Dealing With His Ex?

[momrek06]

OP...first of all !! If EX gets there before your now DH gets home...please just remain CALM...do not at all get argumentative. They sound by those phone calls from the car like they are really angry..the way they are being rude to you and insisting on talking only to DSD...REMAIN CALM!! Keep thinking those words. I am going to assume the other kiddos will be there as well as DSD...please do not let any of the kids see YOU all up in anyone's face (not that you would at all)!! Just be very mom-like, and keep thinking of all the kids...they do not need to see all the adults all angry EVEN IF THEY ARE...keep that away from them. Say your goodbyes to DSD, give her a big hug, wish her to please come back soon, that you all are going to miss her...just pile on all the sweetness...!!!! LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!! People love CONTROVERSY...don't allow it to happen! Basically, wrap this all up tonight and be ever so friendly to everyone...hey someone has to be the ADULT around there. After they leave, I want you to be able to say to yourself..."Wow, I am so happy and proud of the way I handled all of this tonight!!"....AND now DH will be happy as well!!!

KEEP US POSTED!!!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I think it is very unfair to judge the EX by what the OP has said in this thread. It is obvious that the OP does not get along with the EX and there are "issues" that none of us are privy to.

The OP has posted SEVERAL times about her own dysfunctional family life.....so I will reserve judgement on the mother of the 8 year old.

Actually she and I were getting along really well after DH and I got married and we moved past her calling my mom!

As for my problems with my ex,I never shied away from that but this summer went a long ways in getting our problems worked out! And we have plans to divide up Thanksgiving and Christmas this year because of how well things went so I am looking forward to an easier coexistance with my ex!

 

[minnieandme]

I feel sorry for your DSD. She shouldn't have to be a witness for adults acting stupid. I say you and your DH be the "adults" in the whole situation and let Ex act a fool if she wants to. She's probably looking to push your buttons and when you don't respond in the way she wants you to, that will leave her feeling more angry and confused. Believe me, DSD will remember this entire situation when she gets older and will have more respect for you and her dad. Just tell DSD you'll see her soon and let her leave on a good note. Good luck.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

ok great - so let me ask you again..

you've had a good visit with the step daughter - no? Family trip to Disneyworld .. good times.

So is THIS how you want to end the summer and the way she is going to remember this summer, a pissy fight between all of you over a phone call.

If your DH has problems with her Mom taking her, then he needs to get his behind home and handle it. Otherwise, tell her how much you've enjoyed having her stay and be nice to the Mom. It is only 2 days early.

Then before the next visit definately, all the adults need to sit down and work out the phone calls issue. There is nothing wrong with saying "Sure you can call your Mom but first I'd like you to spend 5 or 10 minutes helping pick up the toys."

All this drama and nasty innuendo just isn't good for anybody's kids.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Thanks to those who posted with kind words!

I have been very calm all day---Well except for when I first got on--I was a wreck!!

I do have all but a couple of things packed-they are in the washer finishing up now-I had to bleach them. And I have not treated her any different than I would on any other day! Just a little while ago I was telling them to make sure they cleaned their stuff out of the living room and I was standing there and DSD came up and gave me a hug and told me she wished she could go back home on the plane and to the baseball game we have tickets to(This was planned a few weeks ago as a last outing before she left)
But she was going to be happy to see her mom again.

I asked her what she wanted for dinner her last night since we were no longer able to take her to Applebees like she originally wanted and she picked pizza So I ordered that for her.

I'm just trying to act like everything is normal so as to not add any more stress to what she may already be feeling

 

[C.Darwin]

No she isn't the only one!

so you have custody of the 4 year old fathered by current husband and the 8 year old fathered by someone other than your husband and ex-husband?

 

[minnieandme]

so you have custody of the 4 year old fathered by current husband and the 8 year old fathered by someone other than your husband and ex-husband?

What does OP biological children have to do with the situation with DSD and her mom?

 

[irishbosoxfan]

ok great - so let me ask you again..

you've had a good visit with the step daughter - no? Family trip to Disneyworld .. good times.

So is THIS how you want to end the summer and the way she is going to remember this summer, a pissy fight between all of you over a phone call.

