DD wants a purity ring

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Its not, which is why many question why the need to wear a ring to proclaim your choice and announce it to others. The very act of putting on a ring with "love is worth waiting for" is making it everyone elses business. The very act of encouraging 11 year olds in a Church group is making it everyone elses business. The act of having a ceremony is making it everyone elses business.

How does anyone know what the ring stands for? I see girls wearing rings all the time and don't automatically assume it is a purity ring. The ring is for the girl or guy who is wearing it. Also, I don't know where everyone here lives, but where I am, there are 11, 12, and 13 year olds who are having sex. The idea that that is too young to make a decision about sex and that they need to wait until they are 16 or 17 is nice and all, but it is likely that they have already made that decision before then. And again, since I have pointed this out before and it got ignored, where was it said that there would be a ceremony? OP made no comments about a ceremony. The posters who have such an issue with people waiting and rings keep commenting on ceremonies. No ones else is, though.

 

[luvmy3]

How does anyone know what the ring stands for? I see girls wearing rings all the time and don't automatically assume it is a purity ring. The ring is for the girl or guy who is wearing it. Also, I don't know where everyone here lives, but where I am, there are 11, 12, and 13 year olds who are having sex. The idea that that is too young to make a decision about sex and that they need to wait until they are 16 or 17 is nice and all, but it is likely that they have already made that decision before then. And again, since I have pointed this out before and it got ignored, where was it said that there would be a ceremony? OP made no comments about a ceremony. The posters who have such an issue with people waiting and rings keep commenting on ceremonies. No ones else is, though.

HHmm, aren't we talking about purity rings? Do they not stand for the wearers decision to wait until marriage? Is that not what these church groups discuss and encourage the kids to do and wear the rings for? And if they don't, why have them at all, why wear then at all, why order them in bulk and offer a discount to the youth group kids.
If they are just a ring, go to the mall and buy yourself a ring and let it represent anything you want.

As far as the other things you mentioned, this thread is a discussion and as most go they include all facets of a certain subject, not just the OP.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

HHmm, aren't we talking about purity rings? Do they not stand for the wearers decision to wait until marriage? Is that not what these church groups discuss and encourage the kids to do and wear the rings for? And if they don't, why have them at all, why wear then at all, why order them in bulk and offer a discount to the youth group kids.
If they are just a ring, go to the mall and buy yourself a ring and let it represent anything you want.

As far as the other things you mentioned, this thread is a discussion and as most go they include all facets of a certain subject, not just the OP.

My point is that the wearer doesn't walk around telling everyone and their dog that the ring is a purity ring. If the OP's daughter's youth group is anything like mine, they assume that you are waiting - ring or not. We didn't have any kind of ceremony. We didn't go around telling people what the ring was for. It wasn't blatantly obvious. Buying in bulk meant we got a discount, so the church offered to get them for us if we requested one. And why is anyone shocked that a church youth group is discussing waiting for marriage? I bet they also discuss things like staying married and not getting divorced, not getting drunk, not doing drugs, and other things that churches have taken stances against.

 

[TinkerBelled]

I agree that there is a difference between waiting and waiting for marriage. I understand your concerns about not being prepared for your first sexual encounter. However, I don't see the ring as being what creates this. If a person plans to wait, ring or no ring, and then suddenly changes their mind in the heat of the moment, it isn't going to be the ring's fault that he or she is not prepared. It is up to the parents to make sure that their child knows about STDs and how to prevent them. It's important that all teens (and I would actually advocate for younger than teens) know how to use a condom and other forms of contraceptive. I believe in teaching both boys and girls how birth control works and what it does and does not prevent. I think it is important that they also each know how effective each contraceptive is. Then and only then can the guy and girl make a truly informed decision on what method(s) to take in order to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies. I think that deciding not to teach your child this because you believe that they will be waiting for marriage is a dumb idea.

I couldn't agree more with most of this. I would add, though, that it's also up to the schools to make sure kids are educated in this area as well--precisely because some parents won't. My childhood school district recently flirted with the idea of going abstinence only, and I was aghast. Let's face it: a lot of kids aren't going to have sustained, healthy conversations about sex with their parents.

