DD's name & family vent

[NJFabFour]

We hate nicknames. Period. So this is how we handled people shortening our names or our kids' names:

1. Pretend like you didn't hear them. THey'll repeat the nickname. Continue to pretend. Either they will eventually say the full name or you say "were you talking to me? 'Cause that's not my name."

2. Teach your kids early to say "my name is Alexandra, not Allie." Tell your kids that some people need help learning to pronounce your name properly and it's up to them to help the dummies out there. My kids always got an enormous kick out of this. Even though they would occasionally call the people dummies.

3. Start shortening their names to something really stupid. Like if their name is Fred, start calling them Effie. or Red. or Better off Fred.

4. When they call your kid "Allie" in earshot, you say "Oh, Alexandra, Aunt Meemee is just having a little trouble pronouncing your name correctly. Can you show her how to say it properly?" And your kid will of course say it properly.

I come from the ruling family of passive aggressive nutjobs, and I learned how to play the game *very* well.

Don't whine about how they don't respect you, that lets them know they're winning. Just make them feel totally stupid and humiliated every time they can't get the name right.

Wow, there are some strong opinions on this topic . . . who knew?
I tend to agree with those that suggest not to make a huge issue out of it and it will probably die down on its own. When my dd was in second grade, her friends started calling her "SheeBee" for Shelbey and my dd thought it was great! I found it a bit ridiculous but it died down after a year or two and was never any big deal.

But what is the greater evil here . . . using a nickname for someone or teaching kids to call others "dummy" or nasty nicknames and humiliate them???

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Honestly, I'd push the issue. No matter what you named DD what you wish to have her called/known by others should respect. It is an issue of respect. You have told them her name, asked that they use the given name, and they should refer to her as such.

My DS on the other hand has the reverse. He is named after his father (a Jr.) legally, but his name that we use and have always wanted used is DJ (no periods). Fortunately we don't have the problem with family and friends, but had to make clear at school that although it is one thing on the official records and manifest he is to be called DJ and all work that he hands in will be marked the same. His teacher has done as asked. If he hears his full name he knows to shape up and focus. Also, his given name is very often misspelled and I will correct every and anyone who uses a different spelling.

 

[krcit]

I disagree with previous posters who say to just let it go. It's the name that you chose for your daughter and she should be called what you named her. My son is John but we have called him Johhny from day one. I get very annoyed when people do not call him that-it's rude.

 

[joolz1910]

Hi, I agree with the previous comments. With my first daughter, my FIL consistently referred to her as Libby - her name is Olivia and he had misheard 'Livvy' but it stuck. With my second daughter my DH's Uncle insisted on calling her 'Rose' - her middle name, simply because he preferred it! With my third daughter, nobody can spell her name correctly, including the doting grandparents. With each child, I have learned to shrug it off. My eldest thinks it's cute that Granddad thinks she's called Libby and the middle one thinks it's hilarious that Uncle Jim calls her Rosie. As long as they love my kids, I don't really mind what they call them.

 

[Missin'Disney]

I'm sorry, but I agree with the pp's who said to "let it go". I mean, are there not worse things one could do. Like a million of them?

I've been on the receiving end of this so I can sympathize, but I cannot imagine allowing it to bother me to this degree. My daughter's name is Camryn. People insist on calling her Cami. I hate this nickname so fiercely that I cringe when I hear it. But you know what? People are allowed to call others whatever they please. I seriously wouldn't dream of telling people to call her by her "given name". It is just so uptight IMO. I think acting like the name police is just going to backfire on you. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but seriously, if someone is so concerned about a name being shortened, they should probably just go with a different name in the first place. B/c it's not really right to tell other people what they can & can't say.

 

[katied]

We've been on the other end of it and DH's feelings were really hurt. DH was trying to show affection to Dniece, calling her "Judy Judy" and making a little song for her with that name. DSister was VERY upset, and made it quite clear to DH that her name was Judith - never to be shortened (very odd to us, as she is named after our deceased mother, who always went by Judy and hated the name Judith, but oh well). It caused very hurt feelings in our family - and DH now feels he has to be on eggshells with all dealings around DSister. I think what's most important is how people treat the family members and kids, and that they show affection. Many do this with nicknames. I feel if you try to control all interaction between family and your kids, you could stunt the relationship - esp. when it's something that is not harmful to kids at all. When they're older, the kids will chose their own name - either full name or nickname, and let everyone else know how they feel, anyway.

 

[TeresaBelle]

I would just leave it alone also. Not that I don't sympathize, but it seems like you've tried and it hasn't done any good. I don't think they're going to change their ways. When she's older she'll tell them what her name is.

My DD's name is Tabitha. That's what our whole family calls her. I don't like Tabby at all, but some of her friends at school call her that. I don't like it, but she doesn't seem to mind so..there you go.

