DD's name & family vent

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I had the same issue with my MIL calling our son DJ instead of Drew (his middle name is Joseph). I cringed over that, but when I took issue with it, it just egged her on. I ignored it-she was the only one that did it and my son never "took" to it. She eventually stopped, although it did take a few years.

On the opposite end, DS has people call him Andrew...and he constantly has to remind them its JUST Drew. People will always shorten names. DD is Rachel and people call her Rae. I am Alison and people call me Al or Ali. It doesn't bother either of us, but I know some folks don't like the abbreviation. In the end, all you can do is hope that your family complies with your wishes, but as you said, they are doing it to get a rise out of you...so I'd probably just ignore it and the fascination will probably pass after a while.

 

[design_mom]

I am going to side with the "let it go" camp. The truth of the matter is that you cannot control what your family members (or anyone else) calls your child. You have made your wishes clear and they are apparently going to go against your wishes anyway. You can either make yourself miserable, or just continue calling your child what you've chosen and know that 99% of *polite* people will follow your lead.

My in-laws like nicknames. My son's name is Alexander. We knew it would be shortened to Alex and were fine with that. They shorten it even further. To him, he's "Al." I'm not super fond of Al, but hey... whatever. My daughter's name doesn't have an easy nickname so they call her ... drumroll... "Booger." Nice. She's 4 and will hotly tell them *not* to call her that... so they don't as often anymore.

My name is Kimberly, and I don't mind Kim, but I always hated Kimmy (and my parents did, too. My dad's name is James and he always hated Jimmy, too.) but my Aunt and Grandmother always called me Kimmy. My grandmother called me Kimmy till the day she died. My aunt still does and I'm 36 years old. Sometimes you just have to grin and grit your teeth. (My aunt is a very nice person and she *knows* I hate Kimmy, so I'm not sure why she does it... but it's truly like she can't help it.)

 

[michael's mom]

Wow, there are some strong opinions on this topic . . . who knew?
I tend to agree with those that suggest not to make a huge issue out of it and it will probably die down on its own. When my dd was in second grade, her friends started calling her "SheeBee" for Shelbey and my dd thought it was great! I found it a bit ridiculous but it died down after a year or two and was never any big deal.

But this is different...it's kids making up a nickname and the child choosing that she likes it. The OP has asked her family repeatedly not to call her child by the nickname (honey, sweetie, etc... are different being terms of endearment, not nicknames).

To the OP, I completely understand...my son is named Michael and I've made it clear to my family that I do not like Mikey and he's also not going to be called Mike at 2 years old...now, when he's older, I completely expect his classmates to shorten his name and if he doesn't mind it, they can call him Mike...but, right now, we decide (DH and I). Of course, it's my sisters that call him Mikey and everytime they do, I remind them, "It's Michael". They respond with "Oh, but Mikey is cute" and I just tell them that I don't like it and I would prefer they call him Michael...they try...occasionally Mikey slips out (but it does with DH too as I am more against the nicknames).

If your DD's teachers are anything like me, they will not call her anything but her given name unless told otherwise by you or she. I have taught a James, Andrew, Emily, Daniel, Michael,and Jaclyn, and never shortened their names even though at home they were Jimmy, Drew, Emmy, Danny, Mike, Jackie...noone told me, they were always their given names and by the time I heard them being called the nickname, I had already become accustomed to the given name.

One other pp mentioned her daughter's name was Elizabeth...we loved that name too but opted out of it if we had a girl (which we didn't) because we didn't like the nicknames and there were WAY TOO MANY to fend off.

Do I think it's right to tell your kids other people are dummies for not sayin their names correctly...ABSOLUTELY NOT. If you want people to respect your wishes and your child's name (not directed at OP), than you need to teach them to respect others and politely correct someone. BUT, you have the right to politely demand that people address your child as you chose to name her!

