DD wants a purity ring

[chobie]

No, I am acknowledging it. You and Pea-n-Me helped prove my point - not one of the rings posted is the same. And I wasn't really confused.....I just wanted to see "the purity ring" that we "all recognize." I just can't see the drama concerning the ring and the public statement.

The only "drama" I see is in the having whole church sessions devoted to pizza and purity, followed by the picking out of rings, especially considering that no other religious virtue has any of this production tied to it.

 

[badblackpug]

Good grief. There is no "agenda".

And its not a public pledge, its a personal promise.

http://www.christianjewelry.com/sterling-silver-unblossomed-rose-ring

Here is a different type of "purity ring". This is the kind dd has looked at. Its not a flashing "I am a virgin" sign. just a ring. But she knows the promise behind it and that is the important part.

Seriously? You aren't the least bit squicked out by the thought of your child wearing a ring called "the unblossomed rose" as a symbol of her virginity. Personally, I am totally creeped out about it.

...nd, yes, it is an agenda. It is a measure to force young girls' hands, through peer pressure, to make a decision about their sexuality which they aren't emotionally prepared to make. No 11 year old has any sense of the emotional aspects that go into a relationship. it is manipulation by having them wear that ring to remind them that they promised not to have premarital sex. They think that by making them feel guilty that they will not have premarital sex. Statistics have shown that the rate of premarital sex amongst people who have made a purity pledge, and people who haven't are the same.

It is a developmental stage at the age of 11 that children's peer groups are of extreme importance to them. They will go along with the crowd to fit in, that is why these purity pledges are presented the way they are, with an outward symbol to show who belongs and who doesn't.

...and why does this issue require a pledge and a symbol? A lot of people have made a lot of different moral and ethical choices to adhere to a certain belief, they don't need to take a pledge or wear an outward symbol to announce it. I haven't seen an "honor thy parents." pledge and symbolic jewelry. That is one I think a lot of pre-teens and teens really need.

 

[Momvic5]

The only "drama" I see is in the having whole church sessions devoted to pizza and purity, followed by the picking out of rings, especially considering that no other religious virtue has any of this production tied to it.

You have seen more than me.... I have never been to these church sessions to "see" what they devote their time to doing. However, I bet there is more pizza than there are pure people, and unless the church belongs to Joel Osteen, I don't see silver rings being passed out.

 

[chobie]

You have seen more than me.... I have never been to these church sessions to "see" what they devote their time to doing. However, I bet there is more pizza than there are pure people, and unless the church belongs to Joel Osteen, I don't see silver rings being passed out.

Actually, I've learned about many of these purity productions from this very thread, from people who also claim the purity thing is no big deal.

 

[Momvic5]

Actually, I've learned about many of these purity productions from this very thread, from people who also claim the purity thing is no big deal.

Me too....due to this thread, I will be paying closer attention to the public statements that are being made on our teenagers' fingers. Now, I am curious.

 

[EMHDad]

Actually, I've learned about many of these purity productions from this very thread, from people who also claim the purity thing is no big deal.

I know I have discussed in a little bit of bit (but not much) the aspects of my sex education program. I thought I had read most of this thread, but might have missed where others really talk about the program itself that they go through.

I know many of you have no experience with something like this other than just what you have read on this thread. Some of you have no personal experience other than secondhand knowledge of hearing another person talk about it.

Some of you have experience with sex education programs in your church. What is the program like? What was the process? Was it simply a case of meeting, discussing the virtue of purity, passing out pizza, passing out some sort of ring and going home? Or is this a misrepresentation?

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

Seriously? You aren't the least bit squicked out by the thought of your child wearing a ring called "the unblossomed rose" as a symbol of her virginity. Personally, I am totally creeped out about it.

...nd, yes, it is an agenda. It is a measure to force young girls' hands, through peer pressure, to make a decision about their sexuality which they aren't emotionally prepared to make. No 11 year old has any sense of the emotional aspects that go into a relationship. it is manipulation by having them wear that ring to remind them that they promised not to have premarital sex. They think that by making them feel guilty that they will not have premarital sex. Statistics have shown that the rate of premarital sex amongst people who have made a purity pledge, and people who haven't are the same.

