group. On the night of our planning meeting, after we'd already said she could join, she hands out a stack of papers (no, I'm not exagerrating) detailing her daughter's severe food allergies. The list was enormous, ketchup, mustard, strawberries, all nuts, milk, eggs, and even pencil erasers. Of course we all felt bad for her, but inside we were all freaking out because we'd be responsible for keeping this little girl safe while at our home. Many of our ideas were no longer acceptable...no eating lunch together for the girls, no sharing crayons, pencils or paper, no cooking and doing certain crafts. This mom even had all of us take turns using a non-loaded epi-pen so that we would know how to work it. She herself had used it on her daughter numerous times. While I felt absolutely horrible for this mom and her daughter, I would've been much more comfortable had she not joined our group. She did join and there were many panic moments with all of us moms. We all agreed that the dynamic of the group had changed because we were all so worried all the time.

So I truly think with certain allergies like my above examples, perhaps it's better for the parents to make other arrangements. I'm not hard-hearted or cruel it's just a lot to ask of other people. Imagine how awful you would feel if someone had a severe allergic reaction because of you (what you were eating, etc). My 2 cents worth...

 

[Carly_Roach]

Oh my goodness! I had no idea this would be such a hot topic

No worries, Belle. I'm glad your family worked it out and I totally get the "whiney brother" thing. Sibs tease each other like that. Happens all the time.

Unfortunately, I think what this topic runs into is the anger of the millions of people, who don't have allergies, being told what they can and cannot do or eat around the few who do have allergies.

People don't say much about it in real life; they go along to get along. But I think what what we're seeing here (and on message boards across the country) is an undercurrent of seething anger that comes out in places where people can speak freely without worrying about getting a backlash from those who know them in real life.

We won't say it to your face on an airline or at a lunch table, but most people resent being told we can't eat something because someone else says they have an allergy that might kill them if we do eat that. They take one rare instance where exposure sent an extreme sensitive person into shock and turn it into EVERY instance of exposure will "send a child to the hospital!!!!!"

Add the fact that it seems today that nine times out of ten people will lie about anything. They'll lie about being allergic when, in reality, they simply don't like that food or don't like the smell of it cooking (cauliflower, fish or cabbage can smell awful when cooking). So if they say they're allergic, they don't have to smell that anymore.

Given that, it's easy to understand why the "non-allergic" population becomes angry at the control tactic.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not doubting any DISers here. I don't need to see a doctor's notice that your child, nephew or neice truly has nut, glutin, dairy or whatever allergy. I'm simply stating what I've experienced in reality and why this topic gets heated every time it comes up.

 

[BelleWDW]

Secondly, it's candied yams. This is not a dish that will translate well with Splenda. It won't caramelize or set up correctly.

What he should have done is called Grandma and said "Could I have your recipe for candied yams? I've always loved them but can't have them anymore with my diabetes. I'd like to try to adapt your recipe with Splenda and bring it along."

It's pretty rude to call someone up and attempt to change their menu to fit your own needs.

What a great idea!

 

[3prettyprincesses]

No worries, Belle. I'm glad your family worked it out and I totally get the "whiney brother" thing. Sibs tease each other like that. Happens all the time.

Unfortunately, I think what this topic runs into is the anger of the millions of people, who don't have allergies, being told what they can and cannot do or eat around the few who do have allergies.

People don't say much about it in real life; they go along to get along. But I think what what we're seeing here (and on message boards across the country) is an undercurrent of seething anger that comes out in places where people can speak freely without worrying about getting a backlash from those who know them in real life.

We won't say it to your face on an airline or at a lunch table, but most people resent being told we can't eat something because someone else says they have an allergy that might kill them if we do eat that. They take one rare instance where exposure sent an extreme sensitive person into shock and turn it into EVERY instance of exposure will "send a child to the hospital!!!!!"

Add the fact that it seems today that nine times out of ten people will lie about anything. They'll lie about being allergic when, in reality, they simply don't like that food or don't like the smell of it cooking (cauliflower, fish or cabbage can smell awful when cooking). So if they say they're allergic, they don't have to smell that anymore.