Funny story..my brother's name is Michael. Our whole family calls him Michael. But his friends have always called him Mike. Someone called our house one day and asked for Mike and my Mom told them they had the wrong number! She didn't do it to be a smart a** or anything, she seriously never even considered him a Mike!

 

[badblackpug]

Seriously, let it go. Let whatever your in-laws call her be her special nickname that only granny and grandpa use, it will be special to her for that reason. Call her whatever you want.

You may as well get used to it now. I fought for years to have my oldest called by her full name. By the 6th grade all her friends were calling her by the common nickname. The worst part is that she began introducing herself by the nickname. So what are you going to do.

My brother is 45 my mother is, literally, the only person in the world (including himself) who calls him by his full name.

If your in-laws are good people and love and treat your daughter well, why quibble?

 

[luvsJack]

I admit I changed the name my younger son goes by to his middle name because I did not want him called "charlie" instead of his first name "Charles'. So, instead he is Stephen.

But, now that I am older I know that a nickname is just not worth all this stress and anger!!

My boys have an uncle who has been "Hobo" since he was 2. He has done everything in his power to change it back to his real name but everyone knows him as Hobo so that is what he is called. I would rather my child be called "charlie" than "hobo"!! Shortening of the name is a much better nickname than some of the ones other people can come up with.

Keep in mind, some nicknames do not stick. And if they do, don't stress. Its just a nickname, probably coined out of love.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I am going though that and gave up. My one daughter is Isabella or Belle.. not Izzy. My dad thinks its funny to call her Izzy.

With my one son its William or Will. Not Bill or Billy or Willy eekk... same thing My dad always calls him Willy.

 

[brymolmom]

We hate nicknames. Period. So this is how we handled people shortening our names or our kids' names:

1. Pretend like you didn't hear them. THey'll repeat the nickname. Continue to pretend. Either they will eventually say the full name or you say "were you talking to me? 'Cause that's not my name."

2. Teach your kids early to say "my name is Alexandra, not Allie." Tell your kids that some people need help learning to pronounce your name properly and it's up to them to help the dummies out there. My kids always got an enormous kick out of this. Even though they would occasionally call the people dummies.

3. Start shortening their names to something really stupid. Like if their name is Fred, start calling them Effie. or Red. or Better off Fred.

4. When they call your kid "Allie" in earshot, you say "Oh, Alexandra, Aunt Meemee is just having a little trouble pronouncing your name correctly. Can you show her how to say it properly?" And your kid will of course say it properly.

I come from the ruling family of passive aggressive nutjobs, and I learned how to play the game *very* well.

Don't whine about how they don't respect you, that lets them know they're winning. Just make them feel totally stupid and humiliated every time they can't get the name right.

While I totally support your right to correct those with the proper name of your child. I do not think the OP should follow #4. You should not, IMO, teach your child to chastise people for doing what is a VERY INNOCENT mistake. And really, obviously it was not trouble with pronouncing the name, it was an attempt at a loving nickname (in many cases). So I would not teach my child to speak to an elder this way. MAYBE (although I wouldn't do this either - maybe they LIKE the nickname) I would have the child say 'Actually I like being called....' but after responding to the adult who is speaking to him/her sure is way more disrespectful than a playful attempt at a nickname. I would never let my child make them feel totally stupid and humiliated for trying to show they love and feel close to my child.

 

[LadyShea]

I actually decided against Alexander for my youngest son (it's his middle name now) because I didn't want him turning into an Alex.

Yep, same here. Love Alexander, not so fond of Alex so we went with a first name that cannot be shortened.

I know a Thomas, and an Andrew, neither of which are ever called Tom or Andy. I think you'll just need to call her by her full name and assume it will eventually stick.

 

[Elmo888]

I would stick to the name and firmly but politely correct them each and every time. Even though your daughter is just an infant now, she will learn by hearing you correct them.

DD8 has a difficult to pronounce name. I think that it is beautiful, and DH and I didn't realize that it would be such a problem. Well, now that she's 8, she corrects people. I have gone to her teachers to explain to them how to pronounce. Once people understand, they seem to be good to go.

This is your child, and you choose the name that she will be called. Tell the grandparents that they had their chance with their kids! My dad wanted to call my DD8 by her middle name because it was the same name as one of his sister's. Well, that didn't last long. Hopefully, it will be the same for you.

This is exactly why we avoided some names (and instead ended up with one name that no one can pronounce and one name that is now too wildly popular!). I love the name Madeleine - I loved the book as a child, but I agree with a previous poster - I don't like the name Maddie.

Good luck!

 

[luvsJack]

We hate nicknames. Period. So this is how we handled people shortening our names or our kids' names:

1. Pretend like you didn't hear them. THey'll repeat the nickname. Continue to pretend. Either they will eventually say the full name or you say "were you talking to me? 'Cause that's not my name."

