DD's name & family vent

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I think some people are also confusing pet names with nick names.

Most of us use pet names, like "Honey, can you take the trash out?".

Clearly, my DH's name is NOT "Honey" .

I will occasionally call one of my daughters "sweetie". Like "oh, sweetie, I'm sorry you got a cut on your knee, let's put a bandaid on it."

Nicknames are a miscengenation of the original name. Where you take a perfectly normal name and then goof with it, for whatever purpose .

And FWIW, both my daughters have three syllable names, and nobody at school, at camp, or at church shortens their names. Even when they have another kid in their class with the same name, the teachers don't shorten their name, it just becomes Alexandra B. (I prefer not to use my kids' real names on message boards). This is because both the girls, my DH and I all use THEIR REAL NAMES, and expect others to, and we're nice about it and rarely need to reinforce it.

If you like nicknames, that's cool. I'm happy to call you BJ or Winnie or whatever name you want to be called. Because it's YOUR name.

But don't assume everyone you meet enjoys having their name or the name of their kid mangled just because you think it's cuter or you're too lazy to get all the syllables out. .

 

[jeepgirl30]

We gave my DS6 my DH's name and added the JR. We then used the first initial with the J. His first name can be shortened which is what my DH goes by. We never wanted son to go by the same so we picked the nickname of first inital with the J.

I occassionally call him by his full first name, not the nickname DH uses.

MIL used to call him "J" or "JJ", one day he got really cross, she stopped! He introduces him self with either his nickname or his full given name.

As your daughter gets older, she will ultimately end up choosing what she wants to be called. What will you do if she wants the nickname? I did not read the whole thread but wanted to mention that.

Also, she may end up correcting the inlaws and once she does then they'll feel like idiots!!!

 

[FayeW]

I use my middle name, even on credit cards, etc. On my bank accounts though I have my full name listed: first, middle, last, with a notation that I am to be called "Faye". If I am doing business with the bank and they slip up and call me by my first name instead, I am okay with that and generally don't bother to correct them, however I had somebody once call me not only by the first name, but by a common nickname for that name. I was floored! I thought it was very nervy for somebody in a professional setting to call me by a nickname without first asking my permission or what I preferred.

I was really ticked off about it and now when my husband really wants to irritate me, he will call me by that nickname because he knows it bugs the crap out of me.

 

[joolz1910]

I think some people are also confusing pet names with nick names.

Most of us use pet names, like "Honey, can you take the trash out?".

Clearly, my DH's name is NOT "Honey" .

I will occasionally call one of my daughters "sweetie". Like "oh, sweetie, I'm sorry you got a cut on your knee, let's put a bandaid on it."

Nicknames are a miscengenation of the original name. Where you take a perfectly normal name and then goof with it, for whatever purpose .

And FWIW, both my daughters have three syllable names, and nobody at school, at camp, or at church shortens their names. Even when they have another kid in their class with the same name, the teachers don't shorten their name, it just becomes Alexandra B. (I prefer not to use my kids' real names on message boards). This is because both the girls, my DH and I all use THEIR REAL NAMES, and expect others to, and we're nice about it and rarely need to reinforce it.

If you like nicknames, that's cool. I'm happy to call you BJ or Winnie or whatever name you want to be called. Because it's YOUR name.

But don't assume everyone you meet enjoys having their name or the name of their kid mangled just because you think it's cuter or you're too lazy to get all the syllables out. .

This might not be the best word to use to describe something that you disapprove of!

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

I'm in the 'it's important' camp. Not important enough to cut ties with someone over, but important enough to keep politely correcting people when they call your child the wrong name.

My second DS is Joseph. I really love this name, it was my grandfather's name. I am okay with Joe for a nickname (and that's what we call him now, though he started out as Joseph) but I DETEST Joey. That was the name of the neighborhood bully when I was a kid and I just can't get past that. We didn't name our first DS Joseph because of the fear of it being shortened to Joey. By the time we got to DS #2, we decided we would just let everyone know up front that he is Joseph, Joe if you want, but NEVER Joey. Luckily people were fine with that. Occassionally we will get someone new who calls him Joey, but he will just say his name is Joe and it's never been an issue past that.