It is a developmental stage at the age of 11 that children's peer groups are of extreme importance to them. They will go along with the crowd to fit in, that is why these purity pledges are presented the way they are, with an outward symbol to show who belongs and who doesn't.

...and why does this issue require a pledge and a symbol? A lot of people have made a lot of different moral and ethical choices to adhere to a certain belief, they don't need to take a pledge or wear an outward symbol to announce it. I haven't seen an "honor thy parents." pledge and symbolic jewelry. That is one I think a lot of pre-teens and teens really need.

Especially the "creeped out" part. Barf.

 

[chobie]

I know I have discussed in a little bit of bit (but not much) the aspects of my sex education program. I thought I had read most of this thread, but might have missed where others really talk about the program itself that they go through.

I know many of you have no experience with something like this other than just what you have read on this thread. Some of you have no personal experience other than secondhand knowledge of hearing another person talk about it.

Some of you have experience with sex education programs in your church. What is the program like? What was the process? Was it simply a case of meeting, discussing the virtue of purity, passing out pizza, passing out some sort of ring and going home? Or is this a misrepresentation?

Well my daughter went through this "be the one" program at her public middle school. She was given a pledge to sign to that would wait until she was married to have sex and a whole bunch of misinformation about

 

[luvsJack]

Seriously? You aren't the least bit squicked out by the thought of your child wearing a ring called "the unblossomed rose" as a symbol of her virginity. Personally, I am totally creeped out about it.

...nd, yes, it is an agenda. It is a measure to force young girls' hands, through peer pressure, to make a decision about their sexuality which they aren't emotionally prepared to make. No 11 year old has any sense of the emotional aspects that go into a relationship. it is manipulation by having them wear that ring to remind them that they promised not to have premarital sex. They think that by making them feel guilty that they will not have premarital sex. Statistics have shown that the rate of premarital sex amongst people who have made a purity pledge, and people who haven't are the same.

It is a developmental stage at the age of 11 that children's peer groups are of extreme importance to them. They will go along with the crowd to fit in, that is why these purity pledges are presented the way they are, with an outward symbol to show who belongs and who doesn't.

...and why does this issue require a pledge and a symbol? A lot of people have made a lot of different moral and ethical choices to adhere to a certain belief, they don't need to take a pledge or wear an outward symbol to announce it. I haven't seen an "honor thy parents." pledge and symbolic jewelry. That is one I think a lot of pre-teens and teens really need.

Oh for the love of all that is holy! I have no issue with her wearing a rose on her finger. There is another one that is a silver band with a small stone in it. What are you going to find issue with on that one?

Dd isn't 11 and i have already said i don't necessarily agree with that age.

There is no pledge, no secret handshake, no secret society, If she decides she wants to wear the ring she puts it on her finger. that's it. She has prayed about this, she knows the promise she wants to make to God. Its between her and God.

 

[EMHDad]

Well my daughter went through this "be the one" program at her public middle school. She was given a pledge to sign to that would wait until she was married to have sex and a whole bunch of misinformation about

At her middle school huh? Yeah, I guess, I feel about sex education programs at schools how some feel about sex education at churches. I am not comfortable with it and find it quite lacking.

 

[denisem]

Forgive me if I misunderstand, but is this ring worn on the left hand ring finger traditionally reserved for wedding, engagement, going-steady rings?

If so, I would find it noticeable if an 11 yr. old of my acquaintance were wearing it; and either explanation (going steady or the "promise" issue) would ping my radar as grandstanding.

I'm nostalgic for the days of my youth (late 60's-70's) when one's sex life was relatively private and not to be proclaimed or promised to anyone. I think you have to at least have a driver's license & access to your parent's car before you make choices about your virginity, but I'm old-fashioned like that.

 

[luvsJack]

I know I have discussed in a little bit of bit (but not much) the aspects of my sex education program. I thought I had read most of this thread, but might have missed where others really talk about the program itself that they go through.