If your DH has problems with her Mom taking her, then he needs to get his behind home and handle it. Otherwise, tell her how much you've enjoyed having her stay and be nice to the Mom. It is only 2 days early.

Then before the next visit definately, all the adults need to sit down and work out the phone calls issue. There is nothing wrong with saying "Sure you can call your Mom but first I'd like you to spend 5 or 10 minutes helping pick up the toys."

All this drama and nasty innuendo just isn't good for anybody's kids.

Yes we had a great time and NO I don't want to end like this=that is why I've been upset all day!
DH will be home by the time they arrive and as I said before he is going to try to work something out before they leave-keeping fingers crossed!
We believed that everything was straightened out at the beginning when we first started having problems ---and as for the 5 or 10 minutes what I actually would say is "as soon as the toys/books/clothes(whatever it was) are picked up

I agree with the drama being no good that is why I have tried to not act like today is any different than any other and kept calm thru phone call after phone call of being snubbed.

I hate to have to go thru this----I had to go thru it with my ex and never thought that what happened today would ever come about!

 

[C.Darwin]

I agree with the drama being no good that is why I have tried to not act like today is any different than any other

since it's her last night, it'd be nice if you'd turn the computer OFF and spend some time with her.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

since it's her last night, it'd be nice if you'd turn the computer OFF and spend some time with her.

But then I wouldn't be acting like it WAS any other day (kidding of course--had to put that there in case someone didn't get it was a joke)

So far today I have made lunch,done my school work(online),did school stuff w/DD4(online) played scrabble junior with all the girls,done all the laundry,picked up the house,ordered dinner and served it,cleaned up after dinner,packed all DSD stuff,played 2 games of bingo with all the girls,played word crossing with DSD and DD8 and weeded and watered my garden!
All without shutting off the computer!
The kids are upstairs now playing hide and go seek---And since I am so big it is hard to hide but not hard to seek!

 

[bettyann29]

Hoping all goes well for all involved.. It is true that arguing wont help anyone.. The one thing I have learned with my ex and my own children is that since we do have children together that we will always have that link.. even when the kids get older there will be that link because of grandchildren (fingers crossed).. Your husband and his ex will always have that common link of your DSD.. so you have to do whats best by her.. Just remember.. she is a child.. Hug her.. Cause when she gets older she will remember and cherish those times.. My ex hasnt remarried so I dont know how it feels, but I could see how it could be hard to send my children to his house and they have another person caring for them.. maybe his ex resents it some..

Just remember there is a little girl who does need you and your husband..

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I think it is very unfair to judge the EX by what the OP has said in this thread. It is obvious that the OP does not get along with the EX and there are "issues" that none of us are privy to.

The OP has posted SEVERAL times about her own dysfunctional family life.....so I will reserve judgement on the mother of the 8 year old.

It sounds to me like it would be VERY difficult to get along with DSD's mother. The little girl has learned (somehow, someway) too much about things no decent parent would teach a child. Also, letting her know they SHOT her dog??? What kind of parent says this to a child? It sounds to me like the OP is doing a wonderful job. I don't think I could handle the situation as calmly as she has. Dealing with such things would be a huge problem to me. That borders on abuse IMO.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I just read this whole thread and just wanted to say to you that I hope everything goes smoothly for you tonight....and that you let us know how it went. Hugs to you all....it is hard enough bringing up your own children in these times, with one husband and one wife.....I just hope that for your DSD's sake it went smoothly.

 

[C.Darwin]

It sounds to me like the OP is doing a wonderful job..

you're based that on only hearing ONE side of the OP's latest drama. there are 2 sides. i would wager that the child's mom would weave an equally sordid tale. wonder why the OP's other children don't live with her...

 

[jcsbama]

you're based that on only hearing ONE side of the OP's latest drama. there are 2 sides. i would wager that the child's mom would weave an equally sordid tale. wonder why the OP's other children don't live with her...