DD is Catherine, which because our first two kids go by shortened versions of their names (oldest DS is Timothy, called Tim), everyone assumed she would be Cathy or Catie. No, she's Catherine. I love the name, it was always my choice for a girl. When she was a baby and people asked if she was Cathy or Catie, we just said, 'no, we're calling her Catherine'. That was it, nobody persisted. Now that she's older people will ask her if she goes by Catherine and she says yes. Now, if at some point, she wants to go by Cathy or Catie or Cate, or Cat, whatever, that's her choice.

Good luck, OP, in getting people to call your daughter what you choose for her to be called!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

This might not be the best word to use to describe something that you disapprove of!

Holy crap, I just looked it up and you're right, that was NOT what I was thinking!

It was just used in a book I read regarding hybridization of plants that should NOT be hybridized, but the common usage is totally different (and really ugly). My bad!

 

[tzolkin]

A few in my mom's family call me by a nickname that I don't go by. For some reason it doesn't really bother me, maybe because I only see/talk to them at family gatherings once or twice a year (or less often) and they're my family. (They call me the nickname because my mom was okay with it when I was a baby, so that's what they remember. Other family members are also called by nicknames that they've outgrown at these family gatherings and are not bothered.) My parents, siblings, and grandparents never call me by that nickname, but they are around me on a regular basis.

By the time I got into school I knew my name was Candace and that's what I wanted to be called. Yes, throughout my life teachers and people I've met would ask or assume that I could be called Candy and I just learned to immediately tell them that I prefer to be called Candace and do not use that nickname. It has never been a problem (slightly annoying that I have to correct people especially since I was very shy) and no one ever calls me Candy after the first incident.

OP, I do think it's rude to call someone by a nickname after you've been asked not to. That would really bother me as well. But I don't have any advice other than what's been offered: either keep at the issue or don't let it bother you. Maybe the family is just not listening to you, but when the child is old enough to ask to be called by the full name they will listen. This may just be part of your family interactions. From my experience people in the outside world will listen to your child and use the prefered name, so you should have nothing to worry about there.

 

[SharkyGoddess]

I haven't read all the way through, so this has probably been said and I'm repeating it (sorry). What are their names? Can they become silly nic-names? If so, have some fun! Otherwise, quit letting it bother you so much. Sometimes no reponse, is the best response.

I will admit though, I am the Aunt who calls Ashley Nicole, Nikki and everyone else refers to her as Ashley. I've NEVER called her Ashley and I was there the day she was born. She answers to me no matter where she is with that big beautiful smile too, just as giggly and precious as when she was a small child. She's in her 20's now.

 

[sashagiselle]

I have two girls, Arianna & Sasha, better known as Nani and Sashi, they love for family and friends to call them by their nicknames.

There will be plenty teachers, doctors, future coworkers, etc that will call them by their full names so I don't sweat it. Now, if either of my girls had a problem with being called by their nicknames then I would definitely try to correct people, but for now its all good

 

[Imtink2]

WOW! I never thought I'd start such a hot topic, but I am so grateful for everyone's point of view and input and you have given me a lot to think about. I'd love to respond to all of the posts, but as you can imagine, that would take an awful lot of time, so I've chosen just a couple to respond to:

...Parents often take much time and effort in finding the name for their child. The name should be respected, especially when the parents have requested the child be called by the given name.
...

It took us a very long time to come up with DD's name. We began choosing names when I was pregnant with our first baby who unfortunately, we lost to a birth defect. We had a really difficult time agreeing names for both babies so when we finally agreed on one for DD, we were so happy!

...now, when he's older, I completely expect his classmates to shorten his name and if he doesn't mind it, they can call him Mike...but, right now, we decide (DH and I). Of course, it's my sisters that call him Mikey and everytime they do, I remind them, "It's Michael". They respond with "Oh, but Mikey is cute" and I just tell them that I don't like it and I would prefer they call him Michael...

If DD chooses to go by the nickname, or another nickname, when she's older, that will be fine by me because it will be her choice for her name. As for the "but it's so cute" comment, that's exactly what I hear when I ask them not to use the nickname. I do agree that it's cute, I just don't feel that it's my DD they are talking about or to when they say it.