I know many of you have no experience with something like this other than just what you have read on this thread. Some of you have no personal experience other than secondhand knowledge of hearing another person talk about it.

Some of you have experience with sex education programs in your church. What is the program like? What was the process? Was it simply a case of meeting, discussing the virtue of purity, passing out pizza, passing out some sort of ring and going home? Or is this a misrepresentation?

Dd's experience was that what the Bible says about sex, marriage, love, etc was discussed in the big youth meeting. They go to their smaller groups and continue the discussion if they want to. Adults and college students lead these groups and they do touch on the subjects of stds and birth control but are encouraged to talk to their parents.

The the whole idea of the purity ring and the promise to God came up in the small group when a girl gave her testimony.

There were no rings given out. No one was encouraged or discouraged to wear one.

The pizza, music and all the rest that I mentioned earlier are done every Wednesday at youth meeting. It wasn't done just for this one discussion.

 

[badblackpug]

Oh for the love of all that is holy! I have no issue with her wearing a rose on her finger. There is another one that is a silver band with a small stone in it. What are you going to find issue with on that one?

Dd isn't 11 and i have already said i don't necessarily agree with that age.

There is no pledge, no secret handshake, no secret society, If she decides she wants to wear the ring she puts it on her finger. that's it. She has prayed about this, she knows the promise she wants to make to God. Its between her and God.

You are the one that posted the "unblossomed rose" link. I'm sorry, I am a little, no really a lot, grossed out by the thought of buying my daughter a virginity ring called "the unblossomed rose." It is truly disgusting imagery.

 

[ashley0139]

At her middle school huh? Yeah, I guess, I feel about sex education programs at schools how some feel about sex education at churches. I am not comfortable with it and find it quite lacking.

Well most churches are certainly going to be lacking in their sex education as well. I would not be comfortable with my child only getting a church's view of sex.

 

[nathalee81]

You are the one that posted the "unblossomed rose" link. I'm sorry, I am a little, no really a lot, grossed out by the thought of buying my daughter a virginity ring called "the unblossomed rose." It is truly disgusting imagery.

Count me in as seriously skeeved out by the "unblossomed rose". I asked my husband and he was skeeved, as well (and he grew up in the Catholic church!).

Comparing your virginity to that of an unblossomed rose just reeks of some kind of trippy throwback sexual education that teaches girls not to give away their "flower" and relates sex to some kind of "secret garden". Ick. Ick to the nth degree.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Count me in as seriously skeeved out by the "unblossomed rose". I asked my husband and he was skeeved, as well (and he grew up in the Catholic church!).

Comparing your virginity to that of an unblossomed rose just reeks of some kind of trippy throwback sexual education that teaches girls not to give away their "flower" and relates sex to some kind of "secret garden". Ick. Ick to the nth degree.

That's pretty much exactly how I feel about it too.

 

[wilkeliza]

I found this thread and have found the discussions rather interesting. I grew up in a church environment where we didn't all wear purity rings (mostly just the family's with money had them for their kids) but many of us took purity pledges in either our summer camps or D-Now bible study. I'm not going to lie I took the pledge because I meant it but at the same time I was being abused by my father. When I wanted to tell someone what was happening to me I felt ashamed because I was unable to keep my pledge. I know it wasn't my fault but I lived in torment for many years because I wouldn't talk about it since I was afraid of what people would say about me. I have met a few other girls who have also said talking about sex became harder once they took the pledge because they didn't want to be the first one who broke it or be labeled a skank by their friends.

I'm not saying the pledges are wrong, I'm just saying I dot think the discussion should stop there. Having an open dialogue free of judgement is more helpful to one keeping their promise or not keeping it then the promise itself.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Well my daughter went through this "be the one" program at her public middle school. She was given a pledge to sign to that would wait until she was married to have sex and a whole bunch of misinformation about

What happens to the kids who have enough courage to call bs on this and refuse? Considering how nasty teenage girls get to each other I bet it gets nasty for these who said no! Don't give purity ring using peer pressure to push your religious beliefs is as wrong as girls using peer pressure to push sex. Also this is again pushing the idea that if you never marry you must never have sex! Why are people so scared of their kids sexuality that they feel the need to deny it?

