Destination Weddings - How much notice should they give?

[NHdisneylover]

Last post, I promise, and this is just to clear something up.

I said I wouldn't go to a destination wedding in Hawaii. That still stands. If the girl is from New Jersey, and they decide to get married in Hawaii, well... Have fun, kids.

Now if my DIL-to-be were from Hawaii, and wanted to get married in a place where all of her friends and family could attend, then Maui (for example) might just be the place. Like a PP, I don't call a wedding in someone's home town or place of residence a "destination wedding" as such, regardless of how far it would mean that some of the guests had to travel, to include the parents of the couple. It's just one of the facts of life in a mobile society. That's why Mrs. Tex and I got married in Michigan, for example, when I'm from Houston.

As far as attending my son's non-destination wedding in Hawaii... It would take some serious thought, number crunching, and soul searching for sure. I would hope that Tex Jr. and his bride-to-be had really thought about which family was going to get the short end of the stick -- because one or the other is going to be pretty much left out -- and made what they thought was the best decision.

All that said, I honestly don't know that I'd be able to talk myself into going to Hawaii for my son's wedding. That's a whole bunch of bucks to go to a place that I have no interest in seeing. (No offense meant to any Hawaiian natives or residents on the forums!) While I might be able to afford it technically, I don't know that I'd be able to justify the expense in my own mind.

As always, YMMV.

The bolded is exactly WHY my sister and brother in law opted for a destination wedding (in Hawaii actually). They did not want to start off their lives together by choosing one of their families over the other for something like this and already having hurt feelings or making it look like they cared about her family more than his or vice versa.

It was really a stretch for us to go to Hawaii at the time, but we would have had to travel somewhere no matter what (we no longer lived in DH's hometown or state, nor did we live where the groom was from now where the bride and groom were living) so we figured maybe 40% of the cost we would have spent to go ANYwhere. Hawaii is not an area I would have ever chosen to visit, and none of us liked it enough to ever go back, but we did find ways to enjoy the week and we did really, really want to be there for her--and she and the groom had both spent months and months there on long term work assignments and felt very connected to it s owe understood it. That said, her twin brother (who she is very close to) did not make it out from France 9where he was living at the time) for the wedding and she totally understood that the distance/time/cost was simply too much.

 

[NotUrsula]

I believe that you were the one who stated that if your child planned a wedding in Maui you would not attend. You did not place any qualifiers on that original statement as you have now done, so the assumption that you would not go under any circumstances was a valid assumption. From your post above it seems that it would be a financial burden for you to attend. If you were financially able, would you go?

I have no problem with anyone who cannot attend an event because they do not have the money to do so, even if it their child's wedding. However, most (not all, but most) weddings are set far enough in advance that most (again, most, not all) parents should be able to save up enough to afford airfare and a hotel to at least be there for the ceremony and reception, even if they cannot afford a hotel for the additional days that the wedding party may be "on location."

Considering that more couples are marrying later in life, I don't think you're correct about the bolded; not when it comes to a location that is offshore of the country that they reside in. I think that most parents could probably manage to get to a destination that could be driven to if it were less than 1000 miles, but Hawaii is a different animal entirely, especially if their home is not near a major city with good air connections. The majority of fixed-income retirees don't have the ability to gather that kind of cash without dipping into capital or selling assets. (Just for jollies, and if we were talking fall, the best price I could find out my airport, which is a fairly major one but does not have non-stops to Hawaii, is $792/pp/rt. That's $1600 for two, not counting hotels, food and ground transportation. I really don't know too many retirees who can easily come up with that much cash on any amount of notice unless they take it out of their nest-egg.)

My personal feeling about destination weddings is that if you really want someone to be there, you (the bridal couple) should pay their expenses. My wedding required my DH's immediate family to travel, as we held it near my family home because my disabled mother could not travel. DH's grandparents did not choose to attend (they were in their 90's at the time), but we paid all expenses for my MIL and my BIL (the best man) to attend. It never would have occurred to us to ask them to bear that expense on our behalf.

 

[SC Minnie]

We were given a years notice for the destination wedding we are attending this summer. DH is the best man at his youngest brother's wedding. They are having it an an all inclusive. Airfare and resort for the 3 of us is now close to $6000 for 5 days. I'm not happy about it but have decided to suck it up and be quiet as long as I get a good amount of alone time at the resort. If it was MY family DH would be having a fit at the $$$.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

If you want a lot of people to show up - 1 year and 3 months
If you want less 9 months.

Either way you should tell family ASAP!

 

[Nancyg56]

I think I would need at least a year to plan. I would not attend a destination wedding for a friend or coworker and honestly for nieces and nephews I would need to think about the destination. My SIS IL tried to talk my niece into a destination wedding in Aruba. I had to explain to her that as much as I love my niece there was no way I would be able to attend and I rather doubted that my family would go. DN lives in Fl and even if we had to fly in the night before and leave the morning after we all would celebrate her wedding day if she was married in the States. I would not turn my life upside down to travel to Aruba. It is not my place to persuade anyone to make or change plans to suit me or my family but I would expect that anyone whose plans involve large sums or travel money and vacation time understand if folks choose not to attend.

I also agree with Tex. I would move heaven and Earth to celebrate one of my children's weddings but if my circumstances did not allow it I would expect that my child would understand.

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't go to anybody's destination wedding, so it's irrelevant to me how much warning they give.