I've just read this whole thread. I don't know anything about the OP and I don't recall ever reading previous posts by her talking about her family. If there are posts out there, I don't recall reading them nor feel the desire to do a search. I definately don't get why you feel the need to rush to judge her. You seem to be trying to judge her based on the fact that she doesn't have full custody of her boys. It is not our business to know nor does it have anything to do with the OP's problem at hand.

to you OP and I hope everything works out the best it can for the sake of your DSD.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I've just read this whole thread. I don't know anything about the OP and I don't recall ever reading previous posts by her talking about her family. If there are posts out there, I don't recall reading them nor feel the desire to do a search. I definately don't get why you feel the need to rush to judge her. You seem to be trying to judge her based on the fact that she doesn't have full custody of her boys. It is not our business to know nor does it have anything to do with the OP's problem at hand.

to you OP and I hope everything works out the best it can for the sake of your DSD.

Some of us do recall the OPs previous threads about her other children.

Why is it ok to judge the ex based on what the OP has posted here, but it's not ok to judge the OP?

 

[jcsbama]

I didn't judge the biological mother. In fact I didn't give any opinion or advice of the situation. To me trying to bring up the OP's sons didn't have anything to do with the DSD's mother. I don't think it's ever ok to judge anyone, especially when we only hear one side of the story (on a message board on top of that).

The OP came here looking for advice on what to do, say when the ex arrived because she thought DH would still be at work when she got there. I don't have advice because I don't have experience dealing with an ex and I don't have friends or family dealing with ex. The best I can do is give a and pray for all family members involved.

 

[RNMOM]

Geez, a person posts asking for some help to calm herself and act accordingly and as things go on is asked a lot of questions which she has answered. Why is there negativity about issues from the past now?

From what I understood, OP's two boys are spending the summer with their father. She seems to have custody of them from what I gather. What is the problem that this issue had to be brought up.

We have all had to deal with irrate relatives/friends/coworkers/ex
's from time to time. I would want to run over the issues with friends before having to face them myself just to be prepared so I could act like an adult.

Give her a break here. Not all families are pure and untouched by divorce. Lots of families have issues. Seems to me by following the rule that the child should be allowed to call all hours of the day or night just teaches her she can control the adults in her life. That is a sad situation and puts a lot of stress on a kid. She needs rules and she needs love. Most of all she needs to be allowed to be an 8 yr old kid and treated accordingly by WHICHever parent or step parent is in charge at the time.

I hope all has gone well tonight and am thinking of you. Do your best and give her a big hug. Give your other kids hugs too because they are all affected by the turmoil too and your love is the glue that holds life together for them.

 

[C.Darwin]

:

From what I understood, OP's two boys are spending the summer with their father. She seems to have custody of them from what I gather. :

you gather wrong. they went to wdw and she shipped them back to their dad.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who offered kind words and encouragement-they were greatly appreciated!

As for my problems with MY ex I have stated here as well as other threads that things worked out great and I am quite pleased with the turnout!

As for DSD,well she has left. EX called when she was 8 miles out and said she didn't want ot come here and to bring DSD to the convenience store a few blocks from here and DH did.

Unfortunatly things did not go well---When she arrived she just pulled up and told DSD "lets go" so DH asked here if she wanted to talk about what was going on and she said "just give me her s*it so I can go" So DH asked her if she would be spending the night in town and she said "it's none of your expletive business" and her told her the reason he asked is because of maybe meeting tomorrow someplace----At which point she told DH "you're a p.o.s and EX's DH was a better father than he could ever hope to be and don't even think about calling me or DSD and don't plan on her making it for her next scheduled visit" then DH reminded her DSD was standing right there and could hear everything and he didn't think it was right for her to have to hear that--At which point her friend said "EX has the right to say anything about you she wants,in front of who she wants"

DH told the friend that while she may have come along for the ride this matter did not concern her and for her to please feel free to keep her comments to herself-This was a family matter and she was not family.
Then EX screamed "get in" at DSD so DH opened the door for her and EX told him not to touch her car or she would call the cops--DH backed away from the car and DSD got in then EX drove away screeching her tires as she pulled out of the parking lot

DH came back home and he is upset,obviously,but he figures he will give EX a few days to calm down and try to call then

All this over a phone call.