My biggest practical concern with the purity concept is that people can be incredibly dumb, and that they won't talk with their kids out of some misguided notion that the ring is all the protection the kids will need. With a turn away from safe sex education in schools, and without parental reinforcement, kids make worse choices. This is why the stats I keep harping on about exist: by 21, purity pledgers are just as likely to have sex but much more likely to have unsafe sex. If people dealt with their kids as rationally as you, I think the gap would narrow for the better.

(While I disagree with the rings on an ideological basis, I have to say that I absolutely agree with you about the destructiveness of sex gossip, especially for young women.)

 

[luvmy3]

My point is that the wearer doesn't walk around telling everyone and their dog that the ring is a purity ring. If the OP's daughter's youth group is anything like mine, they assume that you are waiting - ring or not. We didn't have any kind of ceremony. We didn't go around telling people what the ring was for. It wasn't blatantly obvious. Buying in bulk meant we got a discount, so the church offered to get them for us if we requested one. And why is anyone shocked that a church youth group is discussing waiting for marriage? I bet they also discuss things like staying married and not getting divorced, not getting drunk, not doing drugs, and other things that churches have taken stances against.

Again, we are talking about "in general" not just your personal purity ring wearing experience.
My point is that the wearer just may walk around telling everyone, maybe they arent. And even if they aren't shouting it from the rooftops, the ring (if it has anything about waiting printed on it) is "speaking" to those who see it. IF there is a ceremony, they are letting everyone know. There are many ways the wearer could be proclaiming it to everyone, just because you didn't, doesn't mean others don't.
If the assumption is that these kids are waiting, then I just don't see the need to encourage a purity ring at all. Just my opinion.

And FTR, I do know 11 year olds are having sex. I am also not shocked that a religious group is speaking about abstaining until marriage.

 

[Colleen27]

No, I meant if they can bend to one kind of peer pressure (i.e-the right kind) than why wouldn't they be more susceptible to bending to the wrong kind of peer pressure? Not what is "good" vs. "bad".

Exactly. Then the parents are in the position of having to try to control their tween/teen's social interactions, because if she'll refuse to smoke or have sex because her peer group rejects those things, a change in peer groups could change those pressures to less agreeable norms. Or on the flip side, she might feel pressured to find a peer group with which her choices do fit rather than accept the idea of being different from her main group in one or two key ways. No thanks. I want my DD to have the strength to be herself with or without the approval of her friends.

I do think economics are part of it -- and that's the factor people would probably advance as their main reason -- but I think the relaxed attitude towards premarital sex /living together is just as much a factor.

Thing is, nationwide only 25-30% of all adults have a college degree, so that doesn't apply to all young people. Of course, many more than that start college but don't finish, so that still "extends childhood" to some extent.

I don't know for certain, but my personal experience seems to indicate that people who don't go to college tend to marry earlier than those who do, which -- if true -- would back up your economic theory.

I think the economic factor still comes into play for people who don't attend college because the inability to earn a living as a young adult extends childhood in its own way. Many of my non-college-educated peers lived at home well into their 20s and a few into their 30s. Women in that situation do get married, going straight from the parents' home to the husband's, but men who can't afford to live independently don't marry IME. Actually, I'm 33 and of my childhood friends and high school classmates far more are unmarried than married and money is a huge factor in that all the way around.

I would never encourage my kids to wait until marriage. What if they never get married? Are they never to experience the joy of sex with someone they care about?

That's something else that irks me about the rings - the assumption that eventually everyone will be legally married and thus have "permission" to enjoy sex. And while I understand that comes from the Christian perspective on life and sexuality, I just don't think it is a good message to send a child who might never meet that special someone, or might discover that his or her sexual preference precludes legal marriage.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

First, for Jenna, I think your experience sounds nice and I'm glad it worked out for you. Really. I know you said you didn't have a ceremony, but many do. And many have their Dads involved, too. I think people are talking in general terms about purity rings, but you're talking about your specific experience. I don't think anyone is criticizing you or your experience. But that's not what I really wanted to get into.

I agree that there is a difference between waiting and waiting for marriage. I understand your concerns about not being prepared for your first sexual encounter. However, I don't see the ring as being what creates this. If a person plans to wait, ring or no ring, and then suddenly changes their mind in the heat of the moment, it isn't going to be the ring's fault that he or she is not prepared. It is up to the parents to make sure that their child knows about STDs and how to prevent them.

