DH left...

[megan4777]

I wish I could help you!! I am so sorry for you. You WILL get over all of this and have a MUCH happier life without him.


edited to add....I'm sure you've heard this but IT WAS NOT THE ACCIDENT that made him go to his gf. You had NOTHING to do with it!!!!

I may get flamed for this but, document (print out, or record) whatever he says that is negative toward the kids if you are afraid for them. You should NOT let him get custody if you feel he will harm them or take out his anger on them!!

 

[nwdisgal]

Hugs . You sound like a strong, resilient woman. Hang in there, pamper yourself when you can, and eventually the pain will diminish and you will feel better. You are better off without him. He doesn't deserve you.

 

[Minniespal]

and

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[we3disneygo]

hugs and pixie dust coming your way........

 

[s&k'smom]

Wow I'm so sorry, take care of yourself and DD. God bless.

 

[BARBARAAPPLE]

 

[sweet angel]

Just read through the remaining replies and would like to add this:

While all the responses are quite helpful, please keep in mind that matrimonial court rules vary from state to state, so you need to seek the advice of an experienced attorney.

The post that sticks in my mind is the one about filing for "legal separation". While I'm sure that's a possibility in the poster's state, "legal separation" doesn't exist in NJ, and may or may not in your state.

As far as the insurance benefits, do you have them available to you through your job? If not, he can be required to continue to cover you and DD. If so, it may be more complicated. Further, he may have to cover DD, but not you.

In NJ, when you file for divorce, you fill out an Affidavit of Insurance, and a Case Information Statement which lists all income and expenses. For the most part, this is what child support is based on. They have an arbitrary formula for the child support award.

Good luck and please contact an attorney ASAP.

 

[PlaneJoy1]

So sorry this is happening to you! Stay strong and do what's best for you and your children.

 

[anut4disney]

My prayers are with you and your DD.

 

[Poohgirl]

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I was in your shoes a few years ago. Be strong, you will get through this. Take care of yourself.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I'm keeping you in my prayers. I can't understand what would make a husband do the things he's done to you.

If your husband spends all the assets you have jointly before the courts can get a hold on them, you may never get to them. You need an IMMEDIATE move to freeze everything except for your main checking account, which needs to be split in half right now. This can be done through a restraining order.

Good luck to you. Both of you need a little time to cool off before making any long-term decisions. I just hope for you that he doesn't decide you were the best thing for him all along. You deserve way better than that.

 

[momof2inPA]

Next time he comes over, back into his car again. Only get up a little more speed this time.

Honestly, he sounds like a self-absorbed butthead- the girlfriend, the tantrums, the video games. I hope you can squeeze the maximum out of his paycheck in court. P.S. Change the locks and best of luck.

 

[Jennifer S]

Hang in there. Things will get better.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm so sorry. I've been in your shoes and even though it doesn't seem like it now, believe me, you can get past this and your life will be even better.

And just a word about leaving your house--if you do decide or have to move, moving into an apartment isn't all bad. Just last weekend, dd and I were driving past the apt she and I lived in while I was getting divorced. I was surprised when she told me how much she loved living there--better than the house with her dad and I together. You can make anywhere into a home for your kids--even though I hated living in that place, dd has such fond memories of her and I sharing it.

 

[EthansMom]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this!

Even if you don't feel comfortable taking all of the money, you need to MOVE HALF of the money into an account in only your name and DO IT NOW! Otherwise, your husband could go in and empty the account. Also, if you have your checks direct deposited into the old account, go to your HR and have that changed immediately. Document everything.

Do not try to keep the house for emotional reasons. That's one of the biggest mistakes most women make. Would the kids be better off for you to struggle to make payments on a house you can't afford than to move into an apartment or house you can afford? No. Take half of the equity and get out rather than dragging out the turmoil for you and the kids.

You are entitled to half of everything -- half of the equity in the house, half of the 401k, half of savings, etc... Also, your kids are entitled to adequate child support and insurance coverage. Get a good lawyer who will make sure you get it! (You may want to consider hiring a private investigator who can document the affair.)

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, DLM. You're such a warm and giving person and deserve better.

 

[momof1princess]

ok, i'm not the divorce expert here, but being a legal secretary has taught me a few things-first of all, you find the BEST divorce lawyer in town and see him/her TODAY! next, put that money in YOUR NAME ONLY-go to a totally different bank and open a NEW account in just your name and put the money in it-anything he can touch is something you could lose. tell the lawyer you want to file for divorce on grounds of infidelity, that you want the house with him making the payments, as well as your car payment and child support in accordance with state guidelines. also tell your lawyer about the episode where your DH flipped out on your DD and spanked her and let him know you want ANY visitation to be supervised by you or another member of YOUR family, NOT his. also, you want your DH to get life insurance in an amount of no less than 100,000.00 and your children are to be made the SOLE and IRREVOCABLE beneficiaries. also, ask that your DH be required to pay any and all medical copays or expenses (not reimburse you, but billed outright by the doctor/hospital), that he pay for all expenses of your children's extracurricular activities AND, if he's not contributing to a college fund for them, that he be required to do so on a weekly or monthly basis. honey, if he's cheating on you, nail his sorry *** to the WALL! my mom let my dad off with 200.00 child support a month, and that was ALL we ever got-no clothes, no food, hell, we couldn't even get 5 bucks from him for a movie! the ******* didn't even want to pay 1/2 my wedding costs until my mom cussed him black and blue and let him know that if he didn't, not only would he not walk me down the aisle, he wouldn't be invited! so don't wait, take care of yourself and your children's future right now, because if you think he won't screw you over, i tell you, you're WRONG-i've seen too many divorces not to know this. best of luck to you.

Donya
*leaving for WDW on Sunday!*

p.s....these are all things to ask your lawyer if he/she can request in your divorce petition-there's no guarantee you'll get them, but if you don't ask, you don't receive. also ask him/her if he/she has any further suggestions that i didn't mention-each state is different. again, best of luck to you.

 

[Cthia]

I am so sorry you are going thru this.

Please consult a lawyer as soon as possible. It will be the best in the long run for you and your children.

 

[momof1princess]

one more thing....make sure you have his girlfriend's name and address and give it to your attorney, because...well, yeah, she's his girlfriend, and anything you know about her is valuable information.

 

[Keggy]

I am on his benefits (as are the kids). Can he drop me immediately (he's the benefits manager for his company)?

He cannot drop you from his benefits until he has a change of life (divorce) or until there is an open enrollment period, which is different for every company.

Since he is the Benefits Manager, I am assuming he is in HR. Excuse my French - but his a** is grass as soon as someone else in HR fnds out about his relationship... At least in the HR departments I have worked in. Of course, it is probably beneficial to you and to your daughter to have him employed.

Hugs to you and to your daughter.



Kelly