Dealing With His Ex?

[poohandwendy]

I think you should say one thing and only one thing to her..."you will have to talk with DH to discuss issues regarding the child" if you do not want to be caught in the middle...then stay out of the middle.

I think you should leave parenting issues up to them to work out. And I agree with your DH, she should be able to call her mother whenever she wants.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

They way the mom has it is she will pass on info thru DSD and DH has accepted this---Just easier than having to deal with EX---

He has been very upfront with both DSD and the EX about it being our house,our rules but that doesn't mean that it has been followed like it should
We allowed her to call her mom whenever she wanted but when it came down to chores or bedtime then the phone was off limits

We did limited her phone time a few weeks ago because she was only allowed to call mom and gmom but heard her giving out our number and knew she wasn't talking to either-so she had to ask first after that and was only allowed one number to dial at any given sitting

She does have a cell phone which she has had for awhile but the same rules apply for that as the house phone----She isn't mature enough for the cell phone and would leave it in a store when we went shopping and DH found it in the grass when he was mowing so he took it from her and didn't say anything and she told her mom she put it on the living room table when she was done so I(me) must have thrown it out or "someone"stole it and she had been looking for it everyday-even though she never looked for it
It is a prepay cell phone but it has no minutes as DSD can call cell phone to cell phone for free so EX told her to just call her on her cell phone

I feel bad for DH in all this because he has been great about what goes on in regards to his EX, He has laid out our house rules for both and made sure to enforce them whenever they were broken and let EX know when something like what happened this morning was wrong

 

[mickeysaver]

Sorry about the drama.....you DH's EX sounds like a doozy. Maggie

 

[BeckWhy]

I'm not sure how you should deal with her, except for being rational, calm, and being the "ADULT."

I'm not sure if there are custody issues or not between your DH and his EX. But some one the things you have told me worry me a lot about DSD. I worked for a school and some one the things you have stated is enough that I would file a complaint with Child Services. My personal opinion is to file a claim with Child Services, and possibly go to court. I know it is difficult, but I would hate to see this young child possibly end up in a lot of trouble because of her mother. (I know that many children go through worse things and end up A-OK, but there is always that possibility.)

These can be difficult times, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Jerry Springer]

Hey. You have a pretty darn good story going on here. Would you be interested in a television appearance? I think we have enough material to fill the whole hour. Feel free to throw chairs! That's what they're there for.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

DH just called me back and I let him know where they were and DH figures it'll be closer to 10 or 11 pm when they get here so he will be able to deal with her when she gets here!

Whoooo---I apologized to him for what happened and he told me it wasn't my fault--That still doesn't make me feel better though.

He did bring up a good point though-not a new one but...Normally we only have DSD for a few weeks in the summer per the custody agreement---We got her for the whole summer because EX was supposed to have some type of surgery on her back so it was difficult for her to walk or sit for long periods and she wasn't allowed to drive-----Well she told DH that he could have her for the whole summer because of it( And DH wasn't about to say no)
Any other time it was only for when she was "made" to have her visit----So DH in telling me I wasn't at fault brought up how the only reason DSD had been here for as long as she was-was because it was convenient for EX

EX even tried to get us to take her other daughter(the one who was supposedly DH's also)for the whole summer as well but DH declined saying he didn't feel it was appropriate for him to be in charge of her since he didn't have the same rights he did with DSD----But he would be willing to have her come out for a week or two towards the end if she wanted to buy her a ticket that way all the girls could get better acquainted---Ex's reply---It wouldn't be worth it for her to spend the money if it was only going to be for a week or two and she didn't see what the big deal was with DSD being able to be with her "real sister" for the whole summer.

WTH---DD8 is her step but DD4 is her half,same as her "real sister"---DH said she was probably trying to unload all the kids so she didn't have to deal with any kids over the summer---Her new husband has a son who goes with his mom for the whole summer.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Hey. You have a pretty darn good story going on here. Would you be interested in a television appearance? I think we have enough material to fill the whole hour. Feel free to throw chairs! That's what they're there for.

WOW! A troll gave me their first post! Is there some kind of certificate I can give you since you are now no longer a virgin? I'd hate for you to feel less than satisfied with our first encounter!

 

[Jerry Springer]

When you come on the show, be sure to tell that camping story.

 

[poohbears5]

WOW! A troll gave me their first post! Is there some kind of certificate I can give you since you are now no longer a virgin? I'd hate for you to feel less than satisfied with our first encounter!

 

[disneyjunkie]

I think you should say one thing and only one thing to her..."you will have to talk with DH to discuss issues regarding the child" if you do not want to be caught in the middle...then stay out of the middle.

I think you should leave parenting issues up to them to work out. And I agree with your DH, she should be able to call her mother whenever she wants.

ITA

When my son goes to stay with his father and stepmother (they live in NC) he's allowed to call me whenever he wants. I'd be livid if his stepmother refused to let him call me. I allow my son to call his dad whenever he pleases.

I will chit chat with the step mom, but I never discuss parenting issues with her.