That is simply not what research has borne out. Let's try to look at it unemotionally:

This month's issue of Pediatrics includes a study by Janet Rosenbaum of Johns Hopkins' Bloomberg School of Public Health on the effects of "virginity pledges" — public vows to abstain from sex until marriage. Using a newer, more effective method to analyze data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (Add Health), Rosenbaum finds the mere act of taking a public vow of abstinence ineffective and likely to lead to riskier choices if (or when) teens have sex.

The study found that teens who took a virginity pledge have sexual relationships that are nearly identical to those of similar teens who did not make such a pledge. The one area in which the pledge does make an impact is negative: Teens who took a virginity pledge and did have sex were less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control.

The bottom line: Taking a virginity pledge is at best ineffective, and may even be dangerous for the health of those who break their pledge.

The study also has a warning. By focusing on virginity pledges, parents, churches, and sex educators may not only be wasting resources, but may actually be causing harm as well. Those who take virginity pledges — indeed, because they take virginity pledges — are more likely to have unprotected sex when they do have sex. The reason for this unintended consequence is unknown. It is unlikely due to a lack of sex education in school, as those who take a virginity pledge report the same type of health and sex education as other teenagers. Perhaps (and this is only a hunch) when a teen takes a virginity pledge, parents consider it a fait accompli ("mission accomplished"), and thus don't provide continued sex education to their children. What the Rosenbaum study finds, however, is that there may be more that teens need to learn.

When she began the study, Rosenbaum was interested in addressing the following question: Does taking a vow to abstain from sex alter sexual behavior? To understand how Rosenbaum answers this question, it's key to keep in mind how not to answer it. The wrong way for an academic to probe this question is to compare those who take vows with those who do not, but Rosenbaum does not fall into this trap. Those who take abstinence vows do so voluntarily and are very different from the typical American teenager. The Add Health survey reveals they are more likely to be young, female, and from religious families. These teens also value their faith and are active in church. They are more likely to be "born-again" Christians and to have a high view of the Bible. Because of these demographic and religious differences, perhaps teens who take pledges have negative views toward sex and birth control. In short, those who take virginity pledges are the kind of teens who would be more likely to delay having sex until marriage anyway, even if they did not take a pledge.

What makes Rosenbaum's study an important step forward is how she deals with this problem. Previous studies using the Add Health data considered some of the factors that made pledgers different from other teenagers. Yet there were many, many other factors these studies could not take into account due to limits of the statistical models used at the time. Rosenbaum uses a newer, more appropriate method for this type of research called "propensity score matching." The method has become very popular in the social and behavioral sciences because it allows the researcher to have much more confidence that the differences in outcomes (in this case, of sexual behavior) are due to different "treatments" (taking a pledge or not). Rosenbaum is able to test whether virginity pledges per se make a difference in sexual behavior, or if the differences between pledge takers and all other teenagers are due to some other cause. Here is a thumbnail sketch of how she conducted her study.

By using the propensity score matching method, Rosenbaum was able to test whether taking a virginity pledge actually changes a person's sexual behavior, which is why her research is important. Previous research by professors Hannah Bruckner of Yale University and Peter Bearman of Columbia University used the same Add Health data in their 2001 article in the American Journal of Sociology (see also their research on STDs in 2005). They found that those who took a virginity pledge may (or may not) be less likely to have intercourse. If they did have sex, they were more likely to wait longer to do so. These studies also found that pledgers were less likely to use condoms and other birth control methods. In contrast, Rosenbaum's research provides a more rigorous test of the effects of taking a virginity pledge.

More recently, researchers from the RAND Corporation published a report in the October 2008 issue Journal of Adolescent Health, which found that virginity pledges delayed sexual intercourse and did not decrease the use of condom use when sex occurred. Like Rosenbaum, these researchers used propensity score matching. The differences in results are likely due to the use of a different data set. There are three differences that may be responsible for the different findings. The RAND survey includes adolescents as young as 12, while Add Health survey did not ask questions about views toward sex to adolescents under the age of 15. Rosenbaum's study asked about sexual relations five years after asking if the adolescent had taken a virginity pledge. Thus, the age of those in the study were 21 to 23 years of age when asked about their sexual behavior. The RAND study asked about sexual behavior one and three years later, which means the survey participants were 15 to 20 when asked about sexual behavior. This is an important difference, because Rosenbaum finds that the pledgers and their matched peers who did have sex did not do so until about age 21.