2. Teach your kids early to say "my name is Alexandra, not Allie." Tell your kids that some people need help learning to pronounce your name properly and it's up to them to help the dummies out there. My kids always got an enormous kick out of this. Even though they would occasionally call the people dummies.

3. Start shortening their names to something really stupid. Like if their name is Fred, start calling them Effie. or Red. or Better off Fred.

4. When they call your kid "Allie" in earshot, you say "Oh, Alexandra, Aunt Meemee is just having a little trouble pronouncing your name correctly. Can you show her how to say it properly?" And your kid will of course say it properly.

I come from the ruling family of passive aggressive nutjobs, and I learned how to play the game *very* well.

Don't whine about how they don't respect you, that lets them know they're winning. Just make them feel totally stupid and humiliated every time they can't get the name right.

IMHO, if your children are doing any of these things, they are the ones not showing respect.

Using a nickname is not showing a lack of respect. Calling someone "dummy" or embarassing someone over something like this is.

 

[mrsklamc]

I'd go even farther than anyone who has posted so far. If you can't even give me the very basic amount of respect to call my child what I named them, then you don't need to be part of my child's life, or mine. period.

 

[bonybroad]

My son's name is Andrew. We picked it because we loved the name Andrew, but could live with Andy or Drew.
HE goes BALLISTIC if someone shortens it.
"My name is Andrew. NO NAME CALLING!"
My FIL refuses to call him Andrew because he likes to rile up a little kid.
Andrew just refuses to answer him.
(This has been going on since Andrew was 3, and he really just won't answer fil. It cracks me up that he is that smart!)
When we registered him for kindergarten last year, I was filling out all the papers. It asked if your child preferred a nickname. I was teasing him, and said "Do you have another name you like to be called?" He said YES! I was really surprised, and said "Really? What do you want to be called?"
He answered "Luke Skywalker!"
I almost fell off my chair laughing!

 

[BC Disney Lover]

When we named our DD i really wanted a name that could be shortened because I found a lot of the shorten names very cute for girls but I wanted something that sounded pretty when she was an adult. I could see calling a 4 yr old Maddie but it seemed strange for an adult name.

That's just my personal preference but I would never call someone else by a nickname if they didn't want me too. I did notice that you said your DD was an infant so you may still change your mind. We have a DS named Cameron and I was okay with Cam but warned everyone not to use Cammy. Guess what I call him 90% of the time now

My son has a friend at school named Mohammed and sometimes it gets shortened to Mo, I explained to my son in grade 2 that he should use his full name unless he suggests otherwise.

Your family are may seem like they're being difficult but I'm sure they mean well, try to not let it bother you too much. As long as you call her by her full name I'm sure she'll be correcting people herself as soon as she old enough.

 

[koolaidmoms]

OP - My daughter too has a long name and we told everyone before she was born it is this not any shortened form. Most people understood. When we hear someone call her by a name other than hers we say something like, "X (her correct name) so-and-so (grandma, auntie ...) is trying to speak with you. I know it is not your name but she is talking to you." Usually they get the idea.

Of course I am waiting until she is 13 and wants to call herself Zoie or something else!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

But what is the greater evil here . . . using a nickname for someone or teaching kids to call others "dummy" or nasty nicknames and humiliate them???

I am a terrible bad evil person for asking that people call me and mine by their correct names. Yep. Absolutely. Snicker. Snort. Giggle.

GUFFAW.

Yes, I have become the Nickname Axis of Evil.

Cower before me, foolish name shorteners!

From now on, Fab Four, I shall now call you by your new nickname of Pooh Pooh Head. 'Cause I like it better.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

While I totally support your right to correct those with the proper name of your child. I do not think the OP should follow #4. You should not, IMO, teach your child to chastise people for doing what is a VERY INNOCENT mistake. And really, obviously it was not trouble with pronouncing the name, it was an attempt at a loving nickname (in many cases). So I would not teach my child to speak to an elder this way. MAYBE (although I wouldn't do this either - maybe they LIKE the nickname) I would have the child say 'Actually I like being called....' but after responding to the adult who is speaking to him/her sure is way more disrespectful than a playful attempt at a nickname. I would never let my child make them feel totally stupid and humiliated for trying to show they love and feel close to my child.

It's not a mistake, and it's not innocent. It's a deliberate decision to not call a child by their given name, because they decided that the name that they've created is better/more suitable. It's a control issue.

The point is, the OP's relatives are not respecting her. My suggestions fight fire with fire. I am suggesting ways of reacting that have nothing to do with respect. It has to do with getting them to stop being disrespectful to the OP's choice of names for her offspring. She has tried positive methods to no avail.

Sometimes you have to get tough to get results.