Diabetic nephew and Thanksgiving

[Imzadi]

Secondly, it's candied yams. This is not a dish that will translate well with Splenda. It won't caramelize or set up correctly.

What he should have done is called Grandma and said "Could I have your recipe for candied yams? I've always loved them but can't have them anymore with my diabetes. I'd like to try to adapt your recipe with Splenda and bring it along."

It's pretty rude to call someone up and attempt to change their menu to fit your own needs.

Yes, considering grandma has never used Splenda before, she'd be the one doing the experimenting to get the yams to taste good.

For those who don't know, Splenda has a nasty aftertaste.

 

[jen0610]

Dad is diabetic and he has never asked any one to change how they cook to fit his dietary restrictions.

He does what he needs to take sure that he can eat the candied sweet potaotes, creamed lima beans, oyster dressing, apple salad, pumpkin pie, sugar cream pie and whatever other goody someone would bring.

He knows what his levels needs to be and he will adjust his shots to make sure he keeps everything in line, knowing that he will not be eating his normal diet.

 

[Darsa]

I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies using SPlenda white and brown sugars recently (HOLY MOLY those are expensive sugars!!! ) and the texture of them is veeerrrry wierd. Luckily I used a TON of chips, so it kinda disguised the texture a little

 

[MsDisney23]

Every 10 seconds someone in the US is diagnosed with diabetes,

Every 20 seconds someone in the US dies from complications of diabetes.

I almost died 5 years ago from diabetes....

I commend your nephew for being on board about his food choice's!

4 0ut of 10 diabetics do not even test their blood sugar.

 

[MommyBoo!]

I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies using SPlenda white and brown sugars recently (HOLY MOLY those are expensive sugars!!! ) and the texture of them is veeerrrry wierd. Luckily I used a TON of chips, so it kinda disguised the texture a little

I think it depends on what you use it in/for. The cookies I made were ok but I would not make them again. I use Splenda in muffins all of the time and they turn out delicious.

My DH and my dad are diabetics. While they would never ask anyone to make anything different for them, they sure appreciate it when we do. And we do so because we love them. And, it's not a big deal (to us) in the grand scheme of things. They both watch their levels, etc. very closely around the holidays to ensure that they enjoy themselves but don't overdo it.

Oh, and DH does a lot of the cooking so if he really wants something different then what is being offered, he will make it himself.

 

[FireDancer]

Dad is diabetic and he has never asked any one to change how they cook to fit his dietary restrictions.

He does what he needs to take sure that he can eat the candied sweet potaotes, creamed lima beans, oyster dressing, apple salad, pumpkin pie, sugar cream pie and whatever other goody someone would bring.

He knows what his levels needs to be and he will adjust his shots to make sure he keeps everything in line, knowing that he will not be eating his normal diet.

Exactly the right way to handle the situation. I commend him for being proactive in his health and not expecting the world to bow to his restrictions.

My only beef with the nephew is expected the whole dish to be modified. That's not right.

This is what always rubs me the wrong way. First, I wouldn't allow Splenda into my body. Despite the marketing BS it is not a safe alternative to sugar. Now, I don't add sugar to anything either so if I were serving yams they would be just yams, but I would choose sugar over Splenda any day and if I had to sweeten it I would use Stevia.

The exception should not dictate the diet of everyone else. It is as bad as making the whole class not have something because one person in the class is allergic to peanuts. I'm all for making a peanut free whatever for the one kid that can't have it but making everyone suffer because of one kids allergies is stupid. Oh, and I don't care if just being around them can kill you, your allergies should not dictate ANYONE else's diet.

It sounds like making a small side helping using Splenda is the smart alternative, not making everyone suffer because of one person's ailment.

 

[MarilIncredible]

I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies using SPlenda white and brown sugars recently (HOLY MOLY those are expensive sugars!!! ) and the texture of them is veeerrrry wierd. Luckily I used a TON of chips, so it kinda disguised the texture a little

My father is diabetic and every year for Xmas I make him a couple of batches of biscotti with the regular white Splenda and have not noticed any issues with the consistency or quality of the final products.

 

[tinatark]

A little OT, but my MIL is deathly allergic to shellfish - you don't even want to know what it took to make her family stop making oyster dressing for Thanksgiving! We endured years of wearing gloves for cooking, not kissing her, cleaning the kitchen with bleach (before dinner) and FINALLY, mercifully, last year they took it off the menu.

She is deathly allergic... an example, we had DH's cousin here (TN, they are in FL), ate crab legs, watched a video. Over a week later, the cousin took that video to MIL's house for her to see... she had a reaction.

We travel 500 miles to be with them for Thanksgiving - last year, dh told them we would not be there if there was oyster dressing. Well, we would be there, but wouldn't share Thanksgiving dinner with everyone. His brother had passed away suddenly in October, and they just finally figured out it was worth it to be with family than have oysters in their food.

 

[Deb in IA]

Diabetes is not a joke, regardless of whether you use smilies or not.