Not surprisingly, Rosenbaum's research has received national media attention because of its implications for debates over sex education. Proponents of abstinence-only education are critical of the study and emphasize that it does not examine sex education. Opponents praise it as an indictment of abstinence-only education because of the close ties between virginity pledge programs and abstinence-only education.

Regardless of its policy implications, these new findings should cause parents, teachers, and churches to pause before promoting a virginity pledge program. For the past decade and a half, churches have put forth an organized effort to encourage youth to take virginity pledges. Some of these include abstinence-first curriculum. Others are one-time events that offer teens platitudes in place of life skills. If a program offers only inconsequential rituals, we would be wise to spend our time and money elsewhere. U.S. News & World Report's Health Editor Bernadine Healy gave a recommendation to parents: "The focus should be on cultivating the teenager's ongoing home and social environment, rather than on eliciting a one-time, easily-forgotten promise." Those who believe that "true love waits" can't consider a teen merely signing a virginity pledge a fait accompli. As True Love Waits spokesman Jimmy Hester told The New York Times in 2004, ''Signing a pledge card does not mean you are magically protected.''

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/januaryweb-only/101-31.0.html

And sorry, not "yelling" with bolded or enlarged text - just wanted to highlight the important points.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

What happens when and if wearers change their minds?

They have sex. Or not--maybe they'll change their minds and just not want to wear it anymore, still keeping their stance on trying to wait. If they have sex, they either take off the ring and move on or keep the ring on so mom and dad and others will not suspect anything has happened. Maybe they go to confession or tell their youth leader or parent or BFF. Maybe they simply confess it to God. Maybe they take another vow of being a born again virgin or whatever that is called. Maybe they have lots of sex. Maybe they enter a convent. Who knows?

Maybe they become depressed and/or suicidal.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

First, for Jenna, I think your experience sounds nice and I'm glad it worked out for you. Really. I know you said you didn't have a ceremony, but many do. And many have their Dads involved, too. I think people are talking in general terms about purity rings, but you're talking about your specific experience. I don't think anyone is criticizing you or your experience. But that's not what I really wanted to get into.


That is simply not what research has borne out. Let's try to look at it unemotionally:


And sorry, not "yelling" with bolded or enlarged text - just wanted to highlight the important points.

I didn't take it as yelling and I really don't let what people say on this (or any other) message board get to me... unless they actually insult Disney and then I come out like a Mamma bear defending my cubs

It seems to me that this article was not about the ring but about the pledge. I knew lots of girls who said that they weren't going to have premarital sex and then did. I didn't know as many who actually got rings, though. I'm wondering how much of a pledge these studies went into. Are they just going off of boys and girls who said to their parents, youth pastor, each other, or whomever that they were going to wait, or are they going off people who made a public pledge? I don't know anyone who made a public pledge of any sort so I really have no personal experiences to go off of there. Gosh that would weird me out...

"Hi. My name is Jenna and I'm never ever ever going to have sex ever until I get married amen." Yeap. I agree with others on here that that is weird.

"Hi. My name is Jenna and I'm going to pledge to my daddy that no evil male will defile me and I will be his little girl forever or until I meet some guy and can't keep my hands off of him and then we'll get married, buy a house with a white picket fence, buy two cats and a dog, and live happily ever after and defile each other". Also very weird.

"You know, I think that I want to wait for marriage because I understand that sex has a lot of emotional attachment that comes along with it that I am not prepared to handle outside of the bonds of marriage. I am also not prepared to handle an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. I am going to wait. I will keep my decision private, though." That seems perfectly normal to me.

"You know, I have listened to my parents lecture me on the dangers of unprotected sex, teenage pregnancy and STDS rates, and the effective rate of contraceptives. I am growing up and feel mature enough to make an informed decision that I would like to share sexual experiences with my significant other and I want to be prepared and responsible. I will keep my decision private as sex is a private manner to only be discussed between partners and possibly a doctor." Also a perfectly normal thing to me.


