Diabetic nephew and Thanksgiving

[missypie]

Boy! I'm glad I'm not a part of the families on here...I'd.just stay home! Luckily our family actually LOVES my son and WANTS to make the holidays as easy as possible for my son with multiple food allergies.

I am having to try to talk my MIL into making a turkey (the traditional dish in her family) because my son is allergic to both turkey and chicken. She know that our society tend to revolve around food and that my son is already feeling like a freak during the holiday season and, because she loves her grandson, she doesn't want to make him feel worse.

My D has a friend who is very allergic to almost everthing. I would be frightened to have her over for a meal, lest there be an ingredient I forgot about that she'd react to.

 

[missypie]

But I fail to see how this correlates with entitlement and usually a host/hostess who knows that someone has a dietary issue--especially a serious health issue that contraindicates certain foods, they would do something to ensure their guests would be able to enjoy the meal.

It seems outside of the "joke" of the OP--that to tell someone to just deal with it, is equally as dictating. If they wanted to make their own meal, they would just stay home which defeats the purpose of extending an invitation if you have no plans on trying to make food that your guest(s) can actually eat.

I'm not saying this applies to the OP, but in lots of family holiday situations, the host isn't actually a volunteer. Often a famiy member is volunteered to host because they are the most centrally located or have the largest house or whatever.

For any of you who are eating at someone else's house this Thanksgiving, please be ultra-sensitive and helpful. Uncle Henry may have invited his whole clan of 30 to the house, but Aunt Ella who is cooking all the food may not have been so thrilled that he extended an invitation that will cause her days of work.

 

[FireDancer]

I don't think everyone should have to suffer....

But I fail to see how this correlates with entitlement and usually a host/hostess who knows that someone has a dietary issue--especially a serious health issue that contraindicates certain foods, they would do something to ensure their guests would be able to enjoy the meal.

It seems outside of the "joke" of the OP--that to tell someone to just deal with it, is equally as dictating. If they wanted to make their own meal, they would just stay home which defeats the purpose of extending an invitation if you have no plans on trying to make food that your guest(s) can actually eat.

The part you quoted was more about trying to tell me what to eat on a plane or telling me what to send to school with my child. I don't care what someone else's allergies are, I will choose to eat what I want to eat (or my child to eat) period end of discussion. I would never in a million years ask anyone else to not eat something around me.

As far as the OP is concerned, making an alternative is the perfect compromise if you are inviting someone over to your home, I agree. To change the whole dish, especially by using something I consider a less healthful choice (Splenda) would not be something I would consider. When someone is the exception to anything, they should not want the rest of the world to change to accommodate them. In this thread it is about food, in others it is about other things.

This is how I look at it. Lets correlate the peanut allergy or diabetes to needing a wheelchair for the purpose of comparison. I am all for allowing accesibility for that person to enter my building via a ramp. I am all for there being an elevator for them to get to the second floor. What I would not be for is forcing everyone who is able to use the stairs to use the elevator just because one person has to. Those that can use the stairs can do so and those that can't use the elevator. Those that can eat the peanut or sugary yams can and those that can't eat the alternative.

I am for choice, not dictation to the majority based on the needs or wants of the minority. That is all.

 

[puffkin]

I think the opinions of the people with diabetes or who live with diabetics daily is quite interesting to compare to those who do not have it or do not live closely with it on this thread. Very interesting.....

I also think there is a huge difference between a life or death food allergy and diabetes.

I also think there is a big differnece between those who have Type 1 (especially juvenile onset diabetes like my DH and brother) and those with Type 2. Almost every juvenile onset diabetic I have ever known doesn't want to be "reminded" that they have a disease. They don't make a big deal out of it. They do what they have to do to stay healthy, but kind of forget they have the disease if that makes sense. They don't go out of their way to have accomodations made for them, they just adapt. In their minds they don't have a disease, it is just the way they are. It is a really weird thing to wrap your head around, but I have seen it twice now with DH and brother and know others who have said the same thing. My DH and brother once through puberty also rarely check their sugar any more. They just "know" what it is. I can ask my DH what his sugar is at any time and he will tell me....if we test it then he is usually really close (within 5-7 points). He also is now on an isulin pump and can eat pretty much anything within reason.

I just think that so many people misunderstand the different types of diabetes and also the mind sets of those who have it.

 

[Jenvenza]

I hope your calling him "whiney" was tongue in cheek. The guy has a disease and would like to enjoy Thanksgiving just like you, but without becoming very sick or dying...

Glad to hear grandma will accommodate everyone's needs.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The part you quoted was more about trying to tell me what to eat on a plane or telling me what to send to school with my child. I don't care what someone else's allergies are, I will choose to eat what I want to eat (or my child to eat) period end of discussion. I would never in a million years ask anyone else to not eat something around me.

No--it isn't.

A school or a plane is complete strangers and family is different.