All of our friends, DD's teachers, other daycare parents and dr's call her by her given name. During our first encounters with them, they all asked which name she goes by and when we told them, that was it. I guess it seems to me that family would be as agreeable. Not all families are agreeable though so it may very well be a losing battle and I just need to wave the white flag and teach my DD her full name and hope that it catches on with the others.

 

[brandylouwho]

Count me in the not a big deal camp. Certainly, if you have corrected someone they should try to abide by your wishes, but I have to admit that if someone (say my SIL) got all uppity about a nickname I called her daughter, I might be inclined to do it on purpose, just to get under her skin. Admittedly, that would not be nice on my part.

Sometimes it is just stuck in people's heads a certain way and they don't do it on purpose. My boss' son's name is Nathan (that is what they call him) and for the life of me I can't help but to refer to him as Nate. I try not to, I try to correct myself when I do...but that kid will always be Nate to me. I am not the only one who does it either.


Nicknames, petnames, etc are really, usually terms of endearment created by our friends & family. You don't usually get to pick your own nickname..your parents, friends, etc will do it for you. For example, surely a kid name Jospeh, while he or his parents may not approve, will likely be referred to as Joe or even Joey at some point in his life! This is a risk you take in being named Joseph.

OK, now off to find a nickname for my niece Corryn, Cory maybe? Core? Corrynnie? What do you think?

 

[SharkyGoddess]

OK, now off to find a nickname for my niece Corryn, Cory maybe? Core? Corrynnie? What do you think?

How about The Corster?

 

[brymolmom]

I think some people are also confusing pet names with nick names.

Most of us use pet names, like "Honey, can you take the trash out?".

Clearly, my DH's name is NOT "Honey" .

I will occasionally call one of my daughters "sweetie". Like "oh, sweetie, I'm sorry you got a cut on your knee, let's put a bandaid on it."

Nicknames are a miscengenation of the original name. Where you take a perfectly normal name and then goof with it, for whatever purpose .

And FWIW, both my daughters have three syllable names, and nobody at school, at camp, or at church shortens their names. Even when they have another kid in their class with the same name, the teachers don't shorten their name, it just becomes Alexandra B. (I prefer not to use my kids' real names on message boards). This is because both the girls, my DH and I all use THEIR REAL NAMES, and expect others to, and we're nice about it and rarely need to reinforce it.

If you like nicknames, that's cool. I'm happy to call you BJ or Winnie or whatever name you want to be called. Because it's YOUR name.

But don't assume everyone you meet enjoys having their name or the name of their kid mangled just because you think it's cuter or you're too lazy to get all the syllables out. .

Maybe that's what really separates the two camps...You see, I consider a nickname (in many cases, not all) to be THE SAME AS a pet name. Since my best friend can't really call me 'sweetie' or 'honey' without looking funny, she shortens my name or comes up with a twist on it to call me. Thus showing familiarity and the closeness of our relationship without going to a pet name. Truly, pet names are only 'allowed' by parents, grandparents or spouses, but yet lots of others feel close to us and like to call us something special. So oftentimes - a nickname and a pet name are the same in my book.

Honestly though, I can't believe I'm even responding here. It is amazing to me that people actually care enough about a different name to be mad or to think to write on a web site about it. If only something so minor could be at the top of my list of vents/complaints/worries.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It's not a mistake, and it's not innocent. It's a deliberate decision to not call a child by their given name, because they decided that the name that they've created is better/more suitable. It's a control issue.
The point is, the OP's relatives are not respecting her. My suggestions fight fire with fire. I am suggesting ways of reacting that have nothing to do with respect. It has to do with getting them to stop being disrespectful to the OP's choice of names for her offspring. She has tried positive methods to no avail.

Sometimes you have to get tough to get results.

I completely agree. It is not a loving pet name. It is a dig to annoy the parents. Sorry but that is completely rude and disrespectful. We named our children what we wanted to name them. That is what they will be called. If you think you are being cute by calling them something else to annoy me then I will make up a "cute" name for you too. I can guarantee that you will not like the name that I chose.

