Dealing with friends that well are.... in a word... Cheap

[Nennie]

My SIL and her husband are complete moochers and as such, we refuse to do any activity with them that involves money, unless my MIL/FIL will be there to foot the bill for them. Of course MIL/FIL enable them to be moochers, but that's their business! LOL!!

Fortunately, all of our friends are on the same wavelength as we are when it comes to spending, eating out, etc. Usually if it's 1 couple, one of us will get the bill, and the other couple will get it next time. If it's 3 or more couples we just get separate checks, which is easier for paying with credit cards anyway.

As for the OP, I seriously couldn't be friends with people like that. It's just so disrespectful to me, that I would just go with the "drift apart" idea that others have mentioned. Good luck!

 

[QueenIsabella]

The interesting thing is if you look back at threads on the DIS there are people who are aghast that you would have an issue with that. I def. remember comments on multiple threads when it came to splitting checks and there were people who were on the "split evenly" camp regardless of the cost, regardless of what they themselves ordered. They tended to make the comments out like those who did care (either because of the cost or because they weren't the ones ordering the drinks or apps, etc) were hmm not necessarily cheap but just that in their social circle or how their area does it (you know the DIS regional thing) that's just what you do as in for them you go out with a group of friends and you just split the checks all evenly/give person cash for their share even if it's a lot different than what they actually ordered in cost.

Interesting to see responses and how they are different when it comes to a perception of the type of people.

I would be willing to bet you a nickel that the people saying they always split evenly are the same people who order the pricey wine and expensive apps. Nobody ever sees themselves as taking advantage or being the cheapskate. I don't mean people who are actually frugal--myself included. I mean the people who wouldn't have ordered that fancy wine if they were paying full freight. If you wouldn't order it if you were paying, then don't order it on someone else's dime.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

In my friends group we will split the bill if the waitress allows. Some places don’t allow split checks or limit it to one split. If they don’t we either split it evenly or pay for what we each get depending on how we ate out that day.

If we all ordered apps and entrees and/or shared food and each had about the same amount of drinks then we split evenly. Especially since we like to try new foods and sharing let’s us do that. If one couple shared an entree or if another couple didn’t drink alcohol then se each pay for what we ordered.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

This wasn't a couple but a girl I worked with in a bank.
We were 6 girls in an office and went to dinner maybe once a month together.
This one girl would come but just order a coffee and not eat then throw a dollar on the table for her coffee. That was fine what ever, no one expected her to pay for anything more, it was just strange.
BUT, I mean but, if it was a party paid for by someone she ordered the works, appetizer, dinner & dessert. She would take a few bites of each then pack it up to go home for her husband and kid.
If we had an evening training or something the company would bring in food, her butt would be first in line every time and she would make a huge plate full, I mean huge. She once took about 7 or 8 ribs leaving many with out any. She would take a few bites and then pack it up for home.

One time we went for a dinner before Christmas and she had her usual coffee, when the check came one of the women picked up the check and said "Merry Christmas everyone" The look on her face was great. The women purposely didn't say it was her treat before, it was great, we laughed about that for a long time.

I have had coworkers and acquaintances like this. People like this annoy the heck out of me.

One particular coworker many years ago was bad. She did exactly what your coworker did all of the time. But she took the cake this one day. So We went out for happy hour once and everyone ordered apps and we all shared. We basically ended up ordering every app they had. But this coworker had everyone order a certain one when the waitress came up. She also told each person how to customize certain apps because she didn’t like tomatoes or onions. Anyway when the bill came around I thought we would split it evenly since we all shared. Nope. She took out $10.21 because the app she actually ordered was $8 plus tax and tip. I vividly remember the penny on the table. So if you verbally ordered the $20 app she wanted you to pay the $20. And she was our manager. Never again. It’s only a few bucks but that was it for me. One time someone accidentally threw out her lunch leftovers and she took the money out of petty cash to buy new lunch. Lol how petty can you be.

 

[NotUrsula]

When I got engaged (1984) my grandmom was giving me some sage advice. I never forgot the exact words she said. (she was from "the old country") "The man can bring the money in the front door by the bushel full, but it won't be enough if the wife carries it out the back door by the wheelbarrow full". (In today's dual-income society, it sounds sexist, but you have to put it in the context of her life, being born in 1920)

Well, that's true, but it's also true that all the household frugality in the world won't matter if a paycheck is "gone" before the money makes it into the house. Many studies have shown that men tend to be more impulsive spenders than women and spend more money than women, but they spend on different things, and often more expensive things. Women tend to accumulate excess stuff, but men, especially working-class men, tend to more often impulsively spend money on things that never come home, most especially on minor vices like alcohol and gambling. (Literally, sending it down the drain in many cases.) This was the whole reason that Prohibition managed to pass in the US; too many children living in poverty while saloonkeepers made money hand over fist in those same neighborhoods.