Also of note--I Didn't say ban all substances. There is no harm in requesting a portion to be prepared differently if it is easy to do so.

Example: I can't do butter in my mashed potatoes. It is very easy to spoon out a serving before my DH's family adds in loads of butter and mixes it all up. At the time, I was very sensitive to the butter and couldn't have it. It was simply asking for a little consideration. That was 10 years ago. And to this day they still set aside some taters for me so that I too can enjoy them.

Asking for the entire meal to be modified is different. But a host who fails to make any accomodations for a guest of special needs is far different than the situations you describe.

I never endorsed a yam dish full of splenda and everyone having to suffer. I also do not expect a full menu to be modified.

 

[Carly_Roach]

The exception should not dictate the diet of everyone else. It is as bad as making the whole class not have something because one person in the class is allergic to peanuts. I'm all for making a peanut free whatever for the one kid that can't have it but making everyone suffer because of one kids allergies is stupid. Oh, and I don't care if just being around them can kill you, your allergies should not dictate ANYONE else's diet.

Amen, sistah! People are slowly forgetting how to prepare themselves for the world in favor of trying to make the world prepare itself for them.

Bottom line: If you won't learn basic survival skills, chances are likely that you basically won't survive.

 

[FireDancer]

Also of note--I Didn't say ban all substances. There is no harm in requesting a portion to be prepared differently if it is easy to do so.

I agreed with you. I think making a seperate serving without sugar (or butter in your case) is exactly the right thing to do. Changing the entire dish for everyone because of the needs of one is what I wouldn't do.

From my first posting:

It sounds like making a small side helping using Splenda is the smart alternative, not making everyone suffer because of one person's ailment.

 

[Cruisin]

Yeah, I've dodged some of those before. I am just appalled that one person can dictate the diet of everyone else. I am for an alternative, just like the OP's family came up with, but to say everyone has to suffer because of one is something I just can't get my head around.

I have a son who is deathly allergic to peanuts.

Today is his 26th birthday

We never asked for any concessions to be made for him regarding what others were eating.

But of course, those that love him the most automatically do make those changes without having to be asked.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Amen, sistah! People are slowly forgetting how to prepare themselves for the world in favor of trying to make the world prepare itself for them.

Bottom line: If you won't learn basic survival skills, chances are likely that you basically won't survive.

I think we're forgetting that this is a family and not a person dictating what complete strangers eat in the rest of the world.

If families cannot accomodate or would be insulted at the notion of special foods being brought in (for years, DH's family would be offended that I Did this--darned if you do, darned if you don't.)--then they shouldn't be offended if the person had to decline the invitation.

It isn't the same thing as airplane and school peanut bans.


(Oh--and firedancer is male.)

 

[luvmy3]

I think Grandma doing a seperate dish is great idea.

I have a family member who doesn't eat turkey and has on occasion whined (actually to be fair it was his mother who whined to the hostess) when invited somewhere else so the hostess wound up cooking a small chicken for him. I would have sliced up some turkey, threw some gravy on it and told him poultry is poultry, eat up

 

[FireDancer]

We never asked for any concessions to be made for him regarding what others were eating.

But of course, those that love him the most automatically do make those changes without having to be asked.

That's all I ask. And if I were coming to your home I would not bring something with Peanuts. In a public area like a plane or school expecting a stranger not to eat what they want is not reasonable.

A family situation is different than the public but some people think that the world should change what they eat because they can't have it. Everyone with an allergy isn't like that, but some are. There is also a difference between making an alternative accommodation for one and making everyone suffer.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That's all I ask. And if I were coming to your home I would not bring something with Peanuts. In a public area like a plane or school expecting a stranger not to eat what they want is not reasonable.

A family situation is different than the public but some people think that the world should change what they eat because they can't have it. Everyone with an allergy isn't like that, but some are. There is also a difference between making an alternative accommodation for one and making everyone suffer.

So I'm pregnant and the thought of a thanksgiving meal grosses me out a little.

So Can I ask them to change their entire menu and cook something different?



(I kid! I am having turkey day meal aversions, but I know that I can at least eat some of the side dishes. But thought I'd throw that in there. Went to my mom's house last pregnacy on a non-holiday and I tried so hard to be polite with the various things she was cooking that made me sick while she made them. But when she got to the steak in blue cheese butter I just couldn't take it any more.

She had made me separate dish that I had already eaten, but once she started making that and I ummm....lost my dinner, I coudl'nt believe how insulted she was. I didn't ask for accomodations. But lets just say, she never understood why I didn't go back to her house for the rest of the pregancy. As she puts it--"it wasn't THAT bad". Trust me--it was! At least a roasting turkey isn't so bad as long as blue cheese butter isn't involved. )

 

[funkychunkymonkey]

Im not complaining this year. I made the pies (dairy free) so I can eat them. I love patatos and come to find out my unthinking aunt is making CHEESY patatos (Im lactose intolarant) so I ask her to make a small bowl of regular patatos and she got mad. How hard is it to toss a patato on a plate and toss it in the microwave? Well at least moms going to make me tatos!