It is a a horrible, nasty, chronic disease, that affects every bite of food a person eats, and makes them jab themselves two to four times a day. Even with good to excellent control, long term complications will affect almost every person with diabetes, including neuropathy, non-healing sores, kidney failure, visual loss and blindness, heart attack and stroke.

The carbs in yams, even without all the sugary stuff is extremely high.

This is true, and makes me wonder if the OP is making up this cutesy little story. IF her nephew is truly a diabetic under good control, he would know this.

But there seem to be some tough aunts here on the Dis! A few months ago, we had this “high class” poster here who started threads just to criticize her nephews. One she called “selfish” for choosing his wedding date when it wasn’t convenient for her, and another she was all up in arms over for lifting weights and going to tanning salons. (I’m not making that up! Someone actually posted that.)

Oh, yes. I remember "High Class" - a misnomer, if I ever saw one. High Class' only purpose, as far as I can tell, was to make fun of others, mostly people in her family, probably because she has no friends. Glad to see her go.

 

[NotUrsula]

I knew that the OP was joking, and understood the point entirely. It was a faux horror-struck reaction to the threat of being deprived of a favorite food that she had been looking forward to all year.

I think it's fine for a diabetic to ask if it is possible to alter certain favorites, but I think that they have to understand that the willpower thing rests with them -- it really isn't fair to ask everyone else not to eat what they cannot. (Deadly allergy risks due to possible cross-contamination is something else entirely, and I would eliminate the substance if at all possible.)

We no longer do holiday meals with DH's family because of dietary issues. No one is diabetic now (his Grandmother was, but when she was alive she insisted on doing ALL the cooking, and would run you out of her kitchen with a rolling pin if you tried to help.) The issues in this case are all about lifestyle, and a couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that these folks' lifestyle simply isn't compatible with eating at the home of anyone who does not follow the same dietary preferences that they do. We no longer spend time with them on food-centric holidays.

I tried. Really, I tried. I bought everything at Whole Foods even though it cost a fortune, and I spent weeks testing alternative recipes, but no one was happy in the end. The ones with the restricted diet were not happy to have to "see and smell" all those "poisonous" foods on the table, and everyone else complained that their favorites did not seem quite right. (I never went with anything like Splenda, but I did cut down on or slightly change certain ingredients to accomodate the objectors' dietary preferences.)

Mostly, I just got tired of the endless nitpicking that the dinners degenerated into. By the time I called a halt, the entire day's conversation had become a forensic examination of the food, and that was the most poisonous thing of all.

PS for the oyster-loving family. You might want to suggest that they try using oyster mushrooms in the dressing, adjusting up the butter to compensate for the oyster liquor. I did that, and my guests thought it was fine. (Though DH did insist that I make a batch of the real thing the following Saturday, so that he could enjoy it with the leftovers.)

 

[Cruisin]

The exception should not dictate the diet of everyone else. It is as bad as making the whole class not have something because one person in the class is allergic to peanuts. I'm all for making a peanut free whatever for the one kid that can't have it but making everyone suffer because of one kids allergies is stupid. Oh, and I don't care if just being around them can kill you, your allergies should not dictate ANYONE else's diet.

 

[legalsea]

Every 10 seconds someone in the US is diagnosed with diabetes,

Every 20 seconds someone in the US dies from complications of diabetes.

I almost died 5 years ago from diabetes....

I commend your nephew for being on board about his food choice's!

4 0ut of 10 diabetics do not even test their blood sugar.

Well, that would mean that three people die from complications of diabetes every minute, or 180 people per hour, or 4,320 per day, or 1,576,800 per year.

However, according to this federal goverment report (I do not consider wikipedia a viable source of anything whatsoever):

"Diabetes was the seventh leading cause of death listed on U.S. death certificates in 2006. This ranking is based on the 72,507 death certificates in 2006 in which diabetes was listed as the underlying cause of death. According to death certificate reports, diabetes contributed to a total of 233,619 deaths in 2005, the latest year for which data on contributing causes of death are available."

http://diabetes.niddk.nih.gov/DM/PUBS/statistics/

In 2006 there were a total of 2,425,900 deaths in the USA.

http://www.cdc.gov/media/pressrel/2008/r080611.htm?s_cid=mediarel_r080611

So, if the three people per minute rate is correct, then more than half of all deaths in the USA is due to diabetes.

Being an insulin-dependent diabetic myself, I know that it is a very serious condition, especially for those whom ignore treatment. However, we must not get carried away by statistics.

 

[Crystal0608]

My grandpa (passed away in March) had diabetes with daily insulin shots and tests before and after every meal and was very careful of what he ate (though he didn't use sugar substitute, just limited sugar). Diabetes led to gangrene, causing one leg to be amputated and later on the second, he passed away two days later from heart complications from the surgery so personally I don't see any humor in being a diabetic or special diet requests. My dad is also a diabetic who uses sugar substitute.It's not the whole menu, its one thing.

