Destination Weddings - How much notice should they give?

[DisneyLoverUSA]

I wouldn't go to a destination wedding no matter whose it is. If it were one of my children I would warn them way in advance that if they plan on flying half way around the world, or even Hawaii, to get married, I won't be there. I will give a very hefty cash gift but I will not attend.

I think destination weddings are selfish. The ppl having it KNOW they are causing a lot of trouble and expense for everyone who goes.

Now, if you are rich enough to pay for everybody to go, then knock your lights out.

But if you are going to have one I think you need to give folks at least one year's notice of it.

 

[Ember]

I wouldn't go to a destination wedding no matter whose it is. If it were one of my children I would warn them way in advance that if they plan on flying half way around the world, or even Hawaii, to get married, I won't be there. I will give a very hefty cash gift but I will not attend.

I think destination weddings are selfish. The ppl having it KNOW they are causing a lot of trouble and expense for everyone who goes.

Now, if you are rich enough to pay for everybody to go, then knock your lights out.

But if you are going to have one I think you need to give folks at least one year's notice of it.

We got married in Disney World. We paid for the trip for our bridal party (flights, hotels, and park passes), as well as for my mother and DH's favourite aunt. These were the people we really wanted with us, the people we wouldn't have wanted to celebrate without. We are far from rich, and saved for a very long time to have the wedding we wanted with the people we wanted. Besides, it seemed tacky (to us) to ask people to be a part of your wedding and then expect them foot a huge bill. So rather than a huge at home wedding with a bunch of people we didn't care about, we took our favouite people with us to our favouite place.

In addition to the 7 guests we paid for, 12 other people chose to join us at their own expense. This was not expected at all, and made us feel very loved. Had it just been the 9 of us, that would have been perfect, too. As soon as I had a set date (which Disney won't lock in until 8 months out, save the date notices went out). However, everyone who came knew before that what the plans were.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think at least 6 months is a good amount of time because that gives people who would choose to go time to plan/save for the trip.

 

[Andtototoo]

Probably a year so I can plan for it and save for it, if necessary.

I have zero problems with someone having a destination wedding (as long as they understand that they are self-limiting the number of attendees). Other than that, their wedding + their money = their choice.

I don't see how a destination wedding is selfish. I don't see how a bride and groom owes anyone else a wedding to attend. Want a party with all your family? Host and pay for it yourself.

I would go to a destination wedding for certain people no matter where it was -- my dd, my sister.

I would go to a destination wedding for other people only if the destination were somewhere I wanted to vacation. Here's why:
1. I have very limited vacation time and my vacation is really the only thing that keeps me going throughout the year. So (unless it's my dd or my sister), I wouldn't use my limited vacation time and money to go some place in which I'm not interested. That said, I like to travel and am very curious about other places, so I generally can find something of interest in most places. I'm easy to please. I also learned from being "forced" to go to a family reunion in a place I thought I'd have zero interest, that sometimes if you make a modicum of effort to keep an open mind, that you can find great fun in unexpected places.
2. In case the wedding is cancelled after I'd booked the trip, I'd still be happy about spending the time and money.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I wouldn't go to a destination wedding no matter whose it is. If it were one of my children I would warn them way in advance that if they plan on flying half way around the world, or even Hawaii, to get married, I won't be there. I will give a very hefty cash gift but I will not attend.

I think destination weddings are selfish. The ppl having it KNOW they are causing a lot of trouble and expense for everyone who goes.

Now, if you are rich enough to pay for everybody to go, then knock your lights out.

But if you are going to have one I think you need to give folks at least one year's notice of it.

You really wouldn't go to your child's wedding?

I can't imagine not seeing my child get married, unless they chose to elope and no one was there.

I can't say they are all selfish. I think it would depend on the why's and the how's of the decision making. I mean if you plan one and get mad that the people you want don't come then yes you are being selfish. On the other hand, if close family cna't make it and you don't care then you are selfish also . Sigh...I really hate destination weddings .

 

[disneychrista]

I don't really see how a couple planning a destination wedding means that they don't care about their marriage.

It is not a destination wedding in & of itself. But I see people put all this effort into planning these big elborate weddings but put very little effort into the marriage itself.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

It is not a destination wedding in & of itself. But I see people put all this effort into planning these big elborate weddings but put very little effort into the marriage itself.

Well..not a lot of destination weddings are a big thing. I also don't think that elaborate weddings mean the marriage is a second thought. I have seen loving couples with both small and grand spectacle weddings.