I do not get discussing sexual partners just like I don't get discussing lack of sexual partners. I don't understand ceremonies, but I do understand rings that symbolize to the wearer their decision to wait. That's just where I stand. And I am also a big believer in talking about sex with your kids any chance you get. The more you talk about it, the less awkward it is. No need for a giant sit-down if you are casually talking about it here and there. I get that parents get embarrassed, but it would seem to me that it would be much more embarrassing to both you and your child having to take you 14 year old daughter to a doctor to get a pregnancy test or you 14 year old son to the doctor because he has bumps all over his privates simply because you were too embarrassed to discuss something that is perfectly normal and natural and a vital part of life.

 

[Robbi]

Maybe they become depressed and/or suicidal.

I'm confused.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

When I was 11 I wanted some "fancy, real jewelry" to seem more adult. I also thought that if I needed to have strong convictions and beliefs to be more adult because my other friends were going through confirmation and CCD classes. if purity rings were popular then, I would have wanted one. Instead my parents got me a 24k gold cross. At that point I never even went to church (yes my parents spoiled me to a degree). I though it would show people my strong Christian beliefs and make me look wise beyond my years. About a year later I forgot what it was supposed to be about, took it off, and moved on to the next thing that everyone thought was so deep and meaningful - Alternative music.

 

[luvsJack]

Some of you are blowing the whole idea of these rings into something they are not.

They are a symbol. Nothing more, nothing less. They do not make someone "pure" no more than owning a Bible makes someone a Christian. The ring SYMBOLIZES a promise that a girl, boy, man or woman makes to themselves and to God. With out that promise and the ideas behind it, the ring means nothing.

It has nothing to do with a girl being "sullied" if she is no longer a virgin or that she should be pure at marriage while a boy doesn't have to. Its not even about being female. Boys wear purity rings too. It IS about what the wearer believes that God wants them to do and in the Christian faith, sex should only come within the sanctity of marriage.

Saying that a kid wearing a purity ring is going to make them more likely to have unplanned sex and not know about birth control, STDs, etc. has more to do with parenting than the ring. Wearing the ring does not stop anything and so the kid still needs to be taught the same things he/she would be without the ring. The ring only symbolizes that promise.

DD does not wear a purity ring. They have been talking about the idea behind the rings in her youth group-- they are talking to ALL of the youth, not just the girls (this is 7th grade and up). She has said that she wanted to look for one. She doesn't really like the bands, but was thinking about one that has a stone in it. Its completely her choice whether to wear this ring. And actually, I did suggest to her that if she chooses to wear a symbol it doesn't even have to be a ring, she could choose a cross necklace or a bracelet. Her symbol doesn't have to be one of these mass produced rings. It is something that is personal, between her and God and that can be symbolized by anything or by nothing at all.

If the wearer is in true understanding of what the ring means and the promise behind it, it should not matter whether anyone knows what it means or not. The promise is between the wearer and God--no one else. And if the wearer is secure in his/her faith and in what he/she believes then he/she should not have any issue explaining what it means.

Our church does not plan any kind of ceremony but I know another local church that did have one. There was no father giving the daughter the ring. They had a week long class with all of the youth and the single adults. At the end of the week, the people who CHOSE to wear the ring were presented the ring at a ceremony. It was done more like a graduation ceremony with each person receiving the ring from the pastor.


With all of that said, if dd had mentioned these rings at 11; my instinct would have been to talk to someone at the church and to let her talk one on one with them. I would need to be sure she understood the promise that is behind the ring and what it truly means. Just like her baptism, its not something that I would want her to take lightly.

And BTW, this ring isn't going to keep an unmarried adult from having sex unless that is what they choose. Lightening isn't going to strike them because they break that promise or choose to no longer feel the need to keep the promise. Again, its just a symbol.


As for the peer pressure thing, almost all teens are swayed in one direction or the other by peer pressure. Heck, most adults are too. Because a teen chooses to be swayed by positive peer pressure does not mean they will go the other direction. One thing that dd has been taught by us and by the youth leaders at church is to be careful of who she surrounds herself with for this very reason. If she is surrounded by people with the same morals and values as she, then its less likely that she will do something that is not within that value system.