When we were first married, DH & I talked about saving for a house, and when we went through our expenses for places to save, alcohol stood WAY out as an unnecessary expense. We made the conscious choice to stop buying alcohol in restaurants and bars, because way too high a percentage of our money was going in that direction. (We still bought liquor for home consumption, and often top-end, but we cut out the markup.) It got to be a habit, and when we finally got the house paid off and decided we could afford to occasionally live large again, we got the biggest sticker shock in that same category, and we just could not bring ourselves to change that habit, because drinks in restaurants/bars now seem insanely expensive to us. So yeah, we don't evenly split tabs when the rest of the party gets drinks. We're fine with sharing the cost of the food, but not the alcohol. (However, I will note that we neither drink any of that alcohol, nor eat more than our share of the food. We're not thieves.)

 

[tzolkin]

See, I've never been in that situation b/c we always resolve it up front...it's almost insane to wait until the check to decide if you're doing split checks or even division by person - for the waitstaff, it's got to be annoying to find out at the end folks want to split when they didn't tell you in advance...

Where we live now it’s the norm to get separate checks and they will ALWAYS ask. So much so that it sometimes seems ridiculous. (Like if DH and I go out with the kids or I go out with one of my teens the server will ask if we want separate checks.)

But I have been places before in other states where the server will act as though it’s a huge inconvenience or that it’s against their restaurant policy to allow separate checks. So in those situations you would be forced to hash it out with your companions on how to fairly split the cost.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Where we live now it’s the norm to get separate checks and they will ALWAYS ask. So much so that it sometimes seems ridiculous. (Like if DH and I go out with the kids or I go out with one of my teens the server will ask if we want separate checks.)

But I have been places before in other states where the server will act as though it’s a huge inconvenience or that it’s against their restaurant policy to allow separate checks. So in those situations you would be forced to hash it out with your companions on how to fairly split the cost.

And plenty of places thst don’t split the checks or limit it to one split will only take 2-3 different forms of payment so each person can’t use a different credit card. Bring cash ! In my area anyway.

 

[RedAngie]

THIS!
We went out to dinner with a large group recently. They all ordered back to back adult beverages from the minute we sat down. DH and I had one each. They ordered expensive apps and entrees. I had an entrée and DH had a sandwich. When the check came they wanted to split it by the # of people at the table. DH spoke up and added up what we actually ate/drank + tax + tip and it came to a bit over half of what it would have been if we agreed to their "per person" method! One at the table (the one who had originally suggested splitting evenly) made us feel cheap when DH spoke up. On the way home I thought..... THEY are the cheap ones! Trying to get us to chip in for their multiple drinks and appetizers!!

Well, I certainly hope you and your DH stuck to your guns and only paid for what you ordered.

The dilwads and dingleberrys who overorder then suggest splitting the check evenly are ALWAYS the ones who want their meals subsidized by others. And their secret weapon is trying to embarrass others by calling them cheap.

Tell ‘em where they can shove those empty booze bottles or glasses.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Well, that's true, but it's also true that all the household frugality in the world won't matter if a paycheck is "gone" before the money makes it into the house. Many studies have shown that men tend to be more impulsive spenders than women and spend more money than women, but they spend on different things, and often more expensive things. Women tend to accumulate excess stuff, but men, especially working-class men, tend to more often impulsively spend money on things that never come home, most especially on minor vices like alcohol and gambling. (Literally, sending it down the drain in many cases.) This was the whole reason that Prohibition managed to pass in the US; too many children living in poverty while saloonkeepers made money hand over fist in those same neighborhoods.

That's exactly why back in the day the Canadian child tax benefit money was always in the mother's name. It was to ensure the mother had enough money to keep the kids in milk and shoes if that dad wouldn't.

 

[dez1978]

Different priorities. I wear the "Cheap" label proudly. Being cheap is how put two kids through private school K-12 and how we retired several years before full Social Security retriement age.

Yeah, thats not at all the same as complaining about what others do and ruining their time. Being cheap would be, hey you go to that place and have fun. I dont want to spend that much so well meet up after.

Perhaps they have some debts that you are not aware of. I cannot abide meanness.

I don't think the OP or anyone here was mean. Now the cheap couple who tags along constantly complaining about what others spend and expects others to cater/pay for them, that borders on being mean. Being fed up with it isn't being mean.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

I don't think the OP or anyone here was mean. Now the cheap couple who tags along constantly complaining about what others spend and expects others to cater/pay for them, that borders on being mean.

I agree.

 

[goofyernmost]

To be honest, buying a premium trim of a car that is merely ascetics isn't exactly frugal That said, I'm in the market of a VW Tiguan possibly and boy I like the looks of the R-line. I just wish they didn't detune it for MPG and wish they put the DSG in the Tiguan. I wouldn't pay for the R-line markup, but it does look good.

