Destination birthday party?

[MinnieTink]

Have you had one, or been to one? Where did you go? My DH and I have been invited to a few, from the very reasonable to the extravagant. (most recently, the extravagant!). I'm wondering what opinions are out there. How much would you feel comfortable asking your friends to spend to attend your birthday vacation?

 

[Liberty Belle]

Never have been invited to one and I've never known anyone to have one. I would not expect my friend to pay to attend a birthday party of mine.

How is the invitation worded? Anyway I can think of just sounds wrong.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have never heard of birthdays with guests invited that have a more elaborate destination than the local sushi bar. I cannot fathom asking people to travel for my birthday Though, having read this, I would not be surprised if DSiL's friends did something like this. They are quite the jet setting LA crowd--any time we visit we leave thinking it is another universe. I guess, just as with weddings, which gift to give or whether or not you join in group activities at various venues that require you to spend money (restaurants, concerts, etc)--you just do whatever you are comfortable with and then let it go.

 

[MinnieTink]

Thanks for your replies. This topic has come up twice recently. A coworker of mine was upset that her SIL planned her brothers bday at a destination hours from everyone, with a hotel suggestion with costs over $300 a night. She can not afford that, nor does she have child care for multiple days like that. Another person is suggesting an out of the country trip costing in the thousands. Not only is my issue the money but I would never want to be that far from my children for any length of time. I'm just scratching my head trying to figure out if this is ok on any level. I'm also trying to figure how to politely decline since mostly I'm just coming up with, What the heck are you thinking!? ( with more cursing ). Maybe I should just go all Southern and pull a 'Bless your heart' type of response?!

 

[NHdisneylover]

In the places I have lived and the circles I move in this is really not the norm. Like I said, I can imagine it for my DSiL's group--but they are all 40 plus DINKS with very high incomes who regularly drop hundreds on a meal out. DH visited her for four days over New Years--the private table at a club they had for New Years cost close to ten thousand dollars just to sit there for the night (no, noone expected or wanted to DH to pay his share--they all knew this is not his scene or in his income bracket before he ever got on the plane)--so for them going to, say New Orleans for a party is not really any more of an inconvenience (money wise) than going somewhere closer to "home." They also all travel extensively for work (I think my DSiL said she spent fewer than 30 nights in her own bed last year) so they are flying to get to the party even when it is "local"

But for normal people and people with kids--naw, I think it is outrageous to expect people to travel for a birthday. I can certainly understand choosing to travel for your own birthday (with immediate family--like booking a cruise over you birthday and making that your family vacation) but not having a party on the trip and expecting other people to attend.

As to how to politely decline? How about "Wow, is sounds like you have a fun trip planned. I really hope you enjoy it." and then send a card on the birthday. If they press that they want YOU there just say what you say whenever you cannot make it to a gathering "I am sorry, but I won't be able to attend."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Have you had one, or been to one? Where did you go? My DH and I have been invited to a few, from the very reasonable to the extravagant. (most recently, the extravagant!). I'm wondering what opinions are out there. How much would you feel comfortable asking your friends to spend to attend your birthday vacation?

Thanks for your replies. This topic has come up twice recently. A coworker of mine was upset that her SIL planned her brothers bday at a destination hours from everyone, with a hotel suggestion with costs over $300 a night. She can not afford that, nor does she have child care for multiple days like that.

Another person is suggesting an out of the country trip costing in the thousands. Not only is my issue the money but I would never want to be that far from my children for any length of time. I'm just scratching my head trying to figure out if this is ok on any level. I'm also trying to figure how to politely decline since mostly I'm just coming up with, What the heck are you thinking!? ( with more cursing ). Maybe I should just go all Southern and pull a 'Bless your heart' type of response?!

It is OK if people do a "destination anything". Some people have money and love to travel.

You don't need an explanation. Just decline the invite.

If someone has the nerve to say something, tell them you will go if you pay for it and include your whole family in the cost.

 

[golfgal]

I just can't imagine inviting people to a birthday party and expecting them to pay for it, big or small. I can see if a group of friends all turn 30 or whatever age and ALL decide to go somewhere as a celebration but to specifically go for one person's birthday, nope.

 

[Wall-E1]

This is for a kid's birthday, so not sure if it applies totally, but...
In the past, I have allowed my son to invite a couple of his friends to an overnight or weekend trip to Orlando for his birthday. I always paid for hotel, park tickets, food; etc. It would seem incredibly tacky to invite someone and expect them to pay their way.