 

[2disneyboys]

I didn't take it as yelling and I really don't let what people say on this (or any other) message board get to me... unless they actually insult Disney and then I come out like a Mamma bear defending my cubs

It seems to me that this article was not about the ring but about the pledge. I knew lots of girls who said that they weren't going to have premarital sex and then did. I didn't know as many who actually got rings, though. I'm wondering how much of a pledge these studies went into. Are they just going off of boys and girls who said to their parents, youth pastor, each other, or whomever that they were going to wait, or are they going off people who made a public pledge? I don't know anyone who made a public pledge of any sort so I really have no personal experiences to go off of there. Gosh that would weird me out...

"Hi. My name is Jenna and I'm never ever ever going to have sex ever until I get married amen." Yeap. I agree with others on here that that is weird.

"Hi. My name is Jenna and I'm going to pledge to my daddy that no evil male will defile me and I will be his little girl forever or until I meet some guy and can't keep my hands off of him and then we'll get married, buy a house with a white picket fence, buy two cats and a dog, and live happily ever after and defile each other". Also very weird.

"You know, I think that I want to wait for marriage because I understand that sex has a lot of emotional attachment that comes along with it that I am not prepared to handle outside of the bonds of marriage. I am also not prepared to handle an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. I am going to wait. I will keep my decision private, though." That seems perfectly normal to me.

"You know, I have listened to my parents lecture me on the dangers of unprotected sex, teenage pregnancy and STDS rates, and the effective rate of contraceptives. I am growing up and feel mature enough to make an informed decision that I would like to share sexual experiences with my significant other and I want to be prepared and responsible. I will keep my decision private as sex is a private manner to only be discussed between partners and possibly a doctor." Also a perfectly normal thing to me.


I do not get discussing sexual partners just like I don't get discussing lack of sexual partners. I don't understand ceremonies, but I do understand rings that symbolize to the wearer their decision to wait. That's just where I stand. And I am also a big believer in talking about sex with your kids any chance you get. The more you talk about it, the less awkward it is. No need for a giant sit-down if you are casually talking about it here and there. I get that parents get embarrassed, but it would seem to me that it would be much more embarrassing to both you and your child having to take you 14 year old daughter to a doctor to get a pregnancy test or you 14 year old son to the doctor because he has bumps all over his privates simply because you were too embarrassed to discuss something that is perfectly normal and natural and a vital part of life.

I agree 100% with the above. What you described as your "pledge" was the same for me & for my DH also when he was a teen. Our churchs (different churchs in different states. we didn't meet through church, we met in our public school homeroom class) did not have a cermony or any type of public declaration. Each person individually made the choice for them & some got rings and some didn't. Some of the teens honored thier committment and some didnt. I feel that knoweldge is power. That's how my mother raised me & its how we are raising our boys. They know our beliefs, and as they mature, they'll know & hopefully understand our beliefs better and why we have these beliefs, as well as the importance of being safe and the consequences of not, but it will be up to them to make their choices. I feel that the people are more likly to "honor" a commitment, pledge, conviction are the people that have a strong belief that supports said committment, pledge, conviction,etc.

I wanted to add that should my 11 year old come up to me & bring up this topic (or any topic they feel strongly about), I am going to use this as a trigger to have a deeper discussion which will help me assess my childs maturity level for taking this type of committment & going forward or not with it. I want my child to make choices and I want my child to know they have my support in keeping whatever choices, however, I am not going to put a lot of emphansis on a choice that I feel they are not mature enough to really understand what they are doing. It might just be a stepping stone. Some 11 year olds are a lot more mature then other 11 year olds so that plays into it as well.

 

[2disneyboys]

Some of you are blowing the whole idea of these rings into something they are not.

They are a symbol. Nothing more, nothing less. They do not make someone "pure" no more than owning a Bible makes someone a Christian. The ring SYMBOLIZES a promise that a girl, boy, man or woman makes to themselves and to God. With out that promise and the ideas behind it, the ring means nothing.

It has nothing to do with a girl being "sullied" if she is no longer a virgin or that she should be pure at marriage while a boy doesn't have to. Its not even about being female. Boys wear purity rings too. It IS about what the wearer believes that God wants them to do and in the Christian faith, sex should only come within the sanctity of marriage.

