destination wedding

[crisi]

Why not have the same attitude regarding destination weddings as well? It's just an invitation not a mandatory obligation. If it's for someone you would really like to support in a destination you might like to see and you can afford to go then go. If not, decline. No big deal. No need to consider the DW couple presumptuous or get in a tiff over.

Well, sometimes they ARE presumptuous. Its all in the presentation.

"Our family and friends are scattered all over the country and most of our guests would have to travel regardless of where we married. So we chose to get married in Mexico. We picked a resort that has pretty reasonable rates and a time of year when we can get good deals and the kids are out of school. We know not everyone will be able to make it and are expecting it to end up rather small, but if you can, we'd love to have you."

or....

"Well, we know that almost everyone on our guest list lives here in the Twin Cities, but my favorite place in the whole world is Hawaii. And so I've decided to get married in Hawaii. Its going to be great because my guests will get a vacation out of my wedding! I have five bridesmaids picked, and I'm expecting my 85 year old grandmother to spend ten hours each way on a plane to get there. I've picked a really nice resort......Expense? Well, we are spending $40,000 on our wedding, it doesn't seem unreasonable to me to expect people to pay for a room and a plane ticket. After all, its my WEDDING!"


My uncle married his second wife in his 50s. On a beach in Hawaii. No one made it to the wedding, which was fine with them - and at 50 for a second wedding, fine with all his relatives, too. It was clear from the presentation that we were getting "courtesy invites" and not "summons."

Carolyn Hax has a wonderful piece on destination weddings that sort of sums it up. http://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/...-family-couple-want-beach-wedding-1280738.php There isn't any issue with having a destination wedding - the problem is wanting it all - the destination wedding surrounded by friends and family.

 

[scrapquitler]

OP, where in New England is the wedding? Usually March is not the most beautiful, convenient time up here... still snow on the ground in the northern parts, mud or snow on the ground in the southern parts, not a really great time of year for a visit! I say do what you are comfortable with... otherwise you will always regret this.
.

Excellent point. People think, "oh, March, it's spring!" But the reality is that here in CT we always seem to get a HUGE storm the first week of March (often the biggest storm of the year hits then), and the weather can go in any direction. March can be warm and muddy, it can rain a lot or there can be a blizzard. And its usually windy. Travel can be tricky in March.

 

[Ennazus8810]

As a destination bride myself I was say that our wedding was done so that the guest list was kept small. I had been married before, but my DH had not. He wanted a large wedding, but then his family (which he is not close with) started to intevene and make demands. At that point it was decided that we were getting on a plane to get married. We chose the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas. I had never been there, but he had. The pictures of weddings there were beautiful, and that is what mattered to me. We told close friends and family where we were going and when, and left it open to anyone who WANTED to go. My Uncle and Aunt lived in LA at that time so they drove over. His Mother and Sister (thankfully not the ones we were running from) went, and that was it. We understood that we were choosing to go away and get married, and that meant that most people would not be there. Yet it was what was right for us. I had a stress free, drama free wedding with my husband. It was about us. That is all that mattered. We had an open house type reception when we returned, where we showed the video and slide show from our photographer.

 

[Cruise]

the bride has very few girlfriends so i have a feeling on top of the wedding i will have to throw a shower with her sister and plan the bachelorette party.

Now would be the time to find one of the many online etiquette sites that explain why it is bad form for a family member to throw a shower for a person and rehearse your speech about how you'd oh-so-love to, but would hate for the family or the bride to seem as if they're being crass. No need to mention how you'd rather not shell out even more money for her wedding.

 

[Tistal]

I would only consider going to a destination wedding if it was one of my siblings. At that, I would have to consider it; it would not be an automatic yes or no. My cousin is getting married next spring in Vegas; I told him to have a nice trip, and I wouldn't be coming.

OP I don't envy your situation. Do the best you can with the cards you've been dealt. Imo, it's greedy for a couple to expect a gift especially if they are having a destination wedding. While wedding gifts are a nice gesture, they are not required.

When I got married, I did not have a destination wedding, but I wrote thank you notes to every person who attended my wedding, gift or not, because I knew that at minimum they took time out of their schedule to be there. (apparently thank you notes are becoming a dying art, but that's a whole different story)

 

[Aliceacc]

One of my favorite wedding gifts was $25.

An old friend had moved, years prior, from NY to FL. I had been lucky enought o attend his wedding-- I was sngle and living at home and the expense wasn't a big deal. When I got married several years later, he and his wife were expecting their first child and money was tight. I sent them the invitation, knowing that there was every chance they might not attend.

They somehow found the money for airfare (they stayed with his sister up here, so hotel wasn't an issue) and an additional $25 for a gift. (At the time, a typical wedding gift for a couple in NY was about $200.) Even now, 23 years later, I'm thrilled that they were able to attend, and touched that they gave a gift at all-- their presence at my wedding was all the gift I wanted.

 

[CaFeeney]

We had a Destination wedding in 2003 at an amazing resort in the Florida Keys. My family and friends are in New England and DH's family was coming from Las Vegas area.

I am a bit taken back at the level of resentment from folks that have been invited to a Destination wedding. Truly if you don't want to go, feel it was an imposition, or can't afford to go then it is totally your prerogative not to attend. As the bride and groom we knew that many could not attend and that was our choice - we wanted to keep it small. We were both a bit older (late 30's) and were not looking for a 150+ reception.

Our wedding was a wonderful time for the 26 close family and friends that attended. Several other close family and/friends didn't make it - I had absolutely no issue and no expectations that they attended or gave a gift.

The feeling that I was "selfish" really rubs me a bit- what is selfish about having the wedding we wanted with the people that wanted to be there?

As far as cost we were able to have a wonderful reception with fantastic food and drinks at an amazing location for under $5,000.

Honestly, if someone was that resentful and didn't really want to be there or felt it was a terrible imposition to be there - I wouldn't want them there anyway.

One of my best vacations was my best friend's wedding on a cruise. We had about 20 of us and it was a perfect vacation and a privilege to attend - not a burden in any way.