Destination wedding & people NOT coming how do you feel? n other feelings

[WeLoveLilo05]

I am sure you have all been faced with this....

Including me, fiance, and DD our guest count would actually be 21 but I honestly don't think all 21 guests would come. If all 21 did come (which i doubt) could we still have an escape wedding?

Here's where my frustration lies...
if we do the wedding in WDW I know everyone in my family would go except my grandfather and brother, which makes me a little sad.

Fiance said if we did the wedding in WDW he doesn't think his parents would come, just his sis, her boyfriend, his best friend, and possibly his grandmother.

I just don't know what to do, I wanted something small with these 21 people. If we do something here we'd have to invite relatives that I am not particularly fond of lol. But I keep asking fiance if he would be upset if his parents didn't come b/c if I was having an escape wedding then yeah I'd be upset if my parents didn't come, but he seems like he just doesn't really care all that much. If we did a memories wedding with just me, fiance, and DD then thats a whole different story.
We even talked about having the ceremony @ WDW just the 3 of us and then my mom having a small out to eat thing, but then I'd still have to invite the relatives that I don't really like. lol so I just can't win.
What to do?

 

[Firefly09]

Unfortunately, no, if you have 21 people (including yourselves, right?) then you can't have an Escape wedding.

Honestly, if you really want to have an Escape wedding, I say go ahead and do it. I've been surprised by how accepting both sides of the family have been. I was sure my mother was going to have a fit when I told her but she just went with it. Right now we're dealing with the fact that the news has spread and more relatives than planned are asking if they can come to the wedding which is making us consider upgrading to Wishes.

 

[princessheather]

o wow. reading what you said, i had to double check to see if I wrote this.
i am having the SAME issue so i feel you pain

only difference is your having an on land wedding @ disney and im having a cruise wedding through the disney cruise line. theres a total of 29 guest that have booked and out of that 29 the only relative on my fiance side was his aunt....

The crazy part is that before we booked or spread the word that we were having the wedding on the cruise we sat his family down (immediate family) and asked them if they would/could come to the wedding if we do it this way... & what do they say "OF COURSE I THINK ITS A GREAT IDEA WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD"...... woomp woomp woompppp.

we have about 10 months until the wedding and we JUST heard through the grapevine that they might not come so i feel hurt and disappointed that my fiance that i care for so much will most likely not have anyone from his family there to support him, to support us, for seeing us get married for the first time....

I asked if this would bother him and he said that it would be ok ... but i could see that he probably would NOT be okay with it he just knows how bad i wanted it on the cruise and through Disney that he couldn't hurt my feelings about it ..

after sitting down and talking about how much planning we put into this wedding and how much we both really wanted this, and taking into consideration all the people who have already booked. we are still going through with it... with or without..

thats the only thing with destination weddings that yes its fun, adventurous, and very beautiful but it comes with 1 big price that the people you would really want at your wedding might not be able to come.

if at the end of the night you can still sleep and you and your fiance still get very excited about it then dont stop your dream wedding that's suppose to be ONLY ABOUT YOU GUYS for the world.

 

[princesswendy720]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It makes me very sad that people don't want to come to our wedding because of various reasons. I'm at the point where I don't know if I want to try and talk the skeptics into coming, or just say oh well and tell them they're gonna miss out on a great time.

I think almost all Disney brides have gone through/are going through this...I'm not sure if it's the case for all destination weddings or not.

 

[geek+nerd]

We are experiencing something similar. When we first started talking about the wedding and talking to family and a few very close friends, we were concerned that we were going to have to upgrade to a Wishes wedding. Well, when it came down to getting a commitment from people, it turned out that we are at only 16 total, including me and DF. The only people from his side going are his mom, his sister and her husband, and his best friend. His two brothers and their families are not coming. He says it doesn't bother him. When I would ask him if he wanted to rethink our plans, he'd ask me, "Are you going to be there? That's all that matters!" No wonder I love him so!

We looked at it as the people who love us most are the ones that we are going to share in our special day. Our wedding will be intimate, and that much more special because of those who have decided to share the day with us.

Hang in there! Lots of us are going through something similar. You just have to decide what you really want (and it sounds like you like you already know what you want).