 

[Carly_Roach]

Amen, sistah! People are slowly forgetting how to prepare themselves for the world in favor of trying to make the world prepare itself for them.

Bottom line: If you won't learn basic survival skills, chances are likely that you basically won't survive.

I think we're forgetting that this is a family and not a person dictating what complete strangers eat in the rest of the world.

If families cannot accomodate or would be insulted at the notion of special foods being brought in (for years, DH's family would be offended that I Did this--darned if you do, darned if you don't.)--then they shouldn't be offended if the person had to decline the invitation.

It isn't the same thing as airplane and school peanut bans.


(Oh--and firedancer is male.)

Then amen, bruthah!

I'll never forget the very last time my family went over to my mother's for my sister's favorite dish: pot roast. What my mother didn't tell us was that she was making the gravy with some kind of low-cal, low-fat broth product that totally ruined the gravy, and the meal, for all of us.

Mom's explanation? She was trying to get us to eat healthier. Our perception of the event? She was trying to trick us into saying the gravy was good because she felt there was no difference in taste between the heavy-fat gravy and the low-fat gravy. It was supposed to be one of those VIOLA! moments where Mom tricks the kids into eating healthy, we all realized the errors of our ways and started doing the no-cal, low-fat lifestyle that Mom's set for herself.

I'm sorry....but we're all in our 40's and know how the pot-roast is supposed to taste, Mom. We're not children you can trick into "eating healthy" anymore.

We now all pass on Mom's cooking. Thanksgiving is going to be at my sister's house this year and I'm probably going to take Christmas. If Mom wants low-cal, no-fat, we'll see what we can do about it, but she'll likely bring her own food.

My whole point in relaying that story is to explain why I would be angry if one member of the family, for his or her own selfish reasons, changed a traditional favorite dish that everyone else looked forward to all year long.

I'm glad that the OP's grandmother or aunt (I forget which is is now) decided to make a side dish for the allergic family member. I hope he'll appreciate the extra work.

 

[babycakes01]

My husband is diabetic and I don't change any recipes for him- he just has a smaller portion and medicates himself appropriately. To the OP, I too would be upset if because of 1 person a treasured family dish was made different; he just shouldn't eat it. I don't get any 1 person expecting something to be changed just for them.

 

[Carly_Roach]

But lets just say, she never understood why I didn't go back to her house for the rest of the pregancy. As she puts it--"it wasn't THAT bad". Trust me--it was! At least a roasting turkey isn't so bad as long as blue cheese butter isn't involved. )

OMG!! I HATE that!

"Oh it wasn't that bad"

Yeah, Mom it was. I wouldn't have thrown up if it wasn't.

 

[missypie]

I have a son who is deathly allergic to peanuts.

Today is his 26th birthday

We never asked for any concessions to be made for him regarding what others were eating.

But of course, those that love him the most automatically do make those changes without having to be asked.

Cruisin, at 26, I assume that your son eats lots of meals without you. Does he mention his allergy when he is invited to someone's house for a meal? Does he mention it before the meal is cooked so accomodations can be made, or does he just ask once he is at the table and hope for the best? There might be some meals - like a stirfry in peanut oil - where the whole thing would be inedible if the cook wasn't told.

 

[NotUrsula]

This is how I look at it. Lets correlate the peanut allergy or diabetes to needing a wheelchair for the purpose of comparison. I am all for allowing accesibility for that person to enter my building via a ramp. I am all for there being an elevator for them to get to the second floor. What I would not be for is forcing everyone who is able to use the stairs to use the elevator just because one person has to. Those that can use the stairs can do so and those that can't use the elevator. Those that can eat the peanut or sugary yams can and those that can't eat the alternative.

I am for choice, not dictation to the majority based on the needs or wants of the minority. That is all.

For diabetics that comparison works fine, but for anaphylactic shock, not so much. It's not like the person in the wheelchair risks dying because their are stairs in the same building that he is in, even if he never goes near them.

I think the best comparison is with those who keep kosher l'mehadrin (sometimes aka Glatt Kosher.) This population has dealt with the issue for centuries now, and they are good at it. If you are not of their faith and invite them over to eat, they will very politely decline, because they know that it is unrealistic to expect that someone not of their faith will have two fully equipped and strictly segregated kitchen prep areas in the house. If they want to socialize with you, they are extremely unlikely to agree to or invite to you share a meal, but if you show interest, they will explain what you will NOT find on the table, and will understand if you change your mind. In most localities, those who keep this level of Kosher cannot eat out at all -- my community of 1.25 million people has all of ONE restaurant that serves that population.

 

[missypie]

In most localities, those who keep this level of Kosher cannot eat out at all -- my community of 1.25 million people has all of ONE restaurant that serves that population.

Well, that would certainly save me money on restaurant tabs!