DD wants a purity ring

[JennaDeeDooDah]

So how does this work.... as a little girl, I go through this process, and with the knowledge and support of my parents and the church, I begin to wear this ring. Then as an 18 or 19 year old woman, a WORLD away from that little girl, I fall in love and then decide that the decision I made as (essentially) a baby was wrong for me. When I go ahead and have premarital sexual relations, do I continue wearing the ring like a hypocrite or do I take it off for my parents and everyone at church to notice? Because it's not unheard of at all for a young adult to doubt, question, and take action against the teachings of their religion at a certain age.

You feel free to take the ring off. But, I think that assuming that the church is going to judge you because you once wore the ring and are now not also loses sight of the fact that whether you wear the ring or not, people in the church will have opinion of you having premarital sex. Ring or no ring, that will be a given.

 

[Granny square]

You feel free to take the ring off. But, I think that assuming that the church is going to judge you because you once wore the ring and are now not also loses sight of the fact that whether you wear the ring or not, people in the church will have opinion of you having premarital sex. Ring or no ring, that will be a given.

That and parents USUALLY get that kids grow up and make their own choices or that maybe the ring just isn't in, or what they want to wear. Lol, it isn't as though the girl is going to go up in flames if she likes the ring and continues to wear it even later in life.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

You feel free to take the ring off. But, I think that assuming that the church is going to judge you because you once wore the ring and are now not also loses sight of the fact that whether you wear the ring or not, people in the church will have opinion of you having premarital sex. Ring or no ring, that will be a given.

And if that's true, you should probably consider finding a different religious community.

 

[badblackpug]

You feel free to take the ring off. But, I think that assuming that the church is going to judge you because you once wore the ring and are now not also loses sight of the fact that whether you wear the ring or not, people in the church will have opinion of you having premarital sex. Ring or no ring, that will be a given.

...but if you never wore the ring, and didn't, like a normal person, go around talking about your sex life, how would they know you even had sex?

If you make a public pledge, then put on a ring saying you won't have sex then one day show up without the ring, I'm sure everyone will assume you had sex.

I'm trying to keep this as un-religious as possible, but, if you belong to a religion which doesn't believe in premarital sex, why do you need to take a pledge and affirm you won't have premarital sex and then wear a ring announcing to everyone that you took the pledge.

I think this is just churches using peer pressure on young kids further their agenda. Knowing 11 year old's are easily swayed by their peers they will assume that if Suzy and Jenny have one that Mary will want one, too. Not really comprehending the long term ramifications of their "pledge." They will take the pledge and wear the ring to fit in with their peer group.

think wearing something that announces your sexual status, in one form or another, is skeevy. Wearing a ring announcing the state of your genitalia is just as gross as wearing the bracelets announcing what acts you will perform.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

And if that's true, you should probably consider finding a different religious community.

It has little to do with religion and more to do with human nature. We all have opinions on everything. If you are doing something against the teachings of your church, temple, mosque, synagogue, ward, etc., it is likely that the other members of your church, temple, mosque, synagogue, ward, etc. will have an opinion on it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I had posted earlier that I thought there wasn't a problem with this, but after listening to Kent Dobson's sermon this past week on the Mars Hill Bible Church podcast, I have changed my mind.

Encouraging abstinence, especially at a young age, is one thing. Wearing a symbol of virginity and calling it a "purity" ring smacks too much of medieval Christian dogma.

And at 11, that's probably a heady conversation to have.

 

[Granny square]

I had posted earlier that I thought there wasn't a problem with this, but after listening to Kent Oobson's sermon this past week on the Mars Hill Bible Church podcast, I have changed my mind.

Encouraging abstinence, especially at a young age, is one thing. Wearing a symbol of virginity and calling it a "purity" ring smacks too much of medieval Christian dogma.

And at 11, that's probably a heady conversation to have.

Wondering when you had the sex talks with your kids? We did earlier than 11, but they are all boys.

No we didn't do purity rings, and they know where the condoms are kept.

 

[luvsJack]

This is the problem with discussing these sorts of issues. If my experience isn't what you've seen, I'm making assumptions about something I know nothing about (actually, I'm just talking about what I've seen IRL, not what I've read online or seen on TV). If a church or pastor is doing something contrary to your experience, they're doing it wrong. When the stats reflect increased risks for kids who take purity vows, it is because the parents are doing something wrong. In other words, you "own" the successes and the good intentions but disavow all of the drawbacks.

I form my opinions based on my own experiences. Around here, girls wear purity rings, not boys, not even when they're from the same family or congregation. Some are just jewelry while some have the message engraved on the outside of the band. Around here, church youth groups do involve recruiting in a low-pressure sense - kids are encouraged to bring friends, a couple of the bigger churches out in the country have a bus that picks kids up in town to go to the group, they serve pizza and host dances and other teen-friendly events that are open to the public and advertised via flyers around the community. And there is very little parental involvement in these youth groups; unless the parents belong to the church hosting the group they most likely wouldn't know the specific content/topic/activity of any given meeting until after the fact.

And just because it has been in your experience does not mean it is the way things always are.

I am sure there are some that think one thing for boys and another for girls. Doesn't make it the "norm".

Of course churches do these things. Heck, our church serves pizza every Wednesday, a full band with great Christian music, fog machines and lights. And a very entertaining youth minister giving a great message. Its what they do to make it inviting for people to attend. If they aren't in the seats, they can't hear the message. But, the fact still remains that you cannot be sure that the parents of the kids that regularly attend did not know what the subject was going to be.