 

[rigs32]

I wouldn't go to a destination wedding no matter whose it is. If it were one of my children I would warn them way in advance that if they plan on flying half way around the world, or even Hawaii, to get married, I won't be there. I will give a very hefty cash gift but I will not attend.

I think destination weddings are selfish. The ppl having it KNOW they are causing a lot of trouble and expense for everyone who goes.

Now, if you are rich enough to pay for everybody to go, then knock your lights out.

So, if you live in State A, and your child moves to State B where they meet someone from State C and decide to marry, it's going to be a destination wedding for at least half the guests. Would you really only attend if it were in State A? What if your child was the groom and the bride wanted the wedding to be in her hometown as is tradition. You really wouldn't go? And you'd think it was rude?

In our increasingly mobile society I'm left scratching my head when people say they are inherently rude.

 

[DeaverTex]

Me again.

Mrs. Tex is from Michigan, I'm from Texas. We met in Kansas (Ft. Riley). As tradition would dictate, we got married in her hometown in Michigan, which is where most of her (very large) family lives. For them, very convenient. From my family, there were my parents and my grandmother. For them, I still wouldn't call it a destination wedding since it took only a day or two out of their lives and was a domestic flight, and the location was chosen because that's where the overwhelming majority of the potential guests lived.

A destination wedding is one in which the destination itself is a major feature of the plan, and is chosen because that's a place that the couple would like to go. I don't think it's selfish to do that, but it IS selfish to expect everyone to be able to attend.

I'm afraid that I agree with DisneyLoverUSA as far as going to someone's destination wedding, regardless of who it might be. I know that if Tex Jr. were to tell us one day that he and his intended were getting married on the beach in Maui, there's very little chance that Mrs. Tex and I would be there.

 

[Ceila]

I just can't believe that anyone would refuse to go to their own child's wedding if it was a "destination" wedding, unless it was for health reasons. That, to me, is more selfish than a couple who chooses to get married in a destination. Usually couples plan their weddings far enough in advance that immediate family would have plenty of time to save up (especially people who frequent a vacation-specific forum who, I think it's reasonable to assume, do go on vacations).

 

[onelilspark]

What is considered appropriate is 6-9 months in advance you send the save the date. 8 weeks before the wedding, invitations go out, even if it's destination.

If the Bride & Groom chooses to have a Destination Wedding, they cannot be upset if someone cannot attend due to travel/expenses.

We got married in October 2011. I'm from Philadelphia, my husband is from Vermont, we live in Rochester, NY. Our wedding was in Rochester and 90% of our guest list was from out of town. We had people who just couldn't travel (including his grandparents unfortunately) but we weren't upset, we understood. We sent our Save the Dates out in February 2011, invites September 1 for an October 29 wedding.

 

[TheSchragFamily]

We've never attended a destination wedding, it's not how we choose to use our vacation time and money. The only exception would be for a sibling or our son but since he's only 15 weeks old we don't have to worry about that yet.

If it was for a sibling I would like at least 6 months notice if possible so we didn't go ahead and book another vacation.

We have traveled for family/friend weddings in the states but since that is usually only a night or two and we can choose where to stay, etc., I don't consider that a destination wedding.

I agree. IMMEDIATE FAMILY ONLY. Otherwise, I would never consider it unless it were my BFF. And I mean really forever! And she should be getting married somewhere I actually want to go!

 

[lastminutemom]

Mr. Tex

What if his new wife is from Hawaii or Canada? Would you still not go?

I think the key is notice, especially if people are going to have to travel. But this is also true if the Groom is from California and the Bride is from Maine. People need time to save, plan etc.

I also think that couples have to know that expensive destinations == less people.

I have two siblings and three first cousins. We are all close. We live all over the country. We travel for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs now and will travel for weddings later. Not always easy or cheap, but we do it because we want too.

 

[DISshopkeeper]

My niece got married in the Napa Valley. We all live in the Mid-Atlantic area. And in all honesty, she was trying to AVOID certain people coming to her wedding. And it worked. I love her dearly and we attended. I'm not a fan of wine, so Napa would have not been on my to-do list, but I have very fond memories of a long 4 days of great parties, in a beautiful setting. And like others said, we made a vacation of it with 4 nights in San Francisco afterward. Just recently she told me i was the one who pushed her over the edge into the Destination Decision be saying to her "I don't care where it is, we will come."

