Dealing With His Ex?

[irishbosoxfan]

you gather wrong. they went to wdw and she shipped them back to their dad.

I guess shipped is a term you could use but I spent good money on plane tickets so they would have a seat on the plane--Would hate to think they were shoved in with the luggage

Yes MY ex does have custody of the boys but that doesn't change any part of my relationship with them outside of not seeing them on a day to day basis.

RNMOM I'm glad you understand the situation for what it is and also know of other people who go thru stuff like this in their lives---Some people here would have you believe that I am the only person to ever have problems with an ex and for that reason I belong working as a sideshow for Ringlings!

As stated before this is the first time anything like this has happened with DSD and I wasn't sure what to do because of never having had to deal with it before and wanted to make sure I didn't make a bad problem worse!

 

[RNMOM]

You're welcome Irish.

I am glad you didn't have to be part of the confrontation. Hard as it was on DH, he doesn't have to worry that things were said to you too. What a piece of work this woman is.

By the way everyone. I have a husband for 27 years. He was married before for but no children so neither of us have exes or step children. I have two sons that are ours. I don't figure you have to be in the same situation to know when someone just needs to express themselves as many of us figure things out that way.

God knows I have needed to do so over the years.

 

[heidica]

Unfortunately, sounds like a lawyer really is going to be necessary if your DH wants to see his daughter again. I know it is nasty and doesn't make anyone happy to start involving the lawyers, but it sounds like from the way the EX behaved when picking her up, that a lawyer is the only way the EX will "listen". Don't tell her your doing it, she will figure it out when the papers arrive. Your DH has every right to see his daughter even if the EX and his daughter don't want to. At age 8, the daughter doesn't have a say, she doesn't know what is the right thing (from the way her mom acted I can see why). If this is the way the EX acts over phone calls, I don't see it getting much better. Again, best of luck. Been there done that, and happy to report my situation eventually turned out for my DSD best interest.

 

[golfgal]

I think you need to start documenting all of this and seriously consider filing for custody of this little girl.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I feel for the two little girls who live with the OP (her DH's and the affair baby). They are seeing too much drama in their short lives. OP and her EX, OP's DH and his EX and the other combinations. If there are court papers covering custody, they the EX cannot take the kid home early unless DH allows it. I know she is gone now, so this visit it over, but what about future visits?

 

[phorsenuf]

What a sad sad situation. I sure feel sorry for that little girl.

You said something though a few pages back that really raises a red flag to me. You said she has all this sex knowledge and then you mentioned how the mothers 38 year old friend started calling the little girl just to chat. Is this 38yo a male or female? Has she known him/her for a while? Has she been around him/her? Seems a little weird to me and may warrant looking into.

 

[crazee4mickey]

What a sad sad situation. I sure feel sorry for that little girl.

You said something though a few pages back that really raises a red flag to me. You said she has all this sex knowledge and then you mentioned how the mothers 38 year old friend started calling the little girl just to chat. Is this 38yo a male or female? Has she known him/her for a while? Has she been around him/her? Seems a little weird to me and may warrant looking into.

This really concerned me as well, just makes me feel very unsettled.....
Seems like there are too many of the EX's "buddies" involved to make this work at all.
Poor little girl...I don't even want to think of all the inappropriate things that were said when she got in the vehicle between the EX and her friend!
I would definately be getting ahold of a lawyer

 

[Disney Doll]

I think for the good of this child, you guys may need to contact a lawyer, tell your story and see what advice you get.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Some of us do recall the OPs previous threads about her other children.

Why is it ok to judge the ex based on what the OP has posted here, but it's not ok to judge the OP?

yep. I do. I believe people are asking about the current situations with all the other kids because frankly they wonder what the heck is going on that this little girl wants to call her Mother night and day, AND why is the Mother all the sudden jumping in her car and driving a tremendous distance to get her when there is a plane ticket waiting to send her home in 2 short days.

And after years of reading one sided child custody issues on the DIS, I would never advise anybody to sue for custody based simply on the fact that they post on the DIS community board.

 

[dementia412]

1. if anyone other than the mother calls tell them very politly that no one but her mother can speak to her, if they want to speak to you about something fine, but only her mother should be able to call her personaly. then hang up... if they continue to call, call the police and tell them you are being harrased, goes for the exdh as well, I'm sure the ex doesn't want you calling the girl at her home.

2. get the custody papers changed to state how often the child can call, and when, that way neither you nor the mother can break the rules.

3. I don't care if her father thinks it's okay.. it is never okay for the kid to be passing info back and forth... No excuses for that on either side. Please get him to stop this, it's very hurtfull to the child in the middle.

4. As soon as I read that post about the 38 yo, I got creeped out. Don't assume the situation is okay if it's a woman. Women can abuse too!!!! Have you ever gently asked about this friend? You should make sure the therapist knows about it, so he/she can watch out for anything out of the ordinary with their relationship.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

you're based that on only hearing ONE side of the OP's latest drama. there are 2 sides. i would wager that the child's mom would weave an equally sordid tale. wonder why the OP's other children don't live with her...

Well, when we all post, we post our side. So, yes, I am basing it on the OP's post without judging her. It seems like offering support would go a lot further than judging her. We have all been in situations where we could use some advice. (Except for you maybe ... )What is the purpose of posting on a thread if you don't have anything positive to contribute?

 

[tnkbl]

Well, when we all post, we post our side. So, yes, I am basing it on the OP's post without judging her. It seems like offering support would go a lot further than judging her. We have all been in situations where we could use some advice. (Except for you maybe ... )What is the purpose of posting on a thread if you don't have anything positive to contribute?

Well said, I've been dying to post on this but did not quite know how to say it. good job DisneyFeverTN!

OP I hope things get better. I can only imagine how difficult it is to try to blend families.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I have a bit of experience with a blended family myself. I am the mother of the two 8 year old girls who deliberately peed in their bed. I can understand the perspective of most of the posters. I have two children from my first marriage who live with me and have visitation with their father. So, I understand the worry of a mother wanting her child to be able to call her at any time.

I am also a step-mother who knows how it is to have an 8 year old step-daughter trying to manipulate the situation.

I have to say, I agree 100% with the OP. If the kid is using the phone calls to get out of following the rules, there must be limits in place. People have to be able to make rules in their own home. An 8 year old child does not make the rules - end of story.

I obviously don't have all the answers (bed-wetting incident), but thankfully, we are working through our problems. I have a very good relationship with my ex, and would never expect him to let the kids use calling me to manipulate him.

OP, here's some pixie dust! I hope it gets better for your family!

(BTW, since the pee incident, I've had the girls in separate sleeping situations and that has solved the problems with bedtime rebellion)

 

[Race the Reaper]

As the mother of 2 step daughters, I really feel your pain. Let us know how the phone call goes when your husband calls.