Saying that a kid wearing a purity ring is going to make them more likely to have unplanned sex and not know about birth control, STDs, etc. has more to do with parenting than the ring. Wearing the ring does not stop anything and so the kid still needs to be taught the same things he/she would be without the ring. The ring only symbolizes that promise.

DD does not wear a purity ring. They have been talking about the idea behind the rings in her youth group-- they are talking to ALL of the youth, not just the girls (this is 7th grade and up). She has said that she wanted to look for one. She doesn't really like the bands, but was thinking about one that has a stone in it. Its completely her choice whether to wear this ring. And actually, I did suggest to her that if she chooses to wear a symbol it doesn't even have to be a ring, she could choose a cross necklace or a bracelet. Her symbol doesn't have to be one of these mass produced rings. It is something that is personal, between her and God and that can be symbolized by anything or by nothing at all.

If the wearer is in true understanding of what the ring means and the promise behind it, it should not matter whether anyone knows what it means or not. The promise is between the wearer and God--no one else. And if the wearer is secure in his/her faith and in what he/she believes then he/she should not have any issue explaining what it means.

Our church does not plan any kind of ceremony but I know another local church that did have one. There was no father giving the daughter the ring. They had a week long class with all of the youth and the single adults. At the end of the week, the people who CHOSE to wear the ring were presented the ring at a ceremony. It was done more like a graduation ceremony with each person receiving the ring from the pastor.


With all of that said, if dd had mentioned these rings at 11; my instinct would have been to talk to someone at the church and to let her talk one on one with them. I would need to be sure she understood the promise that is behind the ring and what it truly means. Just like her baptism, its not something that I would want her to take lightly.

And BTW, this ring isn't going to keep an unmarried adult from having sex unless that is what they choose. Lightening isn't going to strike them because they break that promise or choose to no longer feel the need to keep the promise. Again, its just a symbol.


As for the peer pressure thing, almost all teens are swayed in one direction or the other by peer pressure. Heck, most adults are too. Because a teen chooses to be swayed by positive peer pressure does not mean they will go the other direction. One thing that dd has been taught by us and by the youth leaders at church is to be careful of who she surrounds herself with for this very reason. If she is surrounded by people with the same morals and values as she, then its less likely that she will do something that is not within that value system.

I agree w/ this 100%

 

[Buckalew11]

Maybe they become depressed and/or suicidal.

Maybe.

I'm confused.

Robbi...the question was about what happens if they wear the ring and then change their mind and have sex.

So, yes, they could become depressed or suicidal I suppose. Anything is possible. They could also be someone who does not wear and ring and not plan to remain a virgin until marriage and also have sex and become depressed and suicidal.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am not giving my opinion on premarital sex either way but I personally would never support the purity ring. I do not think you need to advertise or have a symbol to address your sexual activity (or lack of for that matter). Whether you wait or not is imo a personal decision and doesn't need to be put out there for discussion or advertisement. Sure posters have said that nobody knows what the ring means etc. but it seems like this has come up for those who do choose to wear them and while they may feel that people have asked them personal questions, I think that you are inviting that by wearing the ring. I also tend to think that others might see that ring as a challenge if you will. You know, "I bet I can get him/her to break that promise." Sure, the wearer can say no of course but why even put it out there? It just seems like so much extra pressure. Sex is personal and not public. For me, wearing that ring just puts it on display. YMMV.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Some of you are blowing the whole idea of these rings into something they are not.

They are a symbol. Nothing more, nothing less. They do not make someone "pure" no more than owning a Bible makes someone a Christian. The ring SYMBOLIZES a promise that a girl, boy, man or woman makes to themselves and to God. With out that promise and the ideas behind it, the ring means nothing.

It has nothing to do with a girl being "sullied" if she is no longer a virgin or that she should be pure at marriage while a boy doesn't have to. Its not even about being female. Boys wear purity rings too. It IS about what the wearer believes that God wants them to do and in the Christian faith, sex should only come within the sanctity of marriage.

Saying that a kid wearing a purity ring is going to make them more likely to have unplanned sex and not know about birth control, STDs, etc. has more to do with parenting than the ring. Wearing the ring does not stop anything and so the kid still needs to be taught the same things he/she would be without the ring. The ring only symbolizes that promise.