 

[sambycat]

Ok. This is me speaking plainly and to noone in particular. If a Disney wedding means something to you both DO IT!!! there is a small number of guests I think you can add to the escape total so there is that, however I AM the old lady bride with the fear of a) people talking about/sort of inviting people too a wedding without actually sending invites etc..(bad ettiquette), b) assuming verbal "no"s are indeed a no show BEFORE invites are sent out AND the RSVP date has passed. AND I would be bummed if the parents of all involved couldn't/wouldn't come....

So I would consider having a "disneymoon" only or doing a quote/unquote elopement at Disney and celebrate ay home later. Destination weddings are more expensive on the whole for a guest however with proper announcement of the date and somewhere like WDW which has a myriad of affordable options, planning leaves little room for most folks to balk on the excuse of finances.

I wish you much luck! We may not have my future in laws at the ceremony mostly due to PERCIEVED financial issues.

 

[BecBennett]

I'm on the other side too, more people then what we wanted are now coming, so we have to look at the budget again to cut it down further, to make room for these unexpected guests! I've put our RSVP date as Nov 2nd, and I'm praying that no one else is planning on coming!! Rofl

 

[winterhart534]

I'm running into something similar. DF proposed to me in August while we were at Magic Kingdom - right after the last showing of the Summernightastic! fireworks. Totally amazing, but I digress! I called my parents, my younger sister and my BFF to tell them the news and to ask my sister and my bestie to be bridesmaids. My sis and my BFF both said "So, are you guys going to get married at Disney?" and I said "Yes, I think we are." This was August 14th, 2010. Our wedding date is (hopefully) June 21, 2012 - 22 months in the future. My younger sister is now griping to me about how much money it's going to cost for her family to come, even though I've already told her she can wear anything she wants, I'm not going to make her buy a dress she hates and won't ever wear again, her presence at my wedding is all the gift I want, I'll help her find the best deals on stuff, heck - I'd even pay the deposit on a room for her family! Basically, I want her, my BIL and my nephews (ages 11 and 5) to have a great vacation and oh yeah, we'll slip the wedding thing in there too. I'm frustrated since I think that 22 months (20 months now) is way more than enough time to set aside some money every month for this event. My sister and BIL lead a reasonably comfortable life style but of course I am not entitled to tell them how they should spend their own money. If it comes down to it, I will miss having that part of my family at the wedding, especially my nephews!

 

[Goofy4Ever]

I am having the same issue. We (I) wanted a Disney wedding for as long as I remember, but due to the high cost, we have decided on doing it on the Disney Dream. My family (those that I want there) have all booked and even some of my closest friends, but no one from DF family or friends have. He says it doesn't bother him, but it bothers me!!! We are not getting married for a year and we picked the 3 night cruise because it is cheaper just for them and not one person has booked. DF mom called me dumb because Disney World is for kids...she hasnt even been to Disney so how in the heck does she know!!!
Oh well...we discussed it again before STDs went out and DF reminded me that the 4 most important people will be there, us and our 2 boys...enough said

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Yes, it is your wedding and you should definitely have what you want, but keep in mind that a trip to Disney is a luxury that many families cannot afford. Please do not begrudge those who cannot come and I am sure they are sad they cannot be there. Enjoy your day and celebrate with those that are able to attend. You can share the pictures and experience with those unable to make it at a later time. Please do not allow a happy occasion to cause family rifts. Congrats on all of your engagements and best wishes for a wonderful future.

 

[chelsrae85]

Yes, it is your wedding and you should definitely have what you want, but keep in mind that a trip to Disney is a luxury that many families cannot afford. Please do not begrudge those who cannot come and I am sure they are sad they cannot be there. Enjoy your day and celebrate with those that are able to attend. You can share the pictures and experience with those unable to make it at a later time. Please do not allow a happy occasion to cause family rifts. Congrats on all of your engagements and best wishes for a wonderful future.

I agree with Disneybuckeye (btw, GO BUCKS! also from the Buckeye State...ahem, anyway!)

On the other hand: If you are giving them plenty of notice to save and budget and they still aren't able to attend, then really your only choice is to either a) do what YOU want or b) do what THEY want. Since it's your wedding day, and likely one of the most important days of your life, I would choose option A.

Much of our family has had excuses for not attending (we've given them almost a two year window for saving and planning) and that's fine. They'll be missed while we enjoy a lovely wedding on Castaway Cay.

 

[girli565]

there is a small number of guests I think you can add to the escape total so there is that.

I don't think this is possible anymore. they used to do it and recent inquiries have been told they will not allow the 5 extra people anymore for new contracts. If it's already on your LOA it's fine.