 

[luvsJack]

I had posted earlier that I thought there wasn't a problem with this, but after listening to Kent Oobson's sermon this past week on the Mars Hill Bible Church podcast, I have changed my mind.

Encouraging abstinence, especially at a young age, is one thing. Wearing a symbol of virginity and calling it a "purity" ring smacks too much of medieval Christian dogma.

And at 11, that's probably a heady conversation to have.

What did he say?

 

[ckay87]

You feel free to take the ring off. But, I think that assuming that the church is going to judge you because you once wore the ring and are now not also loses sight of the fact that whether you wear the ring or not, people in the church will have opinion of you having premarital sex. Ring or no ring, that will be a given.

And thus your sex life is public to, of ALL people, the people of your church . I can assure you that when I made those decisions, the folks of my church family were not aware.... as it should be, IMO.

But now I guess we're coming down to religious differences and that's where I'll have to stop.

 

[wvjules]

You feel free to take the ring off. But, I think that assuming that the church is going to judge you because you once wore the ring and are now not also loses sight of the fact that whether you wear the ring or not, people in the church will have opinion of you having premarital sex. Ring or no ring, that will be a given.

But if a woman didn't start off wearing the ring and subsequently remove it later then no one would know that she had become unclean. So just don't wear a public sign of chastity and no one will be none the wiser when you become unpure. Right?

think wearing something that announces your sexual status, in one form or another, is skeevy. Wearing a ring announcing the state of your genitalia is just as gross as wearing the bracelets announcing what acts you will perform.

What? I apparently missed something.

 

[Granny square]

But if a woman didn't start off wearing the ring and subsequently remove it later then no one would know that she had become unclean. So just don't wear a public sign of chastity and no one will be none the wiser when you become unpure. Right?

What? I apparently missed something.

Women change their jewels during different stages I can't imagine noticing. But that is just me

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

And thus your sex life is public to, of ALL people, the people of your church . I can assure you that when I made those decisions, the folks of my church family were not aware.... as it should be, IMO.

But now I guess we're coming down to religious differences and that's where I'll have to stop.

But if a woman didn't start off wearing the ring and subsequently remove it later then no one would know that she had become unclean. So just don't wear a public sign of chastity and no one will be none the wiser when you become unpure. Right?



What? I apparently missed something.

Well I can only speak for my personal experiences, but at my high school and junior high, everyone already knew who was and was not having sex, ring or no ring. Also, in this day and age and with our society, is it not already assumed that a couple is having sex? I know it certainly was that way where I grew up.

 

[luvsJack]

...but if you never wore the ring, and didn't, like a normal person, go around talking about your sex life, how would they know you even had sex?

If you make a public pledge, then put on a ring saying you won't have sex then one day show up without the ring, I'm sure everyone will assume you had sex.

I'm trying to keep this as un-religious as possible, but, if you belong to a religion which doesn't believe in premarital sex, why do you need to take a pledge and affirm you won't have premarital sex and then wear a ring announcing to everyone that you took the pledge.

I think this is just churches using peer pressure on young kids further their agenda. Knowing 11 year old's are easily swayed by their peers they will assume that if Suzy and Jenny have one that Mary will want one, too. Not really comprehending the long term ramifications of their "pledge." They will take the pledge and wear the ring to fit in with their peer group.

think wearing something that announces your sexual status, in one form or another, is skeevy. Wearing a ring announcing the state of your genitalia is just as gross as wearing the bracelets announcing what acts you will perform.

Good grief. There is no "agenda".

And its not a public pledge, its a personal promise.

http://www.christianjewelry.com/sterling-silver-unblossomed-rose-ring

Here is a different type of "purity ring". This is the kind dd has looked at. Its not a flashing "I am a virgin" sign. just a ring. But she knows the promise behind it and that is the important part.

 

[Granny square]

Women change their jewels during different stages I can't imagine noticing. But that is just me

Although if it were my kid I'd notice

 

[wvjules]

Well I can only speak for my personal experiences, but at my high school and junior high, everyone already knew who was and was not having sex, ring or no ring. Also, in this day and age and with our society, is it not already assumed that a couple is having sex? I know it certainly was that way where I grew up.

I thought we were talking about the church congregation?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, in many cases, it is very much 'public'.

(If it is not, then a persons personal choice in jewelry is their business, and nothing worth wasting our time discussing....)

We are definitely talking about a 'Purity Ring' here...
Something that is being openly and publicly promoted in churches and religious communities.

I have a problem with adults encouraging children of 11 years of age to make any public statement, regarding sexuality, thru jewelry or any other means.
(LOVE the comment above about 'the state of your genitalia.)

Seriously... Cult religions, and 'The Scarlet Letter', gang symbols/colors, come to mind.

Just so wrong on every level.

What one wears has absolutely NOTHING to with ones spirituality...
Even, for example, a necklace with a cross....
If there happened to be a church where it was promoted and encouraged that one should be wearing a cross, or somehow one was 'less christian'...
Again... just wrong on so many levels.

 

[Granny square]

Sorry! Didn't think it had posted

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I thought we were talking about the church congregation?

My church congregation was made up of people from my high school and middle school.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

What did he say?

I'm not going to get into it here.