 

[surfergirl602]

I like the question previous posters have posed: can it be shortened to another nickname or is there a nickname other than the name you are OK with? My name is Melissa never Missy. My Mom called me Lissy Lou then it went to Lou Lou and Louie. It seemed like different people came up with their own special nicknames however strange they may have been, but Missy was not ever acceptable. My first 2 children have short names so their nicknames are entirely different from their names. Dolly and Leroy. I don't know how those came about. My youngest is William or Will not Bill or Billy or Willy. I've told people William or Will is OK and it seems to stick. Sometimes Grandparents especially like to have a "special" nickname. I think people may see it as more affectionate.

My name is Melissa, as well. I will never be called Missy. I detest it!! My friends did call me Mel, and some coworkers did when I was younger and I didn't mind that at all. My aunt used to call me (still does most of the time) Lissa, and I put up with it. My initials used to be MB so a good friend of mine used to call me Melby. My mom and others called me Chicky. That is what I still to this day have monogrammed on my LL Bean backpack from high school. My DH calls me Melissa or Hun, or whatever. I answer to Mommy, too. But never Missy. My hubby is a Daniel. I call him Daniel. I like it better than Dan, but many of his closer and older relatives still call him Danny. With our children, our first two are Jaelyn and Julia. They are not shortened. With our third, she's Joelle (rhymes with Noel) and we call her Joey.

 

[foltzy]

My name is Elizabeth and my family calls me Beth, my friends call me Liz (I picked the name in elementry school), some family memebers call me Lizzy which I hate but answer anyway.

My daughter's name is Micayla, we call her Mike, my mom calls her Cayla, and my MIL calls her Mica (I don't like that but I let it go).

My son's name is Geoffrey, we call him Geoff or Geoffey as does everyone but my sister who calls him Geo (Hate this but again I let it go).

 

[jenrein]

My name is Elizabeth and my family calls me Beth, my friends call me Liz (I picked the name in elementry school), some family memebers call me Lizzy which I hate but answer anyway.

My daughter's name is Micayla, we call her Mike, my mom calls her Cayla, and my MIL calls her Mica (I don't like that but I let it go).

My son's name is Geoffrey, we call him Geoff or Geoffey as does everyone but my sister who calls him Geo (Hate this but again I let it go).

This is the example that first popped into my head. My younger sister is named Elizabeth and my mom was adamant she was to be called Beth for short. Well my grandma in law decided to call her Liz which my mother hated. Long story short, Liz went through a lot of stages that included shaving some of her hair, wearing baggy pants, playing football and skateboarding. I really think she was a Liz and never a Beth!

(And that doesnt mean all Liz's are like that, but I could never see calling her Beth when she acted that way...Liz seemed the more fitting of the 2!)

 

[mrsmiller]

My sons's name are Joseph and Jonathan, I also dislike nicknames and we made a point to stress that to everybody, we always stressed to the kids since infancy their names to the point that they will never answer to Jon or Joe

I remember one time at my MIL she kept asking "Joey" for a glass of water and he will not move until finally she looked at me and told me I had "rude" kids , I told her that there was no Joey in the room but a Joseph
I asked "Joseph " please bring a glass of water to your grandma, which he did , from that day (she passed away 2yrs ago ) to her last she never ever use nicknames for my kids...

BTW my kids do no respond to anybody calling them by nicknames, they just don't like it ...

Linnette

 

[3princesses+aprince]

I have not read through the other replies yet. But my dd's name is Elizabeth. When we named her we really didn't think of a nickname, I just knew I liked the name Elizabeth. When she was a couple months old we started calling her Lizzie! That was her name. Well my grandparents would always shorten her name to Beth, and it bothered me. not that there is anything wrong with Beth. but if we're calling her lizzie, Lizzie and Beth are 2 completely different names, she's not even going to know what her name is.
Luckily when Lizzie started talking and saying her name, "Beth" faded away and they now call her Lizzie or Elizabeth. Hopefully in time it will just come for you to.

 

[cancer_survivor_06]

No advice best of luck w/ you situation. Just a little story for you. My older daughter's name is Juliette dh agreed to the name but said he would only call her Julie and my great great grandmothers name was Julia. I can remember when our relatives would call her by one of these names and at two and three she would correct them by telling them "my name is Juli ETTE" it was cute. The funny thing is that the only nickname she will even respond to is on occasion when I call her Jules.