I think a year is a good length of time for an announcement of a destination wedding.

I like them, certainly don't think it's selfish, and better get used to the idea as DD chose a destination many years ago.... WDW!!

I

 

[bumbershoot]

I think people worry too much about the wedding and not enough on the marriage.

I think, no, I KNOW, that people on the outside have literally NO idea what's going on with the marriage preparation. It's easy to see the wedding planning. It's impossible to see the marriage stuff, unless you live with them and are involved in ALL conversations and can see into their hearts and minds.

DH and I ended up being engaged from Jan '01 to Aug '03, and while there was a LOT of talk about the wedding itself with friends and family members, we almost NEVER talked about what we were doing to prepare for our lives together. (except for online, where people would listen and not judge us for having counseling while still engaged, and ask interesting and probing questions to help us...friends in real life either wanted us to break up or wanted ONE conversation about each topic only, just like they wanted ONE conversation about flowers, music, etc, which was impossible for me to do)

So, if you live in State A, and your child moves to State B where they meet someone from State C and decide to marry, it's going to be a destination wedding for at least half the guests. Would you really only attend if it were in State A? What if your child was the groom and the bride wanted the wedding to be in her hometown as is tradition. You really wouldn't go? And you'd think it was rude?

In our increasingly mobile society I'm left scratching my head when people say they are inherently rude.

Exactly.

Now have the fiance/fiancee being from another *country*.




We had a wedding in Oregon despite not living there. We, and hubby's family, lived in Washington, and my family is from just about every other state. Many people came. Some did not. Some told us why, most of those who didn't come did NOT say why. Not our business! Could have been because they hate Oregon, could be because they don't want to travel for anyone, who cares?

IN my nearly 3 years of being engaged and actively involved in wedding planning message boards, I NEVER ran across ANYONE planning a destination wedding who EXPECTED people to be there.

Interestingly, I've run into invited guests who SAID they were expected to be there, on non-wedding boards, but it's an interesting disconnect there. Guests felt they were impelled to go...brides never felt that way... Maybe brides just changed as soon as I was off the planning boards (except that I stayed there until around '07, so the changes must have happened after that?).

 

[sookie]

I would think at least a year. We own a timeshare and DVC, so we usually book our vacations 11 months or more out. Plus you need to give people time to save money. With e-mail it is very easy to give people that you want to attend a head's up. Of couse with a destination wedding you cannot get upset if people cannot attend as there are so many factors involved.

My husband's niece is getting married in Park City in April. She is 27 and I think I have met her twice in the 25 years DH and I have been married. When the invitation came I told DH I was not going as our daughter has a college lacrosse game that weekend and I want to watch her play. DH has probably met his niece 4 times in his life and he said he would rather be with me watching out daughter then spend a thousand dollars, that would be a stretch for us with 3 kids in college, for 2 nights in Park City when he could not even ski.

We will send a card with a nice gift and are perfectly comfortable with our decision. We did get a save the date card at 4 months out and knew immediately it would conflict with out daughter's game.

Also, for the record, technically I was not invited as my name was spelled wrong on the computer addressed invitation. I had a problem with that all the way around, but that is a separate issue.

I would say that "technically" you were invited, but that she "technically" did not spell your name correctly. People make mistakes.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Nine months to a year's notice, and I will come. We love destination weddings. It isn't about the parents or the family, it is about the couple.

Even if we had less notice, we will do all we can to still attend.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I personally believe 9 - 12 months is an acceptable timeframe.

 

[aprilgail2]

I say the less notice the better because then I have an excuse not to go

I agree- I think destination weddings are the height of selfishness! At my job we pick our vacation in Sept. of the year before so even with a years notice it probably wouldn't fall into my vacation time- which we can not change!

I think destination weddings are selfish. The ppl having it KNOW they are causing a lot of trouble and expense for everyone who goes.

Now, if you are rich enough to pay for everybody to go, then knock your lights out.

But if you are going to have one I think you need to give folks at least one year's notice of it.

The only one I would go to would be my daughters- otherwise I prefer to spend my vacation dollars how I want to spend them thank you.

 

[a1tinkfans]

i am going to one of these out of state weddings and so far the hotel is costing us a small fortune, the flights are 350 and I am non too happy...but we have to go, wed actually really like to go, but the timing is bad for us and the $$, its a holiday weekend....and this little weekend wedding will cost us over two grand easily...........laugh or cry...