Given that, it's easy to understand why the "non-allergic" population becomes angry and the control tactic.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not doubting any DISers here. I don't need to see a doctor's notice that your child, nephew or neice truly has nut, glutin, dairy or whatever allergy. I'm simply stating what I've experienced in reality and why this topic gets heated every time it comes up.

I think some of that may be true, to some degree. But, I've been around children with severe food allergies and it's a huge responsibility. I for one would feel absolutely terrible if something happened to an allergic person because of something I ate or had with me. I'm not talking about anger, I feel sorry for people with these kinds of allergies. I really do. My interpretation is that it makes the non-allergic person responsible for someone's life. I'm sorry but that is a lot to ask of someone. It's not about being inconvienced, know what I mean?

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I"m pretty sure that the "whiney" part was about as serious as the "complete panic" part, and I think it's really too bad that even with a winky smiley people get riled up over something that is pretty obviously meant to be silly and a poke at herself.

I think a lot of people were reminded of HighClass, always complaining about family members, particularly her nephew (the one who was a bodybuilder and posting posing pictures on FB, which HighClass kept checking ), but I can see how the OP wouldn't know HC...HC left shortly before BelleWDW joined.

For those who don't know, Splenda has a nasty aftertaste.

No nasty aftertaste for me from using Splenda.

Diabetes is not a joke, regardless of whether you use smilies or not.

Okay whoa there, Nelly. I don't think it was rude or intended to be rude at all. To a lay person, who may not understand how Splenda would texturally or otherwise affect a dish such as yams, but only knows Splenda as a direct substitute for sugar, it seems like a very innocent request. He probably has no idea that it could ruin the dish for everyone else. My mom has made many pies with Splenda before, and they tasted just fine. He probably thought that there would be no taste difference, and it would be healthy enough to eat.

Well, you don't have to. I will just eat less. But, it would be much easier for me if they tried a little bit harder.

I agree. I use Splenda for recipes that call for it in my Low Carb cookbook, but I really don't know how it would translate to other recipes...I would probably assume "OK". And my mother would go out of her way for a granchild or any other family member with an illness.

Unfortunately, I think what this topic runs into is the anger of the millions of people, who don't have allergies, being told what they can and cannot do or eat around the few who do have allergies.

No food allergies in my family, and there have been times when we've had to accommodate others (like in school, and I don't take nuts on a place, just because for many people it IS an issue) and it's hardly a crisis for *us*.

Oh my goodness! I had no idea this would be such a hot topic

Back atcha! Maybe you could help the nephew out by providing some advice to Granny about cooking with Splenda. Here's a link to the Pillsbury website...maybe they've got some insight.

http://www.pillsbury.com/

 

[Carly_Roach]

I'm not talking about anger, I feel sorry for people with these kinds of allergies. I really do. My interpretation is that it makes the non-allergic person responsible for someone's life. I'm sorry but that is a lot to ask of someone. It's not about being inconvienced, know what I mean?

I think where the anger comes in is that it's just one more thing. We're already balancing our jobs, homes and families that come along with their own sets of rules. Do this, don't do that. DH likes this particular product but DD prefers the opposite. Mom, make it balance.

At work we have to remember that there are vegans who won't eat the cheesecake we brought because its dairy, and there are anti-hunting people who will tell us all about killing Bambi if we bring in that heavenly venison chili that most of the other co-workers rave about.

It's just. one. more. thing. on our list of what to do and what not to do. We can't send our kid to school with PBJ sandwiches (which he loves and is so easy to make in the morning) because some other kid, whom we've never met, might have an allergic reaction to the peanut butter in our kid's sandwich. We can't have the snacks we brought on the plane to get ourselves through before lunch because there's one person in seat 69D who might get a wiff from our peanut butter and crackers in row 10 and maybe break out in hives.

It's just. one. more. thing. we have to try to balance and some of us are getting downright sick and tired of it. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. I'm ready to say, "If you have an allergy that could kill you, then don't leave the house."

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This thread has inspired me.

Baby is craving a cherry pie for Thanksgiving and I will expect one to be made to my precise specifications by someone in DH's family as we enjoy Thanksgiving at their home.

Do you think my BIL will mind?

