Dealing with Bossy Coworker

[Elmo9607]

First off, I just want to say that I have been gone for too long and wow has the layout changed around here!!

Okay, onto my issue. I recently got hired at a private country club working in the cafe. I have been working there for around 1 1/2 months. As such, I am getting a firm grasp on the way most things work around there.

About a month ago, a woman who used to work there about 5 or so years ago came back to work in the cafe. We do the same job and have the same educational background. She is about 15-20 years older than me but I have high volume catering experience and she does not. Because of this, I am used to focusing on generally one task at a time whereas this job requires a lot of multitasking. It has also proven to be a difficult adjustment as I am used to working nearly entirely unsupervised and this job entails near constant supervision by the Chef. Because of this, I find it unusual and a bit perplexing to have frequent check ins throughout the day by both coworkers and managers.

The relationship with said coworker started off fine, but lately I am starting to notice she is very bossy and controlling. If I do a task, she checks up on it to make sure it is done correctly. She shows and tells me how I should chop something (the other day it was lettuce). She has chided me in private and told me how difficult I am making her job because she is always having to correct what I do. She speaks to me like I am a child. She does not take responsibility when something goes wrong. Last week she was setting up our smaller satellite kitchen that is only used on weekends. We have to bring doubles of 70 items to the kitchen and she was the one working on the project. Some items were forgotten and I was the person working in the satellite kitchen. She was very upset that she had to go correct her mistakes and scolded me because I didn't thank her for bringing the forgotten items.

I do not know how to go about this. With the lettuce incident, I just said "Thanks for showing me that, isn't it odd how everyone does things differently?" and went back to the way I was chopping before. She did not bother me further after I said that. She is very close with our boss whereas I have a lukewarm relationship with our boss at best. I do not know if my boss has given her authority to give direction or "talking to's" in the manner in which she gives them. She never says a word to me about the things she feels I do wrong whenever our boss is around. Our season is ending in mid-November and I am looking for other work and am not planning on returning in the spring. However, I am a competent person and do not appreciate being spoken to by a person on the same level as me in such a manner. We have a very busy next few weeks coming up and I will be working with her quite a bit. I am a non-confrontational person but I really need some advice on how to deal with this.

 

[sonnyjane]

First off, I just want to say that I have been gone for too long and wow has the layout changed around here!!

Okay, onto my issue. I recently got hired at a private country club working in the cafe. I have been working there for around 1 1/2 months. As such, I am getting a firm grasp on the way most things work around there.

About a month ago, a woman who used to work there about 5 or so years ago came back to work in the cafe. We do the same job and have the same educational background. She is about 15-20 years older than me but I have high volume catering experience and she does not. Because of this, I am used to focusing on generally one task at a time whereas this job requires a lot of multitasking. It has also proven to be a difficult adjustment as I am used to working nearly entirely unsupervised and this job entails near constant supervision by the Chef. Because of this, I find it unusual and a bit perplexing to have frequent check ins throughout the day by both coworkers and managers.

The relationship with said coworker started off fine, but lately I am starting to notice she is very bossy and controlling. If I do a task, she checks up on it to make sure it is done correctly. She shows and tells me how I should chop something (the other day it was lettuce). She has chided me in private and told me how difficult I am making her job because she is always having to correct what I do. She speaks to me like I am a child. She does not take responsibility when something goes wrong. Last week she was setting up our smaller satellite kitchen that is only used on weekends. We have to bring doubles of 70 items to the kitchen and she was the one working on the project. Some items were forgotten and I was the person working in the satellite kitchen. She was very upset that she had to go correct her mistakes and scolded me because I didn't thank her for bringing the forgotten items.

I do not know how to go about this. With the lettuce incident, I just said "Thanks for showing me that, isn't it odd how everyone does things differently?" and went back to the way I was chopping before. She did not bother me further after I said that. She is very close with our boss whereas I have a lukewarm relationship with our boss at best. I do not know if my boss has given her authority to give direction or "talking to's" in the manner in which she gives them. She never says a word to me about the things she feels I do wrong whenever our boss is around. Our season is ending in mid-November and I am looking for other work and am not planning on returning in the spring. However, I am a competent person and do not appreciate being spoken to by a person on the same level as me in such a manner. We have a very busy next few weeks coming up and I will be working with her quite a bit. I am a non-confrontational person but I really need some advice on how to deal with this.

My honest opinion? If you have a month left and don't plan on returning, I wouldn't cause a stink with management. It does seem like the time you stood your ground, she left you alone, so I'd recommend taking the same approach in the future. If she critiques something else you can say "oh, I like my way for x,y,z reason, but I appreciate the input."

Also, for what it's worth, a bit of positive reinforcement can work wonders (I manage others at work). Find any stupid little trivial thing you can to compliment her on and do it. It might give you knots in your stomach, but it will help with relations.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I would let it go as you are moving on soon. You have no idea what she was hired for. Or what the she was told her responsibility's are anyway. That is what I would do if it was me. Leave on good terms.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

First, I think it's good that you seem to have a lot of self-insight, such as the need to multi-task vs your being used to focusing on one thing at a time. Basically, since you've only been on the job a month and a half, you're on the learning curve, and that's fine. Ignats should perhaps be helping you learn, more than chiding you, or correcting you after the fact. That said, I understand that this type of work environment can be high pressure.