 

[C.Ann]

I hope your calling him "whiney" was tongue in cheek. The guy has a disease and would like to enjoy Thanksgiving just like you, but without becoming very sick or dying...

Glad to hear grandma will accommodate everyone's needs.

Agreed.. I'm sure that grandma will take his health into consideration and make a small second dish so that he can enjoy Thanksgiving as well..

 

[FireDancer]

Yeah, I've dodged some of those before. I am just appalled that one person can dictate the diet of everyone else. I am for an alternative, just like the OP's family came up with, but to say everyone has to suffer because of one is something I just can't get my head around.

 

[LaraK]

Boy! I'm glad I'm not a part of the families on here...I'd.just stay home! Luckily our family actually LOVES my son and WANTS to make the holidays as easy as possible for my son with multiple food allergies.

I am having to try to talk my MIL into making a turkey (the traditional dish in her family) because my son is allergic to both turkey and chicken. She know that our society tend to revolve around food and that my son is already feeling like a freak during the holiday season and, because she loves her grandson, she doesn't want to make him feel worse.

 

[missypie]

One time we invited our neighbors over for Thanksgiving and they initially said that their college aged D who is a vegan was going to join us. She ended up not coming but it made me relize that NOTHING I was planning to serve was vegan-friendly!

I can see a nephew trying to "sweet talk" Auntie into changing the food up to suit him...young men can be quite charming and can talk us into lots of extra work. I will say that if I had a child with a severe allergy (life or death kind) and the host family served something that could cause the death of my child, I'd stay home and start my own traditions...not sour grapes, just safety and showing concern for my child without imposing on anyone else.

I have a nut allergy so I always volunteer to bring dessert to any pot luck I attend. That way I can make sure I have something yummy for dessert without imposing on anyone else.

 

[tasha99]

Boy! I'm glad I'm not a part of the families on here...I'd.just stay home! Luckily our family actually LOVES my son and WANTS to make the holidays as easy as possible for my son with multiple food allergies.

I am having to try to talk my MIL into making a turkey (the traditional dish in her family) because my son is allergic to both turkey and chicken. She know that our society tend to revolve around food and that my son is already feeling like a freak during the holiday season and, because she loves her grandson, she doesn't want to make him feel worse.

I have to admit to thinking this as well. My brother in law has Celiac disease, and we modify what we can. Two of my dearest friends have diabetes, and we always make diabetic friendly alternatives as well. How hard is that? Usually after the experimental stage, we just make the alternative recipe to keep things simple.

As for peanut allergies, they are deadly. I don't feel all that put out for not eating peanuts on flights, and it's not the end of the world if DS can't bring a PB sandwich to school. I would rather that than worry constantly that someone forgot. DS used to have a friend with a peanut allergy and I was so nervous about being in charge of the epipen! I think it's reasonable to not put that kind of stress on workers at school. They're just nuts--are we such slaves to food that it's a major inconvenience to do without them for a few hours? While I think adults can be in charge of their own eating, with children, mistakes could happen. I can't see how the right of several children to eat peanut butter--one of many lunch choices--would take precedence over the right of one or two children to breathe.

 

[Chicago526]

DH is type II and insulin dependant. He's never asked anyone to modify their cooking (even me!). The only thing we've ever requested is no cantelope in fruit salads, as he is deathly allergic to it, and SIL always makes fruit salad for family gatherings. In that case, since it is simply omiting something and not totally rearanging how something is made, we didn't feel bad about asking (when I say friut salad I mean just cut up fruit in a bowl. This actually saves my SIL work since she doesn't have to then cut up the melon).

It was funny though, one year my SIL forgot about the cantelope and added it anyway and we all joked that she secretly hated DH and was trying to kill him! This was all totally tongue-in-cheek, trust me SIL wasn't offended and DH didn't care, he just didn't eat the fruit salad (I was still worried about cross contamination but hey, it happens sometimes that you come in contact with something you're allergic to. You can't control everything in life).

A good friend of mine is allergic to dairy and she also does not expect anyone to cook just for her at parties. However I've always made sure that whatever I make as a main course is dairy free, and I make sure there is a dairy free desert for her as well. I think if you know in advance of a guests food allergy, part of being a good host is making sure there are things for that person to enjoy.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Yeah, I've dodged some of those before. I am just appalled that one person can dictate the diet of everyone else. I am for an alternative, just like the OP's family came up with, but to say everyone has to suffer because of one is something I just can't get my head around.

I don't think everyone should have to suffer....

But I fail to see how this correlates with entitlement and usually a host/hostess who knows that someone has a dietary issue--especially a serious health issue that contraindicates certain foods, they would do something to ensure their guests would be able to enjoy the meal.

It seems outside of the "joke" of the OP--that to tell someone to just deal with it, is equally as dictating. If they wanted to make their own meal, they would just stay home which defeats the purpose of extending an invitation if you have no plans on trying to make food that your guest(s) can actually eat.