 

[pearlieq]

Most of the 30 year-old guys I know personally don’t do enough cooking to feel confident taking on one of their grandmother’s “legendary” recipes, so that’s probably why he asked her to make him some using Splenda. I don’t see any “entitlement attitude” in that. Perhaps he even thought that Grandma would be flattered if he asked her to make him something special?

I don’t know. He’s a family member after all, so I guess I don’t see why he shouldn’t be entitled to little extra TLC, especially since he can’t enjoy sweets like the rest of the family during the holidays.

That is probably true. I know DH wouldn't have a clue how to do it--he'd just bring it home to me.

I'm always touched when our family remembers DH's diabetes and tries to make something for him, but I wouldn't dream of calling them up and asking them to to it. I'd either volunteer to do it myself or he'd just eat what was OK for him to eat and sneak a bite of my pie. If someone does something for him, it's gift, not an obligation.

For me it's just a general rule. You don't ask people to do things for you unless it's something you really need and you can't do it for yourself. To me, candied yams don't meet that criteria, thus me finding his request cheeky.

 

[Cruisin]

Cruisin, at 26, I assume that your son eats lots of meals without you. Does he mention his allergy when he is invited to someone's house for a meal? Does he mention it before the meal is cooked so accomodations can be made, or does he just ask once he is at the table and hope for the best? There might be some meals - like a stirfry in peanut oil - where the whole thing would be inedible if the cook wasn't told.

Yes, my son has eaten a lot of meals without me over the years. Almost all of them now as he has moved 5 hours away from home.

I really don't think he eats at a lot of people's houses other than relatives and all of his friends are aware of his allergy.

He does eat out in restaurants a lot and has learned over the years what he has to avoid and what is generally okay.

In restaurants the questions are usually asked before any ordering is done.

Add the fact that it seems today that nine times out of ten people will lie about anything. They'll lie about being allergic when, in reality, they simply don't like that food or don't like the smell of it cooking (cauliflower, fish or cabbage can smell awful when cooking). So if they say they're allergic, they don't have to smell that anymore.

Given that, it's easy to understand why the "non-allergic" population becomes angry at the control tactic.

I don't think some of these people technically lie about being allergic but they don't understand the difference between being truly allergic and having an intolerance to certain foods.

We have a friend who makes a big production every time we eat out. She will recite her list of so-called allergies to the wait staff. She will have her husband taste her food to make sure that it is absolutely plain. She really does not have a life threatening allergy but gets a tummy upset if she eats certain things.

She will also tell you that she is allergic to cheese. When I asked her what in cheese she was allergic to, she could not tell me. You cannot be allergic to cheese, cheese is not a single ingredient product. It has many things in it that you could be allergic to.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I see your point, Pearl.

I'm thinking that we don't know whether the nephew was born with diabetes or developed it later on as a Type 2. If he did, he may remember Grandma's yams from when he did eat them and really misses them now.

IMO it would be very cheeky to call a non-family member and request a special dish, but we are talking about his Grandma. I know my MIL is flattered and thrilled when my son asks her to make him something special.

Thanks for posting the link to the Pillsbury site, Mare! I'll have to look at it later on tonight when I have time and see what they're doing with popping fresh dough these days.

 

[1stluvispooh]

I would be over the moon happy if my mother in law would just dish out DD's veggies before putting butter, Oh wait this is my MIL, margin (yuk) on them.

 

[EMom]

I have a true allergy to shellfish. I don't know what you'd call my reaction to horseradish. It's really not a true allergy....maybe more an intolerance? If I eat it....and this is even when I have no idea it was in the food.....it causes me to vomit in a style worthy of Linda Blair in The Exorcist. It's as if my body is rejecting it and MUST get it out ASAP. And it ain't pretty, folks. Then I'm wrung out and feel crappy for most of the day afterward. Not long ago, I looked it up and apparently, I'm not the only one who does this, but it's not common. And horseradish gets "snuck" into many foods today. ACK!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Thanks for posting the link to the Pillsbury site, Mare! I'll have to look at it later on tonight when I have time and see what they're doing with popping fresh dough these days.

You're welcome! There are some great recipes there. Some of them don't get very good ratings by the public tho, so take a good look before you try something.