 

[Tink888]

For an adult, I don't really see anything wrong with anyone inviting friends to celebrate their birthday with them anywhere. I think it only becomes wrong if the birthday person "expects" people to attend and holds a grudge against those who decline.

 

[okeydokey]

I think if it's worded as "We are going away for the weekend to celebrate Xs birthday. If anyone else wants to make reservations at the same place, that would be fun" it would be fine. However, it's not really a party.

 

[disykat]

I think if it's worded as "We are going away for the weekend to celebrate Xs birthday. If anyone else wants to make reservations at the same place, that would be fun" it would be fine. However, it's not really a party.

I could see this too. We went to Vegas for my 40th. If we had mentioned it to friends and they thought it would be fun to joinn us I wouldn't have thought a thing of it. However, I never would have sent out "party invitations."

 

[Scurvy]

I think if it's worded as "We are going away for the weekend to celebrate Xs birthday. If anyone else wants to make reservations at the same place, that would be fun" it would be fine. However, it's not really a party.

I agree with this. I don't think you should issue an invitation to something unless you are going to pay for it. Mentioning you're planning a trip and suggesting your friends go there also is different. I do think it would be fine if after you all got there, you invited people to a meal or something for your brithday, as long as you were planning to pay for it.

 

[disneyjunkie]

A close friend of mine did this a few years ago. She celebrated her 42 birthday in LA and invite a few friends along. The people that went paid for airfare, dresses ( she wanted everyone to wear the same color to her birthday dinner), and all meals expect for one. She covered the cost of the hotel suite, limos, birthday dinner and admission to the clubs. About 8 or 9 women went with her. Of those that went, most were moms and/or wives. She didn't send out formal invitations. Those that could went. Those who couldn't declined. My sister (married with 4 kids) went. I (single mom with 1 kid) didn't. They had a blast. I didn't think it was rude or crazy.

 

[dislaney]

Not quite the same thing but there is a group of us that do a birthday celebration every year. We all went to high school together and we pick a date and celebrate all our birthday's that day. Like one year it's all our 40th birthdays, next year 41st. We go out of town anywhere from a long weekend to a week vacation. Some years all of us make it, some years one or two can't make it.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I've been asked and have asked others to attend more a "destination" type birthday party (or other event). Most of them have not been all that exotic by any means, but within the general cost structure of what my friends or I would spend on a weekend get-a-way. I like to travel (as do many of my friends) and although it is tied to an event, it's more of just an excuse to take a mini-trip somewhere. I think of it like this, just take out the event from the equation and just consider it an invitation to go on vacation with friends.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think you can invite whoever you want but don't be offended when people decline. I will tell you though that I think the out of town $$$$$ extravaganza bachelor/bachelorette parties are obnoxious. Everyone already has to pay a fortune to be in the wedding and of course they know that going in but to then expect them to take the bride or groom on a weekend vacation is imo obnoxious.

 

[Kae]

We did Vegas for DH's 40th. He was the first in the group to turn 40 a bunch of us started talking & if you could go, great if not that's ok. We had a blast it was a surprise. I paid for one dinner, limo from the airport, & drinks while traveling.

Kae

 

[indimom]

I'm one of four sisters and we started a trip tradition when the oldest reached 40.

Sis#1: Destin, Fla. Sept. 2008.
Sis#2: Nashville, Tenn. Feb. 2011. (She wanted a cruise, but remarried a few months ago and didn't think it was the time for it, so she opted for a shorter/cheaper trip.)
My 40th is Dec. 31, 2012. Bet you can't guess where I'm going?? I can't wait to spend a week at Disney and Universal with my sisters. This might be worthy of a Trip Report.
Sis#4 will turn 40 in June, 2015. She hasn't decided where she wants to celebrate.

These get-togethers are for the girls only. We don't take our hubbies or the kids. It's a lot of fun since we are normally too busy with our own families and jobs to spend quality time together.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

We have gone to, and had destination birthdays. My daughter's first was at Disney. Mostly though they are family affairs. I general it is an open invitation for anyone who wants to join us. My SIL is celebrating at a dude ranch this spring. It is always understood that if you want to and can come great, if not that is ok too. Our families and friends love to travel and we all live in different cities so it is as much an excuse to all gather together as it is a celebration of one individual.

 

[Pigeon]

I've never heard of this for a birthday party, thank goodness. The weddings are ridiculous enough.

If you want to host a party, host a party. Don't expect the guests to host the party.