 

[aanderson5]

This has been a bone of contention with my MIL as well. DS's name is Braeden but she insisted on calling him Brady. I would politely point out that everyone calls him Braeden. She would try to get his attention and I would point out that he didn't know she was talking to him because no one calls him Brady.

Then she switched to BJ (J for his middle name). When I called her on that she said that we should pick a nickname because he was going to one or the other. This really ticked me off. She is a very overbearing person who believes she is always right. I went to DH and told him I was not going to have my son nicknamed BJ (I assume everyone reading know what that is a short form of). The next time we say her and she used BJ I made DH tell her what it meant. That was the end of that nickname.

I think it is a good idea to have the child correct the adult. You would want them to correct someone if they mispronouned their name. When a child gets older they can choose to be called by a nickname but for now my 3 year old gets called by they name I chose for him.

 

[almburr]

we have a Gregor not Greg, or Gregory. No one has called him anything but Gregor,except maybe some one who really doesnt know. We also have Guienevere hers is shortened to Guiene but not Guien. Everyone calls her Guiene. THen we have ElsaCraig which is shortened to Elsa, its pretty much divided some call her El, Elsa, ElsaCraig. Our oldest DD Forrest is called Forr alot. then the baby Tucker,Just Tucker.

 

[hockeymomNS]

I have a couple of points to offer here.
Our oldest son's name is Ryan and I would say at about age 12 he started getting Ry. Now who would have thought that? It is a pretty simple name. Doesn't bother he nor I. When it comes to school and friends....you aren't going to win anyway.
I really do mean with all due respect that as a mom of kids 16 - 21 yrs, there are much bigger fish to fry. If it really does bother you I guess you have a right to voice your objection, although being married to Mike, whose family still calls him Michael would have made for unnecessary fighting. He says the kids at school shortened it and I have always known him as Mike.
I am not a grandparent, but want to make a little comment as I have seen lots of inlaw/grandparent issues. Our oldest son was the first grandchild on both sides. My mother in law had a banner in her front window the day that I found out that I was pregnant. It was insane how much all four loved this child. I'm glad that I took lots of advice on this one. He didn't get alot of candy at home, that was their thing....lunch at MacDonalds. He had sleepovers and got off schedule but I learned that at the end of the day he was a lucky boy. (he is also putting himself through university as a personal trainer so it didn't hurt him).
Fast forward two years ago when my dad passed away. When I die, I can only hope that my funeral is filled with love as much as my Dads' was. Two of my dad's pallbearers were friends of my oldest son, he became that much a part of their life. My youngest son's hockey team was there with their jerseys on, not just for us, but my Dad touched their lives. You see that strong bond that started out way back when, turned into a beautiful gift that we are able to give our kids.

As I step off my soapbox I will add that there were a few issues that I stuck to, but issues that were just a generation thing ie car seats.

 

[srwarden1928]

When I was born my parents wanted to call me by both first and middle names. I DETEST my middle name. By the time I went to school, I went by my first name only. Even my family got used to calling me by my first name. I actually considered changing my name because I hate that middle name so much. I dont think any of my friends even know what my middle name is.
Imagine my shock when after my parents died people (not relatives) I hadnt seen in years called me by the full name.

 

[surfergirl602]

When DH and I talk baby names, there are names that we won't even consider just because of the potential of nicknames that could come with them. Alexander, and Jennifer for instance. Neither one of us like the name Alex or jen so we wouldn't name our children that because of the hassle with names later on in life.

I used to work in a youth center/registration office and I have seen some doozies come through my office. There are families that have nice names for their children and call them by something completely different - thats not even their middle name! There was a Julia that went by the name Larkin. Her middle name was Amanda or something like that. Talk about confusing.