 

[mimmi]

Well my daughter went through this "be the one" program at her public middle school. She was given a pledge to sign to that would wait until she was married to have sex and a whole bunch of misinformation about

Is that legal in he US? Isn't there a separation of state and church?
I would be beyond livid if my 11 year old told me something like that, but over here, one call to the ministry of education would probably end this disaster.

I'm catholic and attended youth groups at my church as a teen, but nobody ever tried to talk us into any kind of sexual behavior, not even the priest who sometimes attended. All we ever talked about was the responsibility involved and that wasn't before we were 14 or 15.

I just don't get the paradox aspect of it al. On the one hand, sex and nakedness is an extremely sensitive topic in your country, on the other hand, 11 year old children are taught about premarital sex, purity rings and stuff like that which, for me, is sexualising children (is that even a word in english?) and putting unnecessary focus on the topic. It seems so obsessive to me. Maybe if people would just relax and let children be children, it would be more of a non issue.

 

[luvmy3]

Momvic, I am confused. You asked a question, and it was answered.


So you are saying now you were just being facetious? Trying to prove a point? Sorry, I thought you really wanted to know.

I was confused too. I really don't think she was being facetious, I think she was given proof of something she claimed didn't exist and tried to back-track her "point".

Seriously? You aren't the least bit squicked out by the thought of your child wearing a ring called "the unblossomed rose" as a symbol of her virginity. Personally, I am totally creeped out about it.

...nd, yes, it is an agenda. It is a measure to force young girls' hands, through peer pressure, to make a decision about their sexuality which they aren't emotionally prepared to make. No 11 year old has any sense of the emotional aspects that go into a relationship. it is manipulation by having them wear that ring to remind them that they promised not to have premarital sex. They think that by making them feel guilty that they will not have premarital sex. Statistics have shown that the rate of premarital sex amongst people who have made a purity pledge, and people who haven't are the same.

It is a developmental stage at the age of 11 that children's peer groups are of extreme importance to them. They will go along with the crowd to fit in, that is why these purity pledges are presented the way they are, with an outward symbol to show who belongs and who doesn't.

...and why does this issue require a pledge and a symbol? A lot of people have made a lot of different moral and ethical choices to adhere to a certain belief, they don't need to take a pledge or wear an outward symbol to announce it. I haven't seen an "honor thy parents." pledge and symbolic jewelry. That is one I think a lot of pre-teens and teens really need.

Very well said

Count me in as seriously skeeved out by the "unblossomed rose". I asked my husband and he was skeeved, as well (and he grew up in the Catholic church!).

Comparing your virginity to that of an unblossomed rose just reeks of some kind of trippy throwback sexual education that teaches girls not to give away their "flower" and relates sex to some kind of "secret garden". Ick. Ick to the nth degree.

Yeah, my dd would not be wearing that ring, or any ring that represented her virginity. I don't care what kind of promise she has made to who. What happened if she decides to have sex, does she get a fully bloomed rose ring? Eeww.....

I found this thread and have found the discussions rather interesting. I grew up in a church environment where we didn't all wear purity rings (mostly just the family's with money had them for their kids) but many of us took purity pledges in either our summer camps or D-Now bible study. I'm not going to lie I took the pledge because I meant it but at the same time I was being abused by my father. When I wanted to tell someone what was happening to me I felt ashamed because I was unable to keep my pledge. I know it wasn't my fault but I lived in torment for many years because I wouldn't talk about it since I was afraid of what people would say about me. I have met a few other girls who have also said talking about sex became harder once they took the pledge because they didn't want to be the first one who broke it or be labeled a skank by their friends.

I'm not saying the pledges are wrong, I'm just saying I dot think the discussion should stop there. Having an open dialogue free of judgement is more helpful to one keeping their promise or not keeping it then the promise itself.

I'm so sorry for what you went through.