Yup, the looks is what caught me. It seems unreal that after over 50 years of owning cars I was finally able to get my favorite color because this auto looks especially good in red. It made me an offer I could not refuse.



Turbo charged 4 cyl. that can keep up with just about anything and gets close to 40 mpg. on a trip. People that I don't even know have asked me about the car. They saw the VW logo but just couldn't believe it I guess. It is comfortable to drive and ride in but as I get older getting in and out is a bit more of a challenge, but I will continue to work at it. Previous to this I had a 2016 VW Passat that I really liked, but this one won me over.

 

[goofyernmost]

Oops! Nothing to see here, move on!

 

[dez1978]

No one can take advantage of you without your permission.

I suppose this is true to a point. In a case like this where you know you are being taken advantage of and continue to let it happen. But sometimes you are just trying to be a nice person and help someone out, And then you get stabbed in the back. So in order for it to be true that no one can EVER take advantage of you without your permission either you never do anything nice for someone unless you know them very well and KNOW they have no other motives, OR you decide it's not worth the risk and never do anything nice for anyone. So I guess I'd rather give ppl permission to take advantage of me because I'd rather that than never give help to anyone who needs it.

 

[Kae]

In my friends group we will split the bill if the waitress allows. Some places don’t allow split checks or limit it to one split. If they don’t we either split it evenly or pay for what we each get depending on how we ate out that day.

If we all ordered apps and entrees and/or shared food and each had about the same amount of drinks then we split evenly. Especially since we like to try new foods and sharing let’s us do that. If one couple shared an entree or if another couple didn’t drink alcohol then se each pay for what we ordered.

with the point of sale(pos) systems places use it is simple to split checks. Around here most will split the cost of a bottle of wine or appetizer between checks. They are either being lazy or need training on the pos.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I've never been anywhere that couldn't split cheques. .
We always just pay for what we order with split cheques.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

with the point of sale(pos) systems places use it is simple to split checks. Around here most will split the cost of a bottle of wine or appetizer between checks. They are either being lazy or need training on the pos.

Most places will split the check but they have a limit. Maybe 2-3 checks but not 4-5 or more. I don’t blame them. If they don’t put limits it can get out of control. I read a recent story about a restaurant calling the cops because a group of 25 wanted 25 separate checks and when they were told no It got ugly.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I'm not sure why the OP has let this situation go on for so long. Time to disengage. How does the rest of the group feel about the cheapskates?

That couple are users, experienced users, who likely start with something small to test the waters, then gradually work up to taking full advantage.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

THIS!
We went out to dinner with a large group recently. They all ordered back to back adult beverages from the minute we sat down. DH and I had one each. They ordered expensive apps and entrees. I had an entrée and DH had a sandwich. When the check came they wanted to split it by the # of people at the table. DH spoke up and added up what we actually ate/drank + tax + tip and it came to a bit over half of what it would have been if we agreed to their "per person" method! One at the table (the one who had originally suggested splitting evenly) made us feel cheap when DH spoke up. On the way home I thought..... THEY are the cheap ones! Trying to get us to chip in for their multiple drinks and appetizers!!

Years ago a group tried that that with DW and I. About 5 or 6 ordered multiple alcohol drinks, appetizers, expensive entrees, and desserts. DW and I and a few others ordered modestly. When the check came, one blowhard said we'd all be dividing the check evenly. Nope, not a chance. Let me see the check and I'll pay for what DW and I ordered, plus tax and a good tip.

I got called cheap, but the blowhard shut up when I flat out told him HE was the cheapskate for wanting us and others to pay for part of his extravagant meal. We threw our fair share on the table and left and never associated with those people again. I'm not sure if the others who ate modestly paid more than their share.

 

[Skywalker]

This reminds me of my cheap co-worker.

We lived not far from each other and he suggested we carpool, using my car because he didn't have one. I said "Sure!", thinking I at least would get help with splitting the gas cost.

I drove him back and forth for a couple of weeks and he wasn't mentioning anything about giving me gas money. Once I had to stop for gas with him in the car thinking that would jar him into mentioning it, but it didn't. Another time it was snowing like crazy and I asked him if he could get out and pump the gas this time and give me a break. He said no because it was my car!

So I finally got up the nerve to ask him for gas money and he responded with "Why? You're going there anyway." So this "carpool" did not benefit me in anyway lol. It took me a long time to wise up, I was young (19) and he was like a 50-year-old man. What a jerk.

But he was the type that always had some excuse why couldn't bring things to potlucks, but he could always partake. And if he gave you money to pick him up a coffee or something, he would always ask for his change back, but if HE went to pick up the coffee he would keep everyone's change