 

[joolz1910]

No advice best of luck w/ you situation. Just a little story for you. My older daughter's name is Juliette dh agreed to the name but said he would only call her Julie and my great great grandmothers name was Julia. I can remember when our relatives would call her by one of these names and at two and three she would correct them by telling them "my name is Juli ETTE" it was cute. The funny thing is that the only nickname she will even respond to is on occasion when I call her Jules.

I am a Juliette too. My parents shortened my name to Julie as soon as I was born and then when I went to school is was misspelled as Juliet on all documents. I have a sort of dual personality as my family all call me Julie and at work/school I am Juliette. I also answer to Joolz and Jue. I have a friend from primary school who has always called me Julia! It doesn't bother me, as you can see by my DIS name and my signature.

 

[jlstwinmommy]

I don't have any advice, but a quick story. I have a Christopher. I named him that because I love the name, but really don't like the name Chris. I've always called him Christopher and so has the family. At least until he turned 4. At 4, he was in preschool and had to learn to write his name. They want them to learn to write the name they will go by. So they made a chart with how many letters were in everyone's name. There were a few 4's, a bunch of 5, 6 and 7's, and then Christopher - 11 letters. After 2 weeks of really trying to write Christopher, the teacher asked me if he could be Chris as it was just too hard for him to spell Christopher.

He is now in 5th grade. He is still Christopher to me. He now writes Christopher on all his papers (finally learned to write it in the middle of 1st grade). His friends sometimes call him Chris and sometimes Christopher. He doesn't care. His little brother and sister sometimes call him Chrifoter (from when they couldn't say Christopher when they were younger). I did learn my lesson on names though. I named my twins Joshua and Katelyn. They go by Josh and Katy. DD doesn't even recognize Katelyn when written out as her name. She knows she is Katy. I figure when she is older and doesn't want to be Katy anymore, she has Katelyn to fall back on, but she will probably always be Katy to me.

 

[Kit'smommy]

My DS's name is Terrence Christopher. He goes by Christopher or Kit. He is not Chris and he is certainly not T.C.

He can call himself whatever he wants as an older child and adult, but I despise "Chris." DH doesn't care for it either, so he corrected his mother when she started calling him by that. Every one else has respected our wishes that he be called Kit, if they wanted a nickname. However, I think we would have lost this battle if we had not had some shortened form of the name. I think it is pretty normal to look for a short name to call some one in everyday conversation and address.

 

[Tisha_PA]

I would just keep correcting them and stand firm. When your DD is older she will decide what she wants to be called.

When I was a baby, my mom's family would call me by my first name and my dad's family would use my middle name (they didn't like my first name). My mom finally gave up when I was around one and everyone started using my middle name. When I went away to college I switched back to my first name and it is what I go by now. My youngest DD (4) is named Camryn and my in-laws and parents sometimes will call her Cami and she is very vocal about the fact that her name is Camryn not Cami. Good luck

 

[Kit'smommy]

jlstwinmommy, you were posting at the same time as I was. DS calls himself "Kitstopher" or just Kit.

We took him to his new school yesterday for testing and the teacher came to talk with me and tell me he was on target for everything except he could not write his name. He was listed as Christopher on the paperwork and she was trying to get him to write that or Chris...

 

[summermac]

I'm in the yes this is important camp. You have very clearly stated you want your child to be called by the name you chose for her. None other. They are choosing to not do so and I find that very disrepesctful. I wouldn't go as far as the person who said to embarass and humiliate others but I would definitely nicely remind others that your child's name is this name each & every time. I would also teach my daughter to tell others that her name is "xxx"

I absolutely can commiserate with you. I have a Tyler. I want him to be TYLER. Not Ty. If I wanted him to be called Ty, I'd have named him Ty. When I was PG and we shared the name, many would say, Ty and I would nicely correct them then. No one in my family ever calls him Ty now and in fact, I don't even think he'd respond to Ty if someone used that as his name. If someone uses Ty, I just respond with yes, Tyler......blah, blah, blah.

Just keep at it. Your daughter is going to interact with you a lot more than other family members and as she gets older, she will start correcting them.