 

[Imtink2]

...Honestly though, I can't believe I'm even responding here. It is amazing to me that people actually care enough about a different name to be mad or to think to write on a web site about it. If only something so minor could be at the top of my list of vents/complaints/worries.

Well, I guess I'm fortunate that for now, what some of your may consider a "minor" topic, is at the top of my list. Trust me when I say that I've had more than my share of very major things at the top of my list.

I wrote about this topic here because I think it's a respect issue and I wanted to see what others outside of the family think.

To me respect is a very important topic, not a minor one. Respect is something that everyone should give and just as importantly, get. If I allow people to disrespect me, I'm in effect, disrespecting myself. If I allow people to disrespect me in front of my children or where my children are concerned, I worry that my children will in turn think it's ok to disrepect me as well. I worry that one day, my DD will ask me and DH why so and so calls her X when we or she asks them not to.

 

[Crystal824]

Maybe a bit off topic, but I have an Emma Clare. I'm PRAYING that nobody realizes that if she were to use just her first initial and middle name, she'd be a doughnut.... E. Clare. I STILL can't believe I did that.

That's funny because I love the name Emma Claire and was considering either that Emma Grace or Emma Elizabeth for our daughter's name provided we have one in the future. I'll have to remember that.

 

[maxiesmom]

Well, I guess I'm fortunate that for now, what some of your may consider a "minor" topic, is at the top of my list. Trust me when I say that I've had more than my share of very major things at the top of my list.

I wrote about this topic here because I think it's a respect issue and I wanted to see what others outside of the family think.

To me respect is a very important topic, not a minor one. Respect is something that everyone should give and just as importantly, get. If I allow people to disrespect me, I'm in effect, disrespecting myself. If I allow people to disrespect me in front of my children or where my children are concerned, I worry that my children will in turn think it's ok to disrepect me as well. I worry that one day, my DD will ask me and DH why so and so calls her X when we or she asks them not to.

I think you are making way too much out of it. But then I think it is a little strange to give someone a name and not expect it to be shortened. I don't know anyone who goes by their full birth name. It seems a little controling to say "My kid's name is xxx and you MUST use that full name." Using abbreviated names is a form of endearment.

Heck, my sister's name is Bobbi and I call her Bob sometimes. Her daughter is Bethany, and I've taken to calling her B. My full name is Kimberly, and they call me Chuckie. It is all done in love, so we don't find it offensive.

I just wonder why it is such a big deal for you.

 

[mrsklamc]

The issue here is not the name in and of itself. Believe me, I have a very unusual name and I get called just about everything that starts with the same letter. It doesn't bother me. I really don't care.

The problem is that she has asked the family nicely not to call her child that, and they are doing it anyway, not out of love or jest but because they derive pleasure from annoying her. This is not done out of love for the child or the mother. Any civil human being would respect her wishes even if they would have preferred to call the child something else.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The issue here is not the name in and of itself. Believe me, I have a very unusual name and I get called just about everything that starts with the same letter. It doesn't bother me. I really don't care.

The problem is that she has asked the family nicely not to call her child that, and they are doing it anyway, not out of love or jest but because they derive pleasure from annoying her. This is not done out of love for the child or the mother. Any civil human being would respect her wishes even if they would have preferred to call the child something else.

EXACTLY!!!!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think you are making way too much out of it. But then I think it is a little strange to give someone a name and not expect it to be shortened. I don't know anyone who goes by their full birth name. It seems a little controling to say "My kid's name is xxx and you MUST use that full name." Using abbreviated names is a form of endearment.

Heck, my sister's name is Bobbi and I call her Bob sometimes. Her daughter is Bethany, and I've taken to calling her B. My full name is Kimberly, and they call me Chuckie. It is all done in love, so we don't find it offensive.

I just wonder why it is such a big deal for you.

I am sorry but that is ridiculous! If I tell you my name is Mary that doesn't mean I should expect to be called Mar. Or if my name is Catherine you can call me Rina or Cat etc. I hardly think it is controlling to expect people to call you by the name you were given and not some name they decided that they like or insist is better. Sorry but it is completely disrespectful of the child and the parent. It is not a term of endearment. It is meant in a way to say "F" you. I will call her what I want and I don't care what you think. That is hardly done in love.