I'm not sure if your boss and the chef are the same person, but I think I would have a chat with him or her and ask, in their view, how I am doing. I'd just have an honest conversation about it and say I am learning and trying hard to get it right. Obviously they knew when they hired you what your background was, and they hired you anyway, so they need to help nurture you and not just throw you under the bus after a month. I would not focus on the coworker, but on my own performance. Once I know where I stand, that will give me more confidence in dealing with her. I would tell her outright that I'd welcome her input, but in a helpful way, not a critical way. (But I have no trouble speaking my mind in a professional way.) If she continues, then I'd give her my own feedback as she gives me hers. ("See, I wish you'd mentioned that before I started chopping the onions".) I always tell my daughter that people like that usually have issues. She might be intimidated by your experience or who knows what, but who cares. You basically need to get along.

 

[dclpluto]

I'm a nice person until someone doesn't treat me nice. Than I treat them the way they are treating me. You have to stand up or she will continue to do that. Once I start treating the person nasty who treated me that way they usually start being nice than I will be nice again.

 

[Wishing on a star]

You sound like a competent and independent person.
However, in this situation, you have a boss, who is possibly the Chef, and a familiar long-time (even if 'returning') employee who seems to know just what all of the specific expectations are.

If the chef were to tell me that, as the chef, they prefers something a very very specific way... Even something as simple as the lettuce... Then as the employee (not working for yourself) this should be a non-issue. It should be done in that way. One should not be dismissive and just do it the way they want to, or have done in the past. I am a bit of a wanna-be foodie, and yes, sometimes how lettuce is prepared can make a real difference, depending on how it will be used.

You have not mentioned any details regarding the Chef, except to say that your relationship with him/her is not great (lukewarm at best.).
Maybe the chef is relying on this experienced employee that he has worked well with to 'coach' you.

I am kind of making that assumption. Yes, it is an assumption.. But I am trying to go on what you have posted.

The thing to do would be to make a good opportunity to have positive conversation with the boss/chef, and to ask him if he has encouraged the other employee to 'direct' you. To ask him what you can to meet his needs as you finish out this busy season.

Then, I would go from there. Depending on what his reaction is.

With all due respect, I am wondering if you are the type of person who is able to handle being 'coached' in the best and most positive manner. I remember a thread from not too long ago, here on the DIS, about the concept of being 'coachable'.
I am wondering if this is the issue, more than the other factors with this other employee.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

When someone is being "coached", it goes according to a definitive plan fully recognized by all involved.

This does not seem to be the case here.

And we still don't know if the chef is the boss.

I am also thinking the OP is a little intimidated by not only the fact that the coworker has worked there before, but by their age difference. OP I work with people of all ages, personalities, and nationalities. I have worked there since I was your age, and am now probably around the age of your coworker. Age does not have to be an issue. Find common ground and develop a mutual respect for eachother's backgrounds and knowledge. Even though your background is different, I'm sure you have a lot of great skills that people you are with can learn and benefit from as well. I know it kind of sucks to work beside someone who is driving you crazy, but I'm thinking from what you've said, that you can work this out.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It is true that we do not know enough about the details!

However, she did state that this position was under a lot of ongoing supervision by the Chef. And, yes, there may also be another kitchen manager involved as well.

Just based on what we do know, from the original post, I do stand by my comments.
There seems to be some confusion about any hierarchy and who might be able to 'direct' other employees.

There were a lot of other things mentioned that also led me to make my comments.

It seems that this is more complex than looking at this as if it is as simple as a 'difficult' co-worker.
I think that all players probably have some influence here in the matter.

I would be afraid that pointing fingers before one knows the true expectations and situation might backfire.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Poop in her purse.

 

[wenrob]

You sound like a competent and independent person.
However, in this situation, you have a boss, who is possibly the Chef, and a familiar long-time (even if 'returning') employee who seems to know just what all of the specific expectations are.

If the chef were to tell me that, as the chef, they prefers something a very very specific way... Even something as simple as the lettuce... Then as the employee (not working for yourself) this should be a non-issue. It should be done in that way. One should not be dismissive and just do it the way they want to, or have done in the past. I am a bit of a wanna-be foodie, and yes, sometimes how lettuce is prepared can make a real difference, depending on how it will be used.

You have not mentioned any details regarding the Chef, except to say that your relationship with him/her is not great (lukewarm at best.).
Maybe the chef is relying on this experienced employee that he has worked well with to 'coach' you.

I am kind of making that assumption. Yes, it is an assumption.. But I am trying to go on what you have posted.

The thing to do would be to make a good opportunity to have positive conversation with the boss/chef, and to ask him if he has encouraged the other employee to 'direct' you. To ask him what you can to meet his needs as you finish out this busy season.

Then, I would go from there. Depending on what his reaction is.