I think you should step back and demand that her husband deal with his ex.

 

[Caradana]

Agreed, I'd let her call her mother anytime she wants, even at 1AM. If she's using that to get out of chores and be generally combative, she has deeper issues that are only going to be resolved if she gets maximum parental contact.

Keep in mind that your husband chose to sleep with this woman for an extended period, so she can't be all bad, there must be some positive virtues in her somewhere. Deflect all of the parenting questions to your husband and try to be the classy soul who triumphs over these circumstances. Best of luck.

 

[figment52]

I just got a phone call from EX's friend informing me they were in Illinois and that they would give me a call when they got closer.

Am I confusing you with someone else and if I am please forgive me but, is this the same 8 y/o that wet the bed on purpose the other night? If it is that child needs stability and you are it. for your pain.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

wow. You found a hospital willing to keep somebody for a full 3 weeks without authorization from the Health Insurance.

do tell - I know of more than a few people who'd like to get in on that action.

I forget, are your kids still at your house to or have you sent them back to their Dad?

Must be really busy around there in the summer.

 

[Diabolicdesire]

If my child was with my ex and was ever told she could not call me I'd be furious. I understand their are other issues involved and they should be dealt with , but I would never deny her from calling ever.

 

[Disfan3]

I understand the military hours trust me. I am so sorry for you and the kids mostly that they have to be in the middle of this.

Your dh can enforce the visitation but HE will need to be there to do so

He can call the authorities and they can make her leave.


Thats the worst answer I can think of.


Its horrible to have to deal with these kinds of issues. I wish every divorced family was like mine. We get along with our ex\'s for the most part and are very friendly

Good luck to you.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

ITA

When my son goes to stay with his father and stepmother (they live in NC) he's allowed to call me whenever he wants. I'd be livid if his stepmother refused to let him call me. I allow my son to call his dad whenever he pleases.

I will chit chat with the step mom, but I never discuss parenting issues with her.

I think you should step back and demand that her husband deal with his ex.

I think something may have gotten confused along the way--We DID allow her to call whenever she wanted---The only times she was denied was when she tried to use calling her mom as an excuse to get out of helping to clean their mess or when it was bedtime.

We used to let her call her mom at bedtime also but it turned into her staying on the phone half the night talking to everyone that was hanging out at her moms so we finally said enough--You will be able to make your last call of the day no later than 9pm and it is to let her know you are getting ready for bed so you don't stay on the phone till late

Us letting her call her mom was never a problem--my phone bill can attest to that!

I also don't discuss the parenting with EX that is DH's job and if I think EX needs to be brought up to speed on something I let DH know and he lets EX know

This whole thing started because DSD lied to DH-Then EX ripped into DH about my not letting her call---Again it was 10:30pm and I had already said it was bedtime----And EX knew the rules as they've been in effect for almost 2 months so this was not new to her or DSD

My DH has been talking to EX on a regular basis long before this morning but this morning his EX wanted nothing more than to blow up at him and even though he reminded her that this rule had been in effect for quite awhile and she had been on board with it for as long as it had been around-She didn't want to hear it

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Am I confusing you with someone else and if I am please forgive me but, is this the same 8 y/o that wet the bed on purpose the other night? If it is that child needs stability and you are it. for your pain.

Nope-That wasn't me! No apology necessary!

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time with your DSD's mom. She sounds crazy. The sexual words and descriptions she knows are totally inappropriate. My DS(11) doesn't know anywhere near that much. How has she learned these things. Do they let her watch R movies? Even most R rated movies don't go into as much detail as it seems she does. It makes me wonder if there has been some kind of abuse at her house. There is no reason a small child should be exposed to that information. That must make you and your DH sick!

About the phone calls. I guess I am in the minority here. I think that she should not be able to call anytime she wants to. She is just using it as an excuse to stay up late and be in control. I would not let her use the phone after bedtime unless it is an emergency. The mother is also using this to be in control.

You were so right in the way you handled the situation. I don't have any advice to offer regarding dealing with this crazy lady. She sounds like she has a lot of problems. It does seem like it would be better for you to let DH deal with his EX as much as possible. Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think you should say one thing and only one thing to her..."you will have to talk with DH to discuss issues regarding the child" if you do not want to be caught in the middle...then stay out of the middle.

I think you should leave parenting issues up to them to work out. And I agree with your DH, she should be able to call her mother whenever she wants.

She is a guest in your house and does not live there, she is visiting her dad.
Dad should handle the discipline, cleaning, bedtime problems...not you.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Tobysfriend--The boys have already gone to their dads so no drama with them!!

I firmly believe that an 8 year old needs boundaries and needs to be treated like an 8 year old.

If DSD had woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and wanted to call her mom-by all means she would be free to!
But I do not believe in allowing an 8 year old to stay up half the night talking on the phone to whomever may be hanging out at the moms house!
Again rules and boundaries for an 8 year old!

I know if it was one of mine and they were calling me at 1am--I would wonder what in the heck was going on in that house that makes it ok for an 8 year old to be up all hours of the night!