DD does not wear a purity ring. They have been talking about the idea behind the rings in her youth group-- they are talking to ALL of the youth, not just the girls (this is 7th grade and up). She has said that she wanted to look for one. She doesn't really like the bands, but was thinking about one that has a stone in it. Its completely her choice whether to wear this ring. And actually, I did suggest to her that if she chooses to wear a symbol it doesn't even have to be a ring, she could choose a cross necklace or a bracelet. Her symbol doesn't have to be one of these mass produced rings. It is something that is personal, between her and God and that can be symbolized by anything or by nothing at all.

If the wearer is in true understanding of what the ring means and the promise behind it, it should not matter whether anyone knows what it means or not. The promise is between the wearer and God--no one else. And if the wearer is secure in his/her faith and in what he/she believes then he/she should not have any issue explaining what it means.

Our church does not plan any kind of ceremony but I know another local church that did have one. There was no father giving the daughter the ring. They had a week long class with all of the youth and the single adults. At the end of the week, the people who CHOSE to wear the ring were presented the ring at a ceremony. It was done more like a graduation ceremony with each person receiving the ring from the pastor.


With all of that said, if dd had mentioned these rings at 11; my instinct would have been to talk to someone at the church and to let her talk one on one with them. I would need to be sure she understood the promise that is behind the ring and what it truly means. Just like her baptism, its not something that I would want her to take lightly.

And BTW, this ring isn't going to keep an unmarried adult from having sex unless that is what they choose. Lightening isn't going to strike them because they break that promise or choose to no longer feel the need to keep the promise. Again, its just a symbol.


As for the peer pressure thing, almost all teens are swayed in one direction or the other by peer pressure. Heck, most adults are too. Because a teen chooses to be swayed by positive peer pressure does not mean they will go the other direction. One thing that dd has been taught by us and by the youth leaders at church is to be careful of who she surrounds herself with for this very reason. If she is surrounded by people with the same morals and values as she, then its less likely that she will do something that is not within that value system.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It seems to me that this article was not about the ring but about the pledge.

The term was being used generically to encompass all the different types of "virginity pledges". They defined it.

"virginity pledges" — public vows to abstain from sex until marriage

And I am also a big believer in talking about sex with your kids any chance you get. The more you talk about it, the less awkward it is. No need for a giant sit-down if you are casually talking about it here and there. I get that parents get embarrassed, but it would seem to me that it would be much more embarrassing to both you and your child having to take you 14 year old daughter to a doctor to get a pregnancy test or you 14 year old son to the doctor because he has bumps all over his privates simply because you were too embarrassed to discuss something that is perfectly normal and natural and a vital part of life.

I agree. And as a mom to a fifteen year old daughter with a boyfriend, as well as a DS15, I am living it, too. Yesterday, when DD and I were discussing this subject, and this thread, we were both saying how much she has learned about things since she was 11. (And she was informed pretty well even then with a mom who's a nurse.) Worlds apart, really. I mean, at 11, it was a "concept". Now, it's more a reality. I can't tell you how many hours we've spent talking about everything. I've also spent a lot of time informing and educating myself about how to teach it, since so much has changed since I was a teen. (Sexual "trends" have changed, and there are products out there that I'd never even heard of, for instance.) But yes, knowledge is power. And I want my children educated and informed so they can hopefully make good and safe choices for themselves. Absolutely. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of teen pregnancies and STIs out there - as well as emotional difficulties related to sexual activity, especially for girls - so there is still a breakdown somewhere. I think people are trying to fill in that gap in various ways, but we haven't found a perfect solution yet. Obviously, parental caring and involvement goes a long way.

 

[disneychrista]

I can only speak for my person experience, but I never had some giant public announcement about my decision.

If you are wearing a ring that says purity or true love will wait. It is a public announcement of your decision. Now I understand that not all rings have these saying and could just be a pretty ring, but a true purity ring does announce what it is.
But my comment was speaking more to those in the public eye (Jonas Bros, Selena Gomez) who publicly announce that they are waiting (until marriage). When the ring comes off they are setting themselves up to have the public comment on this.

 

[PaulaSB12]

From what I have seen in articles the purity rings are leading to a number of "technical virgins" girls who are willing to perform other sexual activities but not straight forward sex.