With all due respect, I am wondering if you are the type of person who is able to handle being 'coached' in the best and most positive manner. I remember a thread from not too long ago, here on the DIS, about the concept of being 'coachable'.
I am wondering if this is the issue, more than the other factors with this other employee.

I'm going to say that I somewhat agree. Chefs tend to depend on their crew to help direct and get the details right. The co-worker could be trying to head the Chef off at the pass, so to speak. If the co worker is familiar with the Chef's specifications and what he/she is picky about she may just be trying to spare the OP and (most likely) herself some grief. If this is the case the co worker could be in a damned if she does, damned if she doesn't scenario. OP doesn't like co worker telling her how to do things so she leaves her be, then Chef sees things aren't how he likes them so he comes down on the more experienced (in this dept) co worker for letting it go out that way.

Or the co worker could just have a controlling personality or be convinced she knows best because she's older. In any case, if it were me and there's only a month to go I would shrug it off, keep my head down and just do my job.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Poop in her purse.

There's DNA in poop!! Haha!

 

[Elmo9607]

Thank you for the replies. I guess I should have given some details. My boss is indeed the Chef. As far as I know, she does not prefer things done in a "certain" way. She has always been happy with my work. I tend to keep an open dialogue with the Chef about the state of affairs in the kitchen, as well as doing the same with the sous chef. As a result, I usually hear instructions etc straight from them.

It almost seems as if my coworker goes out of her way to make her work harder for herself. I can be doing something I was instructed to do by my Chef, but she will step in and give input. As I mentioned before, she will not speak crossly to me in front of the Chef. As far as the lettuce, I may have chopped it my way, but the end result ended up exactly the same as the way she showed me, which also happens to be the exact same way the lettuce is served every day.

I should mention that most of the employees in the kitchen are younger kids (late teens/early 20s) who don't have any culinary experience and as such need a little more supervision in the kitchen. However they are good self starters and we work well with each other. I have to wonder if she feels like the odd one out, not only because she is older, but because she has worked there previously and is used to how the way things used to be done, etc. She doesn't act the same way towards them as she does towards me.

I am generally not inclined to bring up something like this but it kind of feels like she is walking all over me. With there being so little left in the season I'm not very eager to stir things up.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

My guess here is that your co-worker is ahead of you on the food chain given her experience level and the fact that she worked there in the past and since returned. Her returning is an indication that your boss/chef is fond of her skills. Since you're leaving it doesn't matter much but if there were any sort of power struggle between you and said co-worker, I suspect you would be the odd one out.

 

[Nancyg56]

My guess here is that your co-worker is ahead of you on the food chain given her experience level and the fact that she worked there in the past and since returned. Her returning is an indication that your boss/chef is fond of her skills. Since you're leaving it doesn't matter much but if there were any sort of power struggle between you and said co-worker, I suspect you would be the odd one out.

I agree. I work in a small office. After two years I finally spoke to my employer about one of my coworkers, but it was an opportune time. Nothing really came of it, but I did not expect it to, The coworker has a long history with my employer, and he will not make any changes in regards to her status. We all know if there was a "her or me" ultimatum she would continue her employment and "me" would be gone, and she, as inept as she is, would remain.

Sometimes you just need to recognize that longstanding relationships in a workplace will often take precedence over what may be perceived as a personality conflict. You are leaving anyway, so I would just make the best of it til you do. If you planned on returning, I would think long and hard how to manage your relationship with the coworker. I tend to just be pleasant to our problem employee, and then do what I know is correct. My boss know the deal, and he appreciates that the rest of us know how to play nice, and respect that she has been there a long time.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am not so sure the coworker would be the one "picked" - she left, didn't she? Who's to say she wont up and leave again?

Op be careful you're not the one making age an issue. It sounds more like personality issues here to me.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

It's also possible that your coworker sees that you are the only one in the office who is a "threat" to her status as the one at the top of the heap. While I completely agree with everyone else that you don't really need to make waves this late in the season, you also don't need to feel like a doormat for her to criticize. I would just reply to her with "that's good to know" or "This is how Chef prefers it to be done" when she tries to butt into your tasks and keep on doing it your way. You've gotten your instructions from the Chef, so just do what you know how to do.

The rest of it (saying Thank You when she's just fixing her own mistakes, etc.), let it roll off your back. You'll be moving on soon enough, and it's not enough to warrant the drama, and it's never good to burn bridges at work.

 

[ronandannette]

...I am generally not inclined to bring up something like this but it kind of feels like she is walking all over me. With there being so little left in the season I'm not very eager to stir things up.

Then don't. I can't see anything you'll gain by going to war for the last few weeks. I couldn't disagree more with the posters that are urging you to "put her in her place". Just continue to politely blow her off as you're been doing. You don't need to "school her" or try to make significant changes to a place you have no vested interest in.

 

[Disney Doll]

If you get your instructions from the Chef as to what to do and how to do it simply tell her that if she tries to correct you.

I.e.-"thanks for telling me that but Chef Julia Child instructed